


Pairing Hearts

by his_parents_gallery



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson- Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Female Friendship, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love Triangles, Romance, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 53
Words: 93,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/his_parents_gallery/pseuds/his_parents_gallery
Summary: Life is never a straight path, there are constant twists and turns that make you question your choices and actions, but in the end, everything happens for a reason.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s), Louis Tomlinson/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This is one of my first times sharing my writing and I would love to hear what you think! Let me know if you read all the way through or even if you stop! I would love to know! Enjoy :)

“Kate, come on you have to go to this premiere with me,” Ashley, my older sister, begged as I sat at her kitchen counter eating lunch.  
“Ashely, I literally just got to LA yesterday,” I sighed running my hands over my face. “I’m exhausted and I don’t have anything to wear.”  
“You can just wear something of mine,” Ashley grinned. “You have to start living the LA life eventually, come on let’s start tonight.”  
“Fine, but promise you won’t ditch me at the after-party,” I said biting my lip.  
“I mean I may have to go make a few connections, but I promise we will leave the party together,” she said with an excited grin.  
“I hate you for making me go to this,” I said rolling my eyes as she clapped with glee.  
“I’m going to find you something to wear!”  
Three hours later we were dressed and fully glammed out in the back of a limo.  
“You know there’s going to be really famous people there tonight,” Ashley said. “Maybe we’ll find you a boyfriend.”  
“And what about you?” I asked.  
“Not too concerned,” she shrugged. When we got to the event, I stood to the side as Ashley took pictures on the red carpet. Then she pulled me along into the dark theater. I was in awe. Everything was so fancy and elaborate. I felt so out of place as Ashley talked with dozens of A-list celebrities and posed for photos. I had just left my small town for the first time in years, this was so out of my element.  
After the movie, we got back into the limo and made our way to the after-party. Within minutes Ashley was off talking with some important director. I found myself sitting at a bar drinking lemonade because at sixteen that was quite literally the only thing I could drink. As I sat there watching people filter around talking and dancing, their eyes glazing right past me all I wanted was to go back to Ashley’s apartment. The past few days had been so overwhelming and I really hadn’t had any time to process it.  
“You look a little young to be hanging out at the bar,” a curly-haired boy grinned as he sat down next to me. I jumped a little at the intrusion.  
“Just lemonade,” I promised shaking my glass lightly.  
“Same for me,” he told the bartender. “I’m Harry,” he told me leaning his back against the bar so he could watch the dance floor in front of us.  
“Kate,” I replied taking a sip of my drink.  
“Don’t think I’ve seen you around before Kate,” Harry answered. “Who are you here for?”  
“My sister is Ashley Pardeck,” I answered and his eyes lit up with recognition.  
“You two look nothing alike,” he said causing me to laugh. I had heard that my whole life.  
“Trust me, I’m well aware,” I said shaking my head.  
“So are you just visiting then?” Harry asked.  
“No, I moved in with Ashley a few days ago,” I answered. I wasn’t really willing to go into any more details. “Now tell me why you’re here.”  
“I’m in the band One Direction,” he said with a shrug. “My bandmates are just over there,” he said pointing to a group of guys dancing together.”  
I realized now why he looked so familiar and I felt dumb for not seeing it earlier in the conversation. “You all are having a bit of a blow-up aren’t you?” I said with a laugh. It was an understatement. Practically the whole world was freaking out over them.  
“Guess you could say that,” Harry shrugged.  
“I remember when Ashley’s first big movie premiered she came home crying because of all the paparazzi and social media attention. She was overwhelmed. How are you handling it?” I asked looking over at him.  
“No one has asked me that,” Harry said turning his head to look at me.  
At first, I thought he was joking, so I turned my head away embarrassed. “No really, no one else really asks about that stuff. It’s always like who are you dating or what are you looking for in a girlfriend. I mean luckily I’m doing this with four other guys, so we’re having similar experiences, but it’s been really overwhelming. I mean I literally can’t go anywhere. There were fans outside our hotel this morning.”  
“I really can’t imagine,” I said shaking my head. “I’m so glad I don’t have to go through that.”  
“I bet you’ll be famous by the end of the summer,” Harry grinned. “There’s no way you can hang out with Ashley and her friends and not get famous.”  
I just laughed shaking my head. “Can we trade numbers?” Harry asked. “You’re really good to talk to and everyone in LA has at least one famous person in their contacts.”  
“I already have Ashley’s number,” I smirked but handed him my phone as he let out a laugh. As he handed me back my phone, Ashley walked over to us.  
“Ready to head out?” She asked me and I nodded. “Hey, I’m Ashley,” she said sticking her hand out to Harry.  
“Harry,” he answered shaking her hand firmly.  
“See you later Harry,” I smiled giving him a wave before following Ashley out of the building.  
“I can’t believe you were talking to the Harry Styles,” Ashley said her eyes going wide. “That man is a literal dream.”  
“He’s really nice,” I smiled. “He gave me his number.”  
“Oh my god, how have you been in LA for less than 48 hours and already gotten a hot boy’s number,” she said in exasperation. “I hate being eighteen.”  
“There are way more actors who are over eighteen,” I said rolling my eyes. “It’s not like I’m going to be dating anyone anytime soon anyway.” At that comment, my sister’s face fell and she nodded patting my knee lightly.  
\--  
About a week later after texting on and off, Harry invited me to the recording studio to meet the rest of the band and hear some of their music. Ashley wouldn’t let me say no, so that weekend I took her car downtown. Harry was waiting for me outside.  
“Hey, good to see you,” he grinned as I got out of the car.  
“How did you recognize me?” I laughed looking down at my jeans and t-shirt, much different from the jumpsuit I had worn last week. I still had on lots of makeup because the bruises from home still painted my skin darkly.  
Harry laughed and led me inside the studio. It was a big room split in half by a large glass wall. Four boys were lounging on the couches eating and scrolling through their phones.  
“Mates, this is the infamous Kate,” Harry grinned causing them all to look up at me. I couldn’t help but blush at all the eyes watching me.  
“Your Ashley’s sister right?” One of them with black swooping hair asked. I nodded. Harry introduced me to each boy and they all grinned kindly.  
“So Kate how has your first week in LA been?” Louis, the skinny brown-haired boy asked from his space on the couch. I sat down in one of the empty chairs and Harry took his seat next to Louis.  
“Pretty uneventful,” I shrugged. “I’ve been to set with Ashley a few times, but other than that I’ve just been unpacking and settling in.”  
“What is she filming now?” The black-haired boy, now named Zayn asked.  
“Some action movie,” I shrugged. “I really have no idea.”  
“Are you still going to school?” Liam, the brown floppy-haired boy asked.  
“Yeah, I mean it’s summer right now, but I’ll start at the high school in August,” I answered. “Nothing like being the new kid your senior year of high school.”  
“I told her she was going to be famous by the end of the summer, so I bet she won’t even start at a regular high school.”  
“You want to be famous?” Niall, the blonde, asked.  
“Not really,” I laughed. “I’m just here because my sister is here.”  
“Alright boys that’s enough sitting around,” an older man said walking into the room. “We have songs to sing and money to make. Let’s get back in the studio.”  
The boys collectively rolled their eyes but got up none the less. “Who the hell is this?” The man asked turning to me.  
“That’s Ashley Pardeck’s sister and my new friend,” Harry answered with a grin.  
“Someone get her an NDA,” the man yelled with a huff. “Can’t have you leaking information.”  
I bit my lip, embarrassed, but Harry just laughed. “Don’t be dramatic mate,” Harry said rolling his eyes. “She was on set with Ashley Pardeck and can’t even tell us the name of the movie. Did you have to sign an NDA while you were there?” He asked me and I shook my head. “She’s my friend and she’s trustworthy and we’re not having friends sign NDAs.”  
“It’s not a big deal Harry,” I said shaking my head. I mean he hardly knew me. I really should have signed an NDA, but Harry and the other boys made such a big stink about it that finally their producer just gave up.  
\--  
After that day, I was in the studio with the boys at least once a week because in reality, I had nothing better to do. Ashley had a “family” dinner every Sunday night, where she invited a few close friends to come over for a homecooked meal, and Harry started coming every week. Ashley loved him, she thought he was so funny and sweet that he became a staple in our life. He was over all the time.  
“Do you ever miss the UK?” I asked as we sat on Ashley’s patio one Sunday afternoon as we waited for guests to arrive.  
“Not really,” Harry shrugged. “I mean I miss my family, but the weather is so much better here and I love being in the hustle and bustle of LA. There’s always so much going on.”  
I nodded thoughtfully. It made sense, in the time that I had known Harry he was never not busy. He hated sitting still for too long. Even now he was drumming out a pattern with his fingers.  
“Do you miss… wait where did you grow up again?” Harry asked.  
“Indiana,” I replied and he nodded. I had pointed to it on a map several times and he still couldn’t remember it.  
“Do you miss it?” Harry asked sipping the drink Ashley had made for us.  
“No, I would never go back there,” I answered honestly. Harry watched me for a moment as if waiting for me to continue, but when I didn’t he just nodded and accepted the answer.  
“I’m assuming that means you didn’t leave anyone important behind. No best friend or boyfriend.”  
I knew that eventually, the question would come. I knew eventually he would try and make a move, all guys did, but I just hoped my answer wouldn’t completely ruin our friendship. I shook my head. “I don’t date.”  
“Like ever?” Harry asked curiously.  
“I mean I did, but in recent years I just had to shut it down. I just can’t even think about the idea without feeling sick,” I said looking away embarrassed.  
“We’re not allowed to date unless it’s approved by management,” Harry replied. “Louis was dating Elanor before the X-factor and management wanted them to break up when we started blowing up because they thought we would get more fans if we were all single. Louis and the rest of us had to cause a really big stink about it for them to finally get over that.”  
“That’s awful,” I said with a frown. “Seems really controlling actually.”  
“Yeah,” Harry shrugged. “Luckily it doesn’t really affect me. I’ve never been very successful in that field. Don’t have very good flirting skills and I’m not a big player.”  
“And yet, I’m pretty sure there are millions of girls who would love to be your girlfriend,” I laughed and Harry just shook his head and blushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This is one of my first times sharing my writing and I would love to hear what you think! Let me know if you read all the way through or even if you stop! I would love to know! Enjoy :)


	2. Chapter 2

As the summer dragged on and I went to parties with Ashley or Harry or both people really started to notice me. I started getting offers from major companies for modeling contracts and I was honestly surprised. I had always been thin and tall, but it had always been Ashley who got all of the attention, so it made no sense why I was getting the offers and she wasn’t.  
“Ralph Lauren gave me an offer today,” I told Ashley as I scrolled through my email. “I think I’m going to take it.”   
I really didn’t want to be a model. I hated being in the spotlight, but I knew in a year I would need money for college, so I told myself this was the best option.  
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Ashley said sitting down across from me. “I know how much you hate that sort of thing. Don’t do something you don’t want to do. You know I have more than enough money to pay for whatever you need.”  
“I’m not letting you pay for my college,” I said shaking my head. “You’ve done more than enough for me.”  
“We both know you’ve done more,” Ashley said rolling her eyes. I just shook my head.   
“I want to be self-sufficient. I don’t want to rely on people my whole life,” I shrugged.  
“You’re sixteen,” Ashley answered. “When I was sixteen…”  
“You were already here,” I said rolling my eyes.   
“Kate…”  
“Just let me do what I need to do,” I answered.  
\--  
A week later I had already done seven photoshoots and my schedule was filling up fast. As I realized how demanding modeling would be, Ashley helped me sign up for online school, so I could still graduate on time. My goal was always college and I knew that I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of that.   
“I knew it,” Harry laughed giddily as I told him about school. We were sitting in his hotel room flipping through a takeout menu.  
“Shut up,” I said rolling my eyes. “I’m only doing this so I can pay for college, which will not be online.”  
“Now you can’t take me to prom,” Harry pouted and I rolled my eyes.  
“I went to my junior prom and I can promise you would hate it more than I did,” I answered.  
“Hey, mate are you getting take out tonight?” We heard Louis call through the door.   
“Come on in Louis,” Harry called back and the door burst open. Louis came to sit on the couch next to Harry as I laid on my stomach on the bed.   
“What are ya ordering I’m starved,” Louis asked as he plucked the menu from Harry’s hand.   
“Don’t know. I can’t bloody choose when you’ve got the menu,” Harry replied nudging Louis’ side. Their friendship was so much more established and closer than the other boys. I had never had a friend like that besides my sister and even then we had never been that close.  
“What are you getting Kate?” Harry asked and both of them turned to look at me.   
“Probably a salad,” I shrugged.  
“No way. I’m not letting you get a salad,” Harry laughed. “If you order a salad I’ll make you quit modeling and pay for your college tuition myself.”  
“Harry…” I said rolling my eyes.   
“Nope, I’ll order something for you,” he interrupted grabbing the hotel phone and punching in the numbers. He ordered a variety of different things a salad not being one of them.  
When the food arrived Harry spread it out on the desk he had dragged to the center of the room and we sat around it picking from the different containers.   
“So when do you leave for tour?” I asked.  
“Two weeks,” Harry answered.   
“Can’t believe we’re going to be singing on stages all over the world,” Louis said shaking his head.  
“How long is the tour?” I asked curiously.   
“A year,” Louis answered.  
“Why are you going to miss me?” Harry asked with a smirk.  
“Just wondering how long of a break I’ll have before you start bothering me again,” I said and he let out a chuckle.   
“Don’t worry love, I’ll just bother you with texts and phone calls instead.”  
“Great,” I laughed shaking my head.  
\--  
Harry hadn’t been lying for the first five months of tour a received a phone call and a text from Harry at least once a day. I wasn’t annoyed though, it felt really good to know someone out there was thinking of me. Other than his notifications my phone stayed relatively quiet. About six months into the tour we happened to be in the same country at the same time, so he invited me to a show.   
“Can’t believe you’re here!” He grinned as I got out of my car at the venue hours before the show began.   
“Did you think I would flake?” I laughed letting him wrap me in a hug.   
“Course not, just thought I wouldn’t get to see you again for a whole year,” he answered.   
“Well, here I am,” I grinned. “I can’t wait to see you live. I meant to tell you how good your music video was. I hear your song on the radio all the time. People love it.”  
“This crowd is going to blow you away. They all sing so loud every night. I never thought anything like this would happen.”  
“Come on take me inside so I can see everyone,” I grinned.  
“Alright,” Harry laughed wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me inside. We walked up the stairs to find all the boys goofing around backstage. They were supposed to be rehearsing in ten minutes, but the thought of wrangling them in seemed impossible.   
“Kate!” Louis exclaimed running over to engulf me in a hug. Next thing I knew I was being hugged from all sides by the boys.   
“I thought you guys were supposed to be rehearsing,” I laughed.   
“We were waiting for you,” Niall laughed. When Harry told me the band would be rehearsing when I showed up, I assumed that meant I would be sitting in the audience watching them. In reality, the boys somehow managed to pull me on stage and were spinning and dancing me around as they half-assed and forgot their lyrics.   
“You never told me what song was about me,” I grinned as Harry twirled me around the now-empty stage.   
“It’s quite obviously I Want,” he grinned and I couldn’t help but laugh loudly.   
“Sounds like me,” I laughed and he wrapped me in a tight hug.   
“I want to go to college, I want to be out of the spotlight, I want to help kids. I want, I want, I want,” he laughed wrapping his arms around me and resting his head on my shoulder. “I’m really glad you’re here.”  
“Me too,” I smiled. “I really missed you.”  
At the concert that night the boys were a mess. They were tumbling all over the stage and jumping on top of each other. They had so much energy and craziness that they just couldn’t take anything seriously. At one point Louis and Harry were pinching each other’s bums and pretending to serenade each other. During I want, Harry came over to my side of the stage and serenaded me during I Want. I stuck out my tongue as the girls around me screamed loudly.   
After the concert, Harry brought me back to his hotel room and ordered us room services. “I’m starving,” I said laying down on his bed. “That concert was so fun.”  
“I’m glad you had fun,” Harry grinned as he punched the numbers into the phone. After he ordered he handed me the remote.  
“I’m going to shower,” he told me. “If the food gets here before I’m done, there’s some cash on the counter for a tip.”  
“Okay,” I nodded leaning back on the bed. When the food arrived I handed the man the cash and set it up on the desk. Harry came out his floppy hair dripping down onto his shoulders. He had on his pajamas.  
“You want to spend the night?” He asked and I nodded. “I’ll get you something more comfortable.”  
He rummaged around in his suitcase before pulling out a thick sweatshirt and a pair of his shorts. I took them into the bathroom and changed washing my face and putting my hair up.   
“It’s movie night,” Harry grinned when I came out of the bathroom. The lights were off besides the glow of the tv. Harry was sitting in bed with two plates of food. I climbed into the bed and sat next to him. I loved being his friend because he was always so respectful of my boundaries. I knew we could sleep in the same bed and he wouldn’t do anything to make me uncomfortable.   
“I missed this,” I smiled as Harry pressed play and the movie started.   
“You know I saw you in a magazine yesterday?” Harry asked turning to look at me.   
“Which one?” I asked.  
“Vogue,” Harry answered. “You know there are adult models who can’t even get on vogue?”  
“That was really fun,” I nodded, “but you know it doesn’t mean anything to me.”  
“I know,” Harry laughed. “I just want you to know that I see the things your accomplishing.”  
“Don’t get sappy,” I laughed. Harry pinched my cheek before turning back to the movie. As the movie finished I rested my head on the pillow as Harry scrolled through his phone.   
“Kate, what is this?” Harry asked and the panic and worry in his voice caused me to turn and face him. He turned his phone to show me a photo and I instinctually jumped back.  
“Where did you get that?” I asked.   
“Someone wrote an article because we’ve been spending time together and they found this photo.”  
It was a photo of me from the hospital before I moved in with Ashley. I had a crooked nose, two black eyes, and a gash on my forehead. Luckily the photo only showed my face because the rest of my body had been much worse.  
“It’s from when I lived in Indiana,” I answered. “It’s from the hospital. I don’t know how the fuck anyone got that photo.”  
“What happened?” Harry asked his eyes sad as he looked at the picture again.   
“Can you put it away?” I asked blinking back tears. He immediately turned the phone off and looked down at me. I could feel myself trying to push it down, but everything just kept pushing up. I felt like I was going to overflow. The only person who knew was Ashley.   
“My mom’s boyfriend raped me,” I whispered, but I knew he could hear me because I felt him tense. “I tried to call Ashley, afterward, but he caught me and beat me. My mom came home and let him keep going until I passed out and they had to take me to the hospital.  
“They wouldn’t leave me alone around the doctors or nurses because they didn’t want me to tell anyone what happened. They had to stay out of the room when I got an MRI, so that’s when I told the nurse what happened and begged her to call my sister and get them out. I had to do a rape kit after I got the MRI and I had to stay in the hospital for two days. When I got released, Ashley already had all my stuff packed so we went straight to the airport and flew to LA.”  
“You had only been out of the hospital for a day after I met you?” Harry asked and I could hear him choke slightly as I nodded.  
“That’s fucked up,” Harry replied shaking his head. “I get why you don’t want to date. If I ever make you uncomfortable just tell me because obviously I don’t know what your triggers are and I never want you to feel unsafe around me.”  
“I know how much you care and I just am so thankful that you make me feel so comfortable and safe. There aren’t many people like that anymore.”  
“You know no matter what happens, no matter what you tell me, I’ll always be there for you?” He asked slipping down into the bed so his head was resting on his pillow.   
“Same for you,” I answered closing my eyes. Harry patted my hand lightly and then I felt him relax into the pillows next to me.   
\--  
The next morning I woke up tucked tightly in Harry’s arms my head resting on his chest. I patted his face lightly trying to wake him up. When he opened his eyes he instantly let go of me. “I’m sorry,” he said sliding away.  
“Don’t be,” I replied laying back against the pillows.  
“I don’t want you to leave,” Harry sighed laying back as well.  
“I’m really glad we had a chance to talk last night,” I told him softly.   
“Me too,” Harry replied.   
“If you ever need me all you have to do is call.”  
“The same goes for you.”


	3. Chapter 3

The next six months Harry’s contact slowed a bit, but I still got a text at least once a day, so I knew he was still thinking about me. I was a month away from graduation when Harry finally finished his tour. Harry came to Ashley’s house twenty-four hours after he got back to LA.   
“Harry!” I grinned wrapping him in a tight hug as soon as I opened the door.   
“Hey love,” Harry replied rubbing my back. He was leaning heavily on me. I took a step back to find he looked pale and had dark circles under his eyes.   
“Why are you here? You look exhausted.”  
“I just needed to see you,” he said resting his head on my shoulder.   
“Come on, get inside,” I said pulling him in. “Ashley won’t be home this week. Come lay down. You look like you need some sleep.”  
Harry followed me without complaint to my bedroom. We got into bed and he instantly closed his eyes.   
“I have to leave in a month for press tours,” Harry said running his hand over his face.   
“A month?” I asked confused.   
“Yeah, we finished the album on tour, so they’re going to pump it out into stores in the next month and we’ll be back on tour at the end of the summer.”  
“Why so fast?” I asked confused.  
“Boy bands don’t last long,” he answered with a shrug. “Got to milk it while we can.”  
“Sleep while you can,” I said brushing my hand on along his arm. He closed his eyes and within minutes he was passed out. Even in his sleep, Harry pulled me close; eventually, I fell asleep too. I woke up about an hour later, but Harry was still passed out, so I grabbed my laptop and worked on some of my assignments.   
\--  
“When do I get to listen to your new album?” I asked Harry as we sat at a hole in the wall café. There was no one else inside so we didn’t have to worry about photos or fans.   
“I’m technically not to share it with anyone because our fans our psycho, but I’ll take you to the studio tomorrow if you promise not to leak it.”  
“Can’t promise anything,” I grinned and Harry laughed.   
“How many months until you graduate?” Harry asked.  
“Two,” I answered with grin.  
“Have you chosen a school?” Harry asked. Harry knew all about my college tours and applications. He knew I had been accepted into every school I applied to and it wasn’t just because I was famous. I had good grades and good test scores.   
“I have to choose by May,” I answered. “I want to stay in LA so I think I might go with USC. I don’t want to be far from Ashley yet and most of my gigs are here anyway.”  
“You’re going to keep modeling?” Harry asked.  
“Nothing serious, I just need enough to pay for college and an apartment for myself. I don’t like relying on Ashley for any of that and I hate not having my own place.”  
“If you ever want help…”  
“No,” I said cutting him off. He nodded; he knew I would say that.  
\--  
The next day I met Harry at the studio. “We have to sneak in because I’m really not supposed to be sharing it with anyone,” Harry told me leading me to the back door.   
“You weren’t kidding,” I said as I watched him pick the lock. He looked up at me with a mischievous grin. He led me through the dark hallways until we reached a room with a closed door. He opened it to reveal the studio where I had spent many days. Harry opened the laptop resting on the desk and typed in the password. I sat down in one of the rolling chairs and Harry pulled me closer so I could see the screen.   
“It’s called Take Me Home,” Harry told me as I clicked on a file. The list of songs appeared on the screen and I couldn’t help but grin. I was so proud of him and the rest of the band. I knew how much work went into one song, and there were dozens on the list this time around. He turned on the first song and leaned back closing his eyes. I watched him mouth the words to all the boys' parts not just his own.   
“What did you think?” Harry asked when the last song played.   
“I loved it,” I grinned. “The songs are so good, I could sing along to any of them right now.”  
“You know we wrote Rock Me about you,” Harry said with a cheeky grin.  
“Course you did,” I winked.   
“You going to come visit me on tour again?” Harry asked lounging back in his chair.  
“Sure,” I grinned. “I love your concerts.”  
\--  
“Where were you today?” Ashley asked when I got home that night. She set a plate in front of me as I sat at the kitchen table.   
“Harry let me listen to their new album,” I said with a little grin.  
“When are they releasing it?” Ashley asked.   
“They’re going on a press tour at the end of the month and then touring all summer.”  
“How is it?” She asked.  
“So good,” I said taking a bite of the food.  
“So why haven’t you two started dating yet?” Ashley asked and I coughed.   
“We’re just friends,” I said rolling my eyes. “I don’t want to be any more than that and neither does he.”  
“I doubt that, but you tell yourself what you need to hear,” Ashley smirked.  
“How is filming going?” I asked changing the subject.  
“Really well,” Ashley grinned. “I’m actually working with this new actor like this is his first film. He is dreamy.”  
“What’s his name?” I asked with a grin. “Are you two going to date?”  
“Maybe,” she smirked. “Can’t tell you his name yet.”  
“You’re no fun,” I said rolling my eyes.   
“Have you accepted the offer from USC yet?” Ashley asked.   
“Yeah, actually I did it this morning,” I grinned.   
“Yay! I’m so proud of you,” Ashley grinned getting up and wrapping me in a hug. “You’re the first one in our shitty family to go to college and I’m so fucking proud of you.”  
“Stop,” I blushed. “You were already a rich and famous movie star by the time you were sixteen.”  
“Last time I checked, I can’t open a magazine without seeing your face. Fame doesn’t mean anything, it’s all about being smart.”


	4. Chapter 4

That summer I rented my own apartment walking distance from campus. I still saw Ashley at least three times a week for dinner. She had starting dating the actor from her movie, but told me I wasn’t allowed to know anything until the premiere. Harry was gone for the summer, while he called me at least once a week, I could tell he was exhausted and distracted and there were things going on that he wasn’t telling me. Towards the end of the summer I hired myself a manager because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle all my school and modeling contracts at the same time. Towards the end of the summer I finally went to see Harry on tour. He wasn’t going to be done until the winter, so it was a perfect half way visit.   
Harry was waiting for me when I got out of the car at the airport. “Kate!” He grinned running over and wrapping me in a tight hug. I jumped up wrapping my legs around his waist as he pressed his face against my neck. “I really needed this.”  
“I missed you,” I smiled jumping back to the ground.   
“Come on let’s go inside. We’ll drop your stuff off and then go get something to eat before rehearsals,” he said placing his arm around my shoulder and led me inside. “You must be starving.”  
“I am,” I laughed letting him take my suitcase. He pulled me upstairs and I changed quickly before being led back outside and down the road. When we got to the restaurant Harry sat next to me rather than across from me. He rested his head on my shoulder.  
“Clingy today,” I smirked looking down at him.  
“I just need to be close to you,” Harry replied and his voice wavered slightly.   
“What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly.   
“I can’t talk about it right now,” he said resting his forehead on my shoulder. “Can you just distract me for right now?”  
I sighed ruffling his thick mop of curls. “I got my own apartment,” I told him as the waitress brought over our food. “It’s not big or anything, just one bedroom and one bathroom, but it’s mine. I’m paying for it and everything.”  
“How close is it to USC?” Harry asked taking a bite of his food.   
“Walking distance,” I replied. “I can see it from my kitchen window.   
“Are you cooking dinners for yourself?” He asked.  
“Yeah, I stole some recipes from Ashley. She’s a better cook, but I surprisingly don’t hate it like I thought I would.”  
“How’s Ashley?”  
“She’s dating some boy who’s her costar. She won’t let me meet him or even know his name until the premiere, so I don’t hear from her as much because she’s always with him.”  
“Why won’t she tell you?” Harry asked.   
“I honestly couldn’t tell you. She says it’s because the movie is top secret, but I honestly think she just really likes this guy and is scared I’m going to scare him away.”  
“I’m sorry, but you don’t seem like the type to scare someone away,” Harry laughed and I couldn’t help but grin.   
“You don’t think I’m scary?” I asked pouting my lip.   
“Not a chance.”  
\--  
“Kate oh my god Harry didn’t tell us you were coming!” Louis exclaimed as we walked into the arena that night. I was immediately wrapped in hugs by the four boys.   
“Surprise,” I grinned hugging them back.   
“Alright boys, let’s get on stage we have an hour for rehearsal, so let’s not fuck around,” their manager yelled walking into the room. All the boys stood up and I could feel the shift in energy. There weren’t the same carefree, excited, energetic boys I saw in concert last year. They dragged their feet and mumbled quietly. Harry took my hand and led me onto the stage. I sat cross legged at the front of the stage watching as they pulled out their mics. They sang their songs with little enthusiasm, but they had a great time coming to serenade me.   
“You all seem really tired,” I said as they led me off the stage back to the green room so they could change.   
“We were up until two am in the recording studio last night,” Harry replied pulling his clothes off the rack.   
“I promise I won’t keep you up tonight,” I smiled.   
“Who said I’m going to let you sleep,” Harry smirked before going to the dressing room.   
At the concert it was like the boys flipped a switch and they were filled with energy as they jumped around the stage. During Rock Me Harry came to kneel in front of me as he sang the chorus shooting me a wink as my face turned red. I knew everyone could see me and they had no idea it was a joke.  
“What did you think?” Harry smirked as he met me backstage.   
“I think you’re an amazing performer and person,” I smiled. “But I also think you’re a horny asshole.”  
Harry laughed loudly ruffling my hair lightly. “Come on let’s go back to the hotel.”  
I nodded letting him lead me out of the stadium. When we got back Harry took a shower and I changed into a pair of pajamas and got into bed. Harry came out in his own pajamas, wet hair dripping and got into bed with me.   
“How are you doing?” I asked resting my back against the headboard. I knew we needed to talk about what was going on with him and the rest of the band. I knew they were off.   
“Not good,” Harry answered with a sigh. He ran his hands over his face.   
“What’s going on with you H?” I asked rubbing his bicep lightly.   
“They’re pushing us too hard. They’re getting too controlling,” Harry replied. “We are recording every night until the next morning. They started hearing rumors that fans think Louis and I are a couple, so now we’re not allowed to talk, sit next to each other, or anything out in public. Louis has Elanor, so now they’re going to set me up with a bunch of random models and shit to make me look like a player.”  
“That’s fucked up,” I replied pressing my lips together in distaste.   
“I’m just so tired and I can’t even talk to my best friend about it. Even when we’re not in public it’s like they are purposefully keeping us apart. I don’t want to be seen as a womanizer. I haven’t had a serious girlfriend since middle school.”  
“The truth is Harry, everyone who knows you, they know you could never be a womanizer. I know you could never be a womanizer. If you were I would have left a long time ago. Just promise me you won’t let all this shit change you.”  
“I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of being your friend,” Harry promised me. “You’re the most important person in my life.”  
“Bullshit,” I laughed. “If your mom heard that she would come for my throat.”  
“She loves you,” Harry replied. “I know you haven’t met her, but she is obsessed with you.”  
“I’m sorry things are so shitty,” I said wrapping him in a hug. “I’ll always be here for you.”  
“I’ve never doubted it,” he said putting his head on my chest.   
\--  
The next morning I woke up because something wet had hit my cheek. I opened my eyes to find myself tucked under Harry’s arm. When I looked up I saw the tears dripping down his cheeks.  
“Sorry love I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said softly wiping the teardrop from my own cheek.  
“What’s wrong?” I asked trying to sit up, but he held me tight.  
“I just hate that you’re already leaving,” he said looking away. “I just really need you here with me right now,” he sighed. “Everything is so crazy and you make me feel normal.”  
“Well you know you can call me anytime,” I smiled patting his cheek. “I get lonely in my apartment.”  
“You start school this week don’t you?” He sighed closing his eyes as I nodded. “Why’d you have to be smart. You could have dropped out of high school and spent your time on tour with me.”  
“I was cursed with brains,” I said causing him to chuckle softly.   
“Speaking of, I saw from Ashley’s post that you’re the first person in your family to go to college. Is that true?” Harry asked looking down at me.  
“Well I haven’t gone yet…”  
“Will it be true?” Harry asked rolling his eyes.  
“Yeah,” I said blushing slightly. “But it’s not that big of a deal. Lot’s of people go to college.”  
“What are your parents like?” Harry asked. “I feel like I don’t really know anything about when you lived in Indiana.”  
“Shitty,” I shrugged. “I just really hate talking about it or remembering it at all.”  
“Then I won’t ask again,” Harry said running his hand across my cheek lightly.   
“I should go change,” I said sitting up and stretching. “I have to be at the airport in an hour.”  
“Alright,” Harry sighed letting me go.


	5. Chapter 5

Things changed drastically for me as I started college. Between the workload of my new classes and my new manager’s constant need for perfection, I had no time for myself. If I wasn’t studying or in class, I was at the gym or halfway across the world for a photoshoot.   
“Kate this shoot next week is a big deal,” my manager, Trent told me. “If you want to continue in this business you need to impress these people. You can’t support this exercise line without abs. At least try to work out this week.”  
“You know I don’t want to be in this business right?” I asked crossing my arms. “I’m going to school for a reason.”  
“Honey you should just be happy for where you are and take every opportunity you get because if it wasn’t for your sister you would still be in whatever middle of nowhere trailer park you came from,” Trent replied. “Your little innocent charm act isn’t going to last long, people are going to start seeing just how ugly you are, so at least try to milk it while you can.”  
I frowned, but the truth was I knew he was right. Ashley had always been the prettier, better sister. All I wanted was to make her proud and become half the person she was. “Here’s your diet and schedule for the week,” Trent said handing me the paper. “Follow it to a tee if you want a chance.”  
I nodded taking the schedule and leaving his office feeling defeated.   
\--  
“Kate, I haven’t seen you in weeks,” Ashley said through the phone. I had just canceled our dinner plans for the fourth night in a row.   
“I’m just so swamped with homework and I have a photoshoot this weekend. I’m just trying to keep my head above water,” I answered with a sigh as I looked down at the textbook.  
“How are your classes going?” Ashley asked sympathetically.   
“Good, I have all A’s,” I answered. “And I haven’t missed a class yet, so that’s reassuring.”  
“You are so crazy smart,” Ashley said her voice swelling with pride. I just shook my head. I knew that in order to be anything special in our family it wasn’t about how you did in school.  
“Maybe we can get together in a few weeks during my thanksgiving break,” I suggested.  
“Kate if I don’t see you on Thanksgiving, I will send out a missing person report,” she laughed. “Will Harry come home for Thanksgiving or will he still be on tour?”  
“I’m not sure he’s coming home at all,” I sighed. “I talked to him last week and he was telling me they’re already almost done with the next album. He said they’re thinking of going straight to a press tour after the shows and then back on tour again.”  
“Jeez that’s insane,” Ashley said. “Is he alright? I know you said he wasn’t doing great when you went to visit.”  
“He pretends that he is, but I don’t think he’s happy anymore. I think he’s tired and being worked to death, but I think he just doesn’t want me to worry.” The only thing I really knew about Harry for certain was that he had “dated” three girls since I last saw him.  
“I’ll call him and talk to him sometime this week. Let him know we’re both thinking about him,” Ashley replied.   
“I think that’s a good idea,” I nodded.  
“You’re still coming to my premiere, right? You’re taking off for winter break?”  
“Yes, I promise I won’t miss it,” I laughed. She asked me every time we talked.   
\--  
At Thanksgiving, I was the skinniest I had been, but I still had a ways to go because I had a lingerie shoot right after winter break and swimsuit season was just around the corner.   
“Kate!” Ashley grinned wrapping me in a tight hug as soon as I walked into her home. There were already people filtering around. So many celebrities didn’t have time or families to go home to, so Ashley invited them all over for a big meal together.   
“I’ve missed you,” I grinned holding her tightly.   
“You’re too skinny,” Ashley said stepping away. “We need to get some food in you. Come eat some appetizers.”  
“Is your boyfriend coming tonight?” I asked with a little smirk as she dragged me to the kitchen.  
“No, he’s home with his family,” Ashley answered. “We had our own little Thanksgiving last weekend.”  
“I wish you would let me meet him,” I sighed sitting at the counter as Ashley handed me a plate of appetizers.   
“Speaking of boyfriends, I talked to Harry yesterday.”  
“Oh, how is he?” I asked rolling my eyes at her boyfriend's comment.   
“He’s sick,” Ashley answered. “Said he threw up yesterday, but he has to perform tomorrow.”  
“He told me he was too busy to talk this week, clearly he just didn’t want me to know he was sick,” I said with a sigh. “I hate that he doesn’t tell me things.”  
“He knows your busy with school. He told me he doesn’t want to distract you.”  
“Don’t ever do that to me,” I told her. “I don’t want you to think I can’t take care of you because I’m in school. Don’t hide shit from me.”  
“I know you’re stronger than anyone else. You can handle pretty much anything thrown at you.”  
I spent that night talking with Ashley and her friends. Despite being almost twenty now, they still treated me like the timid seventeen-year-old they met two years ago. My life was so different now and I had been an adult since I was ten years old, but sometimes it felt nice to just be taken care of.  
\--  
I had two weeks off for spring break. The first week I was traveling for a few different photoshoots. But the second week was Christmas and Ashley’s premiere, which I had promised her I would be in town for. On the first day of that second week, I went on a run and then spent the rest of the day in bed. I was so exhausted. At about five pm someone knocked on my door. I got up with a groan. When I opened the door my eyes widened with surprise.  
“Harry!” I grinned immediately jumping into his arms my legs wrapped around his waist. “What are you doing here?” I laughed resting my head against his neck.  
“Thought I would come and surprise you. Ashley asked me to come for her premiere and I couldn’t say no.”  
“How long are you here for?” I asked as he held me tightly and brought me back inside.   
“I have to be home for Christmas, mum begged me to come home.”  
“I’m so happy you’re here,” I grinned not really willing to let him go yet. “I figured you would be spending time with one of your girlfriends.”  
“Haven’t had a girlfriend since eighth grade,” Harry mumbled into my hair. I unwrapped my legs and smiled up at him.  
“I know,” I said taking a step back.   
“What were you doing before I so rudely interrupted you?” Harry asked me.  
“I was in bed,” I answered.   
“At five in the afternoon?” Harry laughed.   
“I’m still jetlagged from all the traveling last week,” I answered biting my lip.  
“Did you have classes?” Harry asked.   
“No, I was on break,” I answered.  
“Let’s get you back in bed,” Harry said taking my hand and pulling me back to the bedroom. I climbed into bed and watched him take off his boots before following me.   
“What are all these?” I laughed noticing the tattoos now decorating his body.  
“Got one with the whole band and then I got addicted,” Harry laughed as I traced my fingers over the lines.   
“Which one is your favorite?” I asked.  
“This one,” he grinned lifting up his shirt to reveal a big butterfly.   
“It’s beautiful,” I replied tracing my finger over it. Harry took my hand and kissed it lightly before pulling his shirt back down.   
“Go back to sleep,” he said.  
“I can’t now that you’re here,” I said looking up at him.   
“Yes, you can because I’m going to sleep too.” He closed his eyes and at first, I thought he was joking, but then he started snoring and I knew he was dead asleep.   
\--  
The next day I was getting ready for the premiere letting the hair and makeup artist do their work. Harry was sitting next to me.  
“How are you doing?” I asked.  
“Good,” Harry replied.  
“I heard you were sick on Thanksgiving,” I answered.  
“Had the flu,” Harry nodded.   
“I don’t like that you keep those things from me,” I said softly. “I want to know about your life even when it’s bad.”  
“You’re too busy to worry about the flu,” Harry laughed.   
“No, I’m not,” I answered. “I’m never too busy to worry about you. When you keep stuff from me I just worry more. Last time I saw you, you were crying because you hated it all so much, so yeah I’m going to worry about you.”  
“I’m doing okay. I hate all the girls that management keeps putting me with. They aren’t like you. They’re models and famous people with like literally no personality. Luckily though management is off my back about talking with Louis in our hotel and backstage. I’m tired, but they said after this second tour they’re going to give us a little break.”  
“Good,” I answered. “I’m worried you’re going to work yourselves to death.”  
“Me too,” Harry replied picking at his hands.   
“Alright, Kate go change,” the woman said standing up to admire her work. I nodded giving Harry’s hand a squeeze before going to my closet. I was wearing a black jumpsuit with a deep v. I hated wearing dresses to these events, so I just made jumpsuits my thing.   
“You look hot,” Harry winked when I came out of the bathroom.   
“Don’t I know it,” I smirked doing a little spin. “Come on the car is here.”  
Harry grinned following me downstairs. We were meeting Ashley at the event because she had lots of interviews to do as one of the head stars of the movie. Harry and I took our red carpet photos that night separately because Harry’s managers only wanted him to take pictures with famous girls he was dating. After posing we made our way towards the entrance of the theater where Ashley and a tall muscular blonde-haired boy stood.   
“Is this?” I asked a big smile on my face.   
“This is my boyfriend Alec Mench,” Ashley grinned looking up at him with love in her eyes.   
“It’s so good to meet you, Alec,” I said immediately wrapping him in a hug. “I have heard so much about you.”  
“I could same about you,” Alec laughed as Ashley let out a groan of embarrassment.   
“I knew you were going to embarrass me,” Ashley said.   
“This is exciting for me,” I laugh rubbing Ashley’s back. “And I can’t wait to see how great this movie is.”  
“It’s good to see you, Harry,” Ashley said letting him wrap her in a hug.   
“You too,” Harry replied. “And it’s good to meet you, Alec.”  
“Same,” Alec nodded shaking Harry’s hand firmly.   
“Come on let’s go inside,” Ashley said. I nodded letting Harry put his hand on the small of my back and lead me inside. We sat down in the back of the theater. The boys on either side of Ashley and I. Harry leaned in resting his head on my shoulder for a minute.   
“I’m worried about you,” he said softly.   
“Why?” I asked looking up at him quickly.   
“You’re too thin,” he replied. “Have you been eating enough? You look like you could blow away any minute.”  
“I promise I’m healthy,” I whispered back feeling my stomach flip a bit at the lie. The truth was, I knew I wasn’t eating enough. I was exercising like crazy, so I knew I wasn’t getting enough nutrients to make up for everything I was burning off, but it just felt so good watching the numbers drop every week. I knew that once swimsuit shots were over for the season I could stop working out so much.   
“Alright,” Harry said softly. He didn’t lift his head though.  
The movie was amazing. Ashley had always amazed me with her acting skills and you could really see the chemistry between the two.   
“What did you think?” Ashley asked with a little grin. She knew it was great.   
“You’re amazing,” I replied wrapping her in a tight hug. “Mom and Dad would be proud of you.”  
“Fuck them,” Ashley said rolling her eyes. “All I care about is you.”  
“I’m proud of you too. I’m always so proud to call you my sister.”  
Ashley grinned and squeezed me a little tighter.   
\--  
I stood at the bathroom counter in my pajamas taking off my make up. Harry sat on the closed toilet watching me.   
“You know no one would believe the world-famous model, Kate Pardeck, lives in a one-bedroom apartment with a bathroom sink that doesn’t even have counter space for a toothbrush,” Harry said watching me rest my elbows on the sink because there wasn’t a countertop.  
“People wouldn’t believe half the places I lived,” I answered rubbing the cotton roughly against my skin.  
“I would,” Harry answered. I had been thinking about my past a lot in the past few weeks. My manager loved to bring it up. He loved to remind me of who I would be without Ashley or him. Thinking about how proud my parents would be of Ashley just reminded me how disappointed they were of me.  
“For the first five years, we lived in foster care houses because our parents were both in jail. After my dad got out of jail we went to live with him and his mom. Then when I was six my mom got out of jail so they got a one-bedroom apartment and my sister and I slept in the living room together. My dad got sober and my mom didn’t. When Ashley was ten he took her out to LA to try to get into Hollywood. I stayed with my mom. She couldn’t afford the apartment on her own and my dad couldn’t send money because he was broke too. I don’t really remember any part of where we were until I was ten and my dad started sending money because Ashley got famous and my mom started dating men, so we would stay at their houses. Luckily I had a really good friend through middle school until my senior year of high school, so I could study at her house and get a good meal and sleep there if I needed to. But she moved my junior year, which is when my mom got the boyfriend…”  
“Where is your dad now?” Harry asked softly.   
“Back on drugs,” I answered softly. “Ashley kicked him out as soon as she turned eighteen and we haven’t heard from him since.”  
“Does Ashley know…”  
“We talked on the phone every night,” I answered. “We knew everything about each other’s lives. She knows where I was and that I don’t remember about a year. She told me I’ll remember on my own.”  
“You’re the strongest person I know,” Harry replied taking my hand and squeezing it lightly.   
“I’m not,” I replied. “I had people who cared and didn’t let me slip through the cracks. Lots of people don’t have that.”  
“Don’t downplay your success,” Harry said shaking his head. “You worked hard and clearly fought through a lot of shit to get here.”  
“I still have ways to go to get where I want to be,” I answered. Harry frowned but gave my hand another squeeze.   
“I’m proud of you,” he shrugged.   
\--  
The next morning I woke up to the smell of someone cooking. I got out of bed and found Harry standing at the stove. “What are you doing?” I laughed.   
“Making you breakfast before I leave,” Harry answered peeling pancakes off the pan and sliding them on a plate.   
“You didn’t have to do that,” I grinned sitting at the table.   
“Yeah, I did. I just surprised you out of the blue and you let me stay at your place.”  
“You know you can do that anytime,” I grinned.   
“I have a surprise for you,” he replied placing plates on the table and sitting across from me.  
“What?” I asked skeptically.   
“This is the Midnight Memories, our third album,” Harry grinned handing me his phone. There was a long list of songs and I felt the familiar sense of pride as he pressed play.   
“It’s so good,” I grinned when the last song played. “It’s like a lot more rock than the other two. You sound less bubble gum pop and I love it.”  
“Thanks,” Harry grinned. “You won’t be able to visit on tour this time though.”  
“Why not?” I asked crossing my arms.   
“We’re starting after the break and going until the start of summer. You’ll be in classes and I’m not letting you miss a single class, got it?”  
“But what if you have a show on the weekend?” I asked with a pout.  
“No way. I know you have homework,” Harry laughed. “Try and tell me I’m wrong.”  
“I can’t,” I laughed watching the glint in his eyes.   
“Want to know what song is about you?” He asked with a little smirk.  
“Of course I do,” I grinned. It was like our little tradition and it made my heart full to know he thought about it even though it was a joke.   
“Little black dress,” he smirked. “You know I know how much you love dresses.”  
“Shut up,” I laughed.


	6. Chapter 6

I spent Christmas with Ashley and Alec’s family. It was weird watching kids open presents from Santa next to a perfectly decorated tree. I hadn’t gotten a Christmas present my entire childhood. I didn’t know who Santa was until I was in public school and all the kids talked about him. I once asked my mom why I didn’t get presents from Santa and she told me it was because Santa only gave presents to kids who were loved. I found out later that Ashley had gotten presents from both of my parents. She tried to make it up to me when I started living with her, but I wouldn’t take her gifts. For some reason, I just felt like I didn’t deserve them. I think deep down I still held this belief that only people who were loved deserved presents, and I felt like I didn’t even deserve to be loved. I knew Ashley loved me and Harry, but I still just felt so cautious about it all. I mostly sat on my own watching the family interact. They let me be and I didn’t blame them. They didn’t know who I was, they barely even knew who Ashley was. I wasn’t their family and I knew I never would be. When I got home I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep, but my phone started ringing. It was Harry, so I answered.   
“Merry Christmas,” he grinned staring back at me from the screen. His mom and sister were there too waving and grinning.  
“Merry Christmas,” I smiled waving at them.   
“What did you do today?” Harry asked.  
“Ashley and I spent the day with Alec’s family,” I answered giving him a smile. His mom and sister were still on the screen and I didn’t want them to ever think I was ungrateful.  
“Honey, when are you going to come visit us for Christmas?” Anne asked with a frown. “We would love to have you here.”  
“Mom, she wants to be with her sister. Don’t push her,” Harry said getting up.   
“I’m sorry love,” Anne said with a frown.  
“Don’t be. I really appreciate the offer, I don’t get many,” I grinned and she smiled. Harry walked away and I could tell he was going upstairs.  
“I’m sorry about my mom,” Harry said shaking his head.  
“Don’t be,” I laughed. “She’s so sweet. How was your Christmas?”  
“Relaxing,” Harry shrugged. “Nice to see my family. How was your Christmas really?”  
“I didn’t belong there,” I shrugged. “I’m just tired.”  
“Did you check your mail?” Harry asked with a little smirk.   
“You better not have gotten me a present,” I said with a frown. I got up and made my way to the door. I had my own private mailbox upstairs because of all the crazy fans that came around.   
“Promise I didn’t pay a penny for it,” Harry grinned as I dug around the mailbox my fingers grasping on the pile tucked inside. I flipped through the letters until I got to a letter written in Harry’s sloppy writing.   
“Did you pay for the stamp?” I asked showing him the letter.  
“No, I stole it from Louis,” he grinned as I laughed bringing the mail back inside. I opened the envelope to reveal a friendship bracelet.  
“Homemade,” he grinned.  
“You are a child,” I laughed examining the messy knots.  
“Do you like it?” He asked.  
“Of course I do,” I smiled. “I just feel bad because I didn’t make you anything.”  
“Don’t be,” Harry laughed. “You answering my phone call is gift enough.”  
“You’re a dork and I miss you,” I said with a frown.   
“I’ll see you in five months,” Harry said.   
“Go spend time with your mom and sister. I’ll talk to you later,” I said biting my lip.  
“Bye love,” Harry smiled before hanging up.  
\--  
I finished my first year of college without a hitch. I finally felt like I was skinny enough to be on magazine covers in swimsuits. I could see my ribs without having to suck in and my stomach had defined muscles.   
“That’s what I like to see,” Trent said tracing a finger along one of my ribs as I stood in my bikini waiting for the photographers. Harry would be home tomorrow and I was so excited to see him.   
“I have the LV shoot right after this right?” I asked stepping back slightly.   
“Yeah, they’re in the room downstairs, so you’ll just go straight from here to hair and makeup again,” Trent told me. “They may come up and watch this shoot just to see what you’re like in front of the camera. Listen, so LV people are the real deal. If you want to be anything, if you don’t want your reputation to be completely destroyed you will do anything they tell you to do understand.”  
“Yeah of course,” I nodded as the photographer walked in. What I appreciated about the swimsuit shoot was that it wasn’t about sexuality. It was really about empowerment and self-love. I didn’t wear any makeup, so you could see the freckles smattering my nose and my hair was damp and just resting on my shoulders. I posed for about an hour before we finally finished. As soon as I noticed the way the LV photographer was watching me I suddenly felt like I needed to cover up. I went to hair and makeup. Everything about the shoot was supposed to be light and flowing. I wore a pastel purple dress that was so light I hardly felt like I was wearing anything. My hair was pulled up with little pieces flying away. I was given a pair of delicate red bottom heels to wear with little flowers embroidered along the straps. It was beautiful.   
“Kate, I have an emergency with someone on the red carpet, so I’m going to have to jet out now,” Trent told me peeking his head in as I stood in front of the mirror. “You look great.”  
“Okay, thanks,” I said giving him a wave. Everything was fine during the shoot but after it seemed like everyone but the director of the shoot seemed to disappear.   
“You really look great,” the director told me and I backed up uncomfortably.   
“I should really go change,” I said grinding my lip together. “I have to get home.”  
“Alright great work,” he smiled and I turned and rushed towards the dressing room. As I unzipped the dress my body automatically tensed as I felt a presence in the room. I felt the ghost of fingers on my back. I jumped finding the director’s hand tight around my waist. He brought his mouth close to my ear.  
“You’re going to let me do what I want with you,” he whispered causing goosebumps across my entire body.   
“No, get the fuck off me,” I said bringing my elbow back hard. He just grabbed me tighter.   
“If you don’t stop struggling I will make sure you and your fucking sister never have a job again. I will make up something to destroy her career.”   
I felt myself tense at the threat and I knew he could do it. Who would believe me anyway? I felt myself go slack like I had all those years ago. I felt myself go numb and my eyes close. I didn’t remember anything that happened until he was done. I remember lying in a heap on the floor as he stood over me.  
“Thanks for doing business with me,” he smirked dropping the dress and shoes on top of me. “Keep the clothes for your troubles.”  
I didn’t say anything as he walked away. I changed shakily into the sweats I came in. I got into my car and drove myself straight to the hospital. It was much easier this time because I didn’t have my abusers standing over me.   
“Hi, honey what can I do for you?” The woman at the front counter asked. I had my hood pulled over my head, so no one would recognize me.  
“I was raped,” I whispered. I know my face showed no emotions as the woman’s face fell.   
“Alright honey, let’s get you back into a room. Do you have anyone you want to call? Would you like to press charges?”  
“No, I just don’t want to get pregnant or an STD,” I answered looking down. I couldn’t press charges because the threat over Ashley’s career was still looming over me. I didn’t want anyone to know this had happened to me again. I let the nurse lead me back and take my vitals before poking and prodding down below. She finally gave me a prescription and some pamphlets for therapy before sending me on my way.   
\--  
I slept through my alarm the next morning and woke up to someone knocking loudly on my door. I sat up to find the dress and shoes lying in a pile on my floor. I stretched and walked to the door as the last day replayed in my head. I opened the door distractedly to find Harry standing there with a bag in his hand. I felt myself instantly relax at the sight of him.   
“Oh my God,” I said wrapping him in a hug. “You don’t know how much I needed to see you.”  
“Did you forget I was coming?” Harry laughed scooping me up and holding me close.   
“I was so busy yesterday and I slept through my alarm,” I answered holding on to him for dear life.   
“God I missed you,” Harry said holding me just as tightly. Harry walked me inside and I finally let go when we were through the door.   
“How are you? Where did you come from? Are you jetlagged? Tired? Sick?”  
“I’m just fine Kate,” Harry laughed. “I’m honestly just glad to be here. You haven’t eaten anything today. Let’s go get something to eat at that little café.”  
“Alright,” I nodded. “Let me go change.”  
Harry nodded following me into the bedroom so he could set down his bag.   
“Did you go out last night?” Harry laughed looking down at the heap of clothes on the ground.   
“No, those are from the shoot,” I answered. “Don’t touch them.”  
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Harry replied giving me a sideways look. I wasn’t ever one to be protective of my things or leave messes around the apartment, so I knew it threw Harry off, but he didn’t say anything.  
After I changed we went to the little café downtown. Harry sat across from me as I picked at my salad. “Have you started recording your next album?” I asked curiously.   
“No, I mean we have started writing some stuff, but we haven’t officially recorded anything yet. We’re supposed to take a six-month break and then get back together. So I’m all yours for six months.”  
“I don’t have any classes so I’m all yours,” I grinned.  
“How was the first year of classes?” Harry asked.  
“Good, I got a 4.0,” I replied and Harry’s lips broke open into a big grin.   
“I’m so fucking proud of you,” Harry said squeezing my hand.   
“Only three more years to go,” I laughed. My phone started to ring and I looked down to see it was Ashley. She never called out of the blue like this.  
“Who is it?” Harry asked as I frowned at the phone.   
“Ashley,” I replied.   
“Answer it,” Harry nodded. I picked up the phone.  
“Hey, what’s up?” I asked confused.   
“What are you doing?” She asked and I could tell something was off.  
“I’m at lunch with Harry,” I said. “What’s wrong? You have to tell me because I know something is wrong.”  
“I’m at the hospital. I was raped,” she said softly and I instantly felt sick again.  
“Send me the address and I will come and stay with you,” I said quickly pushing away my food.   
“Don’t come alone. Bring Harry,” she said softly her voice shaking.   
“We’ll be there as soon as we can,” I answered.  
“Okay,” she said hanging up. I looked up at Harry as my stomach turned over and over.   
“She’s at the hospital and she wants us to come because she was raped,” I whispered already standing up. Harry stood up quickly his eyes going wide with panic.   
“I’ll drive us,” Harry said taking my hand. “Is she alright?”  
“I don’t know…” I said feeling panicked. I didn’t ever want Ashley to feel the way I had felt. I had done everything I could, I had given up everything to make sure she never had to experience the things I had experienced.   
“Are you okay?” Harry asked placing his hand on the small of my back and leading me to the car.   
“All I care about is getting to her so she isn’t alone,” I said.  
“Aright, we’ll be there as quick as we can,” Harry assured me as I climbed into the car.   
When we got to the hospital the nurse immediately led us to Ashley’s room. “Let me go in first,” I told Harry.  
“Do whatever you need to do,” Harry said squeezing my hand. I opened the door to find a hollow version of Ashley sitting on the examination table. She wouldn’t meet my eyes when I walked in.  
“Hey,” I said softly coming to crouch in front of her so we were at eye level.  
“Hey,” she said not meeting my eyes.  
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked taking her hand in mine. She shook her head.  
“What do you need from me?” I asked.   
“Just sit here with me,” she said softly. “Is Harry here?”  
“He’s in the hall. I just wanted to check on you first.”  
“He can come in,” she said still not looking at me.   
“Hey listen,” I said placing my fingers under her chin and making her look at me. “This isn’t your fault. It will never be your fault. You did nothing wrong and I will never see you differently. Do you understand?”  
She nodded and when I moved away she looked down again. I got up and walked to the door to find Harry standing there. “You can come in,” I whispered and he nodded.   
“Hey Ashley,” he said softly. Ashley didn’t respond and we sat down in the little chairs when the nurse came in.   
“Alright honey, first I need to know if you want to press charges,” she said and I took her hand remembering being in that exact position just a few days ago.   
“No,” she whispered shaking her head and I felt my heartbreak.   
“Alright we’ll just do a little examination and I’ll set you up with some drugs.”  
“Okay,” Ashley nodded. I squeezed her hand again.   
“You’re going to need to put your feet in the stirrups. Are you okay with everyone staying in the room?”  
“Yes,” she said and I watched a tear trail down her cheek. I felt like I was going to puke as I remembered my first time being in her position. I remembered feeling completely alone and just wanting someone to distract me from the pain and humiliation and emptiness I felt.   
“Have you been watching the Bachelor?” I asked her once her feet were in the stirrups. Her head finally turned to me in confusion.   
“Well have you?” I asked and she nodded.   
“I’ve been watching too and I heard a pretty wild conspiracy about it and truthfully I think it holds some weight. Want to hear about it because I’ve been dying to talk about it.”   
Ashley just nodded as the nurse pressed the cold metal against her skin causing her to jump. I immediately started talking. “Well they’ve been saying you can’t predict this season, but I heard that there are rumors someone is pregnant. Then I found out that Kelly isn’t going to the women tell-all, so maybe they slept together before the show even started and now she’s pregnant and that’s why his mom wants him to bring her home,” I said and to my surprise, Ashley cracked the smallest smile. “It could always be Hannah Brown though. I always hoped she would come back because otherwise, this season has been so boring.”  
“That’s true,” she answered and I couldn’t help but grin.   
“Alright sweetie you’re all done. I’m just writing you a prescription and I’m going to give you a few pamphlets for some therapists because it’s always good to talk to someone about trauma,” the nurse said handing her the same things I had held in my hands a few days ago.   
“We’re going to wait outside while you get changed okay,” I said giving her hand a squeeze and she nodded. Harry followed me outside and as soon as I closed the door he wrapped me in a tight hug. I let him hold me for a moment my face pressed against his chest breathing in the familiar scent, before stepping back.  
“I don’t think Alec is in town so I’m going to need to stay with her for a little while. You can keep staying at my place and I’ll come home when she’s at work. I still want to spend time with you, I just have to take care of her…”  
“I’ll be here. Don’t worry about me,” Harry said rubbing my back . “You do exactly what you need to do.”  
Ashley came out wearing a pair of sweats. “Is Alec still out of town?” I asked taking her hand and letting Harry lead us to the car.   
“Yeah,” she whispered and I could hear her voice wavering. “He doesn’t know.”  
“You telling him isn’t going to change how he feels about you I promise,” I told her seriously. “I’m going to stay with you until you get home though. I don’t want you alone right now. It’s not good for you. We can start looking into those therapists tomorrow.”  
“You don’t need to stay with me. I know you want to spend time with Harry while he’s in town,” she whispered.   
“I’m not leaving you alone, Harry understands,” I answered. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”  
“Then Harry has to come stay too,” Ashley replied and Harry looked back at us.   
“Whatever you need,” he told her.  
“We’ll go back to my place to get our stuff and then we can head over to yours, alright?” I explained.  
“Yeah, okay,” Ashley nodded. I sat up front with Harry, who touched my knee lightly. I knew he was worried, he knew I was hiding things, but I also knew he wouldn’t ask or pus, especially right now.  
When we got to my apartment I pulled Harry to the side. “You sit out here with Ashley while I pack. I don’t want her alone until I know where her headspace is. Don’t just sit there in silence though, she needs distractions. Tell a stupid story from tour or something.”  
“Okay,” Harry nodded going to sit on the couch while I went to the bedroom. When I came back out Harry was animatedly talking and Ashley had a smile on her face. The panic in my chest eased significantly at the sight. I know how I had felt after that first time. All I could do was relive everything that happened over and over again and hate myself. I didn’t want Ashley to have any time with those thoughts.   
“Ready to go?” I asked handing Harry his bag. Harry nodded taking mine as well.   
“We can stop and get some take out because I’m sure you’re hungry,” I told Ashley.  
“I’m not,” she answered her eyes going emotionless again.  
“When is the last time you ate today?” I asked crossing my arms.  
“Breakfast,” she whispered.  
“Then you’re going to eat something whether you’re hungry or not,” I replied. I wasn’t letting her starve herself either.   
“I’ll just run into the Chinese place and get us some boxes,” I told Harry who nodded as he loaded the bags into the car.   
That first night I slept with Ashley because I was honestly too scared to leave her alone. She was quiet, but she smiled at the things we said. She hadn’t cried yet and she still hadn’t told us what happened, but I knew better than to push her into anything she was uncomfortable with. The next day we spent finding her a good therapist. When we got home late that night it was clear she was ready to talk.  
We sat on the couch and she had her knees tucked under her chin.   
“I didn’t get you a therapist,” she whispered.   
“What?” I asked. I was sitting on the couch opposite her. Harry had an arm wrapped around me.  
“When everything happened with you, I didn’t get you a therapist we never even talked about it.”  
“Ashley, that was two years ago. We were both young and look at me, I’m fine,” I said with a shrug. “This isn’t about me right now. I’m worried about you.”  
“Well all I keep thinking is how you are doing everything right. You’re taking care of me exactly how I need and I know it’s because it’s what you needed.”  
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I answered again. Ashley closed her eyes and I could see the tears start to track down her cheeks.  
“I had an audition and the director told me the only way I would ever get another part in Hollywood was to let him… I told him, no, but then he said… well basically I didn’t have a choice,” she replied with a sniffle.  
“What did he say to you?” I asked tensing. I had a feeling I knew the answer.   
“I don’t want to tell you,” Ashley said looking away. “It doesn’t matter anyway because all I can think about is how awful and scared and degraded I felt and you were so young and you were still a virgin and it must have been so much worse for you and I didn’t do anything to help you feel better I just dragged you to parties and made you sit at home alone.”  
I didn’t like her bringing all this up again, I didn’t want to remember the feelings and emotions and everything. “I don’t matter anymore Ashley. Stop thinking about me,” I said getting annoyed and upset. Harry touched my shoulder gently, but now I could hear that stupid director’s voice in my head again. “Was it because of me that you did it? Did he tell you he could ruin me or whatever?” I asked I could feel myself getting angry, but I pushed it way down.   
“How do you know that?” She asked and I felt my heart sink. “Did someone say the same thing to you? Did someone do the same thing to you?”  
“No,” I replied quickly. I was in the process of completely blocking the entire memory from my head. At this point, I couldn’t remember anything except the director in my ear and him throwing the clothes on top of me afterwards, so it’s possible nothing happened.   
“Then how did you know?” Ashley asked and now I could tell she was getting angry at me.  
“First of all, you know that I would never want you to do that to protect me. I would never want you to get hurt because of me. I don’t care enough about anything for you to get hurt protecting it,” I said taking a breath. “That hasn’t happened to me, but I know how those people operate. I’ve heard about it happening before. I just never thought I had to tell you because I thought you knew I care more about you than a career.”  
Ashley burst into sobs and I got up and came to sit next to her on the couch. “It’s still not your fault. Those assholes think they can get away with whatever they want and hurt whoever they want. It’s not your fault and I don’t want you to ever think it is. You’re still the same person I’ve always known and loved and that isn’t ever going to change.”  
Ashley held onto me tightly as the full weight of what happened really hit her.   
I slept in her bed again that night.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day Alec came back. Ashley had still yet to tell him what happened, so she made Harry and I wait in the bedroom to make sure he handled it correctly before we went back to my place.   
“How are you doing?” Harry asked me. We were sitting on the floor with our backs resting against the bed. “I mean I’m sure it hasn’t been easy with Ashley bringing up some of that stuff from your past.”  
“Can we talk about that when we get home?” I asked resting my head back against the bed. It was so overwhelming to think about.   
“Of course love,” Harry said touching my knee lightly.   
“Can we go to the beach tomorrow?” I asked. “I feel like I just need a day to decompress.”  
“Sure, whatever you need,” Harry nodded.   
\--  
When we got home that night, Harry made me dinner and then sat me down at the table and I knew he wouldn’t let me leave until I ate and talked. “You have to talk to me, Kate. It’s not about Ashley anymore. We’re home and it’s just us, so please just talk to me.”  
“I mean I don’t really have anything to say,” I answered picking at my food.   
“Kate, I saw how upset you were when Ashley brought up the past. I also saw how well you handled everything and I know why you handled it so well. Just talk to me please,” he said his eyes worried and verging on tears.  
“I don’t like to think about it,” I replied. “Every time she brought it up and every time I saw her going through some shit that I had to go through it was like I was reliving it all over again.”  
“I’m sorry you had to remember everything. I’m sorry you went through it at all. But really, I’m sorry that none of us helped us in the way you needed.”  
“You didn’t even know,” I replied.  
“Well I wish I could have helped you,” he shrugged. “Now can you please stop pushing around your food and actually eat it?”  
“I’m not hungry,” I shrugged.  
“You haven’t eaten a single thing all day. I don’t care if you’re not hungry,” Harry shrugged. “You look like the next big gust of wind could blow you away. It’s not healthy.”  
“Fine,” I said taking a bite of food to make a point. Harry made me finish the plate before we went to bed.   
\--  
The next morning I took one of my pills while Harry ate breakfast. “What are you taking? That looks like the same box Ashley got,” Harry said. It wasn’t accusatory, but his voice was worried.  
“This is birth control,” I laughed placing the box back in the cabinet before he got a better look at it. “Just because I don’t have sex doesn’t mean I don’t want regulated periods.”  
Harry blushed. “Sorry, just looked familiar. I’m sure I’ve just seen you with it before.”  
“We’re going to the beach today?” I asked with a kind smile.   
“Sure love, I’ll get ready as soon as I finish my breakfast.”  
“Kay,” I smiled ruffling his hair before going into the bedroom to change. I put on a bathing suit and threw a dress on top of it before coming out of the bathroom to find Harry already changed and ready. We took his convertible so the wind could blow through our hair as we drove down the highway. It felt so good. When Harry pulled into the parking lot, I immediately jumped out of the car and made my way to the water pulling off my dress as I ran. Harry laughed from behind me and within seconds he had me by the waist and swung me around.   
“You are crazy,” he grinned letting go. I sunk under the water letting it coat my hair before I came back up for air.   
“I told you I needed a beach day,” I answered.   
“I did too,” Harry grinned going under and popping back up. I smiled standing up and walking back to where Harry had dropped our bag. I snapped the towel out onto the sand and sat down holding my knees. I watched Harry walk out of the water and pushed his wet hair off his forehead.   
“What are you looking at?” Harry grinned as he stood over me digging into the bag and pulling out a hat.   
“You,” I laughed as he slapped the hat on backward. “You look like an American.”  
“You like it?” He laughed spreading out his own towel and sitting down. I just shrugged.   
“I brought some food for us. Made you a sandwich and brought some fruit,” he said pulling a plethora of items out of the bag.   
“Food at the beach always tastes so much better, it doesn’t even matter what it is,” I said taking the sandwich from him and opening the little baggie.   
“Is your mom mad you’re here and not with her?” I asked eating. My knees were still up and I rested my head on them as I watched him.   
“No, she loves that I’m with you,” Harry grinned. “She thinks you’re a good influence.”  
“I’m glad you were here for all that shit with Ashley,” I replied softly.   
“I’m glad I was here too,” Harry said. “Even though it wasn’t you and I don’t know what you were like, I think it helped me understand what you went through a little more.”  
I nodded looking away because little did he know I was going through it all again right now. I finished my sandwich and laid down on my back. I heard Harry suck in a breath, so I turned my head to look at him. He looked so worried that I thought he could see everywhere that man had touched me.  
“Why the hell are you so thin Kate?” Harry asked his eyes going wide and worried. “All you are is bone. I can see every single rib.”  
I shot him a little smirk before biting my lip. “Had some swimsuit shoots I had to do,” I shrugged. I watched his eyes get angry.  
“You can’t starve yourself for a fucking photoshoot, Kate. You’re going to kill yourself.”  
“Well, it’s over now,” I answered.  
“It’s over for good,” Harry replied. “I’ll pay for whatever the hell you need. I can’t watch you kill yourself just so you can go to school.”  
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I said turning to lay on my stomach. The truth was I didn’t want to model anymore anyways. I had ignored twenty calls from Trent in the past few days, but I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me what to do. “I’ve been taking care of myself for twenty years. I didn’t have parents telling me what to do and I’m sure as well not going to have a nineteen-year-old boy tell me what to do either.”  
“Sorry,” he said softly. I didn’t look over at him. “I just hate that you’re hurting yourself. I want to help you.”  
I didn’t answer but I flipped back to my back keeping my eyes closed. I heard Harry lie down as well. I turned to peek at him and found his hat resting over his face. He was cute, I had to admit it. I saw why the girls loved him, but I just knew I would never be able to open myself up in a way that men needed or wanted. I would never date, so I was happy being friends and he was one of the few guys who was happy with that too.  
Eventually, the sun began to set. I had somehow made my way under his arm against his chest. He held me while we watched the sunset. Harry held me so tightly and I felt so safe and warm in that moment.   
“I know you weren’t there and didn’t know when all that stuff happened to me,” I whispered against his chest. I felt him shift so I knew he could hear. “But ever since I’ve met you, you’ve always made me feel so safe and loved. Before I met you, I thought I would never trust a man again. You make me see that there are good guys in the world. You’ve just helped me get out of my head.”  
“You’ll always be safe with me,” Harry whispered squeezing me just a little tighter. I smiled to myself leaning back into his chest as the sun dipped below the water.   
\--  
After about a week, I had completely pushed that day out of my mind. If you asked me about the photoshoot I had successfully blocked the horrible parts out of my mind. I was so busy and focused on Ashley and what she went through and was still going through, that I had managed to let that overshadow what happened to me. Spending time with Harry and feeling so safe made it seem like a time when I wasn’t safe seem impossible. Unfortunately at the end of the week that all came crashing down.   
I woke up at about three in the morning in a pool of my own sweat feeling sick from the nightmare I had just had. It had brought back exactly what had happened even the parts that had always blocked out. I had to pull Harry’s heavy arm off me and climb over him, so I could rush to the bathroom and vomit. When I finished I got into the shower trying to wash away the memories, but they were so strong that eventually I just had to sit on the ground and relive it all. In the depths of my mind, I heard Harry knocking on the door and calling my name, but the feeling of that director’s hands on my breasts was a lot more present.   
“Hey,” Harry said softly breaking me from my thoughts as he turned off the water. I didn’t realize I was crying until the water was off. I watched him grab my towel and come to wrap it around me before crouching down next to me.  
“You gotta get up babe,” Harry said holding the towel tightly against me as he grabbed my arms and helped me up. When I was standing I fell against his chest clutching the towel tightly. I couldn’t hold myself up.   
“Love, what’s going on?” He asked wrapping his arms around me and rubbing my back.   
“Can I have my robe,” I whispered my voice coming out weak and shaky. Harry immediately nodded still leaving one arm wrapped around me as he reached for the robe hanging on the back of the door. He let go as he took the robe and draped it across my back. I left my head on his chest, still unable to stand alone.   
“Come on love, you gotta stand up and get dressed,” Harry said running his hand over the back of my head once before pushing my shoulders back. I stood and turned away from Harry so I could let go of the towel and tie the robe around myself. When I had it tied Harry took me by the arm and led me back to bed. Harry helped me into bed before climbing in himself and curling himself against me. I could feel my vision tunneling as I was brought back to those memories again, but Harry’s voice pulled me back.  
“Kate, what’s wrong?” Harry asked and I felt the hot tears on my cheeks so I knew I had let out a sob. I turned so I could put my head on his chest.   
“I had a dream that brought up something I had completely blocked from my memory,” I said feeling my throat close. Harry rubbed my back lightly.   
“You can tell me, anything love,” he whispered.  
“At my last photoshoot the day before you came home, the director raped me,” I whimpered as the visions came swirling back. I felt Harry tense, clearly upset.   
“Hey, it’s okay you’re safe now,” he said rubbing my back. “I’ll keep you safe. You can talk to me.”  
“He told me he would ruin Ashley’s career if I didn’t do what he said. Harry she’s worked her whole life to be where she is now and she’s given me so much. I couldn’t be the reason it all got taken away,” I said letting out a real sob.   
“Hey, it’s okay love,” Harry said rubbing my back. “I’m going to be here to help you get through this. It wasn’t your fault and it never will be.”  
“You can never tell Ashley,” I said turning to face him. “She’s going through enough.”  
“Kate…”  
“No, I don’t want her to ever know about this. I don’t want anyone to ever know.”  
“Okay,” Harry nodded. “Then no one will know and I will be here to help you get through it. You’re not going to be alone again.”  
“I want to quit modeling,” I told him softly. “I have enough to get myself through college and then some. I just can’t do it anymore.”  
“I think that’s a good idea. If you ever need anything you know I will help you out.”  
“I can take care of myself,” I answered resting his head on my chest.   
“Then what can I do? How can I help?”  
“I don’t know, I just feel wrong like… my body doesn’t belong to me anymore. It feels off.”  
“I wish I knew how to help you,” Harry said letting a strand of my hair wrap around his finger.  
“Being here is enough,” I answered. “Just promise you won’t ever look at me differently.”  
“Promise,” Harry answered holding me against his chest.  
\--  
Over the next few weeks, Harry spent his every waking moment catering to my every need. He would make me dinner and force me to get dressed and shower. He would make me sleep and eat and live my normal life even though I so desperately wanted to shut down. I went to check on Ashley and Alec a few times. Harry made me feel safe and he made me feel like I was almost back to normal. As summer came to an end I knew Harry only had three months left of his break and he would be recording a new album soon, so I wanted to make sure he got to spend some time with his mom before he was back in his crazy scheduled life.   
“Kate I am not leaving you right now,” Harry argued crossing his arms as I rested against the counter.   
“Harry, you need to spend time with your mom. I know she misses you. Family is important. I promise I’m okay. I’ll have school to keep me busy.”  
“No, I don’t like it,” Harry replied shaking his head.  
“Well too bad, I’m kicking you out,” I answered. “Go home and see your mom.”  
“You’re being serious aren’t you?” Harry asked with a frown.   
“Yeah, I am. If I had a six-month break and I didn’t go see my sister, she would be furious. She would think I hated her. Go see your mom.”  
“Okay,” Harry sighed. “Fine, I’ll go.”  
“Good,” I nodded feeling a sense of relief.   
“I’m going to call you a lot though,” Harry said biting his lip. “I don’t like the idea of you being alone.”  
“Don’t worry about me.”  
“I always do,” he shrugged.


	8. Chapter 8

In the next week, Harry left and I started school. I was dead set on getting a normal life this year. I didn’t want to be in the spotlight anymore. I didn’t want people to recognize my face from a magazine.   
I sat at a desk near the front of the classroom and scrolled through my phone. A few minutes later a few girls came to sit in the front next to me.   
“This is child psychology right?” One of the girls asked. A girl nodded.   
“I heard this class is really hard,” the same girl said.   
“Maybe we should start a study group,” another girl replied.   
“Totally,” the girl nodded. “I’m Marcy by the way.” Marcy had blonde hair wrapped in a messy bun. She was wearing a pair of sweats.  
“I’m Bailey,” the other girl with a brown bob and bangs said with a kind smile. The two girls looked over at me expectantly.   
“I’m Kate,” I said with a small smile.   
“Oh yeah!” Marcy said with a big grin and I felt my stomach turn. Everyone already knew me. “We had a class together last semester. Stats.”  
“Oh right,” I smiled feeling the air come back into my lungs.   
“What are you guys majoring in?” Bailey asked.   
“Counseling and a minor in education,” Marcy said.  
“No way me too,” I grinned.  
“Me too!” Bailey grinned. “Let me see your schedules. We’re bound to have some similar classes.”  
After examining the schedules we found we had three out of five classes together. “Okay so in between our classes today and Thursday we should totally go get coffee, right?” Bailey grinned.  
“Totally,” Marcy agreed and I nodded.   
\--  
“Okay but you totally couldn’t understand a word he said through all that coughing right?” Bailey laughed as we sat down in the coffee shop with our drinks.  
“I’m scared I’m going to get a disease,” I said causing the girls to laugh.   
“Okay, so where are you both from,” Marcy asked. “It’s get to know you time.”  
“I’m from North Carolina,” Bailey answered with a smile.   
“LA,” I replied.  
“Have you really always lived in LA?” Marcy asked surprised.  
“No, I lived in Indiana until I was seventeen, but the people I care about are here, so it feels like home,” I shrugged. “What about you Marcy?”  
“I’m from San Diego,” Marcy answered.  
“No way, do you go to the beach like all the time?” Bailey asked.  
“Yeah, my house was like five minutes from the beach, so we used to ride our bikes there like every day after school.”  
“That’s so fun,” I said shaking my head. I was jealous. When I was younger I thought that Ashley lived on the beach and I used to daydream about swimming in the ocean right after school.   
“So do you all want to be guidance counselors?” Bailey asked.  
“Yeah,” I nodded.  
“I am too, but not one of those counselors that just checks your grades and organizes your classes. These kids need a lot more help than that.”  
I nodded in agreement.   
\--  
During our coffee break on Thursday, we decided to go out together on Friday night. Bailey and Marcy came over to my apartment to get ready because I was the only one without roommates. They didn’t really know anything about me outside of school, so I was kind of nervous for them to come over.   
“Hey girl!” Marcy grinned as she walked into my apartment.   
“Hey guys come on in,” I smiled closing the door behind them.   
“This place is so cute,” Bailey cooed looking around.   
“My bedroom is just down the hall. We can get ready in there,” I told them letting them follow behind me. I had told them all before that I had lots of makeup and clothes to spare, so when we got to my room I opened my closet to reveal the plethora of items I had received from countless modeling jobs.   
“Oh my gosh,” Marcy said her eyes going wide. “I’ve never seen so many clothes in my life.”  
“You can pick anything,” I replied. We spent the next hour trying on different outfits and laughing over some of the questionable colors and patterns I had buried in the back. When they picked out their outfits I sat them down at the vanity to do their makeup.   
“Hold on Kate, what is this?” Marcy asked as I worked on Bailey’s eyeliner. I looked up to find Marcy pointing to a picture of Ashley and me.  
“You know Ashley Pardeck? Wait are you two related?” Bailey asked eyes going wide.   
“She’s my sister,” I answered.  
“No way!” Marcy said with a squeal. “I bet you’ve been to so many parties and met so many people.”  
“Wait I know why you always look so familiar, you modeled didn’t you?”   
“Yeah, I mean I did, but I’m just focused on getting my degree now,” I answered.   
“Hold on, you know Harry? You’re close with One Direction?” Marcy asked. There was a photo Harry and I had taken when we were on the beach together along with a photo of me on stage wrapped in Harry’s arms with the big One Direction screen behind us.   
“Yeah, Harry is one of my best friends,” I answered.   
“Did you ever date?” Bailey asked.   
“No, I don’t really date,” I answered softly. “I really am just trying to stay out of the spotlight now.”  
“Well we will keep the paparazzi away tonight,” Bailey grinned. I smiled appreciatively.  
“Do either of you have a boyfriend?” I asked. Bailey shook her head, while Marcy nodded.  
“I do. His name is Sam and we’ve been dating since freshman year of high school.”  
“Does he go to USC?” I asked curiously.   
“Yeah, I’m sure you two will meet him sometime,” Marcy smiled.   
That night at the club we had so much fun and we were all completely sober. All three of us were still too young to drink and while I probably could have flashed a smile at the bartender and gotten us anything we wanted I didn’t want to be that person anymore. It was in the first time I felt normal. We danced and sang and laughed. It was a great time. The girls ended up spending the night on my living room floor. We stayed up eating snacks and gossiping.  
\--  
The next morning after the girls had left Harry called me. “Hey love,” Harry said as soon as I picked up.  
“Morning,” I answered. “How is London?”  
“Good, I’m staying with my mum while we record. It’s nice to have someone cook for you.”  
“Hey, I could have cooked, but you wouldn’t let me,” I laughed.   
“Where were you last night it looked like you were having fun?”   
“Some of the girls from my class and I went out to a club last night. It was a college club so there weren’t any celebrities or anything there. It was really fun,” I answered.   
“I’m glad you’re out having fun,” Harry replied. “You know I was worried about that.”  
“Yeah,” I nodded. “How is the album going?”   
“Slowly,” Harry replied. “I don’t know for some reason it just seems like Zayn is sick of everything. He’s been showing up late and shit.”  
“Have you talked to him? Maybe he is going through something,” I replied.   
“Yeah I guess I should,” Harry sighed.   
“I better let you go, I have a lot of homework and I’m supposed to meet Ashley and Alec for lunch.”  
“Alright love, I’ll talk to you soon.”  
\--  
About an hour later I was sitting across from Alec and Ashley in a little café downtown. “Ugh I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks, Kate,” Ashley said taking my hand and squeezing it. “How are you doing?”  
“I’m good,” I smiled.  
“Where’s your boyfriend today?” Ashley laughed.  
“Harry, left for London last week. He’s staying with his mum and working on the album,” I answered.   
“We won’t see him for months,” Ashley frowned.   
“Yeah,” I nodded with a little frown. “Listen there’s something I need to tell you.”  
“What’s up?” Ashley asked looking a little worried. Alec sat back and gave me a look of concern.  
“I just.. I decided to quit modeling and just focus on school. I don’t want to be in the spotlight anymore. I’m going to try to just be normal. I mean besides being your sister and friends with One Direction.”  
“Did something happen?” Ashley asked worry clear in her eyes.  
“No,” I answered quickly. Probably too quickly. “I just can’t do it anymore.”  
“Do you need help, with the apartment or school?” Alec asked. “You know we’ll help with anything you need?”  
“No, I have enough saved for at least until I graduate, probably longer, but thank you,” I said looking down.  
“Of course, you know I’m always here for you,” Ashley said squeezing my hand.  
“I know,” I nodded.  
“Saw you went out clubbing last night,” Ashley grinned. “Is that part of being normal?”  
“Yeah, I went with some friends from school and we didn’t drink or anything,” I replied.  
“You’re serious about this,” Ashley said.   
“Yeah, I am,” I nodded.  
\--  
A few weeks later Marcy, Bailey, and I were sitting at the coffee shop with Marcy’s boyfriend.   
“It’s good to meet you both,” Sam said after the introductions. He looked sweet. He had shaggy blonde hair and dimples in his cheeks. He was a few inches shorter than me, but he clearly worked out and played sports because he had huge biceps.   
“We’ve heard so much about you,” I smiled.   
“So you’re the famous Kate. I am constantly hearing about people you’ve met and people who text you,” Sam laughed.   
“But she doesn’t want to be famous anymore,” Marcy said. “So we’re treating her just like anyone else, except for her closet.”  
“Right of course,” Sam said and I laughed lightly.   
“Are you going to come out with us tomorrow?” Bailey asked with a grin.  
“Am I invited?” Sam asked looking over at Marcy.  
“Sure,” Marcy shrugged and we all laughed. “You can be our bodyguard, there are lots of creepy guys out there.”  
“Don’t worry I’ll go lift at the gym,” Sam said pinching Marcy’s cheek. She laughed pecking his cheek. They were so cute that for a moment it made me wish I had a boyfriend, but I knew I could never be intimate with a man. The closest I had was sleeping in the same bed as Harry and I knew there was no other man I trusted like that. The girls knew I didn’t date and they knew it was because I had shit in my past. That was all they knew, but they accepted it and didn’t question anything.  
\--  
Friday night everyone was at my place again. Sam was planning to meet us outside an hour later. “Honestly it’s probably good Sam is coming,” Bailey said as I did her makeup.   
“Why?” Marcy asked. She had been complaining that Sam was going to act like a dad the whole time. He wasn’t really one for going out, so she was scared he would be a party pooper.   
“All those guys get so obsessed and creepy around Kate,” Bailey answered. “It will be good to have someone around to keep them away.”  
It was true. I mean it was apparent I had been a model whether I liked it or not. I was still tall and skinny. The guys would flock all around us. They would say things that made my skin crawl, so hopefully, Sam’s presence would deter them.   
“I told Sam about some of the shit, so he knows what he’s getting himself into. He’ll keep us safe,” Marcy replied.   
That night Sam really did deter a lot of the guys, but he didn’t see it that way. There were still a few guys that came up and said things to us or squeezed my ass, but it wasn’t nearly as many as usual.  
“I can’t believe those assholes,” Sam said clearly annoyed as we got into his car later that night.   
“There were barely any tonight,” Marcy told him her hand wrapped in his.   
“That’s fucked up,” Sam replied. “I don’t like the idea of you three going out alone like that.”  
“You can come with us,” Marcy said batting her eyelashes.   
“Might have to,” Sam laughed.


	9. Chapter 9

It was November and Bailey was sitting with me on my couch eating take out. Marcy was out to dinner with her boyfriend for the night because it was their anniversary. As we chatted I got a Facetime call from Harry.   
“Please answer it,” Bailey begged as we both looked at the screen. Most of the time I wouldn’t answer calls or texts from him while I was with the girls even though they begged me too.   
“Alright, fine,” I laughed sliding the accept button.   
“Hey love,” Harry grinned from the screen.   
“Hey look who I have with me,” I said turning the screen to Bailey.  
“Bailey, hey it’s good to meet ya,” Harry grinned and Bailey gave me the biggest smile.   
“He knows my name?” She whispered.  
“Course I do. I know all of Kate’s friends,” Harry laughed.   
“What do you want Harry?” I asked giving him a little smile.   
“I want you to listen to the album,” Harry answered.   
“You finished it?” I asked with a grin.  
“They sent us the hard copy this morning,” Harry smiled.  
“Are you sure you should be playing it for me like this? It’s going to get leaked.”  
“I want you to be the first person to hear it. You’re always the first person to hear it. And now Bailey can hear it too.”  
“Are you serious?” Bailey asked eyes going wide.   
“If Kate trusts you, so do I,” Harry shrugged.   
“This is literally the biggest honor I’ve ever been a part of.”  
“Let me get my computer, I don’t want to hold my phone the whole time,” I said handing Bailey the phone and going to my room. When I got back I could hear Bailey speaking softly.   
“Yeah, we’re eating take out right now…”  
“Harry I’m fine,” I said coming back into the living room. “Don’t pester my friends.”  
“Alright,” Harry laughed. I pulled him up on my computer and gave him a little smile.   
“I missed you,” I said softly.   
“Miss you too love,” Harry smiled. “Alright, it’s called Four,” he told me as he showed us the album cover.  
“Not a very creative name,” I answered and I could hear Harry laugh from behind the camera.  
“I told you things were rough this time around,” Harry answered. “Just listen and tell me what you think.” He pressed play and we listened as the beginning notes started. I rested my head on Bailey’s shoulder as we finished off our takeout. Like always I had that swell of pride in my chest.   
“What did you think?” Harry asked when the album was over.   
“I’m so proud of you,” I said with a smile. “You all have come so far since those first two albums.”  
“Harry, that was so good. I mean that’s way beyond boyband material,” Bailey said the biggest smile on her face.   
“Thanks,” Harry blushed.  
“So what’s the plan?” I asked.   
“We release the album in a week and promote for a month then we start tour after the new year,” Harry replied. “It’s another tour you’ll still be in school. I don’t want you to skip classes or anything, so I’ll just see you after.”  
I bit my lip, “alright.”  
“You know I want you here,” Harry sighed clearly seeing the disappointment on my face.   
“I know, I’m sorry I can’t be there for you,” I sighed.  
“Stop, don’t be sorry,” Harry said with a frown, but then he gave a goofy grin. “I forgot, do you want to know what song is about you?”  
“Of course,” I smiled and Bailey looked over at me eyes wide.   
“Stockholm Syndrome,” Harry grinned and I laughed. “She’s always holding me, hostage, in that little apartment of hers.”  
Bailey laughed shaking her head. “It’s late there isn’t it?” I asked and Harry nodded.   
“Go to sleep, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I said with a frown. Harry nodded and gave us a wave before hanging up.   
“I can’t believe that just happened,” Bailey said eyes wide. “Do you really hear every album before anyone else?”  
“Yeah, Harry has always been insistent about it,” I laughed.   
“He is like in love with you,” Bailey said and I shook my head.  
“He’s changed a lot since I met him,” I answered, “but despite that, he has never made me like uncomfortable or anything. He knows I don’t want to date and he’s never pushed me on that.”  
“He’s like so sweet. I mean you two really mean a lot to each other. I always thought you were just friends, but you two are really close,” Bailey said. “He was asking about how you were doing like eating and stuff. That’s not just friend stuff.”  
“Yeah, he was with me during some stuff last year. He knows me better than anyone,” I answered with a sigh. “I really miss him.”  
“When is the last time you saw him?”   
“Um right before school started. He stayed with me for three months.”  
“He was in this apartment?” Bailey asked eyes wide as she looked around.   
“Yeah,” I laughed. “He’s been here a lot.”  
\--  
That year I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas at Alec’s house again. It was still weird and I still felt like an intruder. I never felt like I belonged no matter what they did. Ashley tried to include me in conversations and Alec’s parents tried to get me gifts, but it always felt forced. I always left early and I always ended up crying.   
The day after Christmas Bailey and I ended up at Marcy’s home in San Diego.   
“Merry Christmas one day late,” Marcy laughed as we walked inside.   
“Hey girl,” I replied letting her give me a hug.   
“My parents are so excited you two are here,” she laughed. “They’re in the kitchen cooking. Come on.”  
We took off our shoes before we were led further into the house. I could already tell that Marcy had a very different childhood than me.   
“Mom dad,” Marcy said and two picture-perfect parents turned at the sound of their daughter’s voice. “This is Bailey and Kate.”  
“Oh it is just so great to meet you both,” her mom grinned coming over to give us both big hugs. “We’re almost done with dinner, so you girls go get set up in the guest bedroom and we’ll call you down.”  
“Thank you so much for letting us come over and stay here,” I said.  
“Of course, we’re happy to have you,” her mom said giving us one more hug. Marcy brought us upstairs and into a big bedroom with two big beds.   
“Wow your house is so nice,” I said looking around.   
“Thanks,” Marcy laughed. “I bet it doesn’t compare to your sister’s place.”  
I just shrugged. “Her place is too big for even two people.”  
“So how was everyone’s Christmas?” Bailey asked sitting on one of the big beds.   
“Mine was great,” Marcy grinned. “My whole family came over and we had a big dinner and gifts and everything. It was so good to see everyone.”  
“What about you Bailey?” I asked sitting on the ground underneath her.  
“Well, I just facetimed my family. They sent me my gifts so we could open them all together. It was nice to see my sisters and everyone. I mean obviously I wish I could have been there in person, but I’m going home for spring break, so not too long.”  
She hadn’t been able to go home because she couldn’t afford it. I had told her so many times I would pay for her flights, but she refused to let me. “What about you Kate?”  
“I spent it with Ashley’s boyfriend’s family,” I shrugged. “They’re sweet, but I don’t ever feel like I really am part of the family you know. I just never really celebrated when I was young, so it feels weird celebrating now.”  
“You’re family here,” Marcy grinned. “My parents won’t have it any other way.”  
“You don’t talk about anyone other than Ashely,” Bailey said softly looking down at me.   
“I don’t speak with the rest of my family,” I answered.  
“I’m sorry,” Bailey said softly.   
“Don’t be,” I shrugged.  
That night at dinner and with the girls in the bedroom I felt more at home than I did with Alec’s family. I felt like they really cared and wanted me.   
We spent the entire week at Marcy’s place riding bikes to the beach and learning to surf. Her parents would come out with us every once in a while for a picnic or to watch the sunset. At night they made us dinner and we all ate together. I loved being there, more than I loved being anywhere else. It was the first time in a long time I felt normal and loved. It reminded me of when I used to stay with my friend in middle school.   
\--  
By March I started to get worried because I hadn’t gotten a phone call from Harry in two months. The last time he called me was to let me know he was starting tours. We were sitting at the coffee shop a week before spring break when Louis called me. I looked down worriedly.   
“I know I don’t usually take these calls when we’re together, but Harry hasn’t called me since January and I’m really getting worried,” I said biting my lip.  
“You don’t need to explain it to us, we never told you not to answer,” Marcy grinned and I laughed. I got up and answered the call.  
“Hey, Louis what’s up?” I asked stepping outside into the sun.  
“Hey love,” Louis said. “Are you busy?”  
“No I have a few minutes,” I answered.  
“I assume you haven’t heard from Harry in a while?”  
“Not since January. Is something wrong? Did I do something?” I asked worry building in my chest.  
“Course not,” Louis laughed. “Just some shit going on with the band.”  
“What’s going on?” I asked feeling sick.  
“Zayn is leaving the band,” Louis answered. “Harry’s taking it really hard. I was wondering if there was any way you could get to our last show together next week.”  
“I’m on spring break, so I can,” I nodded. “Just send me the details and I’ll get a ticket.”  
“No we’ll get you a ticket and a car, don’t worry about any of that. He needs you here.”  
“Is he okay?”  
“He’s just been keeping himself holed up,” Louis replied. “I’ve tried to get him to call you and talk to you, but he won’t listen to me. He said he doesn’t need you to worry.”  
“Thank you for telling me because I was getting really worried,” I said. “I’ll see you next week.”  
“Course, you can call me any time.”  
I hung up and went back into the café. “What’s wrong?” Bailey asked immediately seeing the change in my demeanor. I sat down at the table and ran my hands through my short hair. I had gotten it cut last week in an effort to look less like a model. It hadn’t really worked, but I liked it.  
“Zayn is leaving One Direction,” I whispered and Marcy gasped loudly. Bailey looked around to make sure no one had heard. “Harry’s apparently a mess about it and so I have to go visit him on spring break.”  
“So much for being normal,” Bailey laughed.   
“You realize the news you just casually told us is going to be on every tv in America in the next week. People are going to lose their shit,” Marcy whispered. “You’re far from normal.”  
“I just wanted to spend my spring break in San Diego surfing and bike riding. Now I have to deal with five emotionally unstable boys for a week. Harry is clearly in rough condition because he hasn’t even texted me. If Louis has to call you know it’s bad. All I want is to be a normal college girl with a normal spring break.”  
“I promise we can reschedule for weeks this summer,” Marcy said. “My parents would literally take you for the entire summer. They’re obsessed.”  
“And I’ll be here this summer,” Bailey grinned placing her arm around my shoulders with a grin.   
“We’ll turn off all technology and be normal for a week,” Marcy nodded.


	10. Chapter 10

A week later Louis picked me up from the airport. “Good to see you, love,” he said wrapping me in a hug. “How are you doing?”  
“I’m alright,” I said. “I’m jetlagged.”  
“Welcome to Hong Kong,” Louis replied leading me to the car. “How is school going?”  
“It’s going pretty well,” I answered. “My classes are pretty manageable.”  
“I’m glad to hear it,” Louis said seriously.   
“How is Harry?” I asked resting my cheek on the chair.  
“Hasn’t come out of his hotel room in at least twenty-four hours.”  
“Great,” I sighed.   
“I’m sorry I ruined your spring break. I know how hard you’re trying to be normal,” Louis said. “Harry told me…”  
I nodded figuring he had found out. “It was the right thing to do. Harry took care of me and I should be here to take care of him. He clearly needs me.”  
When we got to the hotel Louis led me up to the top floor and down to the end of the hall. “Harry, someone is here to see you,” Louis said knocking on the door. We heard someone moving around inside and then the door opened. I had never seen Harry look worse. He had bags under his red eyes and his hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in days.  
“Kate?” Harry asked his voice strained.   
“Hey,” I said shifting my weight.   
“You should be at school.”  
“I’m on spring break and I’m worried about you,” I answered crossing my arms.  
“I told you not to tell her,” Harry said turning to Louis.   
“She was already worried,” Louis shrugged.   
“You’ve been giving me the silent treatment for two months. You think I wouldn’t be worried?” I asked crossing my arms. “Let me inside. I’m tired and I don’t want to stand and argue anymore.”  
Harry nodded stepping aside to let me inside. I gave Louis a hug before going inside Harry’s room. I kicked off my shoes and got in bed. It was two am my time and I wasn’t ready to fight yet. “Come lay with me,” I said curling under the covers. I heard the door shut and then felt the bed shift under his weight. He pulled the covers over himself I turned to find his back to me, so I wrapped him up in my arms. I fell asleep before I could say anything to him.  
I woke up to the feeling of Harry’s body shaking beneath me. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked running my fingers over his back.   
“Zayn is leaving,” Harry whimpered. I urged him to turn. He turned to face me, his nose inches from mine as I took in his red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “He’s acting like we meant nothing to him. We’ve been through so much shit together, I mean he’s my family and he won’t even talk to us.”  
“I’m sorry H,” I sighed running my hand over his head. “I’m sorry he isn’t who you thought he is, but you still have the rest of the guys and me. I mean Louis was so worried about you he called me. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t have bothered.”  
“I know it just really sucks,” Harry sighed looking down.   
“I know,” I sighed. “We’re going to get through this. I promise.”  
“Thank you for being here,” Harry replied softly. “I know it’s ruining your spring break plans.”  
“I can go to the beach anytime I want,” I shrugged. “Now I finally get to see you all in concert again.”  
“We have to be up in two hours,” Harry replied. “I know you’re still tired, so try and get some sleep. I’m sorry I woke you.”  
“Just don’t leave,” I said taking his hand. He gave it a squeeze as I closed my eyes again.  
\--  
A few hours later Harry, the rest of the boys, and I were sitting in the green room silently. It was so different from the first time I saw them live. They all looked ready to cry. Harry had silent tears tracking down his cheeks, so I pulled him against my shoulder rubbing his back lightly.   
“Everything will work out in the end,” I whispered softly trying to make him feel better.   
“Kate, how is college going?” Niall asked trying to lighten the mood. He was always the one to lighten the mood.   
“It’s going really well,” I smiled. “You know I found a good group of friends, who can give me all the answers.”  
The boys laughed. “Knowing you, you’re probably the one giving them all the answers,” Louis said and I laughed as well. The boys thought I was super smart because I had graduated high school and made it to college, but I wasn’t nearly as smart as they thought I was.   
“You know we’re proud of you,” Louis said touching my knee. Harry was still tucked against my neck his wet tears hitting my skin and I knew the boys were just trying to keep the attention off of him.  
“I’m proud of all of you. You all have come so far since that first time we met,” I replied giving them a kind smile. “I love hearing your songs when I’m grocery shopping and knowing just how much work went into it and seeing your faces singing it to me.”  
It was then that Zayn walked in the room and everyone fell silent and looked down. “Hey Kate,” he said softly.  
“Hey,” I said giving him a kind smile. I couldn’t hate him. I had known that boy since I was a young naive girl. He had made me feel at home in a time where I wasn’t sure I knew what home was.  
“I can’t be here,” Harry whispered and I nodded standing up and pulling him with me. When we got out to the hallway I shut the door and he fell into my arms. He was a few inches taller than me and much bigger, but he curled himself down so he could rest his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him tightly.   
“I’m so proud of you. You’re so strong and you’re going to get through this,” I told him holding his chin in my hand wiping away his tears with my thumb.  
“You’ve always been stronger than me,” he replied with a shaky breath.   
“I flew all the way here, so this better be the best show you’ve ever performed,” I smirked and he took a breath before giving me a grin.  
“Promise it will be worth it,” he told me as the boys made their way out of the room.   
“Time to go,” Louis told him softly. Harry nodded signaling for one of the security guards to take me to my seat. Harry gave me a wave before walking away.   
\--  
After the concert, I was led back to the green room. Zayn was gone and all the boys looked defeated. When I walked inside they immediately stood up and came to wrap me in a hug.   
“Want to join the band?” Niall cracked. “We have an empty spot now.”  
“I think I would be kicked out before I even picked up the microphone,” I grinned letting Harry wrap his arm around me.  
“You’re an honorary member of this band whether you like it or not,” Harry replied.  
“You’ve always been here for us,” Louis nodded.   
“I’m proud of all of you and I’ll always be here,” I said giving them a kind smile.   
“I’m taking her to bed now before she falls over,” Harry smiled and the boys laughed.   
“Night,” I said giving them a wave and letting Harry lead me out.  
We changed and got into bed without much talking. “How are you,” I whispered as Harry’s face watched mine.   
“It sucks, but I think we’re going to be okay,” Harry replied.   
“Is there a plan?” I asked.  
“Announcement comes out tomorrow then the boys and I are going to record one more album. No tour though, just press. Then we’re over,” he replied.   
“Are you going to be okay?” I asked taking his hand.   
“I think so,” Harry replied. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but I’ll figure it out.”  
“I’ll help you, if you need me,” I answered.   
“I know,” Harry replied. “Now get some sleep.”  
I nodded closing my eyes.  
\--  
The next day was hard for the boys. When the news came out that Zayn had left it was like the whole world stopped and then fell apart. Fans were distraught. The boys were upset. Zayn went completely awol. The boys all stayed holed up in Louis’ room scrolling through social media and talking about their memories with Zayn pretty much all day. I don’t think they would have eaten if I wasn’t there. They ordered food mostly for my sake. Each boy took turns crying on my shoulder wondering what they would do when the band was over. I promised them and knew that I would need to be there to help each of them with their next steps. I was mostly worried about Louis and Harry, who seemed to take the news very differently. Louis had disappeared into himself and the only emotion he showed was a glint of anger in his eyes. Harry was an emotional mess both angry and upset at the same time.   
The next morning I woke up before Harry, which was pretty typical even with jet lag. Marcy and Bailey were group facetiming me. I answered the phone but held up my finger to keep them quiet showing them the sleeping frame next to me. I dug around for my headphones and then made my way to Louis’ room. He was always up before the sun even rose. It didn’t matter where in the world he was.   
“Hey love what can I do for you?” He asked opening the door.  
“Harry’s still asleep, can I talk to my friends in here?” I asked showing him the screen. He nodded stepping away from the door.   
“Promise I won’t listen,” he said pointing to the movie screen on his own phone. I gave him an appreciative smile as I sat down in one of his chairs.   
“Were you sleeping in bed with Harry Styles?” Marcy asked eyes wide.   
“We always do,” I laughed. “I mean we’re still just friends. How is the beach?”  
“So nice. The waves are perfect for surfing right now,” Marcy grinned.   
“God I’m so jealous,” Bailey replied.   
“How is home?” I asked.  
“I mean I love my family, but it’s been a long week,” Bailey laughed. “There is nothing to do here.”  
Marcy and I both laughed as she rolled her eyes. “So the news dropped yesterday,” Marcy said turning her attention to me. “How are they doing?”  
“It’s been hard. They’re starting to think about everything ending,” I said looking up to make sure Louis wasn’t listening. He had his headphones in staring intently at the screen. “This has been part of their life for so long and Zayn leaving and treating them like he didn’t even care about them, really hurt. Harry has been crying for days. But, I think they’re just starting to look at the future and obviously that’s stressful.”  
“How are you doing?” Bailey asked.  
“Jet lagged,” I smiled causing the girls to laugh, but I also knew they expected more. I looked over at Louis again, who wasn’t paying me any mind. “Harry has been crying nonstop. All the boys have different ways of processing their emotions, but they’re all leaning on me and obviously I want to be there for them, but it’s a lot.” I pulled my heels up onto the edge of the chair resting the phone against my thighs. “I really miss you guys. I really miss being normal. Last night at the concert everyone was watching me and taking pictures and I hate it. I really was getting used to being normal and I’m scared this visit messed it up. I would never not help Harry, but I don’t know if I’m the best person to do it.”  
“We miss you too,” Marcy replied softly with a frown.  
“Kate,” Bailey interrupted. “You’re helping them and I want you to know that from the short time I’ve known you, I know you don’t have a selfish bone in your body. Being tired and emotionally drained isn’t taking away from helping any of them and it’s okay to want a break. That’s a lot to handle in just a few days and I don’t blame you for being upset. You shouldn’t have to choose between helping the ones you love and maintaining a normal life. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to them. I promise we’ll help you with anything you need.”  
“You know I’ll do the same for you two,” I answered feeling tears in my eyes. It was so good to have friends who really cared. I knew Harry cared, but I also knew that Harry didn’t understand half of the things I went through. He could try, but he just wouldn’t get it. Harry walked through the door and I quickly brushed beneath my eyes.  
“I’ll see you guys soon,” I said giving them a smile. They both waved as I hung up.  
“Got worried you left me,” Harry said with a frown coming to sit on the edge of Louis’ bed. Louis took out his headphones.  
“I just didn’t want to wake up sleeping beauty,” I smirked and Harry laughed.  
“Very thoughtful,” He answered.   
“We should all go get some lunch, you know with all the guys,” Louis said. “Before Kate has to leave tomorrow.”  
“You go change Kate,” Harry told me and I nodded. I got up patting his knee lightly before walking out of the room. I could hear them immediately start talking and I stayed for a few minutes to listen.  
“Who was she talking to?” Harry asked.  
“Bailey and Marcy,” Louis answered.  
“Did she say she hates it here?” Harry asked.  
“No, but she’s tired, Harry. She’s worried about all of us and she’s worried about her own privacy. She’s got a lot going on and the jetlag and sudden departure from her friends isn’t helping. Just remember she’s a person too,” Louis answered. I mentally cursed myself for thinking Louis wouldn’t listen to my conversation. Harry didn’t need to worry about me right now. He just needed to focus on himself and getting back on his two feet emotionally and thinking about his next steps. I walked away from the door knowing I had heard enough.  
\--  
When I got back to Louis’ room the rest of the guys were there waiting. “Hey love you look nice,” Harry said wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I knew he was trying to be like his old self, but I didn’t want him pretending with me.  
“Sorry it took me so long, the shower wouldn’t get hot,” I answered rubbing his back lightly.  
“I’m starving,” Niall replied. “Let’s go.”  
We had to go out the back of the hotel to get to the car and then we had to get a separate room in the restaurant because fans were already waiting for us. Harry pulled my hood over my head as we got out of the car and wrapped his arm around me so he could block my face. I could hear the girls screaming, but Harry had his hand on the back of my head keeping it down hidden from view. Luckily the separate room didn’t have windows and the door could be closed so no one would see us or bother us.   
After our meal, we tried to get out through the back of the restaurant, but it completely failed. Security was nowhere to be found and the crowd was insane. We all got separated from each other and I was surrounded by a huddle of fans yelling at me telling me I didn’t deserve Harry or any of the guys for that matter. I never really cared about what the fans said to me. I was pretty secure in knowing that these girls didn’t know me, but I didn’t like the feeling of being completely defenseless in a group of angry girls who hated my guts.   
“Hey get the fuck away from her,” I heard Harry yell, but it was Louis, always scrappy, who wrapped his arms around me and pulled me away from the girls as he shouted his own expletives at the girls.   
“You alright?” He asked once we were safely in the car. I nodded. I was instantly wrapped up in Harry’s arms and pulled into his chest.   
“You’re okay babe,” Harry said holding me tightly. What I really wanted was to call Marcy or Bailey. This never would have happened with them.   
When we got back to the hotel Louis pulled me aside before I could get on the elevator. “We’ll meet you upstairs,” Louis said as the doors closed. Harry nodded.  
“I’m sorry that happened,” Louis said as the second elevator let us inside. “It shouldn’t have happened with you here. I’m sorry I asked you to come here and I’m sorry we’re not here in a way you need.”  
“You don’t need to be sorry. You’re going through a lot right now and it’s my job as your friend to be there for you. What you should be sorry for is listening to my conversation,” I said putting my hands on my hips. I wasn’t really mad and Louis could tell.  
“Don’t have such interesting conversations in my room,” Louis smirked. “But seriously, I’m sorry we couldn’t keep you safe.”  
“I’m safe right now, so I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I answered. “You’re here for me and I’ll be here for you. Just remember that, okay?”  
Louis nodded and gave my hand a squeeze as the elevator doors opened. Harry was standing with his back against the wall waiting.   
“Trying to steal my girl, Louis?” Harry smirked as I gave Louis’ shoulder a pat.   
“I’m no one’s girl,” I answered giving Harry a smirk. He frowned taking my hand and pulling me against his side.   
“Bye Louis,” I said giving him a wave.  
“Have a safe flight tomorrow,” Louis said as Harry pulled me down the hall.   
“Harry slow down,” I said running to keep up with him.   
“What did he want?” Harry asked opening his hotel door and helping me inside.   
“To make sure I was okay and to apologize for what happened,” I answered placing my hands on my hips.   
“Kiss ass,” Harry said rolling his eyes.   
“Are you okay?” I asked crossing my arms.   
“I just… I don’t want to share you,” Harry answered wrapping me up in his arms.   
“Too bad, you have to,” I shrugged not really in the mood for whatever this was.  
“I didn’t tell you that I liked your new haircut,” Harry whispered rubbing my back.   
“It’s shorter than yours now,” I replied my arms still hanging limply at my side.  
“Do you think Zayn left because of me?” Harry asked his voice softening.   
“Why would he leave because of you?” I laughed.  
“I don’t like to listen to management. My hair is too long, my outfits are too flashy.”  
“Zayn didn’t leave because of you,” I assured him lifting my arms so I could hug him back.   
“Promise you won’t leave me,” Harry sighed his chin going to my shoulder.   
“Don’t change and you have nothing to worry about,” I answered.


	11. Chapter 11

“My friends are finally home!” Marcy sang as we sat on my couch a week later watching a movie. “I was so freaking bored without you both.”  
“I was literally dying of boredom,” Bailey said flopping her head back on the arm of the couch.   
“How are you doing?” Marcy asked turning to me.   
“Honestly so much better now,” I answered resting my head on the back of the couch.  
“We saw the video of all those fans swarming you guys,” Bailey said softly. “Those girls are just insane.”  
“Yeah, I mean it happens all the time. There really isn’t much they can do about it,” I shrugged.  
“Still sucks, just when you’re name was finally out of the papers, you know,” Marcy sighed.   
“You know we’ll love you even if we can’t go out anymore,” Bailey grinned patting my cheek. I stuck my tongue out letting her give me a hug.  
\--  
We were all sitting in the café working on our assignments in between classes.   
“Okay, is it just me or does this psychology worksheet make no sense?” I asked rolling my eyes as I read and reread the instructions.  
“I just gave up on that one. I figure someone else will do it and I can just steal the answers,” Marcy shrugged and I laughed.   
“It’s not going to be me,” Bailey replied. “I haven’t even looked at it.”  
“Great,” I said rolling my eyes.   
“Kate, did you see this video?” Bailey asked turning her computer so I could see an interview with Harry and Liam on the screen.   
“No, I don’t usually watch the interviews, why?” I asked.   
“Here just watch it,” she said pressing play. Marcy and I watched the interview and I couldn’t help, but smile at their goofy behavior. I could see the playfulness in Harry’s eyes as he answered the question about what they find most important in a relationship. When Liam said a woman, Harry replied with not that important and Bailey looked up at me.   
“Is he like straight?” Bailey asked knitting her eyebrows together.  
“I mean he’s never told me otherwise, but it’s not something we’ve really talked about,” I answered making a mental note to call him later.   
“I’m sure he’s just doing it to mess with people. I mean you guys remember all those rumors about him and Louis hooking up.”  
“That wasn’t true was it?” Bailey asked her eyes wide.  
“No,” I laughed. “That actually really wrecked their friendship for a while. But I don’t think he would mess with fans like that. I mean that’s not really him.”  
“You let us know what he says,” Marcy replied as Bailey clicked back to the assignment.  
“You let me know when you get those directions figured out,” I replied and Bailey groaned.   
\--  
“Hey love, why are you calling?” Harry asked as soon as he answered the phone.   
“Would you like to try that greeting again?” I smirked placing the phone on speaker and going back to my dinner on the stove.  
“Hey love it’s good to hear from you,” Harry replied with a laugh. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”  
“That’s better,” I smiled. “Bailey showed me that interview from today.”  
“What are you doing right now?” Harry interrupted before I could say anything else.  
“I’m cooking dinner,” I answered. “You know I’ll love you no matter what Harry…”  
“Jesus Christ Kate I’m not fucking gay or bi or whatever the hell you think I am,” Harry huffed.  
“Don’t get mad at me,” I answered. “You’re the one who said it.”  
“Listen Kate I just like fucking with people,” Harry laughed. “All those fans will go crazy interpreting anything I say, so I just like fucking with them. I like to watch them freak out and squirm. They don’t need to know a single thing about me.”  
“Harry don’t you think it’s a little rude to all those people who have loved and supported you since you were a kid. Don’t you think they deserve just a little recognition?”  
“Kate, you know what I’m starting to realize?” Harry asked not answering my question. I didn’t like the way Harry was acting. This wasn’t the Harry I had grown to love.  
“What?” I asked pushing the food around the pan.  
“I’m the only reason One Direction is popular. You can take out any one of these other guys and this band will still be a success because I’ve always been the best singer, the best personality, the best looking. This band would go to shit if I left. Zayn left and we’re still here. It could have been any other guy, but if I left, so would everyone else. Kate, it should have been me that left. I could be so fucking rich. I can’t wait until this stupid contract is over and I can start really living.”  
“Are you being serious?” I asked feeling sick at his words.   
“Yeah, I mean really Kate just think about it,” Harry said.   
“That’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to me,” I replied. “Think about those boys, they are your brothers and you’re telling me you are better than them. You’re supposed to love them through this whole thing and beyond and now you’re just going to dump them for a paycheck. Harry, I need you to think about what you’re saying. If you keep talking like this I won’t stick around.”  
“Oh lighten up,” Harry said and I knew he was rolling his eyes.   
“Call me when you’re acting like yourself again,” I answered before hanging up.   
\--  
“So?” Bailey asked looking up expectantly when I sat down in class the next day. I slung my backpack onto the ground with a huff. Marcy looked over at me resting her chin in her hands.  
“He isn’t,” I answered looking down.  
“What’s wrong?” Marcy asked.  
“The things he was saying last night, it’s not the same guy who I knew even just a few months ago,” I sighed. “I tried for so long to keep him grounded, but I don’t think it’s going to matter. He’s going to slip right through my fingers.”  
“He’ll come back,” Bailey shrugged. “And if he doesn’t then he was never worth it. You shouldn’t have to put all your effort into someone for it to work out.”  
“Yeah,” I sighed. “It just sucks.”  
“Well the good news is, we’ll always be grounded because we’ll never be famous,” Marcy grinned.   
“Never say never,” I laughed.


	12. Chapter 12

I didn’t hear from Harry for a long time. When summer rolled around I was beside Marcy’s pool when Louis called me.  
“Kate if you ignore a call from Louis Tomlinson because you’re at my house, while there are rumors that he’s having a kid floating around, I’m going to tell my parents to kick you out,” Marcy said and Bailey laughed next to me.   
“Alright,” I smiled accepting the call and placing it to my ear.   
“Hey Lou,” I smiled as the girls excitedly squealed next to me.  
“Sorry are you with your friends?” Louis asked.  
“Yeah, but don’t worry about it,” I smiled. “I’m with them all the time.”  
“How was the end of your semester?” Louis asked.  
“Good,” I replied. “Where are you now? Are you still with the guys or…”  
“We finished everything about a week ago,” Louis replied and I could hear a hint of sadness in his voice.  
“How are you?” I asked biting my lip.   
“I’m okay. I don’t know if you heard but I, uh, I got a girl pregnant,” Louis sighed. He was embarrassed by it.  
“I may have heard some rumors,” I said and Bailey’s eyes went wide. I had to hold in the laugh because I knew Louis wouldn’t appreciate it.   
“I didn’t ever mean for it to happen. You know I’m always safe, but fuck this girl just wants to take me for all I’m worth. Obviously I’ll do anything for the kid, but I just feel so stupid.”  
“Everything happens for a reason, you know that,” I answered.   
“Yeah, well anyways I’m in LA now and I was wondering if you would want to meet up,” Louis said. “It could just be at your place or mine, something out of the public eye. I would love to meet your friends too.”  
“How long are you in LA for?” I asked resting my head against the chair.   
“I’ll be here for at least a few months,” Louis replied.   
“Oh good. My friends and I are in San Diego until next week, so definitely after that. I’ll text you alright?”   
“That sounds great,” Louis replied. “It’s really good to hear your voice.”  
“You too,” I sighed.   
“Have you heard from Harry?” Louis asked.   
“No, have you?” I sighed. “I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong when I asked about…”  
“You didn’t do anything wrong, he was an ass towards the end and you just called him out. Don’t blame yourself okay?” Louis promised. “Don’t let him ruin your summer break.”  
“All right, well if you need anything, you just give me a call and I’ll answer,” I said.   
“Bye love, enjoy the beach.”  
“He’s having a kid?” Bailey asked her eyes going wide.  
“Bailey,” Marcy said smacking her shoulder.  
“Yeah, but keep your mouth shut about it, he’s already embarrassed,” I said rolling my eyes. “He wants to meet you guys. I told him we could all meet up when we get back to LA. How does that sound?”  
“Kate being your friend is like leveling up,” Bailey grinned.   
“I’m still not over you hearing the album early without me,” Marcy pouted.   
“Can’t help that you have a boyfriend,” Bailey shrugged.  
“Speaking of, is Sam joining us on this trip?” I asked.  
“No, his internship is apparently a lot more labor-intensive than he thought, so he is super busy,” Marcy frowned.   
“I’m sorry,” I frowned.  
“At least one of us will be rich,” she grinned.   
\--  
Three weeks later, we were all sunburned and wind burned. My freckles were dark and taking up almost my whole face and my hair was still struggling with all the saltwater it had been exposed to. Bailey and I had finally mastered the skill of surfing and we were actually all pretty decent at it now. Weeks of nothing else to do proved a good teacher. Bailey and Marcy were both at my place as I cooked dinner and Louis was expected any minute. Louis had never been to my place before, so I was a little worried he would judge how small it was, but the girls just rolled their eyes at my concern. There was a knock on the door as I pulled the pan out of the oven. Bailey squealed with excitement and Marcy hit her shoulder to shut her up.   
“Don’t embarrass me,” Marcy said and Bailey just gave her a wide grin.   
“Go answer it, Kate!” Bailey said her smile so wide I knew she wouldn’t be able to remain calm when she actually met a member of One Direction in person. I walked over to the door leaving the girls in the kitchen.   
“Hey love,” Louis grinned when I opened the door. “I brought dessert,” he grinned holding up a container.  
“You didn’t have to,” I laughed taking the container from him.  
“I know you don’t do dessert,” Louis laughed. “So someone had to. I missed you.” He stopped me from walking away by wrapping me in a tight hug. I rubbed the back of his head with my free hand.  
“Doing alright?” I whispered.  
“Better now,” he nodded.   
“Come on, my friends are just in the kitchen and they’re dying to meet you,” I smiled as he pulled away.   
“Should I be nervous?” Louis asked with a laugh.  
“No, you brought dessert,” I smiled pulling him towards the kitchen. I laughed as Marcy and Bailey pretended they had been talking when I knew they had been watching us closely.   
“Louis, this is Marcy and Bailey,” I said pointing to both of them.   
“Marcy, Bailey, this is Louis and he brought dessert,” I smiled.  
“Thank god,” Marcy said taking the dish out of my hand and placing it on the counter. “Kate never makes dessert.”  
“Oh I’m well aware,” Louis grinned causing the girls to laugh.   
“Well any friend of Kate’s is a friend of ours,” Bailey said walking over and giving Louis a hug. I was impressed at how well she was holding it together.   
“Come on and sit down, dinner’s ready,” I said placing the containers on the table. There were a hodgepodge of unmatching chairs from around my apartment set around the small table. The plates were mismatched too.   
“I love this place,” Louis grinned taking a look around. “This is exactly what I’m looking for now that I can settle down a little. I remember your sister’s place was just ginormous. I could never live in a place like that.”  
“Kate still hasn’t taken us to her sister’s mansion,” Bailey said giving a fake pout.  
“Why would we go there when Marcy has a mansion on the beach?” I laughed.  
“It’s hardly a mansion,” Marcy grinned rolling her eyes.   
“Is that where you all were last week?” Louis asked. We nodded. “You all look like you spent a little too much time in the sun.”  
“Because we did,” I laughed. “Marcy’s place is just a bike ride to the beach and we’re learning how to surf.”  
“I’m glad you were able to get that spring break back,” Louis smiled.  
“It was better because I was able to go,” Bailey piped up and we laughed.   
“Kate, this is so good,” Louis said through a mouthful of food. “I didn’t know you could cook… Harry always… sorry.”  
“Harry always said I was a bad cook,” I shrugged. “He ate everything I put in front of him though.”  
“Still haven’t heard from him?” Louis asked. I shook my head.  
“You’re our new favorite,” Bailey said.  
“But first you have to tell us one secret about the band,” Marcy said with a glint in her eyes and I laughed. Louis laughed as well but leaned on his elbows in a mock whisper.  
“We said it was an eighteen-month hiatus, but we’re really never getting back together,” he answered.  
“Are you going solo?” Marcy asked. I was nervous that this was going to verge on something he wasn’t comfortable talking about, but he seemed really at ease.   
“I mean I wrote most of the songs for One Direction, so I don’t think that creative energy is going to stop. I’m not sure I’ll sing the songs I write though,” Louis shrugged. He had always been self-conscious about his voice.   
“You have to,” Bailey pouted. “Your voice was always my favorite.”  
Louis blushed, but a grin ghosted his lips as he shoved another bite into his mouth.   
“Are you planning to stay in LA or move back home?” I asked curiously.   
“Probably a bit of both. I miss my mum and sisters quite a bit, but I love LA,” Louis replied.   
“We like having you,” Marcy replied. “Now there will finally be another guy to keep Sam company.”  
“Who’s Sam?” Louis asked turning to me.  
“Marcy’s boyfriend,” I replied.  
“And our personal bodyguard when we go out,” Bailey answered.   
“Kate going out?” Louis laughed.   
“Her twenty-first birthday is in a month and we’re finally going to get her wasted,” Marcy sang and we all laughed.   
“I told you just one drink,” I blushed and Louis laughed beside me.   
“Always been a goody goody,” Louis smirked and I rolled my eyes.   
“You know when I met Louis he had never smoked a cigarette and he didn’t have a single tattoo,” I said giving him a smirk. Two could play at this game.  
“Not fair, I was still young,” Louis said as the girls laughed.   
“Alright Louis, let’s see what you brought for us,” Bailey said standing up and going to the container resting on the counter.   
“Chocolate cake. My mum’s recipe,” Louis smiled a little blush on his cheeks.   
“Kate you have to have a piece,” Bailey said as she grabbed a knife from the drawer and cutting us each slices.   
“Just the tiniest piece,” I answered and Louis rolled his eyes.   
“She needs a thick piece,” Louis said shaking his head.  
“Oh I know it,” Bailey said. “My momma would never let her leave the house so skinny.”  
“She’s southern if you couldn’t tell,” Marcy said causing Louis to laugh as Bailey rolled her eyes. Bailey placed plates in front of each of us. I was given a thick slice, which I cut in half.   
“Nope you have to eat the whole thing,” Louis grinned. “Just think how upset my mom would be if she knew you left half her cake on the plate.”  
“Tell your mom she should be a baker because this is delicious,” Marcy said taking a big bite. It was really good and I ate the whole slice even though I felt guilty. After a while, Louis decided to go. I walked him down to the front of the building.   
“We should get coffee sometime, just the two of us,” I said leaning against the wall.   
“I’d like that,” Louis replied. He was resting against the wall opposite me. “How are you doing?”  
“I’m good,” I promised giving him a little smile.   
“You’re not telling me your fine and then crying to your friends about how much you're struggling?” Louis asked.   
“I promise I’m fine,” I said pushing off the wall and wrapping him in a hug. “It’s good seeing you. I miss…”  
“I know, I miss it all, but it sucks losing your family.”  
“Just don’t leave me too,” I said with a frown.   
“You’re the only person I talk to in LA,” he said patting my back. “Now go gossip about me with your friends and eat the rest of that cake.”  
“I’ll call you,” I said giving him a wave.  
\--  
“Kate I really like him,” Bailey said when I got back upstairs. They were sitting on the couch scrolling through the channels.   
“He’s about to have a kid, but he’s single,” I smirked. “I could set you up.”  
“No, we like him for you,” Marcy replied.   
“Clearly Harry didn’t know what he had,” Bailey said rolling her eyes.  
“I’m not dating either of them,” I said rolling my eyes. “Please drop it.”  
“Alright, fine,” Marcy sighed as Bailey settled on a channel.


	13. Chapter 13

About two weeks later Bailey, Marcy, and I had convinced Ashley to host us for a Sunday dinner. They were still dying to meet her and see her house and Ashely had heard so much about them that she would have done just about anything to meet them too.   
“Do I have to dress up?” Marcy asked looking at my closet.   
“Just like a summer dress,” I answered with a shrug.   
“Can I wear this?” Bailey asked pulling out a striped dress.   
“Yeah of course,” I nodded. “Marcy you know Sam could have come tonight.”  
“I know, but he decided to go home for the weekend.”  
“He’s coming out for my birthday next weekend right?” I asked.   
“Of course, we’re going to need a bodyguard for when you’re wasted,” Marcy grinned.   
“Please,” I said rolling my eyes. “Just don’t mention the drinking to my sister. It’s… touchy…”  
“Want to talk about it?” Bailey asked with a frown.   
“Not right now,” I answered with a shrug. Bailey nodded.   
\--  
“Ah, I’m so glad to see you all!” Ashley grinned wrapping each of us in a hug.   
“Oh my gosh your sister is really Ashley Pardeck,” Bailey whispered and Ashley laughed.   
“You must be Bailey,” she said. “So that makes you Marcy.”  
“Kate you are literally the coolest person ever,” Marcy said shaking her head.  
“Come on Alec is setting the table in the garden,” Ashley said leading us inside.  
“Is it just us?” I asked softly.  
“Yup,” she replied giving my hand a squeeze. “I’ve missed you.”  
“You too,” I answered biting my lip.   
“Wow this place is stunning,” Bailey said as we were led through the living room to the backyard.  
“I think so too, but Kate would rather live all alone in her little apartment,” Ashley said in mock hurt. The girls laughed.   
“Kate it’s good to see you,” Alec smiled giving me a wave as he finished setting the table. “You all look beautiful.” He said after the introductions. Marcy and Bailey brushed as I gave him my thanks.   
“So what have you three been doing with all your free time?” Ashley asked as we started dinner.   
“Marcy’s parents have a house in San Diego,” I told her explaining about our adventures in surfing. We told a couple of stories at each other’s expense that had Alec and Ashley both laughing.   
“Sounds like you’re just freeloading off your friends,” Ashley joked and we laughed.  
“No way she introduced us to Louis Tomlinson last week,” Bailey grinned nudging my shoulder.   
“You saw Louis?” Ashley asked and I nodded.   
“He’s in LA for the time being,” I answered.   
“What about…” I just shook my head knowing exactly where her question was going.   
“Me neither,” she sighed. Alec touched her hand lightly.   
At the end of the night, Ashley pulled me aside wrapping me in a tight hug. “What’s that for?” I asked with a laugh.  
“I’m just happy you’re finally getting the normal life you always deserved,” she told me. “I like hearing about you hanging out with Marcy’s parents and riding bikes and learning to surf. I wish it had happened when you were younger, but I’m glad you’re getting those experiences now.”  
“It’s all because of you,” I said squeezing her hand.  
“What are you doing for your twenty-first?” Ashley asked.   
“Probably just going out with Marcy, her boyfriend, and Bailey. I said I would have one drink, but I probably won’t even have a whole one,” I shrugged.   
“You’re not our parents,” Ashley answered. “Have fun. You deserve it. I know those girls will keep you safe.”  
“I love you,” I said giving her a hug.   
“Love you too,” Ashley replied.


	14. Chapter 14

Friday night, my birthday I sat on my bed staring at my closet uncertainly. “Kate just have one drink before we go out,” Marcy frowned. “It’s not a shot, we promise you won’t get drunk.”  
“Fine,” I sighed accepting the red solo cup.   
“Alright what are you wearing?” Bailey asked pulling out options. I just shrugged.   
“A skirt?” Marcy asked as we all sipped from our cups.   
“No, has to be pants,” I answered quickly. It was harder for men to get access through pants, but they didn’t need to know that.   
“Black bodysuit and the striped jeans?” Bailey asked. I looked at the white paint lines running down my light wash jeans and nodded. That would do. I could top it off with a pair of snakeskin boots and a belt and call it a day. I disappeared into the bathroom to change. I looked in the mirror. The bodysuit was a deeper V than I liked, but I was hoping the alcohol would make me forget about that. Marcy and Bailey had already picked out their outfits when I came out. Marcy brushed a bit of eyeliner and mascara on my eyes as she waited for Bailey to change, but that was about it. I didn’t like to cover my freckles and there wasn’t much to do with my hair now that it was short. Bailey came out and I worked on her makeup as Marcy changed. I could tell the half a cup of alcohol I had was already affecting me. My brain was already starting to slow down and we were all giggly. Someone knocked on the door as I finished Bailey’s first eye.   
“Marcy your boyfriend is here,” I called.  
“Go answer it,” Marcy replied. She was probably the most sober. I got up and felt Bailey follow behind me. When I opened the door I was surprised to find it was Louis.   
“Surprise!” Bailey cheered from behind me.   
“Louis, what are you doing here?” I laughed wrapping my arms around his neck.   
“I’m here to celebrate your birthday love,” Louis laughed. “Marcy and Bailey invited me.”  
“Come on we’re getting ready,” I said taking his wrist and pulling him to the bedroom.   
“You’re already tipsy,” Louis laughed as he watched me try to finish Bailey’s makeup.  
“That’s because she weighs nothing,” Marcy said rolling her eyes.   
“Are you drinking Lou?” I asked turning to him with a grin.  
“I’m designated driver tonight,” Louis replied. “And I’ve been tasked with quote keeping the guys off of you.”  
“Even in a t-shirt and jeans, they like to feel me up,” I frowned tracing my fingers along the v of my top.   
“Stop that,” Marcy laughed swatting my hand away. “No one is going to bother you tonight. Louis and Sam will be there.”  
“Where’s your boyfriend?” I pouted finishing off the drink.   
“He’ll be here in ten minutes, so tell Bailey to scram so you can do my makeup.”  
“Alright,” I smiled turning to face her as Louis laughed from the bed.   
“There’s no way she is going to be able to do that in her state,” Louis laughed.   
“Watch me,” I grinned putting all my focus into making her eyeliner perfect and it was. When I was done I gave Louis a triumphant smirk.   
“I stand corrected,” Louis smiled. There was a knock on the door and Marcy sprung up and bounded to get it as I pulled on my boots. Louis Bailey and I made our way out to the kitchen, where Marcy stood with Sam.   
“Louis this is Marcy’s boyfriend Sam,” I said. “Sam this is my good friend Louis.”  
“Good to meet you man,” Louis said shaking Sam’s hand.   
“Kate will you please take one shot with us,” Marcy pouted handing Bailey a little glass filled with clear liquid.   
“We promise you won’t get wasted. Just one shot and one drink at the bar and you’ll just be tipsy,” Bailey pouted.   
“Most people do twenty-one shots on their birthday,” Marcy said holding the little glass out to me.   
“I would die,” I laughed looking at the glass wearily, but eventually I took it. Marcy and Bailey cheered. We clinked the glasses together and downed the shot, the alcohol burning down my throat as Louis handed me his cup of soda and I took it gratefully.   
“Ready to go?” Marcy asked taking our glasses and placing them in the sink. We nodded and Louis led us down to our car. I locked the door and followed them lazily. I got into the front seat as the girls and Sam squished into the back.   
“Did you guys do anything fun during the day today to celebrate?” Louis asked as he followed our directions.   
“We had class,” I shrugged.   
“Kate wouldn’t even let us buy her coffee at the café after class,” Marcy frowned.   
“I didn’t need it,” I laughed. Louis laughed too, he knew I didn’t like presents in any form. Louis pulled up to the valet and we all got out. I was feeling pretty tipsy as we walked into the club. I attached myself to Louis, knowing he would keep me safe.   
“Sam and I are going to go get drinks,” Marcy told us and I nodded. It didn’t take them long to come back, Sam was good at getting drinks. I took my drink as Bailey pulled us to the dance floor. We danced in a little circle and by the time I finished my drink it was safe to say I was drunk. A guy came over and grabbed my ass and Louis turned so quickly I was scared he would throw a fist.   
“Stay the fuck away,” Louis spit, and the guy instantly backed off. I grinned positioning myself so I was standing in front of Louis, so no one else could grab my ass. I was drunk enough not to think about what it was doing to Louis as I danced against him. Louis laughed turning me around and pulling me to rest against his chest. I placed my chin on his shoulder.   
“I’m drunk,” I pouted.  
“Oh I know,” Louis laughed. We danced for a while longer and then Louis brought us back home. Marcy and Bailey were spending the night, so I tossed them the keys, so I could spend a bit of time with Louis.  
“Thank you for coming and keeping us safe,” I said resting against the back of the car.   
“Of course,” Louis smiled. “I got you something.”  
“You know I don’t like gifts,” I pouted.  
“I couldn’t resist,” he grinned handing me a little picture frame. I looked at it to find a picture of Louis and me from my first year in LA. We both looked so young and horribly dressed, we still had a spark of joy in our eyes, that hadn’t been washed away yet from the years in the spotlight.  
“Look at us,” I laughed tracing my fingers over the image.   
“Can’t believe that was when we got famous,” Louis said shaking his head. “We both looked horrible.”  
“Are you good?” I asked rubbing his shoulder.  
“I’m really good,” Louis answered. “Don’t worry about me on your birthday.”  
“I always worry about all of you,” I frowned.  
“Nothing from Harry?” Louis asked and I shook my head looking down.   
“I’m sorry love,” Louis sighed. “I really am.”  
“You’re still here,” I smiled kissing his cheek. “I’ll see you soon okay?”  
“Alright,” he smiled rubbing my back lightly.  
\--  
A few months later was when Louis’ mom died. I got the phone call while I was at the coffee shop. “Hey Lou,” I smiled as the girls sipped their coffee.  
“Kate she’s gone,” Louis sobbed and I instantly sat up worriedly.   
“Hey, what’s wrong? Who’s gone?” I asked nervously.   
“My mom, she passed,” Louis said through sobs.   
“I’m going to book a plane ticket, I’ll be there tomorrow, okay?” I asked already pulling up flights on my computer.  
“No, Kate you have school. You can’t miss classes,” Louis said hurriedly.   
“Louis, I’m coming to see you, don’t you dare try and stop me,” I said. “You need me.”  
“I have a performance tomorrow,” Louis sobbed.   
“Hey you’re going to get through this,” I said looking up as tears filled my eyes. “I’m going to be there as soon as I can.”  
“Okay,” Louis breathed.   
“What’s wrong?” Bailey asked instantly when I hung up.   
“Louis’ mom died,” I whispered. “I have to… I have to go right now.”  
“Okay, hey, okay,” Marcy said taking my computer as Bailey took my hand. “We’ll get you a ticket, you just need to breathe.”  
Marcy clacked away on the computer and Bailey rubbed my back as I tried to brush the tears back.   
“Kate, we’re getting you a one-way ticket and you just come back when you think it’s a good time,” Marcy said.  
“We’ll get all the homework and notes for you. We’ll tell the professors what’s going on,” Bailey promised. “Don’t you worry about it.”  
“Thank you,” I whispered.   
\--  
The next day Louis was in my arms sobbing at the airport and it took all my strength not to break down with him.   
“I love you,” I said rubbing his back. “What do you need right now?”  
“I have to perform tonight,” he said shakily.   
“Do you want to?” I asked holding him tightly.   
“My mum would have wanted me to,” Louis replied.  
“Okay,” I nodded. “I’ll be there the whole time. I’m here as long as you need.”  
“No you’re going back to school on Monday,” Louis said shaking his head. “You’re not missing more classes because of me.”  
“I got a one-way ticket,” I answered. “I’ll be here as long as you need me here.”  
I led Louis to the car and helped him in. Louis curled against my lap and I played with his hair. “I invited the rest of the guys,” Louis whispered.   
“Okay,” I nodded stroking his hair.   
That night, Louis and I sat in the green room. Steve was sitting across from us as I held Louis’ shaking hand. There was a knock on the door and I stood up in disbelief as Harry walked into the room. His hair was still long and he wore a brightly colored suit.   
“Hey Lou,” Harry said coming over and wrapping him in a tight hug. He didn’t look at me.   
“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Harry asked still not looking at me.   
“Louis needed me,” I answered looking down at my feet.   
“I asked her to come and I promised to get her home by Monday,” Louis replied stepping away from Harry.   
“Louis you’re on in three,” a man said causing Louis to nod.   
“Thank you both for coming,” Louis said seriously. I gave him a hug.   
“You’re going to be great,” I whispered as he gripped me tightly. He gave a wave and then Harry and I were left in the room alone.   
“So are you two a thing?” Harry asked crossing his arms.   
“No, we’re just friends,” I answered crossing my arms. “Just like we were.”  
“Then why haven’t you called?” Harry asked.  
“Why haven’t you called me?” I answered.   
“You told me you would never leave,” Harry said his voice going soft.   
“You were the one who left me,” I said looking away. “Louis reached out to me after everything ended. He wanted to meet up with me and my friends. He made an effort. I figured you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”  
“I never meant…”  
“We’re here for Louis,” I answered turning to the screen where Louis was coming onstage.   
\--  
“Louis! You were great!” I grinned coming to wrapping him in a hug. He collapsed in my arms letting out a sob and I had to hold him tightly so he wouldn’t fall.   
“You did so well,” I whispered rubbing his back. “I know your mum would be so proud of you. We’re all so proud of you.”  
Louis finally calmed down and was able to step away.   
“She’s right, we’re all proud of you,” Harry said giving him a hug.   
“Did you two make up?” Louis asked resting against me.   
“We’re here for you,” I answered rubbing his cheek.   
“Funeral is tomorrow,” Louis said softly. “Harry, will you be there?”  
“Of course,” Harry answered. “Kate do you need a ride to the hotel?”  
“No, I’m staying with Louis,” I answered.  
“Oh, right,” Harry said looking away.   
“I’m making some spaghetti for dinner tonight, you’re welcome to come,” I said seeing the hurt in Harry’s eyes.  
“No, that’s okay, I’ll see you all tomorrow,” Harry answered giving Louis one more hug before walking away.   
“Want to talk about it?” Louis asked as I led him out of the room.  
“Not your problem,” I answered rubbing his arm.   
“You’re my problem whether you like it or not,” Louis grinned.   
That night I made dinner for Louis and his sisters. They were all struggling. Half the dinner was taken up trying to soothe Felicity, who had started crying because Louis said something his mom always said.   
“Thank you for being such a good friend,” Louis sighed standing in the doorway of the guest bedroom.   
“Louis I’m always going to be around for you and your family,” I said with a smile. “Now go get some sleep.”  
“Night love,” Louis told me before leaving.


	15. Chapter 15

I woke up in the middle of the night to my phone ringing. “Harry, what the hell do you want?” I asked as his face appeared on my screen.   
“You’re in the guest room?” He asked sounding surprised.   
“Is that why you called because you thought we were sleeping together?” I asked annoyed.   
“You used to only hold me like you held Louis today.”  
“Harry, his mother passed away, what the hell is wrong with you?” I asked. “It’s also two am and I’m exhausted.”  
“How are you doing?” Harry asked eyes full of worry.   
“I can’t do this with you right now. I haven’t talked to you in months. If you cared you would have called. I have to be up early tomorrow,” I said before hanging up the phone. I wanted to burst into tears, but I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to get some sleep.  
\--  
The next day I sat in the pew next to Louis, my arm resting across his shoulders. Louis had to get up eventually and give a speech. When his voice broke and he started to cry I could feel the tears slipping down my own cheeks. He came to sit back down and I held him tightly as he shook with sobs.   
“I love you,” I whispered as I held him. He squeezed back so I know he heard.   
Once the sermon was over, so was the funeral. She was being cremated, so there was no burial. I let Louis talk to a few people before I could tell he needed to leave. I took his hand and led him away from the crowds. I caught Harry staring, but shook it off. He was the least of my concerns.   
Harry called again that night, but I ignored it.   
\--  
Monday despite my protests, I was back in LA. Louis would be back in a week after finishing up some legal things.   
“Hey,” Bailey said wrapping me in a hug as soon as she walked in the door.   
“Hi,” I said resting my head on her shoulder. I was exhausted both physically and emotionally.   
“We brought wine and we’re just going to sit on the couch and talk because we know you’re tired and need to relax,” Marcy said pushing us into the apartment. “Come on, I’ll get the glasses you two sit down.”  
Bailey and I followed her instructions and sat down on the couch.   
“You look like shit Kate,” Marcy said handing me a glass.   
“Gee thanks,” I said taking a sip.   
“So talk to us,” Bailey said with a frown. She crossed her legs as Marcy sat in the chair across from us.   
“Harry was there,” I said running my hands through my greasy hair. “He was acting like I was the one who abandoned him and he was being really like possessive and jealous. I mean he called me at two am to find out if I was sleeping with Louis. I just don’t know why he cares all of a sudden. I was supposed to be there for Louis and I was distracted by Harry being an asshole.”  
“Guys are the worst,” Bailey said shaking her head taking a gulp of her wine.   
“Okay, we’re coming back to whatever this is,” Marcy laughed shaking her head. “Kate, I’m sorry Harry was such an asshat, but I know Louis appreciated you being there.”  
“I just hope he’s okay without me right now,” I sighed.   
“He’ll call if he needs you, I know he will,” Bailey replied patting my knee.   
“Alright Bailey, what’s the deal with you?”  
“I just don’t understand why I can’t find a good guy,” Bailey sighed. “I’ve been on four dates in the past month and all of them were fucking other girls. You know boys aren’t like this back home.”  
“Maybe you need to go to church,” I said. “Find a good Christian boy who’s waiting for marriage.”  
“Shut up,” Bailey said hitting my arm. “I’m being serious. You have two famous popstars who want to do a lot more than just fuck you and Marcy you have a solid boyfriend.”  
“I promise you can have my leftovers,” I grinned and Bailey hit me again.   
“Hey I’m fragile,” I pouted taking a drink of my wine.   
“I promise it takes a dozen assholes before you find a single good one,” Marcy said rolling her eyes. “Kate’s a model so she doesn’t get it.”  
“I’m not a model,” I replied rolling my eyes. Marcy and Bailey shook their heads at me.   
\--  
By Christmas Harry and I had chatted a bit, but it really just confirmed how much he was changing. He was getting into drugs and alcohol and fucking just about any girl he could get his hands on. I didn’t want him to feel like I was abandoning him when he was making an effort to talk to me. We didn’t really meet up but we talked on the phone about twice a month.   
“What are you all doing for Christmas this year?” Marcy asked. Louis, Sam, Bailey, and I were all sitting in my tiny living room.   
“I’m supposed to go to Alec’s parent’s house again,” I said rolling my eyes.   
“I’m not going home, so nothing,” Bailey sighed and I rolled my eyes again. I knew she wouldn’t let me pay for her flight.   
“I don’t really know,” Louis answered playing with my fingers. I watched his face get sad. “Don’t think I can go home this year without my mum there.”  
“My parents want you all to come stay with us in San Diego for Christmas,” Marcy said.   
“Like we did last year?” I asked.   
“No, they want you to spend the whole week and New Years. Like open presents and everything,” she replied.   
“Ashley is going to hate me, but I would absolutely love that,” I smiled actually feeling a sense of relief.   
“That seriously sounds amazing,” Bailey grinned.   
“What about you Lou?” Marcy asked. I watched Louis look up from my hand surprised.  
“I’m invited?” He asked.  
“Of course,” Marcy laughed. “If my parents know your name, you’re family.”  
“Wow, that really means a lot. I would love to be there,” Louis said and I wrapped my arms around him.   
“I’m glad I’ll be with all of you for Christmas,” I smiled. “Are you coming this year Sam?”  
“Yeah, I finally am getting a break,” Sam grinned. “Can’t wait to spend some time at the beach.”  
“I haven’t had a real Christmas in two years, this will be a nice change of pace,” Bailey answered.   
Later that night it was just Louis and I sitting on the couch.   
“So why do you hate Alec’s place so much?” Louis asked propping his feet on the coffee table as I rested my head on the arm of the couch my feet in between the cushions separating us.   
“I don’t hate it, it’s just… I mean I don’t feel like I’m part of the family. They know Ashley now obviously and they see her all the time, but they only see me once a year and when we started they hardly knew either of us.”  
“I’m sure they’ll miss having you,” Louis said patting my knee.   
“They have younger kids. They still believe in Santa. I’m pretty sure they have other priorities.”  
“Did Santa ever visit you?” Louis asked. “Or were you naughty?”  
“My mom told me when I was young only kids who contributed to the family got Christmas presents. My sister got presents when she moved to LA, but I never got anything because I didn’t make money for the family,” I whispered. I hadn’t told Louis much about my childhood, but I knew he had heard things from Harry. “I mean it makes sense, why would you get a present for someone who can’t help you.”  
“Kate,” Louis frowned. “That’s why you don’t like presents.”  
“I don’t deserve them,” I shrugged. “No one needs to spend money on me for something silly.”  
“You deserve nothing more than to be happy,” he answered. “I won’t get you a gift, but you’ve done so much for me. I’ll do something special and don’t try and tell me you don’t deserve it.”  
“I have to ask you something,” I said with a frown.   
“What’s up, love?” Louis asked resting his chin on my knees.  
“Will you quit smoking?” I asked twisting my fingers. “Every time I see you go out to smoke I just feel so sick. I hate thinking that you’re killing yourself. I don’t want to lose you too soon.”  
I knew it was a lot to ask, but it was something that had been tugging at the back of my mind for weeks.  
“Done,” Louis grinned digging the pack out of his jacket pocket and setting it in my hand. “Merry Christmas, love.”


	16. Chapter 16

A week later we were sitting at Marcy’s pool drinking lemonade as Sam and Louis swam. Eventually, Marcy’s parents came out with dinner, so we gathered on the patio to eat.   
“So what time are we waking up to open presents tomorrow?” Her mom asked as we ate.   
“I’m not waking up earlier than nine,” Marcy said taking a big bite.   
“Remember when you used to wake us up at the crack of dawn?” Her dad asked and Marcy nodded with a laugh. I took Louis’ hand and stroked it with my thumb lightly. I knew he was probably having a hard time experiencing this picture-perfect family Christmas after losing his mom. He hadn’t told me, but I had seen it in his eyes.   
“Can we go surfing after breakfast tomorrow?” Marcy asked.  
“Yeah, I figured you kids would spend the day on the beach while we get dinner ready.”  
“Is everyone coming again?” Marcy asked.  
“No, your cousins decided they wanted to stay at home this year,” her mom said rolling her eyes. Marcy let out a sigh.  
“Look at all this family we have here though,” her dad said with a grin and Marcy nodded.   
\--  
That night, Louis, Bailey, and I shared a room. Bailey and I shared one of the two beds. When I woke up the next morning Louis was sitting on the bed chatting with Bailey. My head was in his lap.   
“Morning love,” Louis grinned. “Happy Christmas.”  
“Hi,” I said rubbing my eyes.   
“Morning,” Bailey said poking my cheek.   
“Hey,” I said sitting up and stretching my arms.   
“What did Lou get you for Christmas. He won’t tell me,” Bailey pouted.   
“I told him not to get me anything,” I said looking up at him worriedly.   
“And I didn’t,” Louis answered holding his hands up in surrender.   
“But he did quit smoking,” I said my face softening.   
“Wow, now that’s love,” Bailey said with a smile and I laughed swatting her shoulder.  
“What did you get Kate for Christmas?” Louis asked her.  
“My presence,” Bailey answered with a wink.   
“Oh, I got you two presents,” I smiled getting up to dig in my bag.   
“Kate, I swear to god,” Bailey said upset. “You can’t ask for no presents and then get us something.”  
“Yes I can,” I answered handing them each a wrapped gift. Louis opened his to find a watch.   
“Look on the back I got your mom’s initials, so she’s always close,” I said turning the watch over for him.   
“Thank you,” he said wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.   
“Anything for you,” I replied. “Now open yours, Bailey!”  
Bailey opened her gift to find a little ring. “It has all our initials in it because I got one for Marcy too,” I smiled and Bailey grinned.   
“You’re so cute,” Bailey said giving me a hug. I kissed her cheek.   
“I’m still mad at you,” she said with a frown.   
“I don’t need or want anything,” I replied. “I don’t deserve it,” I whispered looking away.   
“Don’t say that,” Louis said with a big frown.   
“What do you mean you don’t deserve it?” Bailey laughed. “All you do is take care of us. You do our homework, let us wear your clothes, make us dinners. It’s ridiculous that you think you don’t deserve to get presents and be loved in the way you love us.”  
“She’s right,” Louis said holding me with one arm. I rested my head on his chest.   
“I know you love me and that’s all I care about,” I said resting my arms around his waist putting my head on his shoulder. I squeezed Bailey’s thigh lightly with a small smile.   
“You know that’s all we care about too,” Bailey replied. I looked down at my phone.  
“Marcy says breakfast is ready.”  
\--  
Later that day we rode our bikes down to the beach. “You know I pictured you as a girl who didn’t know how to ride a bike,” Louis smirked riding next to me.  
“What is that supposed to mean?” I laughed. “I taught myself how to ride a bike when I was six. I used to steal one off the bike rack at school whenever I lost mine.”  
Louis frowned but gave me a smile when I stuck my tongue out at him. We parked our bikes at the edge of the sand and then carried our boards down to the water. I put my board down so I could put on the top half of my wetsuit.   
“You’re too thin,” Louis frowned as he helped me tug my arms through the suit.   
“That’s what everyone always says,” I replied rolling my eyes. “Just help me zip up.”  
Louis rolled his eyes before going around behind me and zipping it up. “Have you ever surfed before?” I asked. Louis shook his head.   
“Didn’t have beaches in London.”  
“We’ll teach you,” I smiled.   
The day was spent in piles of laughter as Louis continually got pummeled by waves.   
“You’re actually pretty good love,” Louis grinned eventually opting to watch me from the shore.   
“Actually?” I laughed. “Did you think I was going to be bad?”  
“You grew up in Indiana,” he laughed and laughed too coming to sit next to him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and rested my head on his shoulder. I unzipped my own wet suit and tugged it down to my waist.   
“How are you doing?” I whispered.  
“Being here with you is literally everything I needed,” Louis answered. “Your friends are all so nice and this place is just beautiful.”  
“I’m glad you’re doing better,” I said honestly.   
“You’re always worried about me,” Louis said shaking his head.   
“Well when you’re out there almost drowning in the waves I have a right to be worried,” I smirked and Louis gave my shoulder a playful shove.


	17. Chapter 17

On New Years' Eve Louis, Sam, Marcy, Bailey, and I sat on the beach watching the sunset. “It’s tradition every year, to watch the sunset on the last day of the year,” Marcy told us her head on Sam’s shoulder.   
“Louis do you want to go on a walk?” I asked taking his hand in mine.  
“Sure love,” Louis smiled helping me up. We walked for a while in silence hand in hand letting the water wash over our feet.   
“It’s been a shitty year,” I said softly.   
“There have been some really shitty parts, but there have also been some really good things that happened,” Louis replied rubbing my back. “Your birthday was a really good day. Christmas was a really good day. The day I met Marcy and Bailey.”  
“I haven’t always been the most open, but you make me feel so safe and loved. I want to be more with you,” I whispered looking down at the water washing over my feet.   
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” Louis laughed wrapping me in his arms. “I promise I will keep you safe and make you feel like the most special girl in the world.”  
“Will you kiss me?” I asked looking up at him. He grinned and instantly connected our lips. It was electric.   
When we got back to the group Bailey said, “so are you guys finally a real couple?”   
I turned and blushed, but our smiles told them everything they needed to know.   
\--  
About three weeks later Louis was practically living at my apartment. Harry invited us both to go to his album listening party that weekend so naturally, we decided to go. Marcy and Bailey sat in the living room as we got ready.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to take Bailey?” Marcy asked. “She needs a man and who better to comfort Harry when he realizes you’re taken.”  
“Trust me you don’t want him,” I told Bailey.  
“Oh, I’m well aware. He has had a different girl leave his house every night for the past month,” Bailey answered. Louis came out rolling his eyes.  
“Are you three talking about Harry’s escapades again?” He asked rolling his shirt cuffs.  
“What else would we talk about,” I grinned kissing his cheek.   
“You are beautiful,” Louis smiled brushing his thumb over my cheek.   
“You two are disgusting,” Bailey replied.   
“So you two are spending the night?” Louis asked pretending disdain.   
“Don’t even pretend you hate us,” Marcy laughed rolling her eyes. “We know you’re only with Kate, so you can hang out with us.”  
“It’s true,” Louis said giving me a shrug. I laughed rolling my eyes.   
“Come on we need to get going,” I said.   
“Duty calls,” he said giving the girls a wave.  
\--  
When we pulled up to Harry’s giant house music was thumping and people were everywhere. “You know I hate these things,” I sighed letting Louis pull me closer.  
“Oh I’m well aware,” Louis laughed. “Do you know that first night, when you met Harry, I was the one who pointed you out, but he beat me to the punch.”  
“Everything happens for a reason,” I told him kissing his cheek lightly.  
“Let’s get you a drink,” Louis said pulling me further into the house. I followed him to the bar and let him order my drink. I had never actually ordered a drink for myself. Everyone else appeared to know what I liked more than I did, so I just let them do it for me. The bartender handed me my drink and Louis watched me take a sip expectantly.   
“Well?” He asked.  
“Perfect,” I said and he gave me a smirk and kissed my cheek.   
“Lou!” We heard something call excitedly. We turned to find Niall grinning at us. “Oh my god, Kate too!”   
“Hey Niall,” I smiled instantly getting wrapped in a hug.  
“I missed you two,” Niall said wrapping Louis in a hug as well.   
“How are you?” I asked.  
“You know I’m almost done with my album, things are coming along,” Niall said and we nodded. “Wait are you two… Are you two together?” His voice was filled with excitement and we were instantly wrapped in another tight hug.   
“I always knew it would be you two,” Niall grinned. “Zayn always thought it would be Harry, but I knew.”  
“You guys were taking bets?” I laughed.   
“Hey I was never part of this,” Louis laughed holding up his hands.   
“Have you seen Harry?” I asked.   
“Last I saw he was outside smoking,” Niall said and I scrunched my nose. Obviously, weed was legal and I never judged anyone who smoked it, but I hated the smell so much. Louis knew that which is why he had stopped when we started dating.   
“We’ll wait until he comes inside,” Louis said.  
“You’re going to break his little heart,” Niall said with a frown. Eventually, we saw Harry drift inside towards a table full of people. I took Louis’ hand and led him over to the table.   
“Harry,” I smiled rubbing his back lightly.   
“Kate! Louis!” Harry grinned wrapping each of us in a hug. He smelled strongly of weed and his eyes were glassy.  
“Come on Harry,” the people at the table called.   
“Give me one second,” he told us before turning around and bending his nose towards the table. He took a huge breath before coming back up and turning towards us again rubbing his nose.   
“Woo!” He grinned wrapping me in another hug. “I have to play you, Carolina. It’s about you,” he grinned pulling out his phone and a pair of headphones. I obliged putting a headphone in my ear. For some reason, I felt nervous around him. I reached back and took Louis’ hand placing it on my hip as Harry started the song. It was about sex I could tell. Someone who felt so good. I blushed slightly at the lyrics and when the song was over I handed the headphones back to Harry.   
“You know,” Harry said coming to stand incredibly close to me. “Well I haven’t fucked you, but this song is about what it would be like because I’ve always wanted to fuck you.” His fingers went to my chin and I instantly took a step back.   
“Hey man back off,” Louis said pulling me behind him almost instantly. “You know that’s not her thing.”  
Harry looked up shocked at the interruption his eyes almost black. “What the fuck Lou?” Harry asked. “Are you two a thing?”  
“Yeah, we are,” Louis said keeping me behind him. Harry let out a loud and harsh laugh.   
“How does it feel being the second choice? You like my leftovers?” Harry laughed and I instantly took another step back appalled at his comments.   
“She is no one’s leftovers,” Louis replied anger dripping from his voice.  
“Lou, forget it, I want to go home,” I said fisting the back of his t-shirt.   
“It was supposed to be us Kate, but you fucking gave up on me,” Harry said eyes wild.   
“You aren’t the boy I met five years ago,” I whispered. “I don’t know who you are anymore.”  
Louis wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me out of the house. His jaw was twitching and I could tell he was upset. He helped me into the car and then shut the door getting into the driver’s side. He sat for a minute unmoving.   
“Lou…”  
“Am I your second choice?” He asked eyes sad. “Was Harry right?”  
“No,” I said quickly taking his hands. “Louis I had five years to date Harry and I never did for a reason. We were so young and I had been through so much and now he isn’t the person I ever knew. You are the exact same person I met five years ago, obviously a bit more mature, and I love you more than anything or anyone else. I’ve never felt this way about a person before. Please believe me.”  
“I love you,” Louis said kissing my hand. “I need you to know that you’re not anyone’s leftovers. You are so perfect and special and beautiful. No one compares.”  
I took his hands and placed them on my cheeks caressing the backs of his hands lightly. “Will you take us home now?” I asked with a little smirk.   
“Your friends await,” he replied and I let out a soft laugh.  
\--  
“So how was it?” Marcy asked as soon as we walked through the door. The girls were sitting on the couch in their pajamas watching a movie.   
“Harry was an asshole,” I replied rolling my eyes.   
“I’ll let you have some girl time,” Louis said kissing my cheek.   
“I love you,” I said squeezing his hand before I joined the girls on the couch.   
“You guys okay?” Bailey asked softly. I nodded explaining to them what had happened.   
“He must have been such a different guy when you met,” Marcy said shaking her head. “I mean lord knows you wouldn’t put up with that shit.”  
“He didn’t seem like this person when we facetimed,” Bailey replied. “Did the fame change him that quickly?”  
“I don’t know what it is. He’s doing a lot more drugs and alcohol. He’s having so much sex. I don’t know what changed,” I sighed. “It’s not like I want to be with him. Louis is the love of my life. Harry helped me through some really tough shit and I won’t forget that, which is why I still worry about him. I mean we were really good friends.”  
“You don’t have to explain it to us,” Marcy said. “I get it.”  
\--  
The next morning I woke up to Louis whispering expletives as he maneuvered out of the bedroom. Marcy and Bailey were still asleep on my floor.   
“Kate, when are you going to let me buy us a bigger apartment?” Louis asked as we all came into the kitchen. “I’m getting just a little sick of tiptoeing around these two every weekend.”  
“Yeah we wouldn’t mind a guest bedroom,” Marcy nodded and I rolled my eyes.   
“You know if we got a bigger place they would never leave,” I laughed.   
“True, I may need to reconsider,” Louis said placing plates of eggs in front of us.   
“Why would we leave when we get free breakfast?” Bailey said picking up her fork.  
“I’m creating my own nightmare,” Louis said shaking his head a smile still on his face.   
“Honestly best boyfriend award goes to Louis no question,” Marcy said. “Sam would never…”  
“Maybe I should get a trophy,” Louis smirked.   
“Aren’t I trophy enough?” I asked resting my chin in my hands.   
“Course love,” Louis grinned patting my cheek.   
\--  
Later that day it was just Louis and me in the apartment, sitting on the couch together.   
“You know you really are the best boyfriend,” I said climbing on to straddle his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his jaw. “I don’t know a single other guy who would accept having all these random girls around all the time, sleeping in the same room with us and eating our food, gossiping, and distracting us. I am so thankful for you.”  
“They’re your family, so they’re my family too,” Louis grinned. “They’ve taken care of you and I can never thank them enough for that.”  
“I love you,” I said kissing his neck and jaw.   
“I love you too babe, but you can’t sit on my lap like this,” he groaned tossing his head back onto the couch.   
“Sorry,” I said looking down and immediately moving to the opposite end of the couch.   
“Well I don’t want you a million miles away,” Louis grinned pulling me over so I was against his side. “You know it doesn’t bother me,” Louis said kissing my jaw. He knew about my hesitance about being physical and he had never once made a complaint. Whenever things got to heated for him, he was honest, but always kept me close never wanting to push me away. I was appreciative of him forever.


	18. Chapter 18

After a week of school, Marcy and Bailey came to the apartment in a panic. “Kate, you need to sit down,” Marcy said almost as soon as she walked in the door.   
“It’s good to see you too,” I said sarcastically, but the look on Bailey’s face made me instantly sober.   
“What’s going on?” I asked crossing my arms.   
“Is Louis here?” Bailey asked looking around.  
“He’s on his way back from grabbing takeout,” I answered. “He should be back any minute.”  
“We can wait for him,” Marcy said and Bailey nodded. They both walked over and sat on the couch.   
“You can’t just come in here looking the way you do and make me wait…”  
“Hey what’s going on?” Louis laughed. “Heard you shouting from downstairs.”  
I gestured to the sober faces of my friends. “They wouldn’t tell me what was going on until you got here,” I said annoyed.   
“Well I’m here now,” Louis said patting my hand and bringing me over to the couch.   
“You have to watch this,” Marcy said handing me her phone. I looked up at Louis, who just shrugged. He watched over my shoulder as I pressed play. I instantly got a sick feeling in my stomach when Harry’s face appeared.   
“Just fast forward the three-minute mark,” Bailey said and I looked up to see her face pale. I moved the bar to the three-minute point before pressing play again.  
“So Harry you’ve been a very loud advocate for the women’s rights movement during your interviews and tours, tell me why that is.”  
“Well as you know a majority of my fans are women, but I’ve also seen through many of my friends just how different our lives are. I mean I was around when both Kate and Ashley Pardeck were raped around the same time. I really saw just how much it affected Kate specifically and so I know just how awful these experiences are.”  
I stopped the video immediately feeling sick. “Ashley didn’t want people to know,” I said feeling my breathing start to quicken. “Harry was the only one who knew about mine. I… No one was ever supposed to know.” I could feel my heartbeat quickening and I could hardly breathe as the panic started to set in. When my phone started to ring and Ashley’s name popped up it went clattering to the floor.   
“You have to breathe,” Bailey said coming over to place her hands on my shoulders. It was setting in that this was the first time Bailey and Marcy had heard that I was raped. I knew they had a pretty good idea that it had happened before, but now they really knew. I let Bailey guide my breathing before I could finally speak.  
“It was a shoot director,” I said softly. “He raped me after an LV shoot and then threw the clothes and shoes on top of me as payment. The same day Ashley was raped and so I never told her what happened because she needed me more. They both used us against each other, saying they would ruin our reputations and careers. I never wanted Ashley to know.”  
Bailey wrapped me in a tight hug her arms around my neck. “She’s your sister. She just wants you to be okay, just like all of us.”  
“She didn’t want anyone to know and now he told the whole fucking world,” I said wrapping my arms around my stomach.   
“She doesn’t have to talk about those things if she doesn’t want to,” Marcy replied.   
“I can’t go to school anymore,” I said bringing my knees up to my chin.  
“Kate,” Marcy said but Bailey immediately cut her off.   
“You don’t have to go this week, we can cover for you, but we’ll reevaluate next week,” Bailey said patting my hand.   
“You should talk to Ashley though,” Marcy said. “I’m sure she wants to hear your side of the story.”  
“I will tomorrow. For now, I just want to be alone,” I answered looking down at my feet.   
“You do what you need to,” Bailey said kindly before they left.  
“Louis, do you think I’m fucked up?” I asked turning to Louis who had been listening silently.   
“No, why would I think that?” Louis asked eyes big. “You’re far from fucked up.”  
“You know about the first one?” I asked looking down at my feet.   
“Harry told me,” Louis nodded. “I need you to know that I love you,” he said meeting my eyes. “Don’t ever forget that I love you.”  
“I love you too,” I said pecking his lips.   
That night Louis thought I was still asleep, but the sound of my phone ringing for the tenth time had woken me up too.   
“Hey Ashley,” Louis whispered. “Yeah, listen she promised me she would talk with you about it tomorrow. She’s just not feeling great and so I told her to get some sleep. She’s asleep right now.”  
I felt Louis put the phone back on the nightstand and then pull me close again. “I promise I’ll keep you safe,” he whispered kissing my cheek.   
\--  
When I woke up the next morning the bed was cold. “Lou?” I asked sitting up and looking around the small room it was empty.   
“Hey love, I made you some tea,” he smiled coming into the doorway.   
“I thought you left,” I said letting out a breath.   
“Nope, you’re stuck with me,” Louis grinned handing me the cup and slipping back into bed. “How are you doing today?”  
“I don’t want to think about it right now,” I sighed tracing my finger over the rim of the cup.  
“I won’t make you talk about things you don’t want to talk about,” Louis said kissing my cheek. When I finished my tea I laid back down resting my head on the pillow and Louis slid down next to me. I traced my fingers over the tattoo over his collar bone. Eventually, he grabbed my fingers and kissed them lightly. My ringing phone shocked us back to reality. Louis turned over to look at the phone resting on the table.   
“It’s Ashley,” Louis said picking up the phone and handing it to me. “You should answer it and talk to her.”  
I groaned but slid to answer. “Hello?” I asked sitting up.  
“Did you just wake up?” She asked.  
“No,” I replied. “But I am still in bed.”  
“We have to talk about what Harry said,” Ashley answered.  
“He’s an asshole,” I answered softly. “I’m sorry he exposed you. I’m sorry I brought him into our lives.”  
“He didn’t just expose me,” Ashley answered. “He said yours happened at the same time. Is it true?”  
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I sighed as Louis put his head in my lap and traced his finger along my jaw.   
“Yes it does,” Ashley said and I could tell she was annoyed. “Stop hiding shit from me. I’m always the last to know in your life and that’s not how it should be.”  
“What if I asked you to relive that day right now? How would that make you feel? Just think about someone other than yourself for two fucking minutes,” I snapped and Louis instantly sat up wrapping me in his arms.   
“Don’t yell at her babe,” he whispered with a little chuckle.   
“Are you seriously with someone else right now?” Ashley huffed.   
“Yeah, I’m with Louis because he listens and he doesn’t push me and it’s not just a one-way street.”  
“Well we both know you’re not the best at connecting with men, so give it a few months and I’m sure he will be raping you or exposing you too,” Ashley said and I pulled the phone away from my ear in shock.  
“Fuck you,” I spit before hanging up and throwing my phone off the bed. I launched myself off the bed before Louis could stop me.   
“Babe,” Louis said hesitantly.  
“I’m taking a shower,” I said as the tears started to stream down my cheeks. Maybe Ashley was right. Maybe I shouldn’t trust anyone. Maybe I should just stop trying. Maybe being alone was the only way I could ever protect her and myself. I turned on the shower and got in letting out a sob when I knew Louis couldn’t hear me. When I got out of the bathroom there was a pair of jeans and a t-shirt laying out for me. Louis wasn’t in the room, but I could hear him shuffling around the kitchen.   
“Hey beautiful,” Louis smiled when I came out of the bedroom. Louis was putting containers into a cooler.   
“What are you doing?” I asked leaning against the doorway. I honestly felt sick to my stomach as I thought about whether or not I should just end this now.  
“We’re going on a picnic,” Louis smiled. “You need to feel the sunlight again. This apartment is too small for you to never leave.”  
“I don’t know Lou,” I sighed leaning against the doorway.  
“It’s just today,” Louis smiled. “You don’t need to leave the apartment ever again if you hate today. Please.”  
I watched him, the pure kindness and love in his eyes. He bit his lip. “Alright,” I nodded. His eyes lit up and he gave me a big grin.   
“Just give me a few more minutes,” he said. “Do you have a blanket?”  
“Yeah,” I nodded turning to the hall closet and pulling out a blanket and bringing it back to him.  
A few minutes later we were in his car driving down the highway. Louis’ held my hand on the center counsel as we drove and I felt like crying. He was humming quietly to the music drifting through the radio, his eyes glancing over at me. Eventually, he pulled off the highway and parked at an empty park.   
“You alright love?” Louis asked smiling over at me. I nodded giving him a small smile before I got out of the car. Louis got the bag out of the trunk and then came to walk beside me. He led me over to a patch of green and I helped him spread out the blanket before sitting down.   
“I made you a sandwich and I cut up some fruit and some vegetables,” he smiled.  
“Thank you for doing all this,” I said not able to look at him.   
“I only want the best for you,” Louis replied handing me a sandwich. We sat in silence for a while, before Louis finally broke it.  
“Remember when you came to the studio for the first time?” Louis asked laying down and throwing strawberries into his mouth.  
“You all were psycho,” I grinned.   
“That was us on our best behavior,” Louis smiled. “Harry made us promise we wouldn’t embarrass him. All I wanted to do was embarrass him. I wanted you all to myself even then, but you were so wrapped up in Harry, you didn’t even notice me.”  
“I noticed you,” I smiled. “You were the only other guy I took notice of. You were so sweet with Harry and you always spoke your mind. All the other guys were scared of me.”  
Thinking about the past and how much we had grown since then made my stomach churn. I knew he could tell something was wrong and he was just trying to make me feel better. I laid down so I could rest my head in his lap. He played with my hair making me feel so comfortable and safe. I loved him so much that there was a real chance I was blinded by love and the thought made me want to break down right there.   
“Are you ready to go?” Louis asked as my eyes started to drift.   
“Yeah,” I nodded sitting up. “Can I have Marcy and Bailey over tonight?”  
“You don’t have to ask me,” Louis laughed. “It’s your apartment.”  
I was honestly feeling sick as I texted Marcy and Bailey. I needed a second opinion.


	19. Chapter 19

That night Louis went to his apartment for the night. I think deep down he knew something was off and that I needed to talk to the girls just us. I never asked him to leave.   
“Hey girl, I brought the wine,” Marcy grinned bursting into the apartment.   
“We haven’t had a real girls night in months!” Bailey replied. I gave them each a hug before going back to the living room.   
“Kate you’re in a mood,” Bailey frowned.   
“This was a setup,” Marcy frowned crossing her arms. “What’s wrong?”  
“I had a fight with my sister,” I said looking away.   
“About?” Bailey asked.   
“She was pushing me to talk about that day and I snapped,” I said looking down feeling ashamed.  
“What did you say?” Marcy laughed. “I’ve literally never seen you mad.”  
“I asked her how she would feel if I made her relive what happened to her,” I said looking down. “I told her to stop thinking about herself for two minutes.”  
“Honestly Kate you’re not wrong,” Bailey shrugged. “If she doesn’t want to relive it she shouldn’t force you to do the same.”  
“What did she say to you?” Marcy asked crossing her arms. She could see on my face that there was more.   
“She found out Louis was in bed with me. She told me I didn’t know how to have a real relationship with men and I would probably be raped or exposed again in a few months,” I said letting the tears spill. “What if she’s right? I trusted Harry with my whole heart. Should I trust Louis? Should I just be alone forever? I want to keep myself and my sister safe.”  
“You of all people don’t deserve to be alone forever,” Bailey said quickly putting her hand on my knee.   
“I’m going, to be honest Kate, I’ve met a lot of assholes. I’ve dated a lot of shitty men. I’ve never been raped, but I know how awful men can be,” Marcy said leaning back on the sofa. “Louis isn’t one of those men. I promise you can trust that man. Bailey and I have both had conversations with him one on one and I know I have never felt anything but safe and valued at that time. He’s a good guy Kate don’t let that go.”  
“One time you were taking a shower and Louis and I were just sitting out on the couch. I had been complaining about how lonely I was with you guys earlier that day. He turned to me and told me how great of a person I was and how deserving of love I was. He told me that even though I didn’t have a boyfriend I was still loved by him and by you and he told me how important I was to your lives. I mean the only other person I know who would talk to me that way and make sure I knew how much I was loved is you,” Bailey told me softly. “You have the one I know it. Don’t let your sister’s hot temper ruin that.”  
I let the tears drip down my cheeks. I hadn’t known just how much Louis had impacted my friends’ lives as well as mine. Even when I wasn’t watching he was the man I had always known.   
“Does he know you were thinking about this?” Marcy asked.  
“I… he knew something was wrong,” I sighed looking down.   
“You need to go see him,” Bailey said. “Don’t let him go to bed thinking something is wrong.”  
“Will you drive me?” I asked knowing she was right.   
Within minutes we were driving over to Louis’ apartment.   
“Holy shit why don’t we hang out here?” Marcy asked looking out the window at the complex in front of us. We had to punch into the gate to get in.   
“Just because it has a gate doesn’t mean it’s nice,” I laughed. “Love him to death, but he’s still a guy and he couldn’t tell you the difference between a vodka bottle and an actual decoration.”  
“Mmm yeah, there has to be throw pillows on the couch for me to stay there,” Marcy nodded.   
“Thank you,” I said patting their shoulders before jumping out of the car. I took the elevator up to the top floor and made my way to the end of the hall. I knocked loudly and quickly on his door tears already pooling in my eyes.   
“It’s two in the morning, don’t you paps have someone else to bother? The one time I’m home,” Louis grumbled before opening the door. He stood there in shock for a moment just staring at me. “Kate?”  
I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck resting my head on his shoulder. “I love you,” I whispered into his ear.   
“You’re crazy,” Louis laughed. “Let’s get you inside.” I kissed his jaw before jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist. Louis’ arms wound around me as he carried me into the house.   
“I thought you were having a girls night,” Louis said as he carried me to the bedroom.   
“I needed them to really help me see things more clearly,” I replied resting my cheek on his shoulder.   
“Well whatever it was, I’m glad they were there because they clearly brought you back to me,” Louis said running his hand over the back of my head before sitting me on the bed. “In your pajamas.”  
“Sit down,” I said gesturing to the space next to me. He obliged. “I’m sorry about how I was earlier today.”  
“Everyone has bad days,” Louis shrugged. “I love you no matter what.”  
“I had a fight with my sister. I mean you heard part of it,” I blushed.   
“Nothing you said was untrue,” Louis shrugged. “Maybe the tone was a little harsh, but you know I’ve always believed in speaking your mind.”  
“Well after I yelled, she heard you. She told me that I wasn’t good with men and I was just going to get raped or exposed again. I got really scared that maybe she was right. I had this fear that I was blinded by love and I was scared that it was going to hurt me or my sister. I didn’t want to let you go because I love you so much, but I thought it was the right thing to do. That’s why I had to talk to Marcy and Bailey. They’ve spent time with you and they want to keep me safe,” I explained unable to look at him as I said it. “I think they love you more than they love me. But really they just proved to me that you’re exactly who I’ve always known you were maybe even better. I just need you to know that I’m sorry I ever questioned you, but just know that I love you.”  
“First I want you to know that I’m pissed at your sister. Not because she questioned my character, but because she should never have spoken to you that way. She knows best what you’ve been through and the fact that she could be so insensitive makes me really angry,” Louis said and I could see his fists clenching and unclenching.   
“I’m glad your friends brought you back to me,” Louis said kissing my cheek. “In the end that’s all that matters. I love you and I promise I will never be anyone other than the man you know.”  
“I love you,” I said pulling him down onto his bed. “Will you hold me?”  
Louis smiled pulling me tightly into his chest. “Get some sleep love,” Louis whispered and I closed my eyes.  
\--  
The next morning I woke up to Louis grinning over me. “Morning love,” Louis smiled.   
“Morning,” I groaned rubbing my eyes.   
“Listen I have something I want to show you,” Louis said pulling me up.   
“Okay,” I said resting against the wall. Naturally, his bed didn’t have a headboard.   
“You questioned my intentions yesterday and I know it wasn’t personal, I really do. You’ve gone through shit and I get it, but I just wanted to show you that I’ve been in love with you for way longer than you knew.”  
“Oh really?” I asked with a little smile. Louis smiled kissing my cheek before taking a few journals off his bedside table.   
“These are my songbooks,” Louis said placing them on the bed. “They have every song I’ve ever written in them.”  
I took the oldest looking journal and flipped through finding the pages inked with words.   
“These are the songs I wrote on the second album, this is the first album I knew you,” he told me showing me some of the pages. “Here’s the one for Summer love and Back for You. I write little things that inspire me in the margins before I come up with the real lyrics.”  
I took the journal and read over the words of the song which were connected to little notes in the margin.   
She smiled at me during the concert and I almost melted.  
Now that we’re back on tour it feels like winter without her laugh.  
Flipped through another book finding the lyrics to Strong and Does He Know   
She is the one keeping me from losing myself   
Why does Harry get to hold her? Does he even see the way she smiles? Does he love the way her eyes crinkle when she laughs?  
Home: She called me today and I felt so warm. She made me feel more heard and loved than anytime I’ve been with this band.  
End of the day: I’ve tried so many times to tell her I love her, but I chicken out every time. I never told her, but I think this is what would happen.   
“This is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen,” I said my heart feeling light. “Harry always joked about songs being written about me, but Louis you really were this whole time. Why did you never tell me?”  
“I didn’t want to freak you out,” Louis blushed looking away. “Plus you and H were like a guaranteed thing.”  
“I am so in love with you,” I said kissing him. “I also think you are a really amazing songwriter and singer and I hope when you decide to release an album, I’m the first to hear it.”  
“You’ll hear each song before I even think about recording them,” Louis promised wrapping me up in his arms tightly. I snuggled closer to him.   
“I have midterms this week,” I said after a while. “I have this big paper I need to write.”  
“Only a few more months until you graduate,” Louis smiled kissing my cheek.   
“Is it okay if you just stay here for the week? You know I love you to death, but you are the biggest distraction I’ve ever met,” I smiled kissing his cheek.   
“Sure thing love,” Louis smiled, “but you have to promise me you’ll still go to therapy without me dragging you twice a week.”  
“I promise Lou,” I said seriously. When we started dating and I told Louis little bits and pieces of my childhood he insisted I go to therapy. He started going after his mom passed and he had told me over and over how much it was helping him, not just with the loss of his mom, but all the shit that went on in One Direction. I didn’t really like going because every time I left I felt so drained and upset, but Louis had done so much for me, so I could do this for him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning Suicide attempt*

The next week was bad. I spent a lot of time cooped up in my apartment trying to write a paper. I was getting thousands of phone calls a day asking for interviews. People wanted to know about when I was raped and why I hadn’t spoken out. There were paparazzi outside my apartment every day when I went to class and when I came home who would scream questions at me. I knew my face was probably plastered all over the news and social media. Luckily I also knew that Louis was taking a break from social media to work on his new album this week, because if he knew he would be so pissed. He wouldn’t leave me alone. Marcy and Bailey were both too busy with their own papers and midterm exams to come over too. Friday was the worst day. In the morning I got a phone call from a blocked number. I don’t know why I kept answering the calls, but I did.   
“Kate, my name is Anthony Swaze I’m a journalist for the Blitz. I really just want to know why you didn’t speak out. I mean you realize there are thousands of other women who look up to you and are now realizing that maybe they should be ashamed of what happened to them because you’re ashamed too? You are the reason that girls are killing themselves after they have been raped.”  
I immediately hung up feeling sick to my stomach. I wanted to curl up and cry, but I had to turn in my paper. We didn’t have class today because we were supposed to finish our paper and turn it in. Luckily I had already finished it because I knew I had to go to therapy today. I turned in the paper and then went straight to the office. It felt worse than usual that day because I was still mulling over what the reporter said. I knew he was right. Girls looked up to me and if they saw that I was ashamed I’m sure they felt the same way. I was probably the reason a lot of girls had killed themselves and I could feel that guilt gnawing at my gut. My therapist pushed me to talk about the year I couldn’t remember, fifth grade, but I couldn’t remember it no matter how hard she tried to bring it back. I went home after therapy and curled up in bed eventually I must have fallen asleep.   
I woke up in a run-down building. It must have been an old factory. The glass in the windows were gone and there was nothing but concrete floors and cold metal walls. My mom was standing over me with glassy eyes as she scratched her arm.   
“K if you do this you will really be helping your mommy. If you don’t want mommy to die you have to let the man who comes do what he wants. Maybe you’ll deserve a Christmas present this year,” she told me her voice raspy.   
“My own bike?” I asked eyes going wide.   
“It depends on how good you are,” my mom replied. “Mommy is going to leave and the man is going to come okay?”  
“Okay,” I nodded pulling my coat closer to my body. It was cold, it must have been winter. I watched my mom walk outside and a man with greasy looking hair and a limp came inside. When he smiled at me he was missing two teeth. He made me take off my clothes and then he took off his own.   
“You’re going to take care of me now,” he told me.  
I forced myself to wake up gasping for air. I was in a pool of sweat as I stumbled to the bathroom. I made it just in time to vomit into the toilet. I turned on the tub, so I could clean myself off. As I stood up and looked myself in the mirror I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t live with these memories. I couldn’t live this life anymore. I had done enough damage and it had done enough damage to me. I scribbled those words onto my birth control prescription. I got into the tub with my clothes still on and pushed myself under holding my arms out to keep myself from floating up. The screaming pain in my chest distracted me from all the thoughts in my head.


	21. Chapter 21

I woke up sopping wet and coughing on the bathroom floor. Louis was over me sobbing and Marcy and Bailey were huddled in the corner.   
“Oh my God,” Louis choked and I was wrapped in his arms as I continued coughing. The paramedics burst into the bathroom. They took my vitals and checked my breathing and eventually deemed me well enough that they could leave.   
“You’re okay,” Louis said relief clear in his voice as he dropped back down to the ground and wrapped me in a hug. I felt numb as Louis held me. Those memories were still there and that guilt was still there and I was still alive.   
“Undress and we’ll put your robe on,” Louis said. “You must be cold. You’re soaking wet.”  
I didn’t move and Louis looked up to Marcy and Bailey. “Will you meet me outside?” Louis asked them and they nodded before leaving the bathroom. Marcy shut the door on her way out.   
“Come on let’s stand up love,” Louis said helping me to my feet. “Do you need help getting undressed or can you do it?”  
“Please don’t touch me,” I said shying away from his hands. I could still feel that man’s hands on me and it made me feel sick. I saw Louis’ heartbreak right in front of me.   
“I’m sorry,” Louis said turning to face the door, so I could change. When I pulled on the robe I touched his back lightly. Louis opened the door and led me out to the bedroom where Marcy and Bailey were sitting on the floor.   
“Kate, what the hell were you thinking?” Marcy said getting up and immediately pulling me into a hug. Her words were harsh but her voice was uneven and her hug told me she wasn’t going to let go anytime soon. Bailey still had tears streaming down her cheeks as she sat on the floor hugging her knees.   
“What do you need from us right now? Do you need me to ask Louis to leave? Do you want Bailey and I to leave? You just tell me what you need and I will make sure it happens,” Marcy whispered so only I could hear. I knew in that moment that she was never going to give up on me, that she loved me despite the damage I caused. I broke down into a sob.   
“Please don’t leave,” I whispered and she held on a little tighter.   
“I won’t. I’ll stay for as long as you need me,” she said holding me close. Eventually, I pulled away and sank to the floor.   
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whispered into my hands. I felt Louis hover next to me.  
“Can I please hug you?” He asked and I nodded not looking up. He wrapped me into his arms.   
“I’m sorry for how much I’ve hurt you,” I whispered curling into his body.   
“As long as you love me, I don’t care what happens,” Louis answered. “As long as at the end of the day I still get to hold you.”  
“Kate,” Bailey finally spoke her voice shaky. We all looked at her. “I need to know why. Was it something we did or didn’t do?”  
Louis let go of me so that I could face Bailey. “It was me being selfish,” I answered looking away.   
“In the note, you said you couldn’t live with the memories and the damage you have and have caused. What… I just need to know why.”  
So I told them about the reporters and the truth in their words and then the memory I had regained and how sick I felt about it all. Bailey got up and wrapped me in a hug.   
“Those reporters are wrong,” Bailey answered. “That’s your story to tell and you don’t have to tell it if you’re not ready. Yeah, you may be famous, but you’re not obligated to give up your private life and you’re not responsible for anyone else’s decisions. And that memory, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry you had such an awful childhood, but I promise you none of us are going to let you suffer through those memories alone. We are all a part of each other’s lives, so you can’t just decide to end yours without thinking of any of us.”  
“I’m sorry,” I whispered putting my forehead on hers and meeting her eyes.  
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you,” she whispered back. We pulled away from each other.   
“We brought some take out,” Louis said rubbing my back lightly. “You should eat something.”  
I nodded letting him lift me up and take me to the kitchen. Marcy and Bailey sat down at the table, but I stayed up attaching myself to Louis. I know I had hurt him more than I ever thought I would and I felt so guilty. I whispered over and over again how sorry I was as he held me tightly against his side.   
“Stop,” he whispered pressing his nose to my cheek. “Babe I get why you did it. I… I promise the only feeling I have for you is love.”  
“I love you too,” I said kissing his jaw and resting my head on his shoulder.  
As we ate Louis gripped my hand tightly as if he was scared he would lose me if he let go. They were joking about something, I couldn’t really keep track of the conversation as the events of the day flew through my head. I felt the tears welling in my eyes and I tried to push them down. I didn’t want them to get worried again. I looked down at my plate trying to get control.   
“Babe,” Louis said his hand traveling to my shoulder. I looked up at him trying to smile, but I couldn’t. “What’s wrong love?”  
“I almost died,” I whispered as the tears traced down my cheeks. “I almost left you.”  
“You’re okay now,” Louis said putting my head on his shoulder. “We’re okay.”  
“You have been through so much today and I’m sure this whole week,” Bailey said softly. “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, but next time just call us and we’ll be there for you.”  
“I know,” I whispered wiping the tears.   
“We’ll let you and Louis spend some time talking,” Marcy said getting up. “We’ll call you tomorrow?”  
“Okay,” I nodded getting up and giving them each hugs. When they left, Louis left everything out on the table and brought me to the bedroom.   
“I never meant to hurt you,” I sighed as he pulled me into the bed. “I was so selfish. I was only thinking about myself.”  
“Well, that’s because you’ve been going through this all alone. Maybe if I had been a better boyfriend I would have talked to you and known something was wrong. I could have helped you.”  
“Don’t say that,” I said looking away. “You’re perfect, it’s me that’s the mess. I ruin everything.”  
“You are perfect, flaws and all,” Louis smiled kissing my cheek.   
\--  
We spent the next two days in my bedroom. I was so exhausted that I couldn’t even think about getting out of bed. Louis didn’t seem to mind, he held me all day and whispered how much he loved me. It felt so safe and warm in that space, that I was terrified of leaving it. I was terrified all those feelings of guilt and hate would come flooding back as soon as I left. One morning Louis and I woke up to pounding on the front door. I sat up groggily as Louis grumbled about the noise. I tried to get up, but Louis wrapped an arm around me.  
“Just pretend we’re not home,” Louis groaned.   
“Can’t Lou, it’s getting louder,” I sighed rubbing my eyes.   
“I’ll get it,” Louis replied. “I’m not letting you get mauled by some psycho.”  
I sighed as his warmth left my side. I got up and followed him even though I know he didn’t want me to.  
“What the fuck do you want so early in the morning?” Louis asked and I flinched hoping it wasn’t Marcy or Bailey. They knew he didn’t like to be woken up though, so I had a feeling it wasn’t them.   
“Where’s Kate?” I was surprised to hear Alec’s voice ask.   
“Asleep,” Louis replied curtly. “What do you want?”  
“She’s right behind you,” Alec said and Louis turned shaking his head at me. His look told me if I had stayed in bed he would already be back. I gave him a little shrug.   
“Well then what do you want?” Louis asked arms crossed.   
“I want to know why you’re being such a fucking bitch to Ashley,” Alec said looking directly at me.   
“Nope, you’re not going to attack my girlfriend in our own fucking home,” Louis said standing in front of me and pushed Alec out the door.   
“You know it’s your fault her name is being pulled through the wringer. You’re the reason the press is pestering her every fucking day. Maybe if you weren’t such a goddam tease…”  
“Get the fuck out you asshole,” Louis said giving Alec a hard shove before slamming the door in his face.   
“Maybe if you weren’t such a goddam tease you wouldn’t have destroyed your sister and your relationship with her. You’re a selfish bitch and you should have gone through with it,” Alec shouted through the door. Louis took me by the waist and pulled me out of the living room and back into the bedroom as Alec continued yelling.   
“I’m calling the fucking cops,” Louis said grabbing his phone. I put my hand on his.   
“Don’t, he’ll calm down eventually,” I said sitting on the edge of the bed. “He’s not saying anything that’s wrong.”  
“Kate, look me in the eyes right now,” Louis said getting down on his knees and making me meet his eyes. “You are not a tease. You are not a bitch. You are not selfish. You are not the reason this is happening to you or your sister. Saving you is what I was put on this earth to do. You always tell me that everything happens for a reason, and you’re alive right now because you give too much to the world to be taken out of it yet. I need you, Bailey needs you, and so does Marcy. Alec is wrong.”  
I nodded leaning to rest my forehead on his. “You’re my only family and my only home.”  
“I’ll be whatever and whoever you need,” Louis replied his eyes so serious and loving. I placed my hands on the back of his neck rubbing it lightly.   
“I love you,” I mouthed.   
“I have to tell you something,” Louis sighed trying to pull away but I wouldn’t let him. I needed him close to me.  
“You can tell me anything,” I whispered.  
Louis closed his eyes before he spoke. “During the Midnight Memories tour, I stole pills from one of our opening acts and took them all at once. Someone from management found me and they took me to the hospital in a moving van. I was back before anyone woke up in the morning.”  
I let the tears trace down my cheeks. I hated knowing that I could have helped him, but I didn’t. I put one hand on the back of his head and guided it to my shoulder holding him tightly to me. “I’m sorry,” I whispered rubbing his back.   
“It’s just I know how much hurt I went through to get to that point and I hate knowing that you’re feeling that kind of hurt right now. I felt so alone and worthless. Is that how you feel? How you felt?”  
“I… felt really overwhelmed. I felt like all those awful memories were just piling on top of each other. I felt like I couldn’t live with those memories. Being with you and Marcy and Bailey, it helps a lot because it reminds me of all the good memories I have with you guys. I wish I could have been there to give you that sense of love,” I sighed rubbing his back.   
“You were there for me though,” Louis said his cheek on my shoulder. “You called me out of the blue the next morning. I knew no one had told you because it was before anyone else had even woken up. I remember exactly what you said, wouldn’t even let me get a word in.” Louis laughed and I rubbed his back.   
“What did I say?” I asked wishing I could remember the sound of his voice and our conversation.  
“You said, oh gosh I really just needed to hear your voice. I’ve just had the worst week, I failed a math test and I just don’t understand why I need to take math if I already know simple addition and multiplication. I just really miss you, my only friend is my sister and you’re way funnier than her.”  
“It’s true,” I smiled kissing his jaw.   
“You made me realize I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to be the reason you were hurting. You saved me by being yourself, you always do,” Louis smiled into my neck.   
“I wish I hadn’t just talked about myself the whole time,” I sighed.  
“You didn’t,” Louis laughed. “You asked me about the band and where we were. You asked me if I was getting enough sleep and if I was eating enough. You aren’t selfish love, you never were.”  
I pulled him close to me and held him tight. “I love you so much,” I whispered kissing his forehead.  
“I love you more,” he answered.


	22. Chapter 22

The next day I woke up because Louis’ phone was ringing. I knew Louis was trying not to wake me, so I pretended to be asleep as he reached over me for his phone. I knew he was going to try and leave the bed, so he wouldn’t wake me up, but that meant he would take the warmth with him, so I turned to rest on top of his chest. I heard him let out a little chuckle as he ran his hand through my hair.   
“Hey Bailey, what’s up?” I heard Louis ask.   
“Oh yeah, she’s okay, she’s sleeping right now,” Louis answered.   
“Well, Alec came by yesterday and was being a total asshole. He called her a tease and a bitch and a bunch of other things I won’t say out loud. I think she’s more shook up about it than she cares to admit. She’s been through a lot this past week, I’m sure she isn’t ignoring you guys on purpose. I’ll make sure she calls you soon.”  
Louis hung up and I felt his arms wrap around me tightly. “I’m so fucking lucky,” he whispered kissing my forehead and I felt the butterflies in the stomach.   
\--  
That afternoon we were sitting on the couch watching tv. Louis hadn’t mentioned the conversation and I knew it was because he didn’t want to push me into anything I didn’t want to think about. He was really too good for me. Someone started knocking on our door loudly and Louis got up rolling his eyes.   
“Everyone’s always banging on your door love,” Louis said ruffling my hair. “You’re too popular.”  
He opened the door and Bailey burst in holding on to Marcy hard. “What’s going on?” I asked pushing my hair back.   
“You look tired,” Bailey frowned still holding a thrashing Marcy. “We’ll talk to Louis. Maybe you should go get some sleep.”  
I knew I looked wrecked, but I wasn’t going to let Louis deal with all my problems for me. “I’m fine, what’s going on?” I asked.  
“Is there a reason you have Marcy in a death hold?” Louis laughed closing the door and following them back to the couch.   
“Bad, she did something bad,” Bailey said.  
“I didn’t do anything bad,” Marcy scoffed. “I just stood up for you, Kate.”  
“What does that mean?” I asked looking between the two.   
“Well Louis told me about what Alec did and then I told Marcy and she flipped. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t listen. She went when to Ashley’s place while I was at work and I had to leave and drag her off the property because Ashley was threatening to call the cops,” Bailey sighed still holding on to Marcy tightly.   
“Let me go,” Marcy said finally getting out of Bailey’s arms.   
“What did you do?” I asked rubbing my temples.   
“Nothing, I just yelled at her for being such a horrible person to you. I may have called her a worthless hag, but that’s it I promise,” Marcy said holding her hands up in surrender.  
“I don’t need you to yell at people for me,” I said looking away. “I can take care of myself.”  
“You don’t stand up for yourself. I’m not letting your sister send her boyfriend over here to call you awful names and degrade you in your own home.” Marcy was practically fuming and I felt so guilty about how much she cared.   
“I’m sorry I made you so upset,” I said looking down at my hands.   
“You didn’t make me upset,” Marcy said shaking her head. “Your sister is the one who pissed me off.”  
“But if you didn’t know me then my sister wouldn’t have pissed me off,” I replied.  
“Kate, don’t be ridiculous,” Marcy said rolling her eyes. “Please just let me love you and protect you.”  
I looked up at Bailey and Louis, who just nodded. “Kate, you’ve been through enough. Just don’t worry about this,” Louis said with a frown.   
“How can I not worry about it?” I asked resting my head on my hands. “All you guys ever do is support me and all I ever do is cause more problems. I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”  
“You do take care of us,” Bailey laughed.   
“Kate we practically live here. You and your boyfriend cook for us like three times a week. You help us with our homework and notes. You are literally the kindest person. You take care of us way more than we ever take care of you,” Marcy replied patting my knee. “I don’t even feel slightly bad for yelling at Ashley for how horrible she’s been to you.”  
“Well I’m not bothering her with my time anymore, so neither should you,” I replied with a frown.   
“I’m sorry,” Bailey said patting my shoulder. “You’re going through a lot and this can’t be easy.”  
“I’ll be fine,” I sighed. Louis came out of the kitchen and handed me a cup of tea. I hadn’t realized he had gone into the kitchen in the first place.   
“Thanks,” I said taking a sip.   
“Course love,” Louis said patting my head.   
“Listen, I think I’m going to go back to bed. Can you two just promise you won’t do anything crazy?” I asked giving them a little smile.   
“Promise,” they laughed. “Go get some sleep.”  
I gave them a wave and they left. “Come on, I’ll go get your pajamas,” Louis said getting up.   
“I’m not going to sleep,” I smiled taking his hands and pulling him down. “I just wanted to be alone with you. I’ve been through a lot and now I just want to be normal with my boyfriend.”  
“I’m literally the luckiest man in the world,” he smiled when I rested my head on his chest. “I didn’t think I would ever get this lucky.”  
“I’m luckier,” I replied when he wrapped his arm around me.   
“Kate, I want to buy us a house,” Louis said softly after a while.   
“Louis, I don’t even have a real job yet,” I frowned. “I don’t want to be like my sister.”  
“I don’t want a massive place babe. I just want a place that’s a bit more secure. I want to know that a million people aren’t going to pound down our door at any minute. I mean obviously Bailey and Marcy can pound down the door anytime they want, but it would be nice to have a room or two where they could stay. I’m sure they don’t love sleeping on the floor. I’ll pay for the whole thing as long as you promise to decorate.”  
“Lou…” I said hesitantly.   
“Let me just find a few places and if you hate them then we won’t do it,” Louis interrupted a pleading look on his face.   
“Alright,” I nodded. The truth was, I was going to be graduating at the end of this semester anyway, so maybe it was time to move out of this place. “Lou?” I asked looking up at him.  
“What’s up, love?”  
“I was thinking of maybe applying for some jobs in San Diego,” I said softly. “Would you hate that?”  
“Kate I think that’s such a good idea,” Louis grinned. “You know I hate LA. There’s too many people here and it’s so stuffy.”  
“Maybe we could get a house there when I graduate,” I said softly.   
“Or we could get a house now, so it’s perfect when you graduate and we could all go there on the weekends,” Louis replied kissing my cheek. He sounded so excited and it made my heart flutter knowing he was just as excited about the future.  
“I love you,” I whispered.   
“Love you too babe,” Louis grinned.  
\--  
A week later Louis had found a couple houses in San Diego, so we went to go look at them. Marcy and Bailey, of course, decided to join us.   
“Kate, why is your phone ringing so much, how popular are you?” Marcy chuckled as my phone rang for the tenth time during the drive.   
“My sister won’t stop calling me,” I sighed grabbing it and silencing it.   
“Are you planning to answer it?” Louis asked glancing over at me.   
“No,” I replied setting the phone face down.   
“Then you should block her number or change yours,” Marcy replied.   
“I figure eventually she’ll give up,” I shrugged.   
“Oh my god is this the house?” Bailey asked as we drove up a long driveway.   
“It’s too big,” I frowned looking up at Louis.   
“Just give it a chance,” he sighed. “The view is killer.” I nodded, not wanting to seem pessimistic about the whole thing.   
In the end, it was the last house we looked at that stole all of our hearts. It wasn’t right on the beach, but it was on top of a hill, so we still had a great view of the water and it was biking distance from the public beach access. There was a long driveway with a big gate and security booth that I knew Louis was happy about.   
“Look this is going to be specifically to keep the two of you out,” Louis smiled pointing to the gate and booth.  
“We all know there is no amount of security that could keep us out,” Marcy grinned and we all laughed. The front yard was big and green as we walked to the front door.   
It was a one-story house, but it had big windows all across the back wall, so we could see the pool outside and the ocean below. It was a lot bigger than my apartment, but it wasn’t so big that it felt empty.   
“Not too big love?” Louis asked wrapping his arm around my shoulders.  
“No, I definitely don’t think I would lose you in here,” I grinned. There were three bedrooms on one side of the house all with their own bathrooms. The other side of the house had an office and poolroom. There was a big garage, so we could fit surfboards, kayaks, and bikes.   
“I really like this place, Lou. I can see us here,” I told him and I could see the excitement in his own eyes.   
\--  
That week Louis stayed in San Diego to sign contracts and fill out paperwork on the house, and that weekend I came down alone, so we could start working on the house.   
“I can’t believe it’s already ours,” I said as we stood in front of the house.  
“I get what I want pretty fast with a name like Louis Tomlinson,” he grinned kissing my cheek. We went shopping for paint and lights, and tons of other things and by the time we got home we were exhausted.   
“Come on, we have to go watch the sunset babe,” Louis grinned. “Every night we’ll go down there, promise me.”  
“I promise,” I smiled as he took me to the garage. There were two bikes sitting there and I looked up at him surprised.   
“Bought us bikes,” he grinned. “Hope you like purple because it’s all yours.”  
“Thanks,” I smiled staring at the bike. “You know this is the first one I’ve ever actually owned.”  
“You’ll never have to borrow a bike again,” Louis smiled kissing my cheek before taking off. When we got to the beach Louis laid out a blanket and let me curl up against him as we watched the sun sink below the water.   
By the time we got back up the big hill, we were panting. It was a lot bigger than I remembered, but it was so worth it. “Next time we’re here we’ll have security,” Louis told me as he punched in the gate code.   
When we got inside I attached myself to Louis. “I’m so happy,” I told him as I suck on his neck.   
“Kate,” Louis moaned trying to push me away.   
“I want to say thank you,” I said palming his crotch and looking up at him.  
“Babe, your words are enough,” Louis said trying to push me away again.   
“Just let me,” I said unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down along with his boxers. I went back to his lips as my hand pumped him. When he was hard I knelt down, so I was at eye level with his dick.   
“Babe,” he said looking down at me. This wasn’t my first time sucking someone off, but this was the first time I wanted to, and the first time I wasn’t scared. I loved Louis so much and I knew he would never hurt me, even on accident. When I took him into my mouth I heard him let out a low moan and he leaned against the wall to support himself. After he came in my mouth and I swallowed it all he pulled me up to hold me.   
“Jesus Kate,” he said burying his head against my neck. “That was amazing.”  
“I love you,” I replied running my hand over the back of his head.   
“I love you so much,” he answered kissing my neck lightly. “Let’s go to bed.”  
I nodded letting go, so he could pull up his pants. We were sleeping on an air mattress for the time being.   
\--  
I woke up in Louis’ arms and despite the air mattress, I was comfortable. We laid in the covers for a while just watching each other. “Kate, do you want me to make you feel good?” Louis asked tracing his fingers over my cheeks.   
“No,” I answered meeting his eyes.  
“Are you sure? I just feel guilty about last night. You didn’t have to do that if you didn’t want to and I didn’t even…”  
“I’m not ready for that,” I answered looking down.   
“Well when you’re ready, I promise I’ll make you feel like you’re in heaven,” he answered pulling me against him.  
“I already do,” I replied kissing his cheek.   
\--  
The next few weekends Marcy and Bailey came with us to the house to help us paint and build furniture. Graduation was getting closer and I already had a job lined up for the next school year only a mile from the house. Both Bailey and Marcy had gotten jobs at separate schools in San Diego. Marcy was planning to stay with her parents for a while and Bailey had found an apartment with roommates.   
“We might as well just designate this as Bailey’s room,” Louis chuckled as we painted the walls a light gray color.   
“Your life would be much much more boring without me,” Bailey said with a grin.   
“I can’t believe you guys really have a security guard. You’re like actually famous,” Marcy said shaking her head and looking out the window.  
“It’s just Louis,” I replied.  
“The people love me,” Louis grinned and I rolled my eyes.   
“When are you two going to buy us beds?” Marcy asked nudging the air mattress out of the way. “You would think since you’re so famous you would be able to afford some proper mattresses.”  
“No furniture until everything is painted and clean,” I answered.   
“Better hurry, graduation is only two weeks away,” Bailey answered.   
“Maybe if Louis would stay here and do some projects while I’m at school instead of insisting on coming back to LA with me every week,” I laughed giving Louis a loving smile.   
“I’m not working if you’re not,” Louis laughed wrapping his arms around me. In truth, he just didn’t like the idea of me living alone with no security anymore, and I honestly didn’t feel safe without him. I had never once complained about him coming back to LA with me and he knew that.   
“Hey lovebirds get back to painting,” Marcy complained and we laughed.  
Later that night we sat on the floor of the kitchen eating pizza. “Marcy, is Sam moving out here with you after graduation?” I asked resting against the wall.   
“We’ve been talking about that a lot,” Marcy said and I watched as her face got sad. “His work is in LA and he’s actually really pissed that I accepted a job out here. Honestly, though I just hate LA so much. The traffic alone is enough to make my skin boil.”  
“So what are you two going to do?” Bailey asked biting her lip.   
“We broke up two days ago,” Marcy said looking away.   
“What why didn’t you tell us?” I asked my eyes going wide.   
“I knew I would be here this weekend and honestly I just don’t want to think about it because it fucking sucks,” Marcy said and I could see the tears in her eyes. I got up and went to sit next to her wrapping my arms around her shoulders like she had done for me so many times.   
“I’m sorry,” I said rubbing her back.   
“We were together for five years,” Marcy said annoyed. “Five fucking years and he just ended it. All that work and time for nothing.”  
“You deserve better,” Bailey answered.   
“I’m going to talk to Marcy,” Louis told me as we got up to go to bed.   
“Okay,” I nodded kissing his cheek and going into our room. I could hear their conversation as I laid in bed waiting for him.  
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about Sam,” Louis said and I heard him sit on her mattress.   
“I just don’t get it,” Marcy sighed. “Why would a guy end it after five years? I thought he was the one. I thought he loved me. What did I do wrong? Would you ever do that to Kate?”  
“That’s a really shitty thing to do,” Louis agreed with a sigh. “But honestly it’s not your fault. Guys are idiots, myself included. He doesn’t know what he missed out on because you are a really great person. You’re loyal and big-hearted and honestly, a catch, don’t tell Kate.” I could hear the smile in his voice.   
“He’s an idiot for letting you go, but you’ll probably find someone ten times better.”  
“Don’t ever do that to Kate,” Marcy said softly.   
“It’s not me you have to worry about,” Louis smiled. “She’s the one who is going to find someone way better.”  
“Not a chance,” Marcy replied. “She’s so in love with you she doesn’t see anyone else.”  
“You’re going to find someone better, I promise,” Louis said and I heard the mattress shift and a few seconds later he was in the doorway.   
“Come here,” I said holding my arms out. Louis smiled and climbed onto the bed and I pulled his head down on my chest.   
“I literally couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend,” I whispered kissing the top of his head.   
“You heard?” Louis asked as I scratched his scalp.   
“I’m not planning on leaving,” I replied. “You and I are going to last.”  
“That’s all I want,” he said taking my hand and kissing it.   
“I want to go to bed,” I answered and he chuckled.


	23. Chapter 23

Two weeks later we graduated. Bailey and Marcy’s families all came and Louis came as well. After the ceremony, I was wrapped up in Louis’ arms. “I’m so fucking proud of you love,” Louis grinned kissing my cheek.   
“Thanks for coming,” I smiled placing my head on his chest.   
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Louis replied.   
“We did it!” Bailey screamed running over jumping up and down.   
“We’re officially smart,” I grinned letting her hug me. Marcy came over to us and joined our hug.   
“You’re all officially smarter than any member of One Direction,” Louis grinned.   
“We were smarter than One Direction when we graduated high school,” I smirked kissing his cheek. “Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”  
“Are you two coming to dinner with our families?” Marcy asked.  
“Yes totally,” I grinned looking up at Louis who gave me a smile. “We’ll go home and change, and meet you at the restaurant.”  
“Be there at seven,” Bailey replied.   
“Wait will you take a picture of Kate and me?” Louis asked grinning down at me. “I want everyone to know I have a smart girlfriend.”  
“Sure,” Marcy grinned taking my phone. Louis and I posed together before I pulled the girls in to take a selfie altogether.   
“We’ll see you tonight,” I smiled letting Louis pull me away.   
“Only a few more days in this tiny apartment,” Louis grinned as I dug through my closet looking for something to wear.   
“I’ll finally have space for my clothes.”  
“Thank god,” Louis laughed. “I’m a little sick of living out of a suitcase.”  
“But not sick of living with me?” I asked pulling out a black dress.   
“Never,” Louis smiled. I changed in the bathroom and when I came back out Louis was wearing a white button-down with the sleeves rolled to his elbows.   
“You look hot,” I said kissing his cheek.   
“You look stunning babe,” Louis grinned looking me up and down. “I’m so proud of you.”  
“Thanks,” I smiled.   
At dinner that night I felt like I finally had a family. It was so fun having people laugh and care about each other. Louis had his hand on my thigh all night and I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. He was the love of my life.   
“Kate you are stunning,” Louis said kissing my cheek as we got home from dinner. I grinned jumping up and wrapping my legs around his hips. My mouth sucked lightly on his collar bone and Louis let out a moan.   
“Kate, you have to get off me,” he laughed trying to tug me off. I wouldn’t let go.  
“I want all of you,” I whispered kissing up his neck to whisper in his ear.   
“Are you sure?” he asked taking my chin between his fingers and making me meet his eyes.  
“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” I answered before connecting our lips in a deep kiss. Louis let out a moan as I put my hands in his hair. Louis led me to the bedroom and set me down on the ground.   
“Let me help you,” he whispered turning me around so he could unzip my dress. His finger brushed down my spine causing me to shiver. “You okay love?”  
“Yes,” I whispered letting him push the sleeves off my shoulders his lips leaving kisses on my skin. When the dress dropped to the floor I turned around desperate to see his eyes. When he smiled at me my heart instantly felt at ease.  
“You are stunning,” he said as his eyes drifted over me. My hands tugged at the hem of his t-shirt, as I tried to lift it over his head. He shrugged the shirt off and grinned at me as I took my palms and dragged them up his stomach to his shoulders.   
“Take off your pants,” I said kissing his neck. Louis obliged and within seconds his pants hit the floor leaving him in only his boxers.   
“Are you okay?” He asked fingering the strap on my bra. I nodded letting him kiss my neck as he took off my bra.   
“I love you, babe,” he said pulling me against his chest when the bra fell to the ground. I felt so safe in his arms.   
“I love you too,” I said tracing my fingers along his back. Louis led me to the bed and laid me down. I laid on my back as Louis watched me.   
“You are so perfect,” he smiled tracing his fingers along my body. He kissed down my body and then back to my lips. His fingers pushed my panties aside and I instantly let out a moan as he made contact.   
“Lou I want you inside me,” I said in between breaths.   
“You sure?” He asked touching my cheek. I nodded and I felt Louis pull down my panties and then I watched him pull down his own. It was uncomfortable and I had tears in my eyes as he entered me.   
“I’ll stop, just tell me to stop,” he sighed watching my face carefully.   
“Don’t, just wait a second,” I said squeezing my eyes closed. Louis stayed still running his hands over my face gently.   
“Are you okay? It’s okay. I’ll stop…” Louis said worriedly. I could tell he was having a hard time staying still he was breathing heavily and shakily.   
“Okay you can move,” I said softly. He let out a moan as he started to move again. I let out a little whimper of pain.   
“I love you,” Louis whispered one hand still on my face the other going down to rub where we met. I let out a moan of pleasure and he sucked my neck lightly.   
“You feel so fucking good,” Louis moaned into my neck. Louis came right after me and he collapsed on top of me.   
“I love you more than life itself,” he whispered rolling off me and playing with the strands of my hair. “Did I hurt you? Do you hate me? Are you okay?”  
“I’m in love with you,” I answered letting him pull me against his bare chest. “You make me feel so safe.”  
“I’ll do anything to make you feel safe,” Louis replied kissing my cheeks.   
“I want to put on some clothes,” I said blushing slightly.  
“I promise I won’t look,” Louis smiled tracing his finger over my side. I kissed his cheek before getting out of bed. I slipped on my panties and grabbed a t-shirt off the floor and slipped it on.   
“That’s my shirt,” Louis smirked.   
“Smells like you,” I answered looking down at the white shirt that stopped mid-thigh. Louis grabbed his boxers from the ground and slipped them on.   
“Come on love, I want to smell like you,” Louis said holding his arm out to me. He pulled me against his bare chest and kissed the top of my head.   
\--  
The next few days Louis and I spent our time packing our apartments and ordering furniture for the house.   
“I have to much stuff,” I groaned collapsing on the couch. Luckily, the furniture came with the place.   
“No you don’t,” Louis laughed. “All your stuff will fit in one uhual love and half of it is mine.”  
Louis barely had anything left in his apartment, since he practically lived at mine and what was left there was no chance I was letting into our new home.   
“I’m tired,” I pouted.   
“We’re just about done love,” Louis smiled ruffling my hair. “Just help me take these last two boxes downstairs and then you can sleep all the way to San Diego.”  
“Okay,” I nodded standing up and picking up a box. Louis took the other one and we brought them downstairs. Louis helped me shove the last box into the uhaul and then we went back upstairs.   
“Your car is already on its way. The uhual driver just left. Are you ready to go love?”  
“Yeah,” I nodded suddenly feeling sad.   
“What’s wrong love?” Louis asked wrapping an arm around me.   
“Nothing, it’s just, life was so different when I first moved in here.”  
“Better?” Louis asked looking down at me.   
“I was happy then, but I’m happier now,” I answered kissing his cheek.  
“You ready?” He asked and I nodded. I left the key on the counter and followed Louis out the door.   
“So we have a week to get settled before Marcy and Bailey move into their places?”  
“Yeah,” I nodded.


	24. Chapter 24

A week later Louis and I sat out by the pool watching the sunset and waiting for Marcy and Bailey to come over. Louis was jotting things in his journal humming to himself as I rested my head on his lap, letting him stroke my hair. It was perfect and I could have stayed like that forever, but the doorbell rang.   
“I’ll be in in a few minutes, just need to finish this idea,” he told me patting my head. I groaned but got up.   
“Kate!” Bailey grinned when I opened the door and was instantly wrapped in a hug. “Did you miss us?”  
“It’s only been a week,” I laughed patting her back. Marcy strode past us taking a look around.   
“You finally got furniture,” she stated noting the big beige couch and wooden kitchen table.   
“What do you think?” I asked.  
“It looks great,” she smiled as Bailey finally let go of me.   
“Hey ladies,” Louis smiled as I led them to the kitchen. The girls waved. “Security didn’t give you any trouble, did they? I made sure they knew your cars.”  
“Nope they just opened the gate right up,” Marcy grinned.  
“I’m going to go to the office for a bit, alright love?” Louis asked coming to kiss my cheek.   
“Just promise you won’t sleep in there again,” I smiled patting his shoulder.   
“Promise,” he nodded before disappearing down the hall.   
“Is he making an album?” Bailey asked as I poured them each a glass of wine.   
“He’s had a lot of ideas lately, so I think an album may be coming soon,” I nodded trying to hide the frown.  
“You aren’t happy about that?” Marcy asked.   
“I mean of course I’m happy he’s finally writing and singing again. I was really worried for a while, but a new album means a tour and I just don’t want to be away from him that long again.”  
“There’s no way he’ll want to be away from you that long either,” Marcy laughed. “He couldn’t even stay here in San Diego during the weeks when we had school.”  
“Yeah,” I nodded taking a drink of my wine. “Enough about me. How have you two been settling in?”  
“My roommates are nice enough. They leave me be and I don’t really talk to them,” Bailey shrugged.   
“I’m just back with my parents,” Marcy shrugged. “Oh, but you’ll never guess who called me while I was in the middle of a date last night.”  
“Who?” Bailey asked.  
“Sam,” Marcy said rolling her eyes. “He’s been calling all week. He wants to get back together and I’m so over it.”  
“Are you going to?” Bailey asked.   
“No way,” she said shaking her head. “I deserve way better than that douche bag.”  
“I’m not settling until I find someone rich enough to buy me a house, like Kate,” Bailey grinned and I took another drink of wine.  
“I could have bought this place myself,” I said rolling my eyes. “Don’t settle until you find someone who is willing to fight for you and love you no matter what you tell them.”  
“No one will ever be like Louis,” Bailey said shaking her head.   
“You’re going to find someone better,” Marcy said to Bailey.   
“That’s not even possible,” Bailey laughed. “Kate took the last good man.”  
“Marcy you should go on the bachelor,” I said.  
“No way the only person in this house pretty enough to get on that show is you.”  
“That’s not true,” I said rolling my eyes.  
“I’m nominating you,” Bailey grinned and Marcy finished off her glass.   
\--  
After the girls left I got ready for bed and then went to find Louis. I found him in the office, it was more of a studio, playing the piano and singing something I hadn’t heard before. I quietly laid myself down on the couch and closed my eyes so I could let his voice wash over me. His songs always left goosebumps on my skin.   
“What did you think?” Louis asked.  
“It was a song for your mom?” I asked keeping my eyes closed.  
“Yeah,” he answered. “Been wishing she could be here and see how happy you make me. Sometimes I think she made all this happen.”  
“She can see you,” I told him. “Next time you talk to her, tell her I said thank you because I’ve never been happier.” I often heard Louis talking to his mom when he thought he was alone. I thought it was sweet.   
“You ready for bed?” He asked coming over and scooping me off the couch.   
“Wine makes me tired,” I answered resting my head on his chest.   
“You know I heard you talking about tour,” he whispered as he set me in bed and crawled in next to me.   
“I don’t care what you do as long as you’re happy,” I said curling against him.   
“I wasn’t going to do the tour until next summer, then you could come with me. I literally can’t be away from you for longer than a weekend and even that is pushing it.”  
“I don’t sleep well without you,” I answered.   
“Were you really going to let me leave for months without you?” Louis chuckled.   
“I’ll never hold you back,” I answered touching his jaw.  
“I’ll never do anything without talking to you and thinking about you first,” he answered kissing my cheek. “Now get some sleep.”  
“Night,” I answered feeling content.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! Sorry, the chapters have been kind of sporadic, I just started my summer job so it's been a little hectic over here. I promise I'm still writing! Let me know what you think

The first year in the house passed by quickly. During the summer Louis worked on his album and I surfed or worked out at the beach. During the school year, I worked and Louis released his album in December. He did some press from the house during second semester, refusing to leave for even a weekend, despite my protests. Then that following summer we spent traveling the world for his tour. We spent a lot of time in London with his family and then when we got back to California at the end of Summer we went to City Hall and got married. Neither one of us had big families or lots of friends, so a real wedding seemed like a waste. We loved each other and we really didn't need a big ceremony to prove that.   
One weekend we rode our bikes back up the hill after surfing all day, Louis had gotten much better. We found someone standing outside our gate and we stopped short.   
“Kate?” Ashley’s voice called from the guard stand. I looked over at Louis, who nodded. We rode our bikes over to the hut.  
“What are you doing here Ashley?” I asked confused. “How did you find us?”  
“I’ve been searching for months,” she answered.   
“Haven’t you been busy?” I asked. She had been filming a new movie just about every few months.   
“I went to your apartment, but they said you moved out last year,” she sighed. “Then I saw that you were with Louis on tour. But I finally found you.”  
She came rushing over to give me a hug but stopped short when I took a step back still straddling my bike. “Please can I come in?” She practically begged. “I need to talk to you.”  
“I…” I looked over at Louis who shrugged.  
“Sure,” I sighed and Louis nodded to the security guard, who opened the gate. Ashley followed us over to the garage, where Louis and I dumped our bikes and hung up our surfboards. Louis helped me peel off my wetsuit and then I helped Louis pull his off. I pulled on his shirt resting on the workbench and took my ring out of the bowl slipping it on, while Louis did the same with his.   
“Will you just heat up the zucchini noodles for dinner?” I asked him as we walked inside. “We’ll sit out by the pool.”  
“Oh no, I don’t need anything. I already ate,” Ashley said.   
“We haven’t eaten,” I replied rolling my eyes.   
“I’ll be out in a few minutes love,” Louis chuckled giving me a wink.   
“This is where you’ve been living?” Ashley asked as I led her out to the patio.  
“Yup,” I answered sitting at the table. Ashley sat across from me.   
“It’s kind of small. You know Louis could have afforded bigger if you wanted it.”  
“I didn’t want a big place,” I answered with a frown. “I like knowing where he is.”  
“You’re married?” She asked noticing the ring on my finger. It was hard to miss. It was the one thing I couldn’t convince Louis to not splurge on. He insisted on buying me a big diamond ring because he claimed that I was the one thing he needed to brag about. He was lucky enough to have me and everyone needed to know.   
“Yeah, we got married a couple of months ago at city hall. Right after the tour,” I nodded knowing I couldn’t contain the smile on my face.   
“I always thought you would end up with Harry,” she said shaking her head. “Even after everything.”  
“I’ve never been happier,” I answered with a shrug. Louis came outside with two bowls and sat down next to me.  
“Here ya go love,” Louis smiled setting a bowl in front of me with a fork.   
“She thinks I should have ended up with Harry,” I grinned and Louis laughed. It had become a little joke for us now. Every time we ran into any time from the One Direction era they always made a comment about whether or not they thought I would end up with Louis.   
“Too bad,” he smiled kissing my cheek. “You’re stuck with me.”  
“So what did you need to talk to us about?” I asked taking a bite of my noodles and turning back to Ashley. Louis put his hand on my thigh rubbing slow soothing circles with his thumb.   
“Kate you disappeared. I missed two years of your life. I called and called and you ignored me and then you just up and moved without telling a soul.”  
“The people who care know where I live,” I laughed. “Marcy and Bailey come over just about every week. And I didn’t just disappear, I have a job down here. It’s not like I moved for the fun of it.”  
“Moving is a lot of work,” Louis nodded.   
“You graduated, moved out of town, got married, started a whole new life without me,” she pouted.   
“The world doesn’t revolve around you,” I shrugged. “Life keeps going. Is that why you’re here? To complain about me not including you in my every life decision anymore?”  
“No,” she said with a frown.  
“Then why are you here? Why did you go through all this work to find us?”  
“Alec and I broke up,” she answered. “I’m doing all those stupid hallmark movies because he was the one with all the money and so I’m broke.”  
“Where have you been living?” I asked.   
“That’s why I’m here,” she said softly. “I found dad… he has this whole new life, like white picket fence life a family and everything. He wants to…”  
“No,” I answered knowing exactly what she was going to say. “I don’t want anything to do with him.”  
“Kate, he’s changed,” Ashley frowned. “He’s letting me stay with him and…”  
“He left me,” I answered. “I don’t give a fuck about him and he never gave a fuck about me.”  
Louis’ hand traveled to my back rubbing it lightly.   
“Is that all you’re here for?” I asked crossing my arms.   
“He only lives two miles from here…”  
“She asked if that’s the only reason you’re here,” Louis said harshly.   
“No,” she said looking down. “I have a date tomorrow and I was wondering if you still had that purple flowy dress from the LV shoot.”  
“Get out,” I said feeling my stomach drop.   
“Kate!”  
“You need to leave,” Louis said standing up. “She doesn’t want you here.”  
“You’re both ridiculous,” Ashley said rolling her eyes and stomping out. Louis escorted her down to the gate and I knew he told the security guard not to let her back in. When he got back I could tell he was still angry, but he was trying not to show it. He sat down at the table with a huff.   
“That’s the dress…”  
“I know exactly what dress it is,” Louis answered pulling me out of my seat and onto his lap. I straddled his lap putting my cheek flush against his chest. He rubbed my back lightly as I tried to steady my breathing.   
“Am I a bad person for not wanting to see my dad?” I whispered.   
“No, I don’t want you to see that asshole either,” Louis answered wrapping his arms around me and just holding me.   
“I wish the rest of the world didn’t exist,” I sighed. “I wish the only thing that ever existed was you and me.”  
“I’m happy for everything- good and bad,” Louis answered. “It made you the person you are now and I love that person so much.”  
“I love you,” I answered.


	26. Chapter 26

The next weekend, Louis and I went down to the beach again. We brought paddleboards and a picnic. We left our towels, blankets, and food on the beach before pulling our boards and oars out to the water. Louis hated paddleboarding, he still wasn’t great at balancing, so he usually sat on his board and watched me. I like to practice yoga on my own board. I had come to find it really relaxing.   
“I will never understand how you do that?” He laughed as I stretched and balanced on one foot.   
“If you did a little bit more practice, you could do it too,” I laughed.   
“I can’t even stand up,” he said shaking his hand. We stayed out on the water for about an hour before paddling back to shore. We pulled our boards over to our stuff and Louis helped me lay out the blanket. I peeled my wetsuit off my arms letting it hand down and Louis did the same before sitting down.   
“You’re so pretty,” Louis grinned. “I’m so lucky.”  
“Well, you’re not so bad yourself,” I smirked. Ever since we moved into our house, I had convinced Louis to eat healthy with me. More veggies and less processed food, at first he complained, but then he started begging for me to make salads and zucchini noodle spaghetti. We also were outside running, swimming, biking, surfing, playing soccer so often that we were both really fit. Louis had gained a nice six-pack that I loved running my hands over. When he came back from One Direction he had been sickly skinny and pale, a smoker, with mental health problems. He had really become such a healthier version of himself and it was the one thing I was really proud of.   
“You want a glass of wine love?” Louis asked and I nodded he poured us each a glass before pulling some food out of the basket.   
“I’m starving,” I said taking one of our preprepared acai bowls. We practically lived off of them.   
“How was work this week?” Louis asked. We both sat cross-legged watching the waves crash onto the shore.   
“It’s been alright,” I shrugged. “I had another student apply for the food pantry and I need to go do a home visit.”  
“Now you have to tell me one good thing,” Louis smiled poking my cheek. Every time I talked about things going on at work he always made me say a positive for every negative. It had really helped me during the times when it seemed really hard.   
“One of my students got into Harvard,” I grinned.   
“That’s a good one,” he smiled kissing my cheek.   
“Can we listen to our book?” I asked looking up at him. He smiled and nodded. We spent a lot of our free time listening to books together. Most of them were ones I had read as a child or teenager, that I was now forcing Louis to read. He hadn’t read a book since before the X-Factor and I just couldn’t handle that. I turned the book on and laid my head on his lap as we continued to eat. Louis ran his fingers through my hair lightly. As we sat together we watched people, couples, and families walking together along the water. One family in particular caught my eye. It was an older couple probably in their mid to late forties and they had two young kids- a boy looking to be a middle schooler and the little girl was probably five or six. The little girl was splashing her feet in the water and the boy was talking animatedly with his mom. Suddenly the man turned to face us.   
“Kate!” He called and the voice made me freeze.   
“How does he know your name?” Louis asked instantly going into protective mode.   
“That’s my dad,” I whispered feeling panicked. “Ashley must have told him this is where we go…”  
“What do you need right now?” He asked worriedly. “You can go… I’ll get everything.”  
“No, they’ll just keep coming back,” I sighed sitting up as the man ran over to us. His family followed behind slowly.   
“Kate!” He called again a big grin on his face as he approached. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees. When he got to the blanket I stood up and Louis stood up standing slightly in front of me.   
“Kate, oh baby,” he sighed. “Ashley said you might be here, but I didn’t think… oh gosh, you’re just stunning.”  
“She said she didn’t want to see you,” Louis replied as I just stood there staring. This man was so different from the man I knew the first six years of my life. He was only twenty-five when he left with Ashley.   
“Kate, honey, god I’m so sorry about everything. I was so young and stupid and I just left you behind. I shouldn’t have left you, god I’m so sorry.”  
“I told Ashley I didn’t want to see you,” I whispered feeling my eyes prick with tears.   
“Mommy who is that?” The little girl asked tugging on her mom’s hand. They were standing a little further back. The mom looked hesitant and sad.   
“Are those your kids? Is that your wife?” I whispered.   
“That’s my family,” he nodded. “I’m trying to be better… a better husband… a better dad. I want you to be part of your life. I want to make it up to you.”  
“I don’t want you in my life,” I said taking a step back. “I’m happy without you.”  
“Look this is my wife Karen and my kids…”  
“Steve, honey, don’t push her. I told you showing up here was going to push her too far,” Karen whispered keeping her kids back. “Go play in the water,” she whispered to them and they stared for a moment before running off.   
“I’m sorry,” Karen said with a frown. “I told him this was a bad idea.”  
“Just please just give me a second chance,” my dad said tears filling his own eyes.   
“You left me with a meth-addicted mother because Ashley was the only one who could make you money in LA. I can’t even look at you,” I said looking to Karen. “You seem like a very sweet person and this has nothing to do with you. Louis, I need to leave.”  
“We’ll go,” Karen said taking her husband's shoulders and pulling him away from us he looked heartbroken and I didn’t even feel a sense of remorse.   
“Let’s go, love,” Louis said shoving our things into the basket and throwing it over his shoulder and grabbed our boards. My hands were shaking and I could hardly see as tears welled in my eyes.   
“You want me to bike home and grab the car?” Louis asked worriedly.   
“No, I’m fine,” I said wiping under my eyes and straddling my bike. We biked home and I did my best to hold in my tears. When we got home Louis put our things away and helped me tug off my wet suit and I did the same. We put on our rings and then went inside.   
“I’m going to draw you a bath,” Louis said kissing my cheek.   
“Thanks,” I whispered. I went to the bedroom and undressed before going into the bathroom. Louis took my hand and helped me into the bath. I settled into the tub resting my head against the back and Louis sat down resting his arms on the edge of the tub.  
“I’m sorry he ruined our beach day,” I sighed.  
“It’s not your fault,” Louis laughed. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
“It doesn’t hurt, you know,” I sighed. “It doesn’t hurt to see him happy with a family. I only knew him until I was six. I never saw him after that. It really just makes me upset that he thinks he deserves a second chance that he has any right to my life. He doesn’t know what he did when he left me. He doesn’t know what happened. He didn’t want me when I was useless and he doesn’t deserve me now that I’m happy.”  
“I will support you no matter what, okay?”   
“I know,” I smiled looking over at him.   
“God I’m lucky,” he laughed and I rolled my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!!! As always, I love hearing from anyone who has taken the time to read!


	27. Chapter 27

The next day I was cooking dinner as Louis hummed at the table typing on his laptop when security called us.   
“Security to house,” the guard called through the intercom.   
“We’re here,” Louis replied pressing the buzzer by the backdoor.   
“There’s a white female by the name of Karen here,” the guard replied and Louis looked up at me.   
“Is it just her?” Louis asked.  
“Yup.”  
I gave Louis a nod and he told the guard to send her up. “I’ll go get the door,” Louis said. I nodded turning back to the stove. I was making veggie stir fry and quinoa. I couldn’t hear what the pair were saying but I could hear their individual voices as they made their way to the kitchen.   
“Kate,” the woman said softly and I turned to meet her eyes.   
“Hi,” I said brushing my hair back. She was a kind-looking woman and I had no ill feelings towards her, but my stomach was still churning.   
“I didn’t mean to intrude on your dinner. I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I tried to convince Steve not to just show up out of the blue like that, but he told me he needed to see you. I knew it wouldn’t go well and I’m so sorry if it hurt you.”  
“I hardly knew him,” I shrugged. “I just don’t want him to think he can waltz back into my life like nothing happened. I had really awful things happen to me and it’s because he left me and he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t know anything about me.”  
“Your sister, Ashley, she actually told him some of the things. Honey, I understand if you never forgive him I really do. When I heard some of those things that happened, I almost didn’t forgive him.”  
“He seems like a good person now, different,” I answered. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”  
“I just hate the idea that he hurt and left his little girl and didn’t have any remorse until years later,” she sighed.   
“Drugs and money can warp a person’s mind,” I shrugged turning back to the stove.   
“Kate honey, I know your sister pretty well, but I’d really like to know you, just a dinner if that’s all your comfortable with and I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me,” she said.  
“Do your kids know you’re here?” I asked pushing the vegetables around the pan.   
“Actually, I didn’t want to bring them into this unless you were comfortable, but Ashley ended up telling my daughter that you were her sister. She insisted I give you this drawing,” she said and I turned to find her pulling a piece of paper out of her purse. I took it from her shaky hand and unfolded it. It was a drawing of stick figures all playing on the beach. I could tell it was the people in her house, but there was one little girl playing with a taller stick figure that had been named Kate. At the bottom of the page was scribbled I love you.   
“She made this?” I asked biting my lip.   
“Yeah, I’m sorry if you…”  
“Would you like to stay for dinner?” I asked interrupting her.   
“Are you sure?” She asked looking between me and Louis, who had been sitting at the table carefully watching us.   
“Sure,” I shrugged. “If you want.”  
“I would love that,” she nodded.   
“It’s almost ready,” I said and Louis got up to get the table set. When dinner was ready I set the pots on the table and sat down across from Karen next to Louis. We served ourselves quietly.   
“So Ashley said you two have known each other since you were seventeen,” Karen said breaking the silence.  
“Yeah, but we’ve been together for about three years now,” I answered.   
“Oh my gosh you’re married,” Karen grinned noting the ring on my finger. “Wow, that’s amazing. Do you have photos of the wedding?”  
“We didn’t have a wedding,” I answered. “Didn’t really need a big thing.”  
Karen’s smile slipped slightly, but I give her credit for bringing it right back. “What do you two do for a living?”  
“I’m a high school counselor,” I answered.   
“Oh, I give you props for that. I can’t imagine handling all that,” Karen laughed. “And what about you Louis?”  
“I’m a singer,” Louis answered looking down at me. I knew he didn’t know how much I wanted to tell.   
“Oh, that’s right. I think Ashley told us about the band you used to be in,” Karen nodded.  
“He writes and sings his own music now,” I said feeling my heart swell with pride. “We actually just got back from his world tour over the summer.”  
“Oh wow, that explains the security,” she smiled. “You two both must be so proud of each other.”  
“You know she’s the only person in her family to graduate from college?” Louis asked grinning up at me.   
“Your dad told us you were smart,” she said softly. “He told me once that you were reading chapter books when you were only five.”  
“Yeah,” I sighed looking down.   
“She has me reading now,” Louis smiled. “All the books I missed out on.”  
“So you two knew each other while you were in the band?” Karen asked.   
“Yeah, we were good friends, but it wasn’t until after that you know we fell in love,” Louis said and I saw his cheeks redden. I placed my hand on his.   
“You two are really good for each other, I can tell,” Karen said with a small smile. “You know Ashley told us that you two had a bit of a falling out…”  
“We really aren’t on speaking terms,” I answered biting my lip. “We haven’t been for a year or two now. Things were said that can’t be taken back and she hasn’t really made much of an effort to change.”  
“I’ll be honest I can see where things get complicated between the two of you. I see how different you and Ashley are even in this short time knowing each other. You two had very different lives. I just want you to know I don’t judge you for that.”  
“Thanks,” I said. A while later she finally decided to leave.   
“Can I give you a hug?” She asked and I could tell she was nervous. I nodded. She wrapped her arms around me.   
“I know you probably don’t need to hear this and least of all from me, but I need you to know I’m proud of you. You’ve come really far without a lot of support and now you’re happy. Not a lot of people can say they created their own joy and life, but you can and you should be proud of yourself,” she said rubbing my back.   
“Thank you,” I whispered feeling my eyes tear up slightly. She did the same thing for Louis I didn’t know what she said, but Louis had tears in his eyes as well. We watched her car leave before Louis turned to me.   
“She’s a mom, like a real mom,” I said biting my lip. “Is it bad I really like her?”  
“She reminds me of my mum,” he said. “I really like her too.”  
“What did she tell you?” I asked leaning against the wall.   
“She told me I was a good man and that she knows I’ll take good care of you. I know you tell me I’m great all the time, but it just felt good hearing it from a mom,” he said with a little smile. “What did she tell you?”  
“She’s proud of me,” I said my cheeks blushing. Louis smiled.   
“If you want her in your life or if you don’t want anything to do with her I’ll support you either way.”  
“I just need some time to figure it out,” I shrugged. Louis nodded in understanding.


	28. Chapter 28

The next day we had Bailey and her husband and Marcy and her boyfriend over.   
“Look at you,” I grinned putting a hand on her large stomach. “How are you feeling?”  
“Morning sickness is finally over,” she smiled.   
“But she’s super emotional all the time,” her husband said and we laughed.   
“More than usual?” Louis smiled causing Bailey to give him a swat.   
“Definitely,” her husband nodded. We led them to the kitchen which was already set for dinner.   
“Kate this looks great,” Marcy said sitting down at the table.   
“I’m starving,” Bailey said. We served ourselves chatting about regular things. About halfway through the meal, Bailey got a big grin on her face.   
“So we found out the gender,” she said.   
“Oh my gosh really?” I asked excitedly.   
“What is it?” Marcy asked.   
“A girl,” Bailey grinned and I could feel tears in my own eyes.   
“Oh wow,” I said getting up and hugging her. “You must be so excited.”  
“I really am,” she smiled rubbing my back.   
“I can’t wait to buy her dresses,” Marcy grinned. Bailey and her husband left early because she was exhausted.   
“Hey, who drew this?” Marcy asked as we sat at the kitchen counter.   
“It’s kind of a long story,” I answered tracing my finger along the picture Karen’s daughter had drawn.   
“Well spill it,” Marcy said topping off my wine glass.  
“You’re going to get her drunk,” Louis chuckled.   
“She seems like she needs to be a little drunk,” Marcy answered and I shook my head.   
“Ashley came by a few weeks ago,” I answered looking to Louis.  
“She was her old selfish self,” Louis replied. “So I kicked her out.”  
“Doesn’t surprise me,” Marcy said shaking her head.   
“Well, she said Alec left, she’s broke, and staying with my father. She said he wanted to see me, but I don’t want anything to do with him.”  
“I don’t blame you,” Marcy replied. “He was a piece of shit.”  
“Yeah well my sister must have told him where we go to the beach because he and his whole family- wife, and kids, showed up there a few days ago,” I said rubbing my forehead. “I didn’t even recognize him.”  
“He just showed up there without any warning?” Marcy asked.   
“Yeah, he was begging me to forgive him and get to know the new him,” I sighed.   
“What an ass,” Marcy said shaking his head. “And your sister isn’t any better.”  
“Well, his wife showed up here yesterday to apologize for everything. She actually ended up staying for dinner. She was really sweet, but she said Ashley told her daughter that I was her sister and she drew that picture for me.”  
“Did you meet her Lou?” Marcy asked.   
“Yeah, she seemed like a really good person. She reminded me of my own mom,” Louis answered. “She seemed like she genuinely cared about Kate’s wishes and feelings and us in general.”  
“You both have mommy problems though, maybe I should meet her,” Marcy said. “I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”  
“You don’t have to,” I said with a frown. “You have your own life now, you don’t need to take care of me.”  
“Well I want to,” Marcy said rolling her eyes. “You still take care of us, so I want to take care of you.”  
“Maybe it is a good idea,” Louis said to me. “She asked to come over next weekend to check on us.”  
“I’ll be here you just give me a time and day,” Marcy said.   
\--  
The next weekend, Marcy, Louis, and I were playing basketball in the driveway when Karen pulled up. Louis grabbed the ball as Karen got out with a big casserole dish.   
“Hey Karen, let me take that for you,” Louis said going to grab the dish.   
“Oh thank you, sweetheart,” she said patting Louis’ cheek.   
“Kate honey, how are you?” She asked coming to give me a hug.   
“Good,” I nodded. “This is my friend Marcy.”  
“Hey,” Marcy said giving a wave.   
“Oh it’s so good to meet one of Kate’s friends,” Karen smiled. She followed us into the house.   
“So Marcy how long have you known Kate and Louis?”   
“I’ve known Kate since sophomore year of college,” Marcy replied. “I met Louis right after the band broke up and he moved back to LA.”  
“I’m sure you all had some fun times together,” Karen laughed.   
“We have another friend too, her name is Bailey,” I replied.  
“She’s super pregnant though, so not a lot of fun right now,” Marcy laughed.   
“Oh wow you guys are in such an exciting time right now, marriages and babies,” Karen smiled.  
“Karen this smells great,” Louis said placing casserole on each of our plates.   
“Oh thanks,” Karen smiled. “I know it’s probably not as healthy as you're used to, but everyone needs some lasagna every once in a while.”  
“So Karen, Kate says you’re married to Steve,” Marcy said.  
“Yeah, when I married him I didn’t know about Kate and Ashley. He didn’t tell me any of that until Ashley showed up on our doorstep,” Karen replied. “When I found out everything he had done… I mean I just feel like it’s my job to check up on your kids. I know you’re adults now, but I just feel like you need a little parental love.”  
“How do we know you’re not doing this because you’re trying to force Kate to be on good terms with Steve?” Marcy asked crossing her arms.   
“I would never push you to anything you don’t want to do honey,” Karen said facing me. “I understand why you don’t want him in your life and I don’t want you to ever feel uncomfortable.”  
“I know thanks,” I said softly.   
“So what made you all move to San Diego?” Karen asked changing the subject.  
“Actually Marcy’s parents live a few blocks from here and we used to come and visit for pretty much every break,” I smiled. “That’s where we learned how to surf.”  
“Louis, did you go with them too?” Karen asked.   
“Yeah, we went for Christmas the last few years,” Louis smiled.   
“I’m glad you had family to spend it with,” Karen said and I could see the sadness in her eyes.   
“Yeah, my friends have become my family,” I nodded. “They put up with a lot.”  
“I can tell you really care about each other,” Karen replied.   
“How did you meet my dad?” I asked softly.   
“Oh well we were at a company picnic and he came up to me and complimented my dress and I guess the rest is history,” Karen smiled.   
“Where does he work?” I asked softly.   
“He works in sales now,” Karen replied. “He started in the mailroom though. Without a college degree, he had to work his way up.”  
“Oh,” I nodded and Louis wrapped an arm around my shoulder “How is he with the kids?”  
“He’s a good dad now,” Karen said looking down. “He takes our daughter to dance class and plays baseball in the front yard with our son. He helps with their homework and takes them to school…”  
“I’m glad he’s better for you and your family,” I answered looking down. Louis rubbed my back lightly. I had convinced myself that I didn’t care about the life these kids got with my dad, but I could feel the sting.  
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said any of that. I didn’t mean to make you upset honey,” Karen said worriedly.   
“You didn’t,” I said with a shrug.   
“I meant to give you this,” Karen said handing me another folded piece of paper. I opened it to find a crayon drawing of a princess labeled Kate. “She’s convinced herself you’re a princess. We don’t really know why, but she won’t stop talking about how she’s related to a princess.”  
“I’m sorry if I’m putting a strain on your family,” I said looking down.  
“Honey, you’ve never been a strain,” Karen said. “My kids understand that some things just aren’t that simple. I didn’t tell them everything, but they understand you aren’t ready and may never be ready to be part of our family.”  
“Well I’m sorry you had to have that conversation with them at all,” I said. Louis rested his head on my shoulder.   
“Kate, you’re not the one who is responsible for any of this,” Karen replied. “You were just a kid.”  
When Karen left Marcy turned to us. “She’s good,” Marcy nodded. “She cares about you both.”  
With that Marcy left and Louis turned to me worriedly. “Karen made you upset,” he said crossing his arms.   
“I didn’t think I cared about my dad being a good dad now, but it just kind of stung. I mean I guess I never really deserve to have parents who loved me and took care of me anyway,” I shrugged. “I wasn’t special, I wasn’t a good kid, I didn’t have a job.”  
“Kate, you’re being ridiculous again,” Louis said taking my hand and pulling me against him. “You were just a kid. You don’t have to do anything to be loved, babe. Your parents were assholes. Plus I know you were special and a good kid because you read so many books.”  
“I just don’t understand what I did wrong,” I sighed. “Why did he decide to do it right with these kids?”  
“I can’t answer that, other than that he’s a complete idiot,” Louis said running his hand over my hair. “I promise that you are worthy of love and I am going to take care of you for the rest of your life.”  
I jumped up wrapping my legs around his waist resting my head on his shoulder. “Are you done with Karen?”  
“No,” I answered. “I still like her. I kind of want to meet her kids, but I feel like I have to be ready to see my dad first.”  
As Louis walked me to the bedroom he said, “you can do anything in any order you want babe.”  
“All I really want is to cuddle with you,” I answered.   
“That’s what we’re going to do,” Louis replied.


	29. Chapter 29

A week later Bailey gave birth and it was the most exciting thing to happen in our friend group. We all were at the hospital and I knew we were crowding Bailey and the baby, but we just couldn’t help it.  
“Oh she is just beautiful,” I said looking at the baby in my arms. Louis was standing watching her over my shoulder.   
“How are you doing?” I asked taking Bailey’s hand with my other arm.   
“I’m tired,” Bailey laughed. “But we have to ask you something.”  
“What?” I asked giving her my full attention.   
“Will you two be the godparents?” She asked looked between Louis and me.  
“Really?” I asked my eyes wide looking down at the baby in my arms.   
“Really,” Bailey grinned.   
“Yes, a thousand times yes,” I smiled looking up at Louis.  
“Obviously that’s a yes,” Louis smiled.   
“I love you two,” Bailey smiled as I handed her the baby again.   
“We love you too,” I said kissing her cheek. “If you need anything, you call, okay? We love you so much.”  
“Thanks,” Bailey smiled. Louis ruffled Bailey’s hair before we left.   
“We need to check in on her these first few months quite a bit,” I told him as we walked through the hospital. “Sometimes women can get postpartum depression and I don’t want her to go through that alone.”  
“You’re the best person I’ve ever met,” he said kissing my cheek.   
“I just don’t want her to ever think we have to split our love between her and the baby now.”  
“I’ll do whatever you need,” Louis replied helping me into the car.   
“Bella is so cute though,” I said as he pulled out of the parking lot.   
“She really is adorable,” Louis nodded. “I can’t believe we get to be her godparents.”  
“I can’t wait to buy her everything she could ever want,” I grinned.   
When we curled up in bed that night Louis and I laid face to face. “Can I tell you something?”  
“What?” I asked noting the little smile on his face.  
“When you were holding Bella today I couldn’t help, but picture us with a little girl that looks just like you,” Louis answered. “I want to raise a family with you baby.”  
“Oh,” I said looking away from him.  
“Babe, I don’t want to rush you or push you into something you’re not comfortable with,” Louis said forcing me to look at him again.  
“It’s not that, it’s just… I probably should have told you this a long time ago, but when I was raped by my mom’s boyfriend they told me that it would be really hard for me to have kids. I decided then that if I ever got married, I would adopt.”  
“That’s nothing for you to feel ashamed about honey,” Louis said honestly. “If you want to adopt, that’s what we can do.”  
“I had this thought a few months ago… there are so many kids who are older and couples don’t want them because they aren’t babies… if you don’t want an older kid though…”  
“Kate honey I think that’s a great idea,” Louis smiled pulling me against him. “I will love any child that comes into this home.”  
“I just want to wait a few more months before we start anything,” I said. “I want to take care of Bailey first.”  
“Sounds like a plan love,” Louis replied kissing the top of my head.  
\--  
The next week we brought over dinner for Bailey’s family at least three times. Saturday night Louis and I were supposed to go to Steve’s house for dinner. I had been wanting to meet Karen’s children and I felt that in order to do that I needed to accept my dad, so we were all having dinner together. I had made the request that Ashley not be there, so we scheduled the dinner for the night we knew she had a date.   
Before dinner, we were at Bailey’s house taking care of Bella and making sure they got decent meals. Louis sat on the couch next to me holding Bella and Bailey had her head resting on my lap. Eventually, Bailey fell asleep and we kept ourselves entertained with Bella waiting for her husband to get back from the store.   
“I’m sorry I can’t give you this,” I sighed running my fingers over Bella’s little face.   
“You give me more than I could ever ask for every day,” Louis replied kissing my forehead.   
“We’re going to be late to dinner,” I said looking at my watch.  
“They can wait,” Louis shrugged.  
“I’ll just text and let them know,” I said pulling out my phone. Louis kissed my jaw as I sent a text to Karen. Finally, a few minutes later, Bailey’s husband walked through the door. I gently moved from underneath Bailey and set her head on the couch.   
“We have to go, but please don’t wake up Bailey. She’s exhausted,” I said as Louis handed him the baby. He nodded.   
We went straight to Karen and Steve’s house and I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. “Babe,” Louis said taking my hand in his and giving it a squeeze. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”  
“I want to do this,” I said. “I’m just really nervous.”  
“If you want to leave just tell me and I will get you out of there,” Louis replied.   
“I’m going to be okay,” I said more for myself than him. He squeezed my hand again as we pulled into the driveway. Louis helped me out of the car and I leaned into him as we waited at the door. I could hardly stand on my own. Karen opened the door with a big grin.   
“Hi my loves,” she smiled wrapping us both in big hugs.   
“I’m really sorry we’re late,” I said.  
“Your friend comes first,” Karen replied patting my back.   
“Hi,” the little girl said peeking from behind her mom’s legs. I got down on my knees so I was eye level with her.   
“Hi, I’m Kate, what’s your name sweetie?”   
“My name is Annie,” she smiled shyly.   
“You know I loved all the pictures you’ve drawn for me, Annie. Louis and I have them hanging up on our fridge because they’re so special to us,” I told her.  
“Wow really?” She asked her eyes wide.   
I nodded, “can I give you a hug?”  
“Yes, please,” she smiled and immediately wrapped her little arms around my neck. “I like having you as my sister.” I felt my chest tighten and my eyes water.  
“I like it too,” I answered rubbing her back lightly.   
When we broke apart she whispered in my ear, “who is that boy behind you?”  
“That’s my husband, Louis.”  
“Hi Louis,” Annie grinned waving at him as I stood up.   
“Hi Annie, it’s lovely to finally meet you,” Louis replied.   
“He sounds funny,” Annie giggled. I looked up at Louis who let out a chuckle.   
“He’s from another country,” Karen told her. “Why don’t you go wash up for dinner?”  
“Okay,” Annie grinned running off.  
“She was just so excited to meet you,” Karen laughed leading us further into the house. “My son is around here somewhere.”  
“I’m right here mom,” a boy called from the couch. Karen smiled leading us over to a living room.   
“Adam will you get off that game,” Karen said rolling her eyes. Adam let out a sigh but turned off the tv.   
“You must be Kate,” Adam said standing up and giving me a once over.   
“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you, Adam,” I said holding my hand out to shake. He shook it firmly before turning to Louis.  
“Who are you?” Adam asked.   
“I’m Louis,” he replied. “I’m Kate’s husband. It’s really good to meet you, man.” He gave Adam a handshake.   
“Do you play sports?” Adam asked Louis.   
“I used to play a lot of football… um, soccer. But now Kate and I sometimes play basketball. We surf quite a bit.”  
“My mom won’t let me surf,” Adam frowned.   
“Well I don’t know how to,” Karen laughed. “Maybe Kate and Louis could teach you.”  
“Kate’s a good teacher. She taught me everything I know,” Louis laughed.   
“Would you really teach me?” Adam asked.  
“Sure, I would love to,” I smiled.   
“Go get cleaned up for dinner,” Karen told him. He jogged away.   
“Your dad… um, Steve… he’s in the kitchen,” Karen said turning to us.   
“Oh alright,” I nodded. I followed Karen through the house looking around at the family photos hanging on the walls. I honestly couldn’t believe these kids got to live in this place. It was beautiful.   
“This place is stunning,” I told Karen. “I assume you did the designing.”  
“Yeah, I did,” Karen laughed. “Steve is practically color blind.”  
“Louis is the same way,” I laughed.   
“I didn’t know what a throw pillow was until I started staying at Kate’s apartment,” Louis laughed.   
“Well that house you two have is beautiful, so you did a great job,” Karen smiled. When we got to the kitchen Steve’s back was facing us as he tended to the stove.   
“Steve honey, Kate and Louis are here,” Karen said and Steve turned around super fast. Louis wrapped his arm around me and I leaned into him.   
“Kate, you don’t understand how happy I am to see you here in my house,” Steve said coming around the island. I took a step back and Steve stopped and looked down. “I’m sorry it’s too soon for that. I’m just happy to have you here at all.”  
“Is dinner almost done, babe?” Karen asked.   
“Yeah, you all can go sit at the table and I’ll bring it over,” Steve said awkwardly.   
“Okay,” Karen replied and we followed her into a formal dining room. Louis and I didn’t even have one of these in our house. We sat down and Karen turned on a big chandelier.   
“Why are we eating here?” Adam asked plopping down across from Louis and me. Annie climbed into her chair and grinned at us.  
“Kate and Louis are here, so we thought it was a special enough occasion to eat in here.”  
“Kate’s a princess, so we have to be fancy,” Annie grinned.   
“I thought we were eating in here because you were the princess,” I told Annie who gave a big grin.   
“Alright dinner is ready,” Steve grinned bringing in a big tray of food. There was meat and bread and vegetables and salad. Louis and I usually only had two courses at most.   
“I’m starving,” Adam said immediately grabbing things off the trays. Louis’ and I’s plates looked drastically different than the family’s. While there’s were piled high with bread and meat, Louis and I had filled ours with veggies and salad.   
“You like vegetables?” Annie asked scrunching her nose.   
“We love them,” I said with a nod.   
“They eat vegetables as their whole meal,” Karen told them and Adam scrunched his nose as well.   
“So you guys like to eat healthy?” Steve asked. I nodded silently.   
“Want her around as long as possible,” Louis smiled patting my thigh.   
“Karen said you were taking care of a friend before this,” Steve said.  
“Um yeah, one of my best friends just had a baby last week and so we’ve been cooking her dinners and going over to check on them. She was so tired today that she fell asleep, so we had to wait until her husband got home from the store before we could leave,” I replied.   
“You’re a good friend,” Karen smiled. “You both are.”  
“She’s our family,” Louis shrugged and I nodded looking up at Steve who looked down at his plate.   
“But I thought we were your family,” Annie said confused. “Dad said we were your only family.”  
“Kate didn’t know us for a very long time, so she made her own family,” Karen replied. “A lot of people have family that aren’t related to them at all. They love each other like family and take care of each other like family.”  
“Oh,” Annie said and I could tell Steve was embarrassed and ashamed. He refused to look up from his plate.   
“My mom said you’re a famous singer,” Adam said turning to Louis. “Is that true?”  
“I used to be,” Louis replied. “But I’m not anymore.”  
“Well, he used to be part of a really famous band, but now they all sing music on their own. Louis just performed in countries all over the world this summer and I got to go with him,” I bragged. “He’s just humble, people still love him and his voice all over the world.”  
“Ashley said you used to date another boy in the band.. what was his name, Harry?” Steve asked.   
“We never dated,” I snapped a little too harshly. Louis put his hand on my thigh and gave me a smile.   
“Shouldn’t believe everything Ashley tells you,” he chuckled shaking his head.   
“Yeah, I guess not,” Steve mumbled.   
“Where’s the coolest place you got to go this summer?” Adam asked.   
“We got to go swim in this crystal clear ocean in Bermuda,” Louis replied looking down at me.   
“Louis organized a private dinner for us on top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris,” I answered.   
“How sweet,” Karen cooed.   
“You used to be famous too Kate, right?” Steve asked and I tensed slightly.   
“Never anywhere near Ashley,” I answered looking down at my plate.   
“Why were you famous Kate?” Annie asked.   
“Kate was famous because she was the only one in her whole family to go to college and pay for it all by herself and now she graduated and has a really good job and her very own house,” Louis replied.   
“We love Kate and Louis because they’re nice and they’re our family not because they’re famous, right?” Karen said looking at her kids.  
“They’re the nicest people I ever met,” Annie said.   
“Dad, are you crying?” Adam chuckled looking over at his father.   
“Why are you crying, daddy?” Annie asked.   
“Because I keep saying the wrong fucking things and my daughter fucking hates me. I fucked up so bad,” Steve said swiping under his eyes. I felt my heart clench with panic as I looked at these innocent kids. I had made it my goal to make sure they never knew we were on bad terms.   
“Kids, why don’t you go prepare the dessert and let the grownups talk for a few minutes,” Karen said shooing them off.   
“Kate I’m sorry I keep saying the wrong thing. I’m sorry I left you. I…”  
“It’s fine, people make mistakes,” I replied calmly. The kids were just in the room over and I knew they could hear everything we said.   
“It’s not, I was a really bad person and…”  
“It’s all in the past,” I shrugged.   
“Kate, I know you don’t believe that so why the hell are you saying it?” Steve said raising his voice causing both Karen and I to flinch.   
“Because your kids are in the room over and they don’t need to live their life knowing their dad is a bad person because I know what that was like and it sucked,” I answered keeping my voice low.   
“Well I don’t fucking care if they know, they’ll figure it out eventually so just fucking tell me what you’re really thinking,” Steve roared.   
“Don’t yell at her,” Louis said levelly. He was the only thing keeping me calm right now.   
“I think that I’m not going to hurt your relationship with your kids,” I answered.  
“You’re my kid goddammit,” he said running his hands through his hair.   
“I stopped being your kid when you left me with a fucking crack whore,” I whispered.   
“She wasn’t…”  
“Oh, she wasn’t a crack whore?” I laughed. “Did you know that when I was ten we were homeless? Did you know that when I was ten she used to sell me to men in exchange for drugs? Did you know that I didn’t remember that year of my life until two years ago and when I did I tried to kill myself and I didn’t have a single blood relative to take care of me? The only family I have is this man sitting next to me and my friends.” I said this all as quietly as I could praying that her kids hadn’t overheard any of it. Karen was sobbing and I had tears tracing down my own cheeks as Louis tears on his own cheeks rubbed my back. Steve was speechless.   
“Dessert is ready!” Annie grinned bringing out a plate of cookies. I swiped under my eyes and put on a smile.   
“Did you decorate those yourself?” I smiled looking down at the icing caked cookies.   
“Yeah, do you like them?” She asked shyly.   
“I think they’re almost too beautiful to eat,” I replied.   
“They taste really good though,” she frowned.   
“Well, then I guess I’ll have to try them,” I said taking a cookie and placing it on my plate. Annie grinned and placed another on my plate for good measure before giving two to Louis as well. Karen stood up from the table and went to go compose herself. Adam sat at the table watching us closely. I knew he was smarter than we gave him credit for.   
“So Adam what grade are you in?” I asked.  
“I’m in seventh grade,” Adam answered.  
“What’s your favorite subject?” Louis asked taking my hand.   
“I think math,” Adam replied.   
“Oh wow you must be smart,” I replied. “I’m horrible at math.”  
“I’m even worse,” Louis laughed. “You know your sister is a lot smarter than me, I didn’t even graduate high school.”  
“No way,” Adam laughed.  
“I got famous before I could,” Louis shrugged. “You better graduate high school, otherwise she will make fun of you forever.”  
“It’s true,” I teased. “He can’t even name all the states.”  
“In my defense, they didn’t teach that in my school,” Louis said causing all three of us to laugh. Steve was still shellshocked and Annie was oblivious. Karen came back into the room and came to stand behind us. She wrapped us in a tight hug and I heard her whisper to Louis softly, “Thank you for saving my daughter’s life. Thank you for taking care of each other.”  
I felt my arms prickle with goosebumps, “Why don’t I get a hug,” Annie pouted. Karen laughed and came over to wrap her kids in hugs. Louis wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I rested my head on his exhausted.   
“Adam, what school do you go to?” I asked curiously.  
“Kerrington,” Adam replied.   
“Do you know the guidance counselor Ms. Waters?”  
“Yeah, she’s really nice,” Adam grinned. “She gave me candy last week.”  
“That’s one of my best friends,” I told him.  
“She’s your family,” Adam said and I nodded. “That’s a good person to have as family.”  
“She is,” I agreed. Steve suddenly stood up and we all looked towards him before he walked away.   
“I’m sorry,” I mouthed to Karen who just shook her head.   
“We should probably get going,” Louis said stretching and I was relieved.   
“Will we get to see you again?” Annie asked with big worried eyes.  
“Of course,” I smiled. “I’m pretty sure I promised Adam some surfing lessons.”  
“Yes,” Adam grinned jumping up. They both gave us hugs.   
“I love you,” Annie whispered in my ear softly.   
“I love you too,” I replied rubbing her back.   
“Alright you kids go bring the dishes into the kitchen and when I come back I’ll wash them,” Karen said before leading us to the front door.  
“I’m so sorry,” I told her as soon as she closed it. “I never meant…”  
“Kate, you don’t have a single reason to be sorry,” Karen said sharply. “My husband was the one yelling at Annie and Adam and you. You were level headed the entire time. He needs to hear about the things that happened because of him because I don’t think he is sorry enough to gain back your trust.”  
“I just, I never wanted your kids to know about what he used to be like. They don’t need that,” I sighed leaning into Louis.  
“They need to know about their sister’s life,” Karen shrugged. “If they want to love you they have to know that you didn’t have it as easy as they do. They have to understand their dad wasn’t always their dad. I understand you don’t want to be the one to tell them that, but I won’t sugarcoat things for them. My husband doesn’t deserve the easy way out anymore. You sure as hell didn’t get that luxury.  
“Kate, if I had known you or even Ashley, existed when I married him, you wouldn’t have been paying for college, or an apartment, or celebrating Christmas with strangers. You would have had people at your graduation and a real wedding. You would have been here with a real mom who would have loved you unconditionally and helped you navigate life. I know you’re old and don’t need my help anymore, but I’m your mom now and Louis I’ll be your mom too. I don’t want either one of you to go another day without knowing how much I love you both.”  
I looked up at Louis and he gave me a small smile. “First I need you to know that Louis and my friends, but mostly Louis have loved me more than I could ever ask for. I had people that loved me at Christmas, my graduation, and my wedding. Just because it wasn’t my mom and dad doesn’t mean it wasn’t the best day of my life. But on the other hand, having you in our lives, Louis and I have both just felt a love that we had either forgotten or in my case never knew we were missing. Thank you for continuing to love us despite everything.”  
“I know things are rocky with Steve and Ashley, but I hope that won’t keep you away from us. I can tell that your brother and sister really love you.”  
“I promised Adam a surfing lesson,” I said with a small smile.   
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you in my life and in my family,” Karen said giving me a hug. “I’m the luckiest mom in the world.”  
“I say that every day,” Louis grinned. “Well, not mom.”  
“You saved her life and took care of her when I couldn’t and I will never be able to repay you for that,” Karen said giving Louis a hug as well.   
“Didn’t have much of a choice, I can’t live without her,” Louis answered taking my hand. When we got into the car I laid down on Louis’ lap closing my eyes.   
“Put your seatbelt on love,” Louis chuckled starting the car. I sat up and buckled the seatbelt before laying down again. Louis rolled his eyes, but there wasn’t much he could do. His hand went to my hair and stroked it lightly as he hummed along to the radio. I drifted off at some point.


	30. Chapter 30

A few weeks later we biked home from the beach. As we completed our clean up routine and I slipped on Louis’ shirt I noticed the basketball sitting on the workbench. “Babe let’s play a game before dinner,” I said picking up the ball.  
“Why do we never play football,” Louis complained as I pulled him to the driveway.  
“Because you’re too competitive,” I pouted. “You’d break my ankle.”  
“You’re right,” Louis laughed.  
As we fought over the ball Louis lifted me up and over his shoulder. “If I make this shot you have to make dinner,” Louis laughed.  
“No fair babe,” I laughed pounding on his back.  
“Oh this is plenty fair,” Louis grinned giving my ass a little squeeze. I let out a little squeal. Louis tried to toss the ball, but it missed the basket completely.  
“Haha, you missed,” I grinned. “Now put me down, so I can embarrass you.”  
“Not a chance,” Louis grinned putting me down and handing me the ball. I took the ball and tossed it straight into the hoop.  
“Looks like you’re making dinner,” I grinned and Louis picked me up again.  
“I’ll make dinner for you any night,” he laughed carrying me inside.  
“I’ll remember that,” I smiled as he set me down. He took a step away to go to the fridge, but for some reason, I just really needed his arms around me. I wrapped my arms around his stomach and he chuckled.  
“Kate, I can’t cook with you hanging on me,” he laughed rubbing my back. “Although you know I love it.”  
“Can we just order in?” I asked not letting go. “I just really need you to hold me.”  
“Sure babe,” Louis laughed closing the fish and wrapping his arms around me again. “You want a salad from Bringos?”  
“Yes please,” I nodded as he pulled out his phone. I laid my head on his chest as he called Bringos. When he was done he looked down at me with a little smile.  
“Hold me,” I said looking up at him.  
“Sure babe,” Louis grinned I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist and putting my head on his shoulder. “You alright honey?”  
“Yeah, I just like being close to you,” I smiled wrapping my arms around his neck. “It’s been a while since we just cuddled.”  
“We’ve just had so much chaos,” Louis said rubbing my back. “It’s nice to have just a little bit of peace.”  
Louis took us over to the couch and I sat on his lap curled in his arms. When the food came he moved me over and went to get the door. When he came back with the salads he sat down on the couch and pulled me back onto his lap. We turned on the tv and ate our salads quietly. As we watched tv an episode of TMZ came on and I almost choked as I saw Louis and my basketball game being played on the screen. Louis had me over his shoulder and I was laughing as he tossed the ball.  
“They were really bored today,” I said shaking my head.  
“Good thing we weren’t facing the other way otherwise your ass would have been on full display,” Louis laughed. I blushed. Louis just pulled me against him.  
“Well, now the whole world knows I’m the better basketball player,” I smirked my head on his chest.  
“I don’t mind people knowing that,” Louis smiled. “Now they all know you’re mine.”  
“You think they didn’t already know that?” I laughed.  
“If they didn’t now they do,” Louis grinned.  
\--  
The next weekend Marcy and I went downtown for the day. “Kate, you’re going to leave me all alone,” Louis pouted as I got ready in the bathroom.  
“Babe, I’ll be home by dinner,” I laughed rolling my eyes.  
“I love you,” Louis said from on top of the counter. He took my hand and pulled me in between his legs. Louis attached his mouth to my neck sucking. The doorbell rang and I pushed him off me.  
“Gotta go, babe,” I laughed kissing his lips before dashing out of the bathroom.  
“Hey girl,” Marcy grinned as I opened the door.  
“Come on we better go before Louis stops us both from leaving,” I smiled grabbing my keys from the bowl.  
“I can see he was having a little too much fun,” Marcy smirked as we got in her car and I checked the mirror to find a little purple bruise forming.  
“Son of a bitch,” I said shaking my head as Marcy laughed.  
“Dan has done a lot worse,” Marcy chuckled and I groaned.  
“I can’t hear about this,” I said shaking my head.  
“Oh come on don’t you want to be like the Sex and the City girls?” Marcy said.  
“We’re not at brunch,” I replied.  
“Well we’re almost to the diner, so get ready,” Marcy replied. Marcy parked a block away and we walked to the diner together.  
“So how are you and Dan?” I asked after the waitress gave us our mimosas.  
“We’re doing really well,” Marcy smiled. “He’s so sweet and he spends like every second he can at my place. He’s so different from Sam you know. He actually wants to spend time with me. He’ll take off work to be with me.”  
“I’m so glad,” I smiled.  
“Now tell me about Lou,” Marcy grinned. “You two getting a little more spicy?”  
“No,” I laughed rolling my eyes. “We don’t… I mean we do it sometimes, but I don’t…”  
“Kate, you’re so ridiculous,” Marcy laughed. “If you can’t talk about your sex life with your friends who are you going to talk about it with?”  
“My husband,” I blushed.  
“Well, my neck is still killing from last night when Dan and I…”  
“Please stop,” I begged.  
“Alright,” she laughed. “So how are you doing with your family?”  
“Mmm… We went over to their house for dinner a few weeks ago,” I answered. “It was interesting…”  
“What happened?” Marcy asked.  
“Well, I love Karen and her kids. I knew before going that I didn’t want to talk about anything or fight about anything in front of the kids. I don’t want them to worry about the morality of their father. They’re too young to worry about any of that and I don’t want to mess up their relationship.”  
“You’re too nice,” Marcy said rolling her eyes.  
“Well anyway my dad just kept like asking stupid questions and I was trying to not get upset by it, but Karen was snapping at him. Then he started crying and when his kids asked why he yelled at them. Once he left we kind of fought and I told him some shit about me and he freaked and bailed. I felt so bad about it all because I know the kids could tell something was off.”  
“First of all I know for a fact whatever fight you had with him wasn’t your fault. You never yell and he deserves to hear about the shit you went through. Those kids were going to figure out their dad was messed up eventually anyway. Was Karen upset with you?”  
“No, she was more upset with her husband,” I answered.  
“Kate you have to stop thinking you’re the fuck up. You’re a really good person and everyone else can see that. No one has ever cited you as a problem.”  
“I know,” I sighed. “It’s just a really hard thing to get over after being told all your life that you’re the fuck up of the family.”  
“Well you’re not,” Marcy assured me.  
We spent the rest of the day talking about much lighter topics as we walked through the shops.  
\--  
When I got home Louis was all over me. “Kate love,” Louis grinned wrapping me in a tight hug. “How was your day?”  
“It was really nice,” I replied. “Marcy just knows how to put things in perspective.”  
“What did she put in perspective babe?” Louis asked stroking my hair. “Did she tell you to break up with me?”  
“No silly,” I laughed. “We were just talking about my dad.”  
“Of course,” Louis nodded.  
“You and I have to go back downtown tomorrow,” I said.  
“Why?” Louis asked curiously.  
“There was this one shop and it had kittens for sale,” I told him. “And I need one.”  
“You need one?” Louis chuckled stroking my cheek.  
“Yes look at these kittens,” I said pulling away and showing him a picture of the little kittens. “Come on aren’t they adorable?”  
“Okay, you need one,” Louis laughed after seeing the picture.  
“Yay!” I cheered wrapping my arms around his neck.  
“You know I can think of a way for us to celebrate,” Louis grinned bringing his hand down to squeeze my ass lightly. “You didn’t let me finish earlier.”  
“You knew you weren’t going to have time to finish,” I laughed tracing my finger along the tattoo on his collarbone.  
“I was hoping you wouldn’t leave,” he smirked.  
“You gave me a hickey and Marcy was trying to talk to me about it,” I pouted.  
“You’re so cute and innocent,” Louis grinned wrapping his arms around me again.  
“Can we just cuddle tonight?” I asked resting against his chest. “I’m sorry I’m just really tired.”  
“You don’t have to apologize, baby,” Louis smiled kissing the top of my head. “Let’s get you to bed.”  
I nodded and jumped into his arms. He carried me to the bedroom. I took a shower and when I got back into the bedroom Louis handed me his shirt. I pulled it on his scent flooded my nose.  
“You look hot in my clothes,” Louis grinned pulling me onto the bed.  
“You look hot without a shirt on,” I replied running my hand over his stomach.  
“Babe, you gotta stop,” Louis moaned slightly.  
“I mean I can help you out,” I answered pulling his boxers down.  
“Babe you don’t have to,” Louis said as I gripped his penis and pumped.  
“I love you,” I answered as I continued to stroke him. Louis moaned and I could tell he was getting close as he closed his eyes. He let out one more moan before coming on his stomach and my hand.  
“How was that?” I asked taking my hand away nervously.  
“Babe you’re so fucking hot,” Louis said kissing my cheek. “You didn’t have to do that.”  
“You didn’t like it?” I asked looking up at him.  
“Love I love you and everything about you,” Louis replied. “Do you want me to get you off babe?”  
“No I’m really tired,” I answered.  
“Let’s get us both cleaned off,” he said helping me off the bed. I followed him to the bathroom and he jumped into the shower as I washed my hands. I went back to bed and Louis came out with a towel wrapped around his waist. He changed into a pair of boxers and got back into bed with me.  
“I love you,” Louis whispered pulling me against his chest.  
“Love you too,” I mumbled closing my eyes.  
\--  
The next day I woke up to Louis shaking me. “Babe wake up!” He said excitedly.  
“What?” I groaned rubbing my eyes.  
“I got you something,” he said jumping onto the bed.  
“What time is it?” I groaned.  
“It’s already ten,” Louis replied.  
“What is it?” I asked sitting up and rubbing my eyes. Louis had the biggest grin on his face as he pulled something from behind his back.  
“You got a kitten!” I grinned my eyes going wide at the little orange cat curled in his arms.  
“Yeah, you were so tired and I didn’t want to wake you so I figured I would just surprise you,” Louis smiled. “He came with the name Spaghetti, but we can obviously change it.”  
“Spaghetti,” I grinned taking the kitten into my own arms and holding him close to my chest. “He’s purring,” I said looking up at Louis.  
“My heart is melting,” Louis replied watching us with love in his eyes. “Are you going to replace me with this cat?”  
“Course not,” I laughed kissing his lips. “Oh shit, we’re supposed to take Annie and Adam down to the beach with Karen today. They’re going to be here in two hours and I wanted to make us a picnic.”  
“If you come sit in the kitchen with me, I’ll make the picnic.”  
“Okay,” I grinned taking Spaghetti and carrying him to the kitchen. I sat on the barstool petting the kitten as Louis pulled things out of the fridge. Eventually, I had to put Spaghetti down because Louis was struggling with healthy snacks for little kids who hated vegetables.  
“You know I didn’t like veggies when I was younger, but my mom just bought junk food instead,” Louis told me as I pulled out fruits and cut them.  
“You also used to be smoker, so I’m just trying to minimize the damage babe,” I told him as I chopped.  
“Hey, I’m not complaining,” Louis laughed coming over to kiss my cheek. “I’ve never felt better.”  
Spaghetti weaved through our ankles as we worked. “Did you know that I didn’t have like a real fresh vegetable not out of a can until I was in middle school and I lived with my friend and her family.”  
“Whatever happened to your friend?” Louis asked. “I would love to meet her.”  
“She moved out of town and then I heard a few years later she was in a car crash and died,” I answered with a shrug.  
“I’m sorry babe,” Louis sighed.  
“Not your fault,” I shrugged. Louis sighed and rubbed my back lightly. “I should go change. Can you put this fruit in a container?”  
“Sure. Just let me hold you for a second,” Louis said wrapping his arms around me tightly. Spaghetti meowed below us.  
“He wants a hug,” I whispered and Louis chuckled letting go of me and picking up the little kitten before wrapping me in a hug with one arm.  
“Better?” He asked the cat rolling his eyes. I went to my room, Spaghetti following close at my ankles. I changed into a swimsuit and threw one of Louis’ shirts on top of it before coming back into the kitchen.  
“You’re going to kill me,” Louis said his eyes raking over me.  
“Are you ready to go? They should be here any minute.”  
“Everything is ready,” Louis nodded as the bell rang. I went to the door and opened it to reveal Karen, Annie, and Adam all grinning at me.  
“Hey, come on in,” I smiled gesturing for them to come inside.  
“Wow, you live in this house all by yourself?” Annie asked eyes wide.  
“Louis lives with me,” I laughed. “He’s in the kitchen.”  
“How are you, sweetheart?” Karen asked wrapping me in a hug.  
“I’m good,” I smiled patting her back.  
“Louis you’re here!” Annie grinned running over and wrapping her arms around his legs.  
“Hey Annie,” Louis laughed rubbing her back. “Hey, guys.”  
I watched Adam take in the place around him. I knew it was a lot different from his home. There were a few pictures of Louis and I and even some of our friends, but there weren’t any of a quintessential family anywhere.  
“You want a tour?” I asked him.  
“Sure,” Adam nodded.  
“I want to come!” Annie said. She had already found Spaghetti who was held tight in her arms. He nuzzled her chin as she ran to catch up with us. I showed them the bedrooms they could stay in if they ever wanted to spend the night and the big pool in the backyard.  
“Mommy, I want a pool in the backyard,” Annie said looking up at Karen with big eyes.  
“Not unless you’re going to clean it,” Karen laughed as Annie scrunched her nose. Then we took them to the other side of the house that contained a bathroom and Louis’ office.  
“You have a room just for music?” Adam asked looking around in awe.  
“It’s Louis’ job,” I answered. “He writes and does a lot of the producing for his songs and he did the same for the band.”  
“We listened to your album together didn’t we?” Karen asked her kids. Adam nodded.  
“You have a pretty voice,” Annie grinned. Louis blushed.  
“Doesn’t he?” I agreed. “I’m lucky because I get to hear it all the time.”  
“That is lucky,” Annie nodded.  
“Why do you have a house, but Ashley doesn’t? Aren’t you younger than her?” Adam asked as we walked back to the kitchen.  
“Can you and Louis come live with us and Ashley can live here instead?” Annie asked.  
“No, this is Louis and Kate’s house because they’re married and they have good jobs.”  
“I want to be married and have a good job, so I can live here too,” Annie pouted.  
“First you have to finish school, don’t get ahead of yourself,” Karen laughed as Louis grabbed the picnic basket.  
“Did you kids bring your bikes?” I asked. Karen nodded as we made our way to the garage. We had extra surfboards and wetsuits for all of them.  
As I helped Annie tug on her wetsuit she whispered to me, “Did you used to sleep at lots of boys' houses like Ashley does?”  
“No” I laughed. “Louis is the only boy I let live at my house and I never went to his house because it was dirty.”  
“Hey, I can hear you,” Louis protested.  
“He didn’t have a single pink thing in his house,” I said shaking my head.  
“Ew,” Annie said shaking her head. Karen laughed lightly. Once I finished with Annie’s wetsuit, I pulled off Louis’ shirt and tugged on my own and placed my wedding ring in the little bowl on the workbench. Louis and I attached the boards to our bikes quickly.  
“You have a big garage,” Adam said looking around at all the extra space. It was probably supposed to be filled with lots of cars or boats, but Louis and I had filled it with canoes, paddleboards, balls, bikes, and surfboards.  
“We like to play outside a lot,” I answered.  
“We saw you two playing basketball on the tv,” Annie cut in.  
“You saw me beat Louis at basketball,” I corrected and Louis rolled his eyes.  
“Why don’t we zip up our wetsuits all the way?” Annie asked as we mounted our bikes.  
“It’s too hot,” Louis answered. When we got to the beach we set up the blanket and Karen watched from there as we taught Adam and Annie on land how to paddle with their hands and stand up on land. Once they had that perfected we took them out to the water.  
“Don’t feel silly if you fall because Louis couldn’t stand up on his board until about a year ago.”  
“I’m still not very good,” Louis laughed. I was standing at Adam’s board shoulder-deep in the water and Louis stood at Annie’s board only waist deep. We practiced for a while before Adam sat on his board and we watched Louis and Annie splash together, they had given up a long time ago.  
“Your dad is my dad,” Adam said and I nodded. “Did he hurt you?”  
“No, not at all,” I answered shaking my head.  
“It’s just I heard you guys fighting at dinner a few weeks ago and I know you don’t like each other.”  
“When I was little your dad was very young and he had a lot of growing up to do. He’s grown up and now he is a very good dad to you and your sister and that’s all you need to worry about,” I told him. “He loves you both very much.”  
“But that’s not fair to you,” Adam replied with a frown. “Why do I get to have a grown-up dad and you didn’t?”  
“Sometimes that’s just how life works,” I shrugged. “Not everything is fair.”  
“What did he do that was bad?” Adam asked.  
“It’s not really my place to talk about. You can ask your mom or dad,” I shrugged.  
“But they did it to you,” Adam replied.  
“You’re a smart kid Adam,” I replied. “But this is just a lot more complicated than a simple one-sided story and you deserve to hear it from someone you’ve known your whole life, not me and not Ashley.”  
“Okay,” Adam sighed.  
“You two ready to eat something?” Louis called to us. I nodded.  
“I’ve never had a girlfriend,” Adam said softly.  
“Louis is the only boyfriend I ever had,” I answered. “I didn’t date him until college, so don’t get too far ahead of yourself.”  
“I like you better than Ashley,” Adam replied.  
“We’re very different people,” I said as we walked towards the shore. Once we were at the blanket I unzipped my wetsuit and let it hang off me.  
“How was surfing?” Karen smiled.  
“Too hard,” Annie pouted.  
“I thought it was fun,” Adam retorted.  
“You had the better teacher,” Louis laughed coming to sit next to me on the blanket. Annie had somehow managed to wedge herself between us as I pulled the food out of the basket.  
“It’s all healthy,” Annie pouted.  
“It doesn’t taste healthy. It tastes like candy and junk food I promise,” I told her taking a strawberry and eating it. Adam was already digging in and Annie eventually gave in.  
“Kate, how is your job going?” Karen asked me.  
“Oh it’s going well,” I smiled. “Keeps me busy which is nice and I just love the kids there.”  
“And what about you Louis? Have you been writing?”  
“Whenever Kate is at work I try to keep myself busy in the studio. I’ve actually been writing a lot of songs for some of my old bandmates and friends. I just don’t think I’m interested in touring anymore,” Louis shrugged.  
“Well why would you want to leave such a nice house and routine,” Karen smiled.  
“Kate, did you know that Ashley told me that you used to sleep in the same bed as another boy in Louis’ band? She said that you were…” Annie said, but Karen’s warning look made her stop.  
“I used to be really good friends with a boy named Harry, he was in Louis’ band. We used to sleep in the same bed because I always fell asleep while watching movies, but he was only my friend. Louis is the only one I loved enough to make my husband,” I said and Louis grinned at me over Annie’s head.  
“You two are so cute,” Karen smiled. “I need to talk to Ashley about talking about you with the kids. She just makes things up for no reason.”  
“Ashley also said that dad loves her more than he loves Kate,” Adam piped up. I knew that was true, but Karen looked like she was going to throw a fit.  
“That’s enough talk about the things Ashley is saying,” Karen replied. “We all know that your father loves you all equally.”  
“I love Kate more,” Annie replied wrapping her arms around my middle. “And Louis.”  
Karen rolled her eyes, but I could see the soft smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	31. Chapter 31

“I like seeing you with kids,” Louis told me as I climbed into bed that night. Spaghetti climbed onto the bed and curled onto my lap.   
“I really like Annie and Adam, they’re good kids,” I answered.   
“I love them, but I’m sick of having things in between us all day,” Louis replied taking Spaghetti and placing him on my pillow before pulling me onto his lap.   
“I wish I didn’t have to work tomorrow. It would be nice to just spend a day with you.”  
“We can spend all weekend together next weekend,” Louis replied.   
“I don’t know if we can,” I sighed resting against his chest.   
“Why not baby?” Louis asked rubbing my back.   
“Spending time with Adam and Annie and even Bella just makes me really want to have a kid with you, but I feel like I need to work shit out with my dad and maybe even my sister. If we have a kid it’s not about me or you anymore, we can’t be dealing with shit.”  
“Do you really want to have a kid with me?” Louis asked tracing my jaw lightly.   
“I mean I want to adopt with you,” I told him. “There is no one else I would want to raise a kid with.”  
“Whatever child we welcome into our lives is going to be so lucky to have a mom like you,” Louis replied kissing my cheek. “I’ll help you with whatever you need.”  
“I need some sleep right now,” I smiled laying my head on his chest.   
\--  
The next weekend Steve and Karen were sitting at our dinner table without their children. I had requested that they come over so we could have a more adult conversation.   
“So you wanted to talk to us?” Steve asked as we sat at the table.   
“I want to get over this weird tension, but I think the only way to do that is to lay everything out on the table,” I answered.  
“Then let’s get this over with,” Steve sighed pushing his plate away.  
“Steve, honey, she’s making an effort at least try to be responsive,” Karen scolded.  
“I want you to get over all of this, so of course I’m responsive. I’m just not looking forward to hearing all the way I fucked up.”  
“Well you’re going to,” I answered as Louis placed his hand on my thigh giving me the strength I needed to tell my story- and I did, all the gory details. By the time I was done Karen was sniffling, I had tears running down my cheeks, Louis was holding my hand a little too tightly, and Steve was sitting there staring at us.   
“Kate, I hope you know I am so sorry about everything I put you through. I hope you know that and can forgive me,” Steve sighed. “I know I never showed it, but I really love you and I always have and I’m so proud of you.”  
I could tell there wasn’t a lot of emotion in his voice, but I boiled it down to being in shock at everything he had heard. I knew that probably wasn’t the best idea, but I was so desperate to hear those words that I probably should have been more desperate to accept, but I felt like my body was melting.   
“It will take time, but I think that I can forgive you. Those words really helped,” I answered.  
“I’m glad,” Steve said. They stayed for about a half-hour longer before they decided to leave.   
“Kate honey,” Karen said pulling me to the side as Steve went to start the car. “I need you to know that I’m proud of you and full of love for you. It causes me so much pain to know you went through those things.”  
“I know, thank you for being a calming presence tonight,” I said leaning into her hug.   
“I’ll always be here for you,” she answered. “Have a good night sweetheart.”  
“You too,” I said giving her a wave goodbye.  
Louis wrapped me in a hug and pulled me immediately to the bedroom. “How are you doing?” Louis asked helping me change into my pajamas.  
“I mean it was a lot to talk about all that in one night,” I sighed. “I… How are you? I know it must have been a lot to hear.”  
“I mean it sucks. You know how much I hate hearing about how often you’ve been hurt in life, but I would listen to it all day if it means I get to come home to you every night.”  
“I’m exhausted,” I said letting Louis pull his shirt over my head.  
“Let’s go to bed,” he said slipping out of his pants. I got in bed and pulled him in after me. He pulled me against his chest and I instantly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	32. Chapter 32

“Security to house- security to house,” the crackling intercom woke me up.  
“This is Kate,” I sighed sitting up in bed.   
“Your dad is drunk at the gate, would you like me to let him up?”   
“I’ll come down,” I replied rubbing my eyes. The clock on our table told me it was after three am. Louis was groaning in bed his arm feeling around for me.   
“Babe?” He mumbled.  
“My dad is at the gate,” I said pulling his sweatshirt over my head before leaving the bedroom. I was barefoot and pantsless, but I was also half asleep. I walked to the end of the driveway to find my dad standing at the gate with a bottle in his hands.   
“I told you my daughter would want to see me,” he shouted at the guard.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked rubbing my temple. “Why are you drunk? Shouldn’t you be at home with Karen and the kids?”  
“My wife and kids love you more than they love me,” Steve spit.   
“I highly doubt that,” I said rolling my eyes.  
“My wife is making me sleep in the spare bedroom,” Steve replied. “My kids are asking me why I abandoned you. They’ve all turned against me.”  
“It was never my intention…”  
“Listen I know I’m a fuck up, but you’re not innocent either,” he said swinging his bottle. “The amount of men who have raped and used you isn’t normal. No normal girl has had that many assaults unless they were asking for it. You were probably begging your mom to go buy more meth. You’re a fucking whore.”  
“Shut the fuck up,” Louis yelled from behind me causing me to jump. I hadn’t known he had followed me outside.   
“You even look like a whore,” Steve said with a cruel laugh. I could feel the tears already streaming down my cheeks. Suddenly Louis’ arms were around me and he dragged me inside.   
“I’ll call Karen to come pick him up,” Louis said his jaw clenched. “Fucking asshole.”  
“No, she’s at home with the kids,” I said feeling my breathing becoming more erratic.   
“Well, I’m not fucking taking him home. Kate, I will literally kill that man,” Louis said and I knew he was trying to keep calm for my sake.   
“He can stay here…”  
Louis immediately cut me off. “That man is not staying in this house after he just verbally degraded you. He is going to his house where his chosen wife and chosen kids can take care of him. You don’t deserve to be treated like this and he doesn’t deserve your love.”   
I was full-on sobbing now as the word whore repeated over and over again in my head. Louis pulled out his phone and sat down pulling me down on his lap and stroking my hair as I sobbed into his chest.   
“Hey Karen I’m sorry I’m waking you up, but your drunk ass husband just degraded my wife at our front gate and someone is going to need to pick him up…”  
“Please tell her I’m sorry,” I whimpered. I hated that I was causing so many problems for their family. It was perfect before I showed up.  
“Kate is sobbing right now because your husband accused her of being a whore and she doesn’t want your or the kids to be inconvenienced, but I can’t stand this man being anywhere near us right now.”  
I sobbed again at Louis’ harsh words and he held me tighter. “Again Kate is really sorry.”  
Louis hung up the phone before turning to me. “She’s sending Ashley to pick him up,” Louis told me. “She said she’s going to call you tomorrow and that she’s sorry.”  
I nodded as another sob took over me. “Love why are you crying?” Louis asked brushing his thumb under my eyes. “Are you crying because of what he said or because of Karen?”  
“I don’t know… both I guess,” I sniffled into his shirt. Louis sighed taking my cheeks in his hands, so I had to look at him.  
“First I need you to know that your dad doesn’t know a single thing about you. I can’t say that word to you, but you aren’t what your dad called you. You never have been and you never will be. We didn’t sleep together for years. Second, Karen isn’t mad at you. She is never mad at you. She’s going to protect you no matter what.”  
“Louis they were a perfect family before I came around. Of course, Karen is mad at me. I ruined everything,” I said as the tears continued to stream down my cheeks.  
“Your dad hid how horrible he was from that woman and hid you from a mother figure and life who could have helped you, loved you, and supported you. He fucked his perfect life up because it was built on a lie. Karen has every right to be mad at Steve. She doesn’t have any reason to be upset with you.”  
“I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but I’m honestly getting a migraine and I think I just need to go back to bed.”  
“Of course love,” Louis replied picking me up. He stopped in the kitchen and pulled an ice pack out of the freezer before taking me to bed.   
“Put this on your head, it will help,” Louis told me as he sat down and put my head in his lap.   
“Are you going to sleep?” I asked.   
“I’m going to make sure you sleep,” he answered brushing my hair out of my face. I was too tired to complain and within a few minutes, I was back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop, some drama... what do you think?


	33. Chapter 33

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. My head was still in Louis’ lap and he was sleeping against the headboard. As the events from last night came back to me so did the tears. I left the bedroom quietly and made myself breakfast before going to sit on the patio to eat. I could barely eat two bites before I felt sick. As I set the still full bowl on the table I heard Louis talking to someone as he came to find me.   
“I don’t know,” he said, “she got out of bed, so hopefully better.”  
“There you are love,” Louis said from behind me. I didn’t want him to worry, so I tried my best to wipe the tears before looking at him.  
“She’s not better,” Louis replied before holding the phone out to me. “It’s Karen.”  
I took the phone and turned away from his worried eyes.   
“Hello?” I asked and found my voice was raspy from the crying.   
“Oh Kate sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” she sighed.   
“It’s not your fault,” I answered swiping at the tears under my eyes. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”  
“You have nothing to be sorry for. All you have done is accept my kids and myself into your home and try to repair the relationship with your father for our sake. You have so much love in your heart and I’m sorry your father is taking advantage of that.”  
Louis walked back onto the patio with a bowl of yogurt for himself. “Did your kids…”  
“You don’t need to worry about that,” Karen replied. “If your father didn’t want his kids to be scared of him, he shouldn’t have harassed you drunk last night.”  
I try to hold in the sob as reality sets in. I ruined this family. I know Louis is watching me carefully and I feel like I’m going to be sick. “I’m sorry.”  
“This isn’t your fault,” Karen said. “We’re taking him to therapy tomorrow. We’re going to help him through this. You haven’t done anything wrong, okay, please believe that.”  
“Okay,” I said half-heartedly before hanging up.   
“Are you going to finish your breakfast love?” Louis asked softly.   
“I’m not hungry,” I said handing him his phone back and standing up. “I’m going to go back to bed.”  
“Kate…”  
“I don’t feel well,” I answered picking up my bowl. Louis let out a sigh but nodded letting me go back inside.   
\--  
The week wasn’t any easier and Louis knew it. “Babe, what’s going on at work?” He asked as I pushed my food around my plate.  
“One of my student’s dads just died from cancer yesterday,” I answered feeling my headache come back. I set my fork down and pushed my plate away. “He was the income provider and now the boy doesn’t know if he can afford college and his grades are slipping because none of his teachers will cut him a break and…”  
“Come here,” Louis sighed getting up and moving to my side of the table. I was instantly wrapped in his arms.  
“Will you eat a little bit more?” He asked rubbing my back.   
“My stomach hurts,” I answered and he sighed. “And my head.”  
“Should we go to the doctor tomorrow?” Louis asked worriedly.   
“No, I need to go to work,” I answered. “It’s Friday, then I’ll have the weekend to sleep.”  
“Okay,” Louis sighed. I knew he didn’t like it, but I wasn’t planning on giving him a choice.   
“I’m sorry I’m making you worried,” I said into his chest as he finished his dinner.   
“You apologize too much,” Louis replied stroking my hair.   
“I love you,” I answered.   
“I love you too,” Louis smiled.  
\--  
Friday night I was asleep on the couch and Louis had gone grocery shopping, when there was a frantic pounding on the front door. I woke with a start rubbing my eyes as I made my way over. I opened the door to find a tear-stained Bailey standing on my porch with Bella in her arms.   
“Hey what’s wrong?” I asked worriedly.   
“I just can’t do it,” she sobbed. “I’m so tired and she won’t stop crying and my husband went to a hotel room because he couldn’t take the crying. Can you please just watch her for the weekend. I’m scared I’ll hurt her if I’m alone.”  
“Yeah, of course,” I answered letting her set Bella in my arms.   
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.   
“Hey it’s okay,” I said shifting the sobbing baby, so I could touch Bailey’s shoulder. “I’m always here for you.”  
“Thank you,” she said and she looked so relieved. “I promise I’ll get her on Sunday.”  
“Just call me okay,” I said. “Are you going to the hotel?”  
“No, I’m just going to go home and sleep.”  
“Will you call Marcy?” I asked biting my lip. “Maybe you should stay at her place. She can take care of you.”  
“Yeah okay,” Bailey nodded as Bella let out a blood-curdling scream. I was handed a diaper bag filled with food and diapers and toys before Bailey was gone. I bounced Bella in my arms as I called Marcy.  
“Hey what’s up?” Marcy asked.  
“Bailey just dropped off Bella crying and told me to watch her for the weekend because she couldn’t take it anymore and her husband left. Can you please watch Bailey this weekend. I’m worried about her,” I said as Bella sobbed in my ear.   
“Kate, are you sure you can handle that right now? Louis told me you were struggling this week,” Marcy said worriedly.   
“I’m fine, I promise,” I told her. “Just please check on Bailey.”  
“Alright, but call me if you need something. I can take care of Bella.”  
“I’m fine,” I assured her before hanging up. After changing and feeding her, Bella finally fell asleep. Louis walked through the door as I held her.   
“Is Bailey here?” He asked putting the groceries on the counter.   
“No, she dropped off Bella. They were both crying and Bailey said her husband had gotten a hotel room because he couldn’t take it. She said she just needed a weekend. Marcy is taking care of Bailey,” I said looking down at Bella. Louis gave me a worried glance but didn’t say anything.  
“I’ll set up the pack and play,” he said before walking out of the kitchen. A few minutes later he came back and brought me to the spare bedroom.   
“She sleeps through the night now,” I told him as I laid her down.   
“Are you alright?” Louis asked brushing my hair back.   
“I’m fine, I promise,” I told him.   
“Okay,” Louis sighed kissing my cheek. “Help me put away the groceries?”  
“Okay,” I nodded following him back to the kitchen.   
“Marcy said you talked to her,” I said as I put things in the fridge.   
“Yeah, she called me because you weren’t answering your phone and she thought you were mad at her. She has a good bullshit detector, so I just told her everything,” Louis shrugged.   
“I’m sorry. I know I’m putting you through a lot right now,” I sighed.   
“I told you last night you apologize too much and I meant it,” he answered with a cheeky smile. I couldn’t help but smile as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I'm pretty sure I'm only writing this for one other person besides myself now, so if you've made it this far let me know :)


	34. Chapter 34

The next day I woke up before Bella and spent some time on the patio before she woke up. I took her outside with me and fed her. I still had a headache, but I was more concerned with taking care of Bella. Louis came out as I burped her.   
“Morning love,” he said kissing Bella’s forehead and then mine.   
“Morning,” I replied as Bella finally burped.   
“What is the plan for today?” Louis asked me as we watched Bella squirm in my arms.   
“I figured we would just hang out here. I’ll take her on a bike ride while you have your work call tonight,” I told him and he nodded.   
“Okay, I can reschedule the call if you don’t fell up…”  
“I’m fine,” I told him. He nodded watching Bella suck on my finger. We went into the living room and laid Bella on the ground. She could sit up, but she couldn’t stand or crawl yet. Spaghetti immediately came over to investigate. We sat on the ground watching them interact. We had learned from Annie, that Spaghetti really didn’t care about being man-handled. He purred as Bella pulled his ears and tail. I couldn’t help, but laugh as Bella jumped, when Spaghetti meowed at her. She started giggling as well and soon Louis was joining us. She couldn’t say much of anything, but she made lots of sounds like she was talking to the cat. By noon Bella was getting cranky, so we read her a book and fed her a bottle and she instantly went down for a nap.  
“I know what we can do during nap time,” Louis smirked dragging me to the bedroom.   
“Lou,” I sighed. “I have a headache.”  
“Because you’re stressed,” Louis smiled. “I’m going to destress you.”  
“Babe…”  
“Come on, I promise you won’t have to even open your eyes,” he said picking me up and setting me on the bed. My pants were down before I could voice another complaint and Louis’ hands on my stomach and thighs had me giving in. Louis’ tongue licked stripes on my thighs and finally on where I really need it and I was moaning his name in seconds. Within minutes I was completely undone. Louis looked up at me with a grin as he gently pulled up my pants and came to lay next to me.   
“Better,” he asked brushing my hair out of my face.   
“I love you,” I nodded.   
“Let me get you a cold washcloth,” he said standing up and going to our bathroom. He came back a minute later and placed the washcloth on my forehead before laying next to me again.   
I woke up an hour and a half later to Bella crying. I got up trying not to wake Louis, who was passed out next to me.   
“Hi baby,” I smiled picking up Bella. She instantly calmed down as she snuggled against me.   
“Did you sleep well? Are you ready to play some more?” I asked as she cooed at me.   
“Hey babe, I have to go get ready for my call,” Louis told me kissing my cheek.  
“Have fun,” I replied. While Louis was busy I took Bella on a bike ride in the baby seat and then we went to play in the yard. Bella was clapping her hands as I spun her around when I heard someone call my name.   
“Kate!” A voice called and I looked down at the gate to find Harry standing there watching me. As I walked to the gate, Bella in my arms, I called down to the security officer.   
“Call Louis,” I told him. He nodded.   
“Harry, what are you doing here?” I asked confused.   
“There was a party down the street last night and I was trying to find my car and I saw you out here,” he explained. He looked messy. He had deep circles under bloodshot eyes and his hair was messy. He was still in his party clothes, flared pants and a sequined shirt. He smelled like alcohol. There was no way I was letting him through the gate.   
“Oh,” I answered dumbly. “How are you?”  
He just shrugged. Bella cooed and grabbed a piece of my hair. “Is she yours?” He asked looking down at Bella.  
“No, she’s Bailey’s,” I answered untangling my hair before she yanked it out. I watched the relief flood Harry’s eyes.   
“Kate, honey you alright?” I heard Louis call as he made his way down the driveway.  
“I’m fine,” I nodded.   
“Harry,” Louis said surprised when he came to stand next to me placing a hand on the small of my back.   
“Hey mate didn’t realize you two were still a thing,” he said looking between us.   
“Yeah,” I nodded shifting Bella, who was now playing with my fingers.   
“You’re married,” Harry said noticing the ring on my finger.   
“Yeah for about two years now,” Louis nodded proudly.   
“Oh,” Harry said looking down.   
“Let me take her,” Louis said as she yanked at my hair again. I smiled appreciatively as he took Bella out of my arms.   
“We should probably go, she’s going to throw a tantrum if we don’t feed her soon,” I said as she started pulling on Louis’ shirt. “But it was really good seeing you.”  
“Yeah, alright,” Harry nodded walking away.   
“That was weird,” Louis said as we walked back up the driveway.   
“Totally,” I nodded as Bella started latching on to his skin.  
“What the hell, she’s definitely hungry,” Louis laughed and I laughed along taking her back from his arms.   
“Are you hungry?” I asked her as she babbled something in return. Louis smiled wrapping his arm around my shoulders.


	35. Chapter 35

That night Louis and I passed out as soon as our heads hit the pillow. We didn’t have a chance to talk about anything- not harry, his meeting, or even Bella and Spaghetti.  
The next morning, Louis joined me on the patio before Bella woke up. “How was your meeting?” I asked him as I drank a smoothie.  
“It was good,” Louis smiled. “They really liked the song and I think they’re going to buy it.”  
“That’s great honey,” I smiled. “Are you sure you’re okay with other people using your songs? You know if you want to make an album I’ll support you.”  
“I know you would, but honestly I just want you to hear me sing from now on. I’m tired of tours and all the attention,” he shrugged.  
“Okay,” I nodded.  
“That was weird last night with Harry, wasn’t it?” Louis asked.   
“Yeah, it was super awkward, he thought Bella was mine and you should have seen the look on his face when I said no like he actually had a chance,” I said shaking my head.   
“He doesn’t, right?” Louis asked biting his lip.  
“Babe, I’m married to you,” I laughed.  
“People get divorced,” he shrugged.  
“You’re stuck with me, unless you plan on running off with Harry,” I said with a small smile.   
“Not a chance,” Louis laughed.  
“He couldn’t handle me and all my drama anyway,” I said taking his hand. “You’re the only one I trust with my heart.”  
“Good,” Louis replied kissing my cheek. “You’re the only one I trust with mine. How are you doing?”  
“Bella is a good distraction,” I shrugged.   
“I don’t want you to be distracted,” Louis sighed. “I want you to just be stress-free and happy.”  
“Lou hon I’m always happy when I’m with you. I know I’ve had headaches and stomachaches and breakdowns this past week, but I promise they are literally never because of you. The only thing I worry about is how you are doing. I feel like I put you through so much shit every day. I don’t want you to get sick of me.”  
“I’ve known you for almost ten years now and I’ve loved you since the first day I met you. There isn’t a chance I’m going to get sick of you no matter what happens,” Louis promised. “I just want you to focus on getting to a place where you can accept that you’re not responsible for the world’s problems.”  
“You’re the only thing that’s right in the world,” I answered resting my head on his shoulder. When Bella started to cry, I stood up, but Louis stopped me.   
“I’ll go get her, you stay here,” Louis said kissing the top of my head. I finished my breakfast as I waited for Louis. He was back out within minutes.  
“She doesn’t like me,” Louis said as Bella screamed in his arms.   
“She doesn’t hate you, she’s just hungry,” I laughed. “Give her the bottle and you may be pleasantly surprised.”  
Louis sat down next to me, Bella still flailing around. He put the bottle near her mouth and she was instantly quiet.   
“See she loves you,” I replied as Bella’s little fingers gripped his shirt.   
“You know I always thought I wanted a baby, but now that we’ve had this weekend with Bella, I really love the idea of adopting older,” he said to me.  
“You’re really good with Bella,” I replied.   
“Kate I’m nowhere near as good as you are and I don’t want it to all be on you,” Louis replied. “I feel like everything falls on you because you’re too nice to say no or put anyone out and I can’t let that happen. At least with an older kid, they can talk to us. No tantrums or screaming.”  
“Oh, there would still be tantrums and screaming,” I laughed. “I just, you always thought you wanted to have a baby and I feel guilty that I’m taking that away from you. I don’t want you to resent me.”  
“I can’t wait to have kids with you no matter what,” Louis answered as Bella finished her bottle.   
“Now burp her,” I told him and Louis smiled at me.  
“How do you know all this?” He asked.  
“I don’t know, I used to babysit in high school,” I shrugged.   
“I have a lot to learn,” Louis smiled as Bella let out a burp.   
“You’re a natural,” I said patting his arm. My phone started ringing causing me to jump.  
“It’s Bailey,” I told Louis before answering it.   
“Hey Kate, listen I’m on my way to pick up Bella now. I’m leaving Marcy’s place. Listen, I’m so sorry I…”  
“Don’t apologize. I’m glad you brought her here instead of anything else. We’ll talk when you get here.”  
“Alright, bye,” Bailey said with a sigh.   
“She said she’s on her way to pick Bella up,” I told Louis scratching his scalp lightly. “We should get her things packed up.”  
“Alright babe,” Louis said standing up. “I’ll clean the bottles if you hold Bella. My arm is tired.”  
“Sounds like we need to work out more,” I laughed taking Bella into my arms.  
“No way,” Louis laughed as I followed him to the kitchen.   
“Do you want to watch a movie tonight?” I asked as Spaghetti and Bella sat on the counter playing with each other. I had my hand on Bella’s back as I watched them.  
“Sure, can we go on a bike ride first?” Louis asked. “I feel like I haven’t worked out in a while.”  
“I think that’s a good idea,” I nodded. “Not because I think you need to work out, but it’s really nice outside.”  
“Alright,” Louis grinned. Bailey knocked on the door and I picked up Bella before answering the door.   
“Hi baby,” Bailey grinned holding her arms out for Bella. I put Bella in her arms.   
“Kate, thank you so much,” Bailey said looking down.   
“How are you doing?” I asked pulling her inside.  
“Better, I just… It gets to be a lot and I freaked out.”  
“Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes. I’m glad you turned to me instead of anything else.”  
“I just… Marcy told me you haven’t been feeling well,” Bailey sighed.   
“I’m fine,” I said rolling my eyes. “Everyone thinks I’m falling apart. It was just a headache.”  
“Hey Bailey,” Louis smiled.   
“Hey Louis, I’m sorry,” she sighed.   
“Don’t be sorry,” Louis laughed. “We loved having Bella here.”  
“Thank you, I really mean it. You guys have been my rock through all of this and I don’t know what I would do without you,” Bailey sighed giving me a hug. “You know if you need anything, you can call me.”  
“I know,” I smiled patting her shoulder.   
After Bailey left, Louis and I rode our bikes down to the beach and watched the sunset and had a picnic dinner. It was so nice to have some alone time with him. As we put our bikes away in the garage we heard someone down at the gate yelling our names.   
“Maybe we should go down there,” I said biting my lip.   
“Kate, you don’t need anymore on your plate,” Louis said rolling his eyes.   
“But…”  
“I’ll go down there, you stay here,” Louis said with a huff. I waited by the garage door for Louis to come back.  
“Go the hell away. It’s over. She doesn’t want to see you,” I heard Louis yell and I knew it was Harry. I went down to see what was going on and I could instantly tell Harry was intoxicated and drugged.   
“Kate baby come home with me,” he slurred stumbling around. “I know you want me.”  
“Harry you need to go home,” I said biting my lip.  
“No I don’t want to go home without you,” he slurred stumbling. He suddenly lost his balance and he was too drunk to try and break his fall, so his head landed on the ground with a loud thud. I let out a scream and he stayed down.   
“Louis is he…”  
“No babe,” Louis said shaking his head.  
“You have to call 911. He needs help,” I said my hands shaking. Louis came to stand by me as he yelled for the guard to call an ambulance. Neither one of us had brought our phones. The ambulance arrived in minutes and Louis was trying to calm my shaking hands.   
“Babe, he’s going to be fine,” Louis said wiping the tears off my cheeks as they placed him on a stretcher. He had a big gash on his forehead and I felt sick as he called my name. I felt my knees buckling and Louis’ arms were instantly around me.   
“Come on let’s get you inside,” Louis said slinging me over his shoulder and rubbing my back lightly. I couldn’t stop the sobs.   
“Babe he’s going to be fine, why are you crying?” He asked setting me on the couch.  
“I’m the reason he was that way. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have completely cut him out,” I sobbed getting up and running to the bathroom so I could vomit.   
“Kate, honey,” Louis sighed pulling my hair back. I threw up again and fell back into his chest.   
“Come on babe, we’ll watch tv in the bedroom tonight,” Louis said pulling me up. He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed feeling exhausted as Louis pulled my clothes off and pulled his shirt over my head.  
“Lay down babe,” Louis sighed pushing me down and getting into bed. “I’m going to turn off your alarm for tomorrow. You need to rest. I’ll call in for you.”  
“Lou,” I argued sitting up, but he pushed me back down and shook his head.  
“You need a break,” Louis replied. “You’ve been through too much in a short amount of time.”  
“I’m not going to be able to sleep until I know he’s okay,” I said the tears still slipping down my cheeks.   
“I’ll call his mum,” Louis said.   
“Oh my god, what if no one has told his mom. Louis that should have been the first thing we did,” I said my voice trembling.   
“Babe, taking care of you is and will always be my main priority. You needed me and I’m positive that his mom will find out what’s happening with or without us,” Louis said. “I’m going to go to the living room to call his mum because I don’t think you need to listen. Just try to close your eyes or watch something on tv.”  
“Okay,” I nodded wiping my tears. When Louis left I tried to focus on the tv, but I could feel all my emotions bubbling over. I was tired and guilty and exhausted and upset. I pulled my knees up to my chest hugging them close as the tears continued to flow. A few minutes later Louis came back into the room and instantly pulled me close to his chest.   
“What did she say?” I asked as he stroked my hair.   
“She said she has been worried something like this was going to happen. She said she is going to call the hospital and then she’s going to take a plane to LA. Apparently Gemma is already here, so she’s going to call Gemma and get her there ASAP. She’ll call us with any updates.”  
“Okay,” I nodded letting Louis pull me down.   
“Just try and get some sleep for now,” he whispered. I laid down letting Louis stroke my hair, but I couldn’t sleep the entire night. I eventually felt Louis fall asleep with me tucked against him, but even when I focused on his breathing I couldn’t sleep.


	36. Chapter 36

When Louis woke up, I knew he instantly saw my red eyes with dark circles. His face fell as he stroked my cheek gently. “Didn’t sleep, love?”   
“Not a wink,” I sighed closing my eyes feeling them burn. “Have you gotten anything from Gem or Anne?”  
“Let me check babe,” Louis said rolling over and grabbing his phone. I watched him scroll for a few minutes and type something before meeting my eyes.   
“What did they say?” I asked biting my lip. Louis took a piece of my hair and wound it around his finger.   
“Gem texted, she said he woke up around five this morning. He’s got a pretty bad concussion and a sprained wrist, but other than that he’s fine. Apparently Anne lands at eleven and they’re going to talk to him about going to rehab.”  
I felt my lip start to quiver again.  
“Babe, what’s wrong? He’s okay,” Louis asked worriedly.   
“My mom, my dad, Harry, they all turned to drugs and alcohol, maybe it’s my fault. I’m the one thing they all have in common.”  
“Babe, you’re not the reason for any of it. You know how I know? Before you, I was drinking and smoking and partying and fucking. You’re the reason I’m healthy and happy. I know you and I know you could never be the reason someone turned to those things.”  
“I think I know that too, but I am feeling really overwhelmed with everything right now. I feel like things just keep piling up.”  
“I know babe,” Louis sighed shaking his head. “All I really want is to make you happy and I feel like the outside world just keeps knocking down our gates.”  
“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m always happy when I’m with you. I always feel warm and full when I’m with you.”  
“That’s all I want,” Louis said pecking my lips. “We’re going to stay in bed all day today. I’m going to go make you some breakfast and I want you to try and close your eyes for a little while, okay?”  
“Okay,” I nodded. When Louis left I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but my brain just wouldn’t stop. I knew Harry was okay. I knew I wasn’t responsible for any of it. I knew Louis loved me. I just couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had been happening.   
Louis came back an hour later with a tray of food. “Still awake,” he sighed when I sat up.   
“I just can’t sleep,” I sighed. “I’ll be okay.”  
“You’re always okay,” Louis sighed setting the tray on my lap before climbing into bed. “You don’t have to be okay if you’re not. I’ll keep you standing if you can’t stand on your own.”  
“I know,” I nodded. “Right now though, this breakfast is all I need.”  
Louis smiled taking a piece of bacon off the plate. “I just love you so much.”  
“I love you too,” I replied taking his hand and grabbing myself a piece of fruit.   
“Eat a piece of bacon, I promise it has healing powers,” Louis grinned waving it in front of me. I took it and took a bite instantly melting.   
“It’s been a long time,” I said. “I forgot how good it is.”  
“I’ll never steer you wrong,” he grinned.   
Louis didn’t lie when he said we would spend the day in bed. He wouldn’t let me lift a finger all day. He made me lunch and dinner and we sat watching tv all day. After dinner, I managed to sleep for an hour before I woke up to Louis shaking me. I was sweating from head to toe. I knew I had a nightmare, but I couldn’t remember it when I opened my eyes.   
“You alright babe?” Louis asked stroking my hair gently.   
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I nodded. “Did anyone ever text you back about Harry?”   
“Yeah, he agreed to go to rehab,” Louis said. I nodded feeling instantly relieved.   
“Good, that makes me feel a lot better,” I told him.   
“Maybe you’ll be able to sleep now,” Louis said with a frown. “Maybe you should take the week off until you feel a little better.”  
“No, I can’t take any more days off. Those kids need me especially during college admittance season.”  
“Well just know, if you decide to take a few days off, I won’t be opposed.”  
“I know,” I replied. “I just can’t do it.”  
“I understand,” Louis nodded. “Just try and get some sleep.”   
I nodded sinking into the pillows and closing my eyes. As Louis scratched my back lightly and hummed, I eventually fell asleep.  
\--  
The next week was hard. I was still having a hard time sleeping. Every time I had a moment of silence the sound of Harry hitting the floor, calling my name, or my dad calling me a whore ran through my head. I threw up three times because of stress. I was trying to hide everything from Louis, but he knew I wasn’t okay. As soon as I got home he waited on my hand and foot. He made dinners and ran me baths and held me tightly. I knew he wanted to help me and he wanted me to talk to him, but I also knew he would make me take a break from work and I couldn’t do that. Friday when I got home Louis was already making dinner.   
“Hi babe,” Louis said instantly pulling me into a hug.   
“Hi Lou,” I said into his chest.   
“Making some zucchini noodles for dinner,” Louis said into my hair. “Thought we could eat on the patio tonight.”  
“Sounds perfect,” I replied pulling away.   
“How was work?” Louis asked.   
“It was fine,” I shrugged. Louis frowned but turned back to the noodles.   
“You want to bring the bowls and utensils out to the patio?” Louis asked. “I’ll meet you out there with the noodles in a few minutes.”  
“Okay,” I nodded grabbing the bowls and utensils and going outside. The door was still cracked, so I could hear Louis answer a phone call.   
“Hey Karen what’s up?” Louis asked. I heard him set down the phone, so I knew it was on speaker.   
“Hi Louis honey, how are you?” She asked.  
“I’m good, I’m just finishing up dinner for Kate and me,” Louis replied.   
“Is she in the room?”  
“No, she’s outside,” Louis answered. “What’s up?”  
“Well you know Steve has been going to therapy a few weeks now and his therapist recommended that Kate come in for a session with him. It would be a good way to talk about some unresolved things in a really safe place.”  
“I agree that eventually, that will be a good thing, but right now Kate really isn’t in a good place. She can’t handle anything else right now. I know she wants to help her dad get better, no matter what shit he’s done to her, so I have to put my foot down right now because she’s already stretched too thin.”  
“Is she alright? Is there anything I can do to help her?”  
“She will be. She just needs some time,” Louis answered. “Listen I really appreciate you calling and as soon as she’s in a space where I feel comfortable, I’ll mention it to her, but right now I’ve got to finish dinner.”  
“Right of course. If either of you needs anything, don’t hesitate to call me,” Karen said before it went quiet inside. I sat with my feet in the pool as I waited for Louis to come out.  
“How’s the water?” Louis asked from behind me.   
“Pretty warm,” I answered. “I mean no way I would swim in it yet, but warmer than usual.”  
“So I shouldn’t push you in?” He asked. “It’s really tempting.”  
“Don’t even think about it,” I said with a laugh. I looked up to find Louis grinning at me. He sat down and handed me a bowl of noodles and a fork.   
“I’m so in love with you,” Louis laughed nudging me with his shoulder. I kissed his cheek gently before taking a bite of my food. We ate in relative silence. When I was around Louis it was like I was finally able to breathe. It was just nice to sit and relax for a moment. When I finished my dinner I set down my bowl and gave Louis a grin before slipping into the pool and letting the water flow over me before coming up for air.   
“I thought you said you didn’t want to get in,” Louis laughed setting down his bowl.   
“I didn’t want you to push me in,” I answered swimming over to rest my chin in between his legs.   
“You’re still fully dressed,” Louis chuckled running a hand through my wet hair.   
“So are you,” I grinned grabbing his hands and pulling until he slid into the pool.   
“The things I do for you,” he laughed wrapping his arms around me and kissing me deeply.   
“I love you for it,” I said placing my head on his chest.   
“Come on, you can’t drag me into the pool and not expect to swim,” Louis laughed pulling away and disappearing under the water and grabbing my hips tossing me into the water causing me to erupt in giggles.   
We swam and played for a while longer before we got out. Louis ran into the mudroom to grab us towels and came back outside to wrap one around my shoulders.   
“Let’s get you showered and into bed love,” Louis grinned. “Maybe you’ll get some sleep after that swim.”  
“I’ve gotten sleep,” I said looking up at him.   
“Not enough and I know it,” Louis said rubbing my shoulder and leading me inside. “Go take a hot shower and I’ll be in as soon as I finish washing the dishes.”  
“Shouldn’t I be washing the dishes?” I asked crossing my arms.   
“Nope,” Louis said kissing my nose. “You should be in the shower.”  
I frowned but turned to the bedroom. I felt a lot better after my shower. I stood at the vanity brushing through my hair and washing my face as Louis hopped into the shower. I changed into my pajamas as Louis got out and changed as well. When we got into bed, I actually fell asleep right away and stayed asleep.


	37. Chapter 37

The next night we sat on the couch debating which restaurant we should order from. We had spent all day biking and swimming and we were too tired to cook.   
“How are you feeling?” Louis asked when I rested my head in his lap. When I saw the worry in his eyes, I knew I had to be honest.   
“Well I slept better last night, so that helped. But, I’m still having a hard time just processing everything that happened. Sometimes I’ll be in the middle of doing something or just sitting around watching tv and all of a sudden I think about my dad, or Harry, or Bailey. I worry about all of them and I feel like I’m not doing enough to help any of them right now.”  
“Baby, right now you taking care of yourself is helping them. You can’t really help them until you’re stable on your own two feet.”  
“Yeah,” I nodded letting him stroke my hair.   
“It’s not going to happen overnight and that’s okay. I’m going to hold you up until you can stand on your own, you know that right?”   
“I know,” I nodded. “I feel guilty about that too. We should be holding each other. It shouldn’t be your job to hold us both.”  
“Listen, babe, you have helped me so much over these years. You have kept me standing far longer than I thought possible. Let me do the same for you now.”  
“Okay,” I nodded letting him lean down and kiss my forehead. “We should really pick where we’re ordering from.”  
Before Louis could answer, someone rang the doorbell. “I’ll get it, Did you invite someone over?”  
“No,” I said sitting up and shaking my head. Louis patted my shoulder before heading for the door. A few seconds later Louis walked in with Karen.   
“Looks like we don’t have to cook tonight,” he grinned carrying a big pot.   
“Karen,” I smiled hopping up.   
“Hey sweetheart,” Karen smiled coming over and wrapping me in a tight hug. I felt my walls breaking down as she rubbed my back.   
“It’s okay sweety,” she said as the first tear hit her shoulder. “Don’t cry. Everything is okay.”  
I felt my knees buckle and Karen held me up taking me over to the couch. She sat us down. I tried to calm down, taking deep breaths and wiping the tears from my cheeks. Louis had disappeared into the kitchen.   
“What’s wrong Kate?” Karen asked brushing her finger along my cheek.   
“I’m sorry,” I sniffed looking away.   
“Why are you sorry?” Karen asked her eyes sad.   
“I heard you talking to Louis,” I whispered looking down. “I’m sorry I can’t help your family. I feel so guilty.”  
“Kate, don’t be sorry,” Karen said immediately wrapping her arms around me. “I didn’t come here to ask you for anything. I came here to check on you two and take care of anything you guys need. I can tell you’re going through a lot right now. All I want is for you to be okay.”  
“Hey, why don’t you two come in and get something to eat,” Louis called.   
“You alright?” Karen asked as I stood up. I wiped my eyes and nodded.   
“It smells so good in here,” I said letting Louis wrap an arm around me and kiss my forehead.   
“It was all Karen,” Louis smiled. He whispered in my ear, “are you alright?”  
I nodded pulling away and getting the bowls out of the cabinet. Louis filled up our bowls and then we sat at the table.   
“How are the kids doing?” I asked taking a bite of my soup. Louis placed his hand on my thigh and squeezing it lightly.   
“They’re doing well,” Karen answered. “They’re both almost done with this school year. I guess you're just about done too.”  
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I wish I could see them, but I don’t want to make anything more complicated in our family. I know I’ve caused a lot of problems.”  
“Kate, you’re not a problem in our family. We have problems, but they aren’t because of you. I know Adam and Annie miss you so much. They ask about you all the time. You can see them whenever you want.”  
“I miss them,” I sighed.   
“They miss you too sweetheart,” Karen grinned. “So how are you two doing? What have you been up to?”  
“We’re doing alright,” Louis said squeezing my thigh again. “We’ve been swimming quite a bit and we went biking today.”  
“Sounds like you two have been spending a lot of time outside,” Karen said. “That’s good.”  
I nodded. “Things have just been piling up for a few weeks now and so it’s nice to just decompress a little.”  
“I’m sorry that things have been so hard for you these past few weeks,” Karen sighed.   
“It’s really not your fault,” I shrugged. “You haven’t put any stress on me.”  
“Well I’m sorry none the less,” she replied seriously.  
“Thank you for bringing us soup,” I said.  
“I figured you two could use a break from cooking and maybe some comfort food,” she said.   
“You were right,” Louis laughed. “We were talking about what we were going to order when you knocked.”  
“Sounds like I came just in time,” Karen laughed.   
“How is, um, Ashley doing?” I asked picking at my fingers.  
“She’s doing fine,” Karen said vaguely.  
“Is she really? Are you just telling me that?” I asked biting my lip.   
“Honey, you’re going through a lot right now and I don’t want to add to that,” Karen replied.   
“She’s my sister, even if we’re not in the best place,” I said feeling my eyes start to well up. “Is she okay?”  
“Kate, honey, don’t cry,” Karen said softly as Louis pulled me into his arms. “She’s okay. She’s just thinking of moving out with a boy that we don’t know very well.”  
“Oh,” I said feeling sick. “Is she going to be okay? Is there something I can do?”  
“No honey, you just get better, that’s all you need to do and I promise we’ll make sure she is okay.”  
“Okay,” I nodded biting my lip. “Just, if something happens, I need to know.”  
“Of course honey,” Karen nodded. I rested my head on Louis' shoulder and he rubbed my back gently.   
“Love, why don’t you go to bed,” Louis said kissing my cheek. “We’ll wash the dishes and I’ll walk Karen out.”  
“Kay,” I nodded rubbing my eyes. I was feeling tired and I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to sleep. As I went to the bedroom I could hear Karen and Louis talking in hushed tones.   
“She looks like she’s been through the wringer, you both do,” Karen said.   
“Yeah, shit just keeps getting piled on and we both can’t handle anything else. Kate thinks everything that happens is her fault and then she feels guilty because she isn’t helping these people who have destroyed her mental health with their mental health. I just, I love her to death, but Kate is too nice and her heart is too big. I’m scared she’s going to drown and I’m not going to be able to save her.”  
“You’re doing a really great job helping her. I can see how much she trusts you and I know that if she were really struggling she would tell you. From what she’s told us, I know that she almost slipped out of your fingers once, and I don’t think that either one of you are willing to let that happen again.”  
“Yeah,” Louis nodded.  
“How are you doing with all of this?”   
“It’s been really hard watching her fall apart. She’s stressed herself out to the point where she gets sick and can’t sleep. I honestly don’t know the last time she slept through the night. I’ve tried everything and she just can’t sleep. I just wish there was more I can do for her, but I really don’t think there is.”  
“You’re doing your best and she knows it. If you need anything don’t hesitate to call me.”  
“I know, thanks,” Louis replied. I passed out before I could hear anything else.  
\--  
I woke up wrapped tightly in Louis’ arms. It felt so good and safe being held by him.  
“Lou,” I whispered brushing his hair out of his eyes gently. His eyes fluttered before opening to meet mine.   
“Morning love,” he said groggily.   
“I heard you talking to Karen last night,” I whispered brushing his hair with my fingers. “You know if something was really wrong I would tell you. I’m never going to let what happened back in LA happen again. I don’t want to be without you. I don’t want you to think that I don’t see everything you’re doing for me. I see it and I’m so appreciative and it’s enough.”  
“If I could take all your pain and feel it myself, I would,” Louis sighed stroking my cheek.  
“I don’t doubt that for a second,” I said softly. “You know I would do the same for you. I know I’m putting you through a lot right now and I’m really sorry. I wish I was okay.”  
“You’re going to be,” Louis said. “Just give it time.”  
“Can we just stay in bed for a while?” I asked curling against him.   
“Sure babe,” Louis chuckled running his hand over the back of my head. “How did you feel about seeing Karen last night?”  
“It was good to see her, but it also makes me feel guilty because of Steve and how he needs me and the kids and my sister. I know I can’t fix everyone, I know it’s not my job, but I just feel so guilty sometimes.”  
“Well, I’ll love you no matter what,” Louis said kissing my forehead.


	38. Chapter 38

Thursday night I was cooking dinner at the stove when Louis came home from the studio. “Smells good in here love,” Louis smiled coming over to give me a kiss.   
“How was work?” I asked as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.   
“It was good. I’m working with this new artist and she’s super sweet. It’s a lot of fun,” Louis replied.   
“You’re not going to replace me with a younger more talented girl are you?” I chuckled looking up at him.   
“Not a chance,” Louis smiled kissing my cheek. “How was work for you today?”   
“Good,” I shrugged. “Tiring.”  
“You should have let me cook,” Louis said stroking my hair.   
“I was starving,” I replied. “I couldn’t wait.”  
Louis stroked my hair gently. I had been getting better slowly. I was sleeping better and feeling better about everything. I think Louis could see that too.   
“Why don’t you go get out the plates baby,” I said looking up at him.   
“Give me a real hug first,” Louis pouted. I nodded turning around and tucking myself against his chest. Louis rubbed my back squeezing me tightly. Eventually, I pulled away to make sure our food didn’t burn.   
A few minutes later we were seated at the table across from each other.   
“Tastes so good love,” Louis said through a mouthful of food.   
“No manners,” I laughed and Louis chuckled as well.   
“No one can be as perfect as you,” he chuckled as I rolled my eyes.   
“I gotta ask you something love,” Louis said tracing his fingers over the table.   
“What’s up?” I asked biting my lip.   
“Harry called me today,” Louis said softly. “He’s still in rehab, but he said he wanted us to come by. He said he needed to apologize. I think it might be a good idea to go by, but if you don’t think you’re ready then you just need to tell me. I will let him know we just need a bit more time.”  
“I want to go,” I said. “If he needs this, then I don’t want to be the reason he can’t get better.”  
“Okay,” Louis nodded. “I will call him tomorrow.”  
“Okay,” I nodded.  
\--  
Saturday afternoon, we pulled up to a modern looking building. “Listen, if it’s too much and you need to leave just let me know. Your health is more important to me than anything else.”  
“I know,” I nodded squeezing his hand lightly. “I promise if it’s too much I’ll let you know.”  
“Good,” Louis nodded before getting out of the car. Louis took my hand and led me inside. We had to check in at a front desk and then we were led through a sterile white hallway and I felt a little sick.   
“You good?” Louis asked as we stood in front of a white door with black numbers printed on the front.   
“I’m good,” I nodded squeezing his hand a little tighter. Louis knocked on the door lightly. A thin watered-down version of Harry opened the door.   
“Hey guys,” he smiled leaning against the door.   
“Hey mate,” Louis said rubbing my back gently.  
“Lou, do you mind if I talk to you alone?” Harry asked looking down.   
“Sure,” Louis nodded. He kissed my cheek gently before following Harry inside. I sat down against the wall and rested my head on my knees. I kept my eyes closed trying not to get overwhelmed with my thoughts. I was nervous to talk to Harry.   
“You alright love?” Louis asked and I sat up.   
“Good,” I nodded standing up.   
“He wants to talk to you,” Louis said looking down. I pulled him down to meet my eyes.   
“I love you,” I whispered seriously.  
“I know,” Louis replied touching my cheek gently. He let go and I found Harry watching us with a small smile.   
“Hey,” he said sheepishly gesturing for me to come inside. I walked in and Harry closed the door gently. I looked at the small white room. There was a bed pushed into the corner and a desk against the wall. I sat in the desk chair and Harry sat on the edge of his bed and ran a hand through his hair.   
“I’m so sorry,” Harry said softly. “I’m sorry for every single moment that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I tried to pull you down when the band was falling apart. I’m sorry about the things I did and the things I said. I changed and you weren’t afraid to call me out. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”  
“I’m sorry I left,” I said looking down.  
“Kate, you don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Harry sighed. “I know how much you tried and I just wasn’t in a good enough place to listen. I’m sorry and I hope you’ll tell your sister I’m sorry too. I never should have talked about things that weren’t my business.”  
“We aren’t speaking anymore,” I answered looking down at my hands.  
“Because of what I did?” He asked his voice breaking.   
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “She changed, she broke up with her boyfriend and she’s living with my dad and sleeping around. I…”  
“Your dad?” Harry asked.   
“Yeah, I’ve had a lot of shit going on lately and it’s just a lot,” I said running my hands over my face.  
“I’m sorry that I added to that,” Harry said is voice shaky.   
“It was the straw that broke the camel’s back,” I answered with a shrug. “I’m sorry if I’m being harsh, it’s just, I’m trying really hard to get better because there are so many things I need to fix.”  
“I get it,” Harry replied. “Louis told me a little about what’s going on. I’m just really glad you two have each other. You both deserve to be happy and I’m sorry I hurt both of you.”  
“I’m just glad you’re getting help. Even though we weren’t talking, I really worried about you. I’ve always worried about you.”  
“I know. You care too deeply about everyone, even people who have hurt you. I’m grateful to know that, but I also feel so guilty that I’ve been holding you down.”  
“I just need you to know that I forgive you. I want you to get better and I’ll do what I can to help,” I said gently.   
“I really appreciate that, but I can’t lean on you forever. I need to be able to stand on my own and I need to give you a break.”  
“I’ll be there if you need it,” I answered. Harry nodded standing up.  
“Can I give you a hug?” Harry asked gently. I nodded standing up as well. He pulled me tightly against his chest and he felt different. He didn’t feel like the home that I used to feel in his arms. He felt hard and distant. I realized then that the only arms that were going to feel like home were Louis’. When he let go, he led me to the door. Louis was pacing in the hallway and the second he saw me his face and posture instantly relaxed.   
“Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it.”  
“Of course,” I said patting his arm.   
“Just call us if you need us mate,” Louis said taking my hand and pulling me towards him.   
“Bye guys,” Harry said. We gave him a wave before leaving. When we were outside Louis instantly pulled me against his chest.   
“Are you okay?” He asked rubbing my back.   
“I’m good,” I nodded. “You feel like home.”  
“So do you, baby,” Louis said kissing my forehead. Louis took me to the car and it was fairly quiet as he drove us home.  
“You didn’t say it, but I know you were a little worried,” I said stroking his thigh lightly. “Being around Harry just showed me how much I love and need you. Your hugs and voice are a lot more soothing than Harry ever was.”  
“Good,” Louis smiled taking my hand from his thigh and kissing it lightly.   
“Are you alright?” I asked when he set my hand back in my own lap.  
“Yeah, I’m just… I don’t know I’m kind of pissed,” Louis shrugged eyes intently on the road.  
“At me?” I asked looking down at my lap.  
“No, babe, of course not,” Louis chuckled. “Literally could never be mad at you.”  
“Then what’s eating at you?” I asked gently. “I really don’t like seeing you upset.”  
“I don’t know, Harry kept apologizing, but he doesn’t really know what he’s apologizing for, you know? He wasn’t around for the worst of it. He doesn’t know what it felt like when I found you in that bathtub. He doesn’t know that my heart felt like it was breaking every time I saw the sadness in your eyes because he hadn’t reached out. He doesn’t know that I felt just as sick watching him pass out in front of our gate, but I felt even worse when I saw your reaction. He doesn’t get it and I don’t think he can ever really fully apologize because he will never understand exactly what his actions caused.”  
“I guess I kind of felt the same way, but I didn’t want to cause him to spiral or anything. I mean remember what happened with Steve?” I asked looking down.   
“Yeah, that’s kind of why I didn’t say anything either.”  
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m glad it was you in my life that whole time,” I said softly looking up at him. “I don’t think there’s really anyone else who understands how I felt or who I trusted enough. Thank you for putting up with a lot of stress and hurt for me.”  
“I think I could say the same for you,” Louis replied placing his hand on my thigh. I placed mine on top and rubbed it lightly.


	39. Chapter 39

That weekend as we sat on the beach watching the sun sink below the water, Louis rested his head on my shoulder.   
“Louis, I want to start the adoption process,” I said scratching his back lightly. “I know not everything has been tied up in a neat little bow, but adoption can take a long time and it’s something we both want. I don’t want to wait anymore.”  
“If you feel like you’re ready to take that on, then I’m ready,” Louis replied. “Unfortunately this is more your forte, so I’m not sure how much help I’m going to be.”  
“I know the steps we need to take,” I nodded. “I just want to have a family with you.”  
“So do I,” Louis replied. “You’re going to be the best mom to any child that enters our house. You know that, right?”  
“You’re going to be a great dad,” I answered kissing his cheek. We stayed at the beach until the sky was dark. We rode our bikes back to the house and got changed into our pajamas.   
“I’m going to ask Marcy and Bailey to come by sometime this week because we’re going to need some character references,” I said as we laid in bed that night.   
“I think that’s a great idea,” Louis nodded. “How many do you need? I’m sure we could call Karen and Niall and anyone else you may need.”  
“The more we can get the better,” I nodded. “I’m going to get in contact with some people tomorrow. We’ll have to schedule a home visit and fill out some paperwork.”  
“I love you,” Louis said taking my cheeks in his hands and kissing me. “You’re amazing.”  
“I love you too,” I laughed curling against him.   
\--  
A few days later we sat at the dinner table with a big spread. Louis and I had both been busy cooking all day. When the doorbell rang I rushed over. I couldn’t contain my grin as Bailey and Marcy stood in front of me.   
“Oh my god I missed you guys,” I squealed being instantly wrapped in tight hugs.   
“How are you?” Marcy whispered stroking my back.   
“Better,” I smiled. “Come on, get inside.”  
“I missed this place,” Bailey grinned as I closed the door behind them. “It just has the most beautiful view.”  
“You know you’re welcome over any time,” I laughed. “Those bedrooms are always empty for you two.”  
“My two favorite people,” Louis grinned when we got to the kitchen. He gave them both hugs. “Dinner is all ready. Come sit down.”  
“Smells so good,” Marcy said looking over the food on the table as we sat down.   
“You didn’t have to do all this, we could have brought something,” Bailey said shaking her head.   
“We had plenty of free time today,” I laughed. “Come on sit down and eat up.”  
“How are you two doing?” Bailey asked looking between Louis and I. Louis had sat down next to me rubbing my back gently.   
“We’re doing a lot better,” I answered with a shrug as Louis put big helpings onto my plate.   
“Louis told me about Harry,” Marcy said biting her lip worriedly.   
“What about Harry?” Bailey asked confused.   
“He showed up here wasted,” I answered looking down. “He passed out on the sidewalk and we had to call an ambulance.”  
“Jesus Christ,” Bailey said her eyes wide. “Is he okay? Are you guys okay?”  
“Yeah, um he’s in rehab now,” I answered.   
“We actually went to visit him a week or so ago,” Louis replied still rubbing my back. “He tried to apologize and you know it was nice, but he just doesn’t really get it.”  
“He was gone for quite a while and he caused a lot of damage,” Marcy nodded.   
“It’s just nice to not have to worry about him having a breakdown anymore, you know? I know he’s getting help and I know that other people are looking out for him,” I said honestly.   
“I’m glad that’s one less thing on your plate,” Marcy said with a smile.   
“How are you doing Bailey? I know things were kind of tough last time I saw you. I’m sorry I haven’t been checking on you. I should have at least called…”  
“Kate, clearly you’ve had a lot of shit going on lately and I don’t blame you for not calling. I would rather you work on yourself than put all your energy into me. You can’t help everyone else all the time,” Bailey replied. “Marcy has been checking up on me and my husband has been a big help. We had to have a real talk about things, but it’s a lot better now.”  
“Good, I’m glad to hear that and I promise that I’ll start checking on you again.”  
“Don’t rush it,” Bailey said. “You don’t need to push yourself.”  
“How are things with your dad?” Marcy asked.   
“We’re keeping distance right now, but I think we’re going to have a joint therapy session sometime soon,” I said and Louis looked down at me. “I just feel like I’m ready to move on, you know? We still talk to Karen. She just came over a few nights ago and I don’t want to be in a bad place for the sake of the kids.”  
“You know you don’t have to push yourself for anyone else,” Marcy said with a frown.   
“I’m doing it for myself,” I answered. “I just want to be back in a good place.”  
“And your sister?” Marcy asked. I looked down and then up at Louis.  
“She’s apparently dating some boy who is bad news,” Louis answered. “That’s all we know and we’re not getting involved.”  
“Understandable,” Marcy nodded as I bit my lip.   
“How are you doing Marcy? I know we’ve both been putting a lot on you,” I said changing the subject.   
“I’m doing well,” Marcy shrugged. “I just work and hang out with my boyfriend. My life isn’t nearly as eventful as any of yours.”  
“That’s not a bad thing,” I laughed.   
“Oh my god you guys I have to show you this video of Bella,” Bailey grinned pulling up a video on her phone. On the phone, Bella was giggling hysterically as her mom blew bubbles.   
“She’s so cute, I miss her,” I said pressing a hand to my heart.   
“She’s freaking adorable,” Marcy laughed.   
“So when are you two going to have one of your own?” Bailey asked resting her chin in her hands.   
“That’s actually what we wanted to talk to you guys about,” I said brushing my hair back nervously.   
“Are you pregnant?” Marcy asked eyes going wide.  
“No,” I said shaking my head and looking down. Louis’ hand touched my thigh gently.   
“We want to adopt an older child,” Louis replied with a big grin.   
“No way!” Bailey said with breaking into a smile.   
“I love that,” Marcy smiled. “Have you started the process?”   
“Well we’ve started taking some of the required classes and we have a home visit scheduled for next week too,” I answered biting my lip. “We were wondering if you guys would be willing to write references for us.”  
“Of course,” Marcy laughed. “You guys are literally going to be the best parents.”  
“You’re already so amazing with Bella,” Bailey smiled. “I will do anything I can to help you get a child.”  
“Thank you so much,” I said instantly feeling relief. “I know it’s not the typical route, but I really appreciate your support.”  
“It takes a really strong and loving person to adopt and you’re the perfect person,” Bailey said.   
“Whatever child ends up in this house, is going to be the luckiest most loved child,” Marcy grinned.   
We spent another hour talking about the process and about Bella before the pair left for the night.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finished writing this series! I am planning on releasing a new chapter every day until you have the whole thing, so be on the lookout!

The next few days were busy taking classes and filling out paperwork. We had started reading parenting books and blogs, making sure we were ready for anything. I could tell Louis was getting nervous about the home visit, but I don’t think it was setting in for me yet.   
I had called Karen to talk to her about writing a reference and then we got to talking about Steve. I agreed to meet them for a therapy session at the end of the week. When I told Louis, he insisted that he needed to be in the room with me and I agreed. I knew that this session was going to be difficult and I would need Louis there to support me.   
As we pulled up to the therapist's office, Louis took my hand and squeezed it gently. “Don’t hold back because you don’t want to hurt him. This is the safest place, to be honest and get that hurt resolved.”  
“Okay,” I nodded getting out of the car. Karen was outside waiting for us. She had a big smile on her face and we were instantly wrapped in her arms.   
“I’m just so proud of you two for showing up here and for getting back on your feet and for working towards an adoption. You two are who I hope my children grow up to be,” she said handing me a manilla folder. “That’s your reference and if you need anything else just call.”  
“Thanks,” I said placing it in my purse.   
“You’re sure you’re okay to do this?” Karen asked as Louis placed his arm around my shoulders.  
“Yes,” I nodded.  
“He’s inside already, he’s really glad you decided to come,” Karen said patting her heart lightly. I nodded and let her lead us down the hallway. Karen knocked on a wooden door and a small brown-haired woman opened the door.   
“Hi, I’m Dr. Marnie,” she said with a kind smile. “You must be Kate.”  
“Yeah,” I nodded feeling nervous. My last therapist had been so awful, that even being in an office like this gave me anxiety. Louis took my hand and squeezed it gently and I instantly relaxed.   
“I’m her husband, Louis,” he said.   
“Nice to meet you, I’m glad you’re here,” Marnie smiled. “Why don’t you all come inside.”  
We followed Marnie inside to find Steve already sitting on one of the couches. Louis and I sat on the couch across from him and Marnie and Karen sat in seats between us. I looked at Steve to find him with dark circles under his eyes. He looked thin and tired.   
“Kate, I need to start by saying how sorry I am,” he said his voice strained. “I’m sorry for the awful things that I said. And Karen, she told me everything. You know she isn’t afraid to make me feel bad. She told me about your friends and how you’ve been sick with worry and stress and I’m just really sorry I was part of that. Louis, I should apologize to you too. I’m sorry I woke you both up in the middle of the night. I’m sorry I trespassed. I’m sorry I berated your wife. I’m sorry I put you in the position where you had to upset your wife by calling mine. I’m just sorry to you both.”  
“Thank you for that Steve,” Marnie said with a nod. “Kate, no one here expects you to apologize, but do you have anything you would like to add or say?”  
“I want to forgive you,” I said biting my lip. “It’s just been really hard for me because… well, I have that word… what you called me… it’s always running through my mind,” I sighed. “I know you’re apologizing, but drunk words are sober thoughts, and I just… what if other people think that about me?”  
Louis rubbed my back gently. “People don’t think that. I don’t think that,” Steve said immediately. “You have been through so much and you didn’t deserve the words I threw at you especially because it was my fault. I truly wish I could take back those words, but I can’t. I just hope that we can become better.”  
“I really appreciate those words,” I sighed. “Can I ask you a question? Is that allowed?”  
Marnie nodded and so did Steve. “Um a few weeks ago, Louis and I’s friend from back in the band, he showed up drunk and on so many drugs and passed out on the concrete. I just, well is it my fault? Did you used to be a drunk and was mom a drug addict because of me?”  
Louis’ hand found my back again and gently rubbing circles. “No honey, of course not. You were the easiest sweetest kid,” Steve said running his hand over his face. “I was a drunk many years before you were ever born and I’m sure your mother’s many boyfriends were the root of her drug problem because you never caused any problems. I’m sorry I didn’t take you with me to LA and I’m sorry I didn’t find you when I got sober.”  
“Why didn’t you take me to LA?” I asked biting my lip.  
“Kate, I don’t think that’s a healthy route to go down,” Steve said.  
“I need to know,” I said brushing my hair back.  
“Your mom and I decided that Ashley was the one with the potential to be something in Hollywood and we only had enough money to take one of you…” Steve sighed. “Clearly we were wrong because you were the only person in our family who did it right the first time. You’re the only one who became successful and happy without infinite re-dos.”   
I looked to Karen who had tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why didn’t you try to find me or even Ashley? Why did you keep us a secret?”  
“Well, Ashley had kicked me out and honestly… well, I knew Ashley used to talk to you when you were kids and I heard about the things your mother made you do. I thought you were dead,” Steve said looking down. I felt the tears run down my own cheeks at those words. They felt like a slap in the face.   
“So you knew what was happening to Kate and you were more willing to let her die than to help her in any way?” Louis asked anger dripping from his voice.   
“Let’s try to reel this back in,” Marnie said and Louis turned.   
“No, think for one second if that was your father. Your father didn’t care if you died. Instead, he hid your whole existence from his new family and wife like you were a dirty fucking secret. He knew you were living with a drug addict, who would do literally anything to get drugs and he let you stay there knowing you could die. That’s fucked and he deserves to know that,” Louis said still shaking with anger. I looked over to Karen who was nodding as tears streamed down her cheeks.   
“We can’t change the past, what we really need to do is start creating a more stable future,” Marnie replied.   
“It’s hard to create a future when he doesn’t care if your dead,” I whispered looking down at my legs.   
“I care, Kate,” Steve said as Louis pulled me into his arms. “I didn’t tell Karen because I couldn’t talk about it. It hurt me to know what I had done to you. That I hadn’t done anything to stop what was happening. It took me until I was sober to realize what a monster I had become and when I realized that I couldn’t tell Karen because she was the only good thing in my life and I couldn’t lose that. I’m sorry, really I am.”  
“I want to forgive you, but it’s going to take time. I thought we were on that path until you showed up and called me… that word. I guess I just don’t really know where you stand.”  
“Kate, I want to get to a good place with you. It’s all I want. You were a sweet kind child when I left and despite everything that happened to you, I still see that little girl. I want to make it up to her and to you now. I see how you are with my kids and with Karen and I don’t want to be the reason you lose any of them.”  
I nodded as Louis rubbed my back. “What can we do to get to a good place?” Marnie asked.   
“I think it’s just going to take time,” I shrugged.   
Steve nodded. “I think that’s a healthy and safe place to leave this,” Marnie nodded.   
“I’ll walk you two outside,” Karen said standing up and wiping her eyes.   
“Can I give you a hug?” Steve asked softly. I nodded biting my lip.   
“I really do love you,” he whispered rubbing my back gently before pulling away. I let Louis lead me out of the room.   
“How are you feeling?” Louis asked.  
“I’m okay,” I shrugged letting him wrap me in a tight hug.   
“Kate honey, I’m sorry,” Karen sighed wrapping me in a hug next. “I need you to know we all care if something were to happen to you. When I told Steve about what you were going through he was so upset. He was asking what he could do to help you and to fix everything, but I just told him to keep his distance. He really does care about you.”  
“Thank you,” I said rubbing her back gently. “Thank you for being here for me and caring and supporting me in spite of everything.”  
“I’ll always support you, no matter what,” Karen replied patting my cheek.   
“Thank you,” I said again as we pulled away.   
“You two have a good night and remember, if you need a single thing, don’t hesitate to call,” Karen said sweetly. I nodded and let Louis lead me to the car.   
“You okay?” Louis asked as we got into the car.  
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Are you okay?”  
“I’m a little upset, but I’ll be okay,” he nodded.  
“I don’t like when you’re upset, especially when it’s because of me,” I frowned as he started the car.  
“It’s not because of you,” Louis answered placing his hand on my thigh.   
“Well…”  
“I don’t like thinking about you dead. I don’t like thinking that there are people out there who could think about you dead and not be a complete and utter mess. I know I got angry and I’m really sorry if that upset you, but I’m not going to let anyone hurt you and get away with it,” Louis shrugged.   
“I don’t care that you got mad. I was happy you got mad because that’s what I wanted to do,” I said rubbing his hand gently.   
“I love you, babe. I love you so fucking much and I will do anything for you,” he said.   
“I know and I love you too,” I replied relaxing into the seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love hearing your feedback so feel free to comment, it always makes my day to see that people are reading my work :)


	41. Chapter 41

The next day was our home visit. Louis was running around frantically fluffing pillows and cleaning the counters.   
“Lou, honey what are you doing?” I laughed as he tried to straighten a photo on the wall.   
“I just want everything to be perfect,” Louis said.   
“Honey, you don’t need to freak out. Just be yourself and I promise it’s going to work out. I’m sure whoever comes already knows and loves you,” I laughed kissing his cheek.   
“Is my tie straight?” He asked nervously.   
“Yes,” I laughed. “I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw you in a suit.”  
“Didn’t even wear a suit for our wedding,” he laughed. “Feels like I’m choking.”  
“Well I think you look hot,” I smiled kissing his cheek.   
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” he smirked looking down at my knee-length dress. I rolled my eyes pushing him away. The doorbell rang and Louis practically ran to the door.   
“Babe, whatever happens you know I love you,” I said taking his wrist and giving him a light kiss.  
“I feel the same way,” Louis said seriously. He turned and opened the door keeping his hand wrapped in mine revealing a short woman in a pantsuit.   
“Hi come on in,” I smiled. “I’m Kate and this is Louis.”  
“Good to meet you both, I’m Anna Martin,” she said kindly. “Let’s sit down and just have a conversation.”  
I nodded leading her to the kitchen. “Do you need anything to drink or eat?” I asked suddenly feeling nervous.   
“No, I’m alright thank you,” she said kindly.   
For the next four hours, we had private and group conversations about our past, present, and future as well as our finances and everything in between. Louis and I were both completely honest about the things that we went through in our past, losses, trauma, and all the good times too. I made sure to emphasize that things were on the path to recovery with my father. Louis told her about his time in the band and the stress and hardship that put on him and how he has gotten to a good place in his life where he is happy and healthy. We spent the rest of the day giving her a tour of the house. She opened every cabinet and closet. We told her about our armed security and the vetting process before we hired them. She listened intently and asked questions and jotted down notes for everything. It was so nerve-wracking and when she finally left hours later Louis and I collapsed into each other’s arms.   
“We did it,” he sighed holding onto me tightly.   
“I feel like I need to sleep for a million years,” I laughed hugging him tightly.   
“I love you and I’m so proud of you,” Louis grinned kissing my cheek. “Come on let’s get you some sleep.”  
“I love you and I’m proud of you too babe,” I said following him to the bedroom.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, let me know if you've made it this far!

Not even three weeks later we were preparing for the arrival of an eleven-year-old girl. She was still about a week away from being up for adoption, so we were going to foster her for that time and make sure she was comfortable with us before we started the legal process.  
“I’m really nervous,” I told Louis as he paced the living room. I was sat on the couch biting my nails.  
“You don’t have any reason to be nervous love,” Louis said coming over to stroke my hair gently. When the doorbell rang we both shot up nervously. My heart was beating so fast.   
“We’re going to have a little girl in our house,” I smiled and Louis grinned pulling me to the door. He opened the door to reveal a small brown-haired girl looking down at the ground with big brown eyes. Anna was standing next to her.   
“Hi, come on in,” I smiled feeling my heart flutter at the sight of the little girl.   
“So this is Lilly,” Anna said as they stepped into the house.   
“Hi Lilly,” I smiled bending down so I was at eye level. “My name is Kate and this is my husband Louis.”  
“We’re so glad you’re here,” Louis smiled.   
“Hi,” Lilly said her voice soft and timid.   
“Well this is her suitcase and I have a little profile about her here, I’ll be back in a week to check-in, but if any of you, that means you too Lilly, need anything, don’t hesitate to call, okay?”   
Lilly nodded as Anna handed Louis the suitcase and me the file. “Alright then I will be on my way,” Anna said giving Lilly’s head a pat before heading outside.   
“Okay Lilly we have two rooms you can choose from,” I said giving her a little smile. “Come on we’ll show you the rooms.”  
“Or you can try them both out, you don’t have to decide now,” Louis said.   
“This is our bedroom right here at the end of the hall, so no matter what room you choose, you’ll be close by if you need anything at night,” I said pointing to our bedroom door.   
“So these are the two bedrooms,” Louis said opening the doors and stepping back so Lilly could step inside. We stayed back in the hall letting her assess each of the rooms. She looked out the windows curiously.   
“Can I open the closet doors?” She asked.  
“Yes, of course,” I smiled.  
“It’s just as much your stuff as it is ours,” Louis replied. She nodded and opened the closet door before going to the room next door and did the same thing.   
“I think I want the room closest to you,” she said. Her voice was so soft and tiny that I had a feeling she didn’t use it often.   
“Then it’s yours,” Louis grinned picking up her suitcase and bringing it into her new room.   
“We can unpack your things later, I’m sure you’re hungry right now,” I said and she nodded.   
“Do you want to come sit in the kitchen with us while we cook?” Louis asked. She nodded again. She followed us into the kitchen and almost jumped when she saw Spaghetti.  
“You have a cat?” She asked her eyes going wide.   
“Yeah,” I said softly picking him up. “Is that okay with you?”  
“Mmhmm,” Lilly nodded.   
“Would you like to come over and pet him?” She nodded and walked over timidly. As soon as she touched Spaghetti he nuzzled her hand and purred.   
“What’s his name?” She asked me with big eyes.   
“Spaghetti,” I grinned.  
“Really?” She asked the corners of her lips tugging upward.   
“Silly name for a cat right?” Louis laughed and Lilly nodded biting her lip.   
“Lou I just remembered we haven’t even given her a tour yet,” I said setting down Spaghetti.  
“How about I make dinner and you show her around. I’ll have it done by the time you’re done.”  
“Okay,” I nodded. “Are you okay with that?”   
“Yeah, of course,” Louis replied rubbing my back. I smiled and led Lilly back to the bedrooms.   
“So obviously you saw the two bedrooms, and the bathroom connected. I put some supplies in your bathroom already- toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, some pads, and tampons… I don’t know if you’ve…”  
“I haven’t,” she said looking down.   
“When you do, whenever that may be, you just come find me and I will help you with anything you need, okay? Louis can help you too, but I mean I get it if you don’t want to ask him.”  
“Thank you,” she said softly and I nodded.   
This is our bedroom back here,” I said leading her through the door. “You’re welcome in here anytime you want, okay? You don’t need to knock or hesitate, you’re always welcome. There’s nail polish and makeup in the drawer next to the bathroom sink if you ever want to use it.”  
“Okay,” Lilly nodded. I led her out of the bedroom and to the garage.   
“We keep an alarm on this door, the front door, and the back door at night. It’s just to make sure we’re all safe, so just make sure you don’t open the door at night, if you need anything just ask and we can turn it off,” I said leading her outside. I showed her the bikes, paddleboards, balls, and everything else she could need.   
“I don’t know how to ride a bike or do any of these things,” she said looking at all the items overwhelmed.   
“Don’t worry, Louis and I will teach you,” I smiled. “He didn’t know how to surf until about two years ago.”  
“Okay,” Lilly nodded.   
“You already saw the kitchen and the living room,” I said as we walked past. “You’re welcome to watch tv anytime you want and if the remote confuses you just ask Louis because it confuses me too.”  
I led her to the other side of the house and showed her the mudroom. “And this is Louis’ studio,” I said opening the door for her to walk inside.   
“You have a lot of instruments,” she said looking around in awe.   
“You’re welcome to play and practice with them anytime you want,” I smiled.  
“I don’t know how,” she said with a frown.  
“Louis can teach you whatever you want to learn. He’s very talented.”  
“Okay,” she nodded.  
“Do you have any questions for me?” I asked. Lilly shook her head silently.   
“Well I just want you to know that we are so happy that you are here,” I said. “We are going to do everything we can to make you feel comfortable, safe, and happy here.”  
“Thank you,” she said softly.   
“Do you mind if I give you a hug?” I asked nervously.   
“Okay,” she nodded and I moved towards her and wrapped my arms around her rubbing her back gently. She rested her head against my chest and I felt her arms wrap around my waist. I felt my heart swell and I could have cried in that moment if Louis hadn’t called us for dinner. We broke apart and Lilly followed me back to the kitchen.   
“Smells good,” I said pulling some plates from the cabinets.   
“You want to eat outside?” Louis asked looking between Lilly and me.  
“There’s a beautiful view of the sunset from the patio,” I told Lilly.   
“Okay,” she nodded. I took the plates outside and felt Lilly follow behind me.  
“You have a pool?” She asked eyes wide.  
“Yup and it’s heated year-round, so you can swim in it whenever you like,” Louis replied setting the dish on the table.   
“I don’t have a swimsuit,” she frowned.  
“We can or just Kate can take you shopping for anything you need or want,” Louis smiled. “And we’ll repaint your room and buy you some new bedding and decorations as soon as you feel ready.”  
“Thank you,” Lilly said looking down. She sat in the chair between us facing the pool.   
“I guess we should have warned you that we eat a lot of vegetables and healthy food in this house,” I said looking down at the zucchini noodles and vegetable-filled sauce in the pan.  
“I’m not picky,” she said as Louis served her a really big helping. We ate quietly for a while.  
“So Lilly what do you like to do for fun?” I asked her gently.   
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I read books sometimes. I’m very quiet and I don’t like to cause problems.”  
I felt my heart physically break at her words. “Honey, you don’t have to be quiet here,” I said. “We are always singing and dancing and listening to music around the house. No need for you to worry about being too loud.”  
“She’s right,” Louis smiled. “Just last week I had an idea for a song and I spent all day on the drums in the studio.”  
“If you want to play any sports, take any classes, or take private lessons you just let us know,” I said.  
“But if you just want to read books, then you came to the right house. Kate has me reading all kinds of good books all the time,” Louis smiled.   
“You like to read?” Lilly asked looking up at me.   
“Oh yeah, I love it,” I smiled. “I used to read all the time when I was little and now I get to share all those books that I’ve read with Louis. If you recommend me a book, I promise I’ll read it.”  
“Cool,” Lilly said a grin dancing on her lips. “Everything is so pretty and nice here,” she said watching the sun sink beneath the water.  
“We’re really glad you feel that way,” I said and Louis nodded.   
“Why don’t we get you unpacked,” Louis said standing up and stretching. “We want to make sure you’re all settled in before bed.”  
“Okay,” Lilly nodded standing up as well. Louis and I collected the dishes and brought them inside leaving them in the sink to soak.   
“Let’s get this suitcase unpacked,” Louis grinned setting it on the ground. I sat down next to Lilly and let her open the suitcase. Louis sat on the bed running his hand over my head gently. I looked at the wadded up clothes in the suitcase and cringed.   
“Does anything need to be washed?” I asked.  
“No, Miss Anna washed it before I left,” Lilly answered.   
“Alright, then I will fold and you can put it away in the drawers so you know where everything is,” I said.  
“Okay,” Lilly nodded. We spent quite a bit of time folding clothes and putting them away. Underneath the clothes, Lilly had a layer of books.   
“Oh these are some of my favorites,” I said tracing my fingers over the covers gently.   
“Really?” Lilly asked looking up at me with big eyes.   
“Really,” I nodded. “I used to read these books over and over again under my covers at night. We need to find a special place for these.”  
“We’ll buy you a bookshelf or we’ll put in some floating shelves. We’ll figure out a special place because I’m sure you’ll be collecting quite a few more books through the years,” Louis smiled.   
“Okay,” Lilly nodded a real grin growing on her lips.   
“For now we’ll put them on your desk, okay?” I asked and she nodded.   
“Why don’t you change into your pajamas? Kate and I will wash the dishes and come put you to bed when we’re done, alright?” Louis asked.   
“Okay,” Lilly nodded. Louis and I stood up and Louis took the suitcase and placed it on the top shelf in the closet.   
We left the bedroom closing the door gently. Louis instantly wrapped me in a hug. “I’m so happy, are you happy?” He whispered and I nodded against his chest. We washed the dishes laughing lightly about how hot the water was. When we finished loading the dishwasher we went back to Lilly’s room. Louis knocked on the door gently.   
“Come in,” Lilly said. I subtly turned on the nightlight as we walked into the room not wanting her to feel self-conscious about it. I had slept with a nightlight until Louis started living with me because of everything I had been through.   
“Remember where our bedroom is?” Louis asked as I tucked the covers around her. Lilly nodded.   
“Do you need anything before we leave?” I asked worriedly. She shook her head. We both gave her gentle hugs.  
“We’re so happy you’re here,” Louis said patting her head gently. We walked away and I closed the door gently.   
“I’m worried,” I said looking up at him.  
“Why?” Louis asked stroking my hair.   
“It’s her first night here and I don’t want her to be scared or anything,” I said.  
“She’ll be okay,” Louis said rubbing my back and leading me to the bedroom.   
\--  
That night I woke up to someone screaming. I sat up quickly, Louis was still passed out. I got up and made my way to Lilly’s bedroom where I could hear her sobbing. I knocked lightly before opening the door.   
“Hey, sweety are you okay?” I asked coming to sit on the edge of her bed. She sobbed into her hand and I instantly pulled her into a hug.   
“It’s okay honey,” I said stroking her head gently. “Everything is okay. You’re safe.”  
She finally calmed down enough to breathe normally. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.   
“Oh honey, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I answered rubbing her back. “Come on I’ll make you some tea, it will help you go back to sleep, okay?”  
“Okay,” she nodded. I got up from the bed and she followed behind me. As I started the kettle she stood right next to me, so I rubbed her back gently.   
“Louis makes the best tea,” I told her. “He always makes it for me when I can’t sleep.”  
“Do you ever have nightmares?” She asked as I poured her a cup.   
“Oh yes,” I nodded. “I used to have really bad nightmares when I first met Louis and he would have to wake me up from them. I still get them sometimes.”  
I handed her the mug before leading her back to her bedroom. “Be careful it’s okay,” I said taking it so she could get back in bed.   
“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?” She asked looking down. “It’s okay if you won’t.”  
“I would love to,” I said. She sipped her tea quietly and I rubbed her back gently. When she finished her tea I set the mug on the bedside table and helped her slip down under the covers. She closed her eyes and I stroked her hair gently. I closed my eyes as I felt her body start to slacken.   
“Kate, love,” Louis whispered touching my shoulder gently. “Come back to bed.”  
I nodded kissing the top of Lilly’s head and getting out of bed. I let Louis pick me up and carry me out of the room. He shut the door gently before carrying me to bed and laying me down.   
“You okay?” He asked playing with my hair.   
“Yeah, she just had a nightmare,” I answered.  
“You’re already an amazing mom,” he said stroking my hair gently. “I just hope she can feel comfortable around me.”  
“It’s only the first-day babe,” I answered curling against his chest.   
“Yeah,” he replied hugging me tightly. “I love you so much.”  
“I love you too,” I said softly before falling asleep.   
\--  
When I woke up the next morning Louis wasn’t in bed with me. I rubbed my eyes following the scent of breakfast cooking into the kitchen.   
“Morning love,” Louis grinned from the stove. Lilly was sitting at the island with Spaghetti in her lap.   
“Hey babe, what’s all this?” I asked stroking Lilly’s hair lightly.   
“Thought I would make some breakfast,” Louis shrugged.   
“Smells so good,” I said seriously.   
“Thank you for staying with me Miss Kate,” Lilly said looking up at me.   
“Of course sweetheart,” I said rubbing her back. “Louis and I will both be there for you any time day or night.”  
“She’s right,” Louis nodded bringing us plates of food.   
“Do you want to eat outside?” I asked and Lilly nodded.   
“Can I have a hug?” Louis asked looking over at me.   
“Course,” I smiled wrapping my arms around him tightly. “I love you.”  
“I love you too,” Louis whispered back kissing my cheek. We walked out to the patio to find Lilly watching us with big eyes.   
“You don’t have to wait for us,” I smiled sitting down.   
“How long have you loved each other?” Lilly asked.  
“I’ve loved her since I was eighteen,” Louis smiled and I blushed.   
“We’ve known each other a really long time,” I answered.   
“I know we haven’t known you long at all, but we already love you too,” Louis said patting Lilly’s shoulder. Lilly gave a genuine smile and I felt my stomach flutter with happiness.   
“I was thinking maybe we could go shopping today, so we can get some swimsuits and things. I would love to have a beach day sometime this week or swim in the pool.”  
“Do you want me to come?” Louis asked. I looked to Lilly who nodded.   
We spent the day pampering and spoiling Lilly, who was slowly starting to warm up to us. We took her to lunch and went shopping for clothes, swimsuits, and bedroom decorations. We had learned that her favorite color was yellow, so just about everything we bought ended up being yellow. It made my heart full to know she liked such a happy color.   
We spent that night setting up her bedroom. Louis helped her hang up her new pictures and shelves and I helped her organize her bookshelf. Louis and Lilly had started to get along really well, Lilly thought Louis was so funny and it was good to finally hear her laugh.   
As Louis and I climbed into bed that night I could tell he was bubbling over with joy. “Today was really good,” he said a big grin on his face as he turned to face me.   
“I’m glad she’s finally opening up to us a little,” I replied curling into his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, let me know if you've made it this far!


	43. Chapter 43

Over the next week we spent a lot of time at the beach, at the pool, and in the yard playing. Lilly loved swimming both in the pool and ocean. She loved jumping in the pool and swimming through the waves. During the day she was a bright happy kid who loved to run and play. She would eat anything you put in front of her and she loved hugs.   
At night though, she would wake up screaming and sobbing from awful nightmares. Since I was such a light sleeper, I was always the one to sit with her and make her tea. The night before we were set to legally adopt Lilly she woke up sobbing again. I went to her room with a cup of tea and sat down on her bed.   
“Lilly honey, it’s going to be okay,” I sighed rubbing her back. “You’re safe. I promise you’re safe.”  
She curled against my chest still shaking and sobbing. Eventually, she calmed down enough to sit up and take the tea from me. She leaned against me, her hands still shaking as she drank her tea.   
“I’m sorry I always wake you up,” she sniffed.  
“You don’t need to apologize,” I said stroking her hair. “I will always be here to take care of you.”  
“You’re going to adopt me tomorrow?” She asked sipping her tea.   
“Yup tomorrow you will officially be part of our family,” I nodded.   
“So I can call you mom tomorrow?” She asked looking up at me with big eyes.   
“Honey you can call me mom whenever you want,” I said stroking her hair lightly.   
“And I can call Louis dad?” She asked.  
“Of course sweetheart,” I nodded. “He would love that.”  
“My real dad was bad,” Lilly said softly. I didn’t say anything, but I rubbed her back gently. “Sometimes when I was too loud or I was bad my daddy would hit me and hurt me. That’s why I get bad dreams.”  
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” I sighed hugging her to me tightly. “I promise that no matter what you do, Louis and I will never ever hurt you. We will never touch you in a mean way.”  
“I know,” she whispered. “I don’t ever want to leave here.”  
“Well, I promise that you will never have to leave here after tomorrow,” I said kissing her cheek.   
“I can’t wait to call you mommy,” Lilly said handing me her mug and laying her head on the pillow. She was half asleep, her eyes were heavy and falling shut. I kissed her forehead and rubbed her back gently until she was breathing evenly and deeply.   
When I got back to the bedroom, Louis was sitting up rubbing his eyes and looking confused. “Are you okay baby?” He asked as I climbed onto the bed. I shook my head curling against him as the tears started to fall down my cheeks.   
“What’s wrong love?” He asked rubbing my back and I knew that he had instantly woken up at the sign of a teardrop.   
“She asked me if she could call us mom and dad after tomorrow,” I said softly. “When I said she could call us that whenever she wanted, she told me her dad was mean to her. She said he used to hit her and hurt her when she was bad and that’s why she has nightmares. Louis, I just don’t understand how anyone could hurt her.”  
I felt Louis squeeze me a little tighter. “I don’t know how anyone could hurt a child, especially one’s as precious as you and her. It’s not fair, but at least we know it won’t happen again. Of all people to help her through this, it’s you.”  
“You know I think the same thing about you,” I said into his neck. “You were exactly what I needed and you are exactly what Lilly needs now.”  
“Everything happens for a reason,” Louis said kissing my cheek. “Now let’s get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.”  
\--  
The next day we woke up and ate breakfast quietly. I knew we were all nervous about the court process today. We already knew that the parents would not be coming, but it was nerve-wracking, nonetheless.   
“Alright sweety we have to dress nice today, so make sure you wear one of your new dresses and brush your teeth and hair,” I told Lilly as I took the dishes off the table.   
“Okay,” Lilly nodded. She ran to her room to go change as Louis and I washed the dishes and went to change ourselves.   
“I’m really nervous about today,” Louis sighed.  
“I’m just praying that nothing goes wrong,” I replied biting my lip.   
“I talked to my mom this morning before you guys woke up,” Louis replied. “Hopefully that helps.”  
“You know I’m so proud of you and she would be too,” I said hugging him tightly. Louis changed into a suit and I changed into a knee-length dress.   
“You look so hot in a suit,” I said as we stood in the bathroom staring at the mirror.   
“You’re so beautiful love,” Louis smiled rubbing my back.   
“Do you like my dress?” Lilly asked running into the room and doing a spin for us. She was in a flowing yellow dress she had picked out a week ago.   
“You look so pretty,” I smiled down at her. Louis knelt down so that he was eye level with Lilly.  
“Listen, because you’re eleven and that means that you are old enough to have a say in who gets to adopt you,” Louis said seriously. “I want you to know that although we will be sad, we would never be mad or disappointed in you if you decided that you didn’t want us to adopt you. It’s entirely your decision and nothing you do will make us love you less.”  
I wanted to cry at the thought of her saying she didn’t want to live with us anymore, but overall I just wanted her to be happy.   
“But what if I want you to adopt me?” She asked looking up at Louis with big eyes. “I want you to be my mommy and daddy. Do you want me? No one ever wants to keep me.”  
“Oh honey, all we want is to keep you,” Louis said wrapping her in a hug, so she was pressed against his chest. “We love you so much and we want to take care of you for the rest of your life.”  
“Honey all I want is to be your mommy,” I said kneeling down and joining the hug. Lilly turned to me and I stroked her cheek lightly.   
“Whenever something happens that we don’t always expect or want to happen, I always tell Louis that everything happens for a reason. I know that it must have been really hard having to move to lots of different houses, to think that people didn’t want you, and to have mean parents, but everything happens for a reason and all those things led you to us. All those bad things happened, but they led you to two people who want you and love you more than anything else in the world,” I told her. Lilly gave me the biggest smile and wrapped her arms around my neck tightly.   
The court hearing went off without a hitch and by the end of the day, Lilly was officially part of our family. After court, we took Lilly to a little diner in the downtown area.  
“Wow this place is so nice,” she grinned as we sat in one of the vinyl booths. I looked around at the black and white tiled floors and cheap jukebox tucked in the corner remembering a time when I would have thought this place was somewhere only rich people could afford. I didn’t go to a restaurant until I was in middle school when my friend’s parents would take me.   
“Only the best for you,” I smiled as Louis placed his arm on the back of my chair.   
“You can order anything you want, but you have to order a milkshake,” Louis smiled holding out his paper menu to read.   
“Really?” Lilly asked with big eyes. Louis nodded and the grin grew on her face.   
We ate out dinner with lots of giggles and smiles. We taught her how to dip her French fries into her milkshake. She thought it was the funniest thing, but after one taste she was obsessed. I knew that Louis and I were both excited that this was going to be what the rest of our life would look like. We finally had a child we could spoil and love.   
\--  
Many of our days were spent playing at the beach or in the pool. We introduced Lilly to Marcy, Bailey and her family, and eventually Karen, Steve, and the kids. Lilly was instantly attached to Marcy. I understood it. Marcy’s personality had always been magnetizing. She was so confident and strong-willed and loyal. I loved that Lilly wanted to be so close to such a strong and powerful woman. Lilly also loved Bailey and Bella. She loved to play with Bella and hold her. I loved knowing the two were so close.   
Before Lilly met Karen, Steve, and their family, we had to do a lot of explaining because although Lilly understood that family was complicated, she didn’t understand that my past hadn’t been perfect either.   
“I don’t understand, why don’t you call him dad if he’s your dad?” Lilly asked as we sat on the couch.   
“When I was very young, my dad, Steve, left. I didn’t see him again until a year ago. He was never really a dad to me. He didn’t take care of me or talk to me. He never made tea for me or hugged me like Louis does for you. So I don’t really see him as my dad, but we both have worked on our relationship and we love each other now.”  
“Is Karen your mom?” Lilly asked. She was sitting on Louis’ lap with a thoughtful look on her face and I knew she was processing everything I was saying.   
“No, Karen married my dad a long time after I was born. Their kids are Adam and Annie.”  
“Where is your mom?” Lilly asked.   
“I don’t know,” I said biting my lip. “My mom was a bad person and so when I was old enough I left and I didn’t ever talk to her again.”  
Lilly got off of Louis’ lap and came to curl against my chest. “Did your mommy hurt you like my daddy hurt me?”  
I didn’t know what to say, I looked to Louis, who was watching us both with heartbroken eyes. “Well, she didn’t hurt me like your daddy did, but she didn’t take care of me,” I said stroking her hair gently.   
“Why are some mommies and daddies so bad? It’s not fair,” she said into my chest.   
“It’s not fair,” I agreed, “but remember how I told you everything happens for a reason? I can take care of you and I can help you and I can be a good mommy because I know what a bad mommy is like.”  
“Do you like Karen?” She asked.   
“I love her,” I answered. “She is a good mommy.”  
“You’re a good mommy and you’re a good daddy.”  
“We love you so much,” I said as Louis came to wrap us in a big hug. I hated that I had to have that conversation with her. I didn’t want her to know that I hadn’t had the best childhood. When she met Steve and Karen for the first time, I could tell she was really hesitant of them. She eyed them wearily. She easily grew to like Karen in that first visit, but she would hardly even look at Steve. It took a few visits before she would let Steve hug her and talk to her. She loved Adam and Annie as well. They all loved playing in the pool and out on the driveway together. I loved seeing them all play together. Karen was overjoyed to have a “granddaughter” and after a few visits Lilly was calling Karen, Mimi.   
Ashley had moved out with her boyfriend about two weeks after we adopted Lilly, so we really hadn’t heard anything from her since. Lilly didn’t know that Ashley existed and Ashley most likely didn’t know or care that Lilly existed either. When I would really think about it, my heart would hurt. Although Ashley had done some shitty things, she was the reason I was safe and happy. If she hadn’t been willing to get me out of that house and take care of me until I was a legal adult, I know that I would have been living on the streets without a degree or dead. Ashley had saved me and taken care of me when I really needed it. I felt guilty and I felt sad that our relationship had crumbled so quickly and so completely, but there really wasn’t much I could do anymore. She had become a person I no longer recognized. The first few weeks I tried to contact her and tell her about Lilly, but after those first few weeks of rejected and unreturned phone calls I gave up trying. Taking care of Lilly and supporting Louis were my number one priorities and if Ashley didn’t want to be part of my life I couldn’t force her.


	44. Chapter 44

A few months after the adoption, Lilly started school at the middle school Macy was working at. I felt a lot better knowing that Macy would be there to keep an eye on her and be a safe place whenever she needed it. I knew that Lilly trusted Marcy and would go to her and ask for help if she needed it. I didn’t have anything to worry about though because Lilly fit right in at school. She established a good group of friends and was doing well in all her classes. Louis and I both swelled with pride every time she brought home another test with a big fat A on it. One day as she rushed out to the bus stop, she gave us each rushed hugs and grabbed her bagel before rushing to the door.   
“Bye mommy, bye daddy,” she called halfway down the front walk. “I love you!”  
Louis and I both looked at each other with wide eyes, mine already filling with tears. It was the first time she had told us she loved us. We always knew, but she wasn’t one to talk about her feelings, so hearing the words for the first time just filled me with so much joy. We both waved until we saw her climb onto the bus and then Louis turned to me.   
“Did she just?” He asked.  
“I’ve honestly never been so happy,” I grinned wrapping my arms around him tightly. Louis tucked his face into my neck and I could feel the smile on his lips.   
“Thank you for getting me to this place in life,” he whispered holding me close.   
It was such a small moment, but it was something that I would remember for the rest of my life. I loved that she called me mommy even though she was entering middle school and I loved the way love rolled off her tongue with such ease. It was then that Louis and I both felt like she really was our daughter.   
\--  
Two months after Lilly started school, Lilly and I were sitting at the counter working on homework as Louis cooked dinner.   
“Okay fractions aren’t my strong suit, but imagine you had a pizza and you separated it into eight slices,” I explained. I was horrible at math, but luckily Lilly was in a lower level math because of how often her schooling had been interrupted. Luckily, she read so often, that her reading and writing were on grade level.   
“So then 4/8ths would be half?” She asked looking up at me.   
“Yeah! Good job!” I grinned.   
“We should have had pizza tonight,” Louis said looking over at our makeshift drawing.   
“My favorite pizza is cheese,” Lilly said and I shook my head at Louis who was distracting her. He gave me a guilty smile. Before we could turn back to the homework, someone knocked on the door.   
“Did you invite someone over?” Louis asked looking over at me. I shook my head standing up and walking over to the front door. Lilly trailed behind me. I opened the door to reveal Karen.   
“Mimi, hi!” Lilly grinned brushing past me and wrapping her in a tight hug.   
“Hi sweetie, how are you?” Karen asked hugging her tightly.   
“Good we’re working on fractions,” Lilly replied letting go.   
“Fractions are hard,” Karen laughed shaking her head. Karen wrapped me in a hug.   
“I need to talk to you and Louis alone,” she whispered. I nodded letting her inside.   
“Hey Karen,” Louis smiled.  
“Hey Lou,” Karen said giving him a wave. She sat down next to Lilly and looked over her homework as I walked around the counter to Louis.  
“She said she needs to talk to us alone,” I whispered rubbing his back as we faced the stove.   
“Do you know why?” Louis asked. I shook my head leaning against his shoulder.  
“Whatever happened, we’ll get through it,” Louis sighed kissing my cheek. When Louis finished with dinner we served ourselves bowls.   
“We have to go talk to Mimi outside, so we need you to stay in here and finish your homework okay?” I said rubbing Lilly’s shoulder lightly.   
“Okay,” Lilly nodded. Louis and I took our bowls and Karen followed us outside.   
“What’s going on?” Louis asked sitting down next to me.   
“It’s Ashley,” Karen said and I felt my stomach sink.   
“What happened?” I asked feeling sick. Louis rubbed my back gently. He knew how I was feeling about her distance and the fact that she didn’t even know about Lilly. He knew I felt guilty about the loss of contact, but he had assured me I had done everything I could.   
“Well you know she moved out with that boy,” Karen said and my stomach continued to twist. “I got a call this morning, I figured I would wait to tell you when you got home from work, but… she overdosed on cocaine and was found unresponsive this morning. She didn’t make it Kate, I’m so sorry.”  
Louis ran his hands through his hair as my mind started to race. All the guilt was back and doubled. She took care of me when I needed it and I had abandoned her when she most needed it. I left her alone to struggle and suffer. I should have helped her, I should have tried harder. I never should have stopped answering her calls. I felt my lip quivering as I desperately tried to hold in the sobs.   
“Kate, stop it,” Louis sighed wrapping me in his arms. “I know you think this is your fault, but it isn’t. She wasn’t the same person who you lived with ten years ago. You can’t help someone who didn’t want your help. Please don’t blame yourself; I can’t watch you blame yourself again.”  
“Louis she saved me. She took care of me and loved me. Louis if it wasn’t for her I would be homeless or dead. I would not be living here with you,” I sniffed into his chest. Louis just shushed me and rubbed my back gently, when I heard Karen let out a sob. I knew she hated hearing about the shit I went through, I knew it hurt her every time she heard it.   
“Karen, is this my fault? Should I have tried harder?” I asked looking up at her tear-stained cheeks.   
“Oh honey, I know how hard you tried. I know how much you cared about her. Please don’t blame yourself. I know that her breakup with that boy she was living with, Alec, changed her. When I met her, she wasn’t a person who would pick up her sister at a moment's notice and care for them. She was selfish and moody and she always asked for more than we could give. You tried to get into contact with her when she moved out despite how she had treated you. You tried to help and she refused. This isn’t your fault honey,” Karen sighed rubbing my back.   
“Now it’s my turn to plan a funeral,” I sighed looking up at Louis.   
“Honey, I’ll help you, you helped me and you’re not going to do any of this alone,” Louis said brushing my hair back.   
“You’re not alone sweetheart, we’re all here to help you,” Karen replied.   
“How is Steve?” I asked biting my lip.   
“Torn up,” Karen sighed shaking her head. “He feels so guilty and really if anyone should feel guilty it’s him, not you. He was really worried about how you would react too. He wanted to come, but I figured it was probably best for him to give you some space.”  
“You can tell him I don’t blame him,” I said softly. “I really don’t. He tried to help her when I wouldn’t even answer her calls.”  
“Kate,” Louis sighed shaking his head. “I know you want to blame yourself. I know you think this is your fault, but it isn’t. The fame, rejection, and wrong people make you turn to drugs. A fight with a sister, who is desperately trying to fix things, isn’t the reason someone takes drugs, okay?”  
“Okay,” I nodded. I knew that the only way for me to move on from this was to accept that this wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t have done anything else for Ashley. When we finished our conversation, I composed myself and stood up. I didn’t want Lilly to see me crying. She didn’t need to worry. Karen left and I went to sit with Lilly, who had migrated to the couch.   
“Hi mommy,” Lilly smiled coming to wrap her arms around me.   
“Hi sweetie. Did you finish your homework?” I asked as Louis sat down next to me.   
“Yeah,” she nodded her head on my shoulder. “Are you sad mommy? Did Mimi make you sad?”  
“Why do you think I’m sad?” I asked looking down at her and rubbing her back gently.  
“I saw you crying outside and your eyes are sad right now,” she answered. “Did I do something bad?”  
“Oh honey of course not,” I sighed. “You could never do anything bad.”  
“Why are you sad?” She asked. “Daddy, are you sad too?”  
“Yeah, I am a little sad,” Louis nodded.   
“Why?” Lilly asked a pout on her lips as she looked between us.   
“I have an older sister,” I said softly. “Her name is Ashley and when I was in high school, after I left my mom’s house she took care of me. We used to be really close, but some bad things happened and she wasn’t the same anymore. She only cared about herself, so we stopped talking. Mimi just told me that she passed away and that made me sad because even though we didn’t talk I still loved her and missed her.”  
“That is sad,” Lilly frowned. “I wish I could have met her.”  
“I wish that too,” I sighed and Louis rubbed my back gently.   
That night after we put Lilly to bed and we got into our own bed, Louis held me tightly. I knew he was doing everything he could to show me he still loved me and didn’t blame me.


	45. Chapter 45

The next weekend was the funeral. We arrived before anyone else, so I could have a few moments alone with my sister. Louis and Lilly sat in a pew both wearing black, as I walked to the front. When she came into view I almost lost it, but I knew I had to keep it together for Lilly’s sake. I knelt down and rested my arms on the casket.   
“I’m so sorry Ashley,” I whispered closing my eyes. “I wish I could have done more to help you. I wish I had answered your phone calls. I hope you know I never stopped loving. I never forgot everything you did for me. Thank you for saving me, loving me, protecting me, and supporting me when I was weak and fragile. You’re the only reason I’m happy now and I’m sorry I couldn’t do the same for you. It’s not fair and I wish I would have done more.”  
I stood up brushing off my dress and wiping under my eyes. Louis was immediately by my side helping me over to the pew. Lilly took my hand as I sat down and it was such a sweet gesture that I almost let the tears spill again. Karen, Steve, and the kids came in next. Louis and I both stood up to give them each tight hugs.   
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more,” Steve sighed as he squeezed me tightly.   
“I feel the same way,” I whispered back. Steve gave me a pat on the back and a sad smile before stepping away. He was taking it even harder than I was, I knew from the deep circles under his eyes and the paleness of his face. Karen and the kids each gave me tight hugs before going to sit next to Steve.   
Marcy and Bailey were next, rushing over to wrap me in tight hugs. “Are you okay?” Bailey whispered rubbing my back gently.   
“Obviously I’m upset, but I will be okay,” I shrugged. Bailey and Macy both nodded.   
As the sermon started, I sat down between Louis and Lilly. Lilly had her arms wrapped around my waist as she leaned against me and Louis held my hand. Towards the end of the funeral, I was supposed to make a speech. I got up to the podium and pulled out my little speech with shaky hands. I looked around the room surprised to find so many faces from our past. I knew that a lot of people were here out of guilt. They had left her just like I had, but most of them had left because of her fall from fame. At least I could say I had left for more significant reasons.   
“I’m Kate, um if you don’t know I’m Ashley’s younger sister. Although we were separated for a lot of our life, Ashley was the best sister growing up. She always took my phone calls and gave me some sense of normalcy, when I didn’t have much of it. She protected me, supported me, and loved me when no one else would. She was the first real mother-figure I ever had. She gave me a life where I could become happy and successful and for that, I am forever grateful. I know that no matter where she is she will always be watching over and protecting me and I hope she knows that I love her so much,” I said wiping at my eyes. Tears were flowing freely down my cheeks as I moved back to the pew and Louis held me tightly stroking my hair. When the funeral was over we stood up and people came over to give us condolences.   
“Kate, I don’t know if you saw, but Harry is here,” Louis whispered. I looked around to find Harry standing in the back of the church watching us. “I think you should go talk to him. He knew you and Ashley better when you two were on better terms. I think it would help.”  
I nodded knowing he was probably right. “I love you,” I said stroking his cheek.   
“I know,” Louis nodded. I left his side and made my way over to Harry.   
“Hey,” I said softly standing in front of him. “Thank you for coming.”  
“I loved Ashley,” Harry shrugged. “I know how much you two meant to each other.”  
I nodded the tears leaking again as memories of us came flooding back. “Come here love,” Harry said holding his arms out. I wrapped my arms around his middle and let him hold me tightly. I broke down into heavy sobs for the first time since I found out.   
“It’s alright love, let it out,” Harry said soothingly as he rubbed my back.   
“I loved her,” I sobbed. “She was a good sister. She was there when I needed her, but when she needed me I left.”  
“Hey, that’s not true and you know it,” Harry said pulling me back a little. He moved to sit us both in the back pew stroking my back lightly as I continued to ugly cry.   
“I hadn’t spoken to her in a few years,” I sniffed.   
“Kate, you were there when she needed you. You dropped everything when she was raped and you didn’t leave until you knew she was okay. You helped her turn that trauma into something a lot more manageable. You were just as good of a sister, so don’t sell yourself short,” Harry said rubbing my back.   
“Remember when she used to have those family dinners? We used to drink lemonade on her patio?” I asked composing myself.  
“Yeah, that seems like a lifetime ago,” Harry chuckled.   
“She wasn’t the same anymore,” I sighed. “She changed after… after you did that interview. That’s when we stopped talking. I’m not saying it’s your fault, that was just the time frame. I don’t really know what happened, but she was already distant before that, and then she said awful things about my relationship with Louis and my own judgment, and the wounds just got deeper every time we talked after that.”  
“You know I’m really sorry about everything, right?” Harry asked rubbing my shoulder gently.   
“I know you’ve told me and I believe you,” I said.   
“If you’re not going to blame me for this, then you can’t blame yourself either,” he said seriously. “I know you think you should have tried harder or forgiven her for whatever she did or said, but we both know you weren’t the reason she took those drugs. You cut me out and it took me a long time, but it made me want to get better. If you had tried to convince me to change in those early years, I wouldn’t have listened and I know that the same things go for Ashley. You can only help someone who wants help.”  
“Thanks,” I sighed wiping my eyes and leaning against his shoulder.   
“Course love,” Harry said. “I know you’ve got Louis and your dad’s family and friends, but if you need to talk, you know I’ll always pick up the phone for you.”  
“I know,” I nodded.   
“Besides this, you seem to be doing really well. Don’t let this be a setback in your happiness,” Harry said rubbing my shoulder. I nodded.   
“You should get back to your family. Louis is waiting for you and um your daughter…”  
“Lilly,” I said softly. “We adopted her a few months ago.”  
“She is so lucky. You two must be the best parents,” Harry said. I let him pull me into a tight hug.   
“Thank you for this. I know that Ashley would have been glad you came and happy to see you in such a good place.”  
“I’ll always love you both,” Harry replied before letting go. I gave him a wave before walking back to the first pew.   
“You alright love?” Louis asked giving me a hug and pecking my lips. I nodded leaning against him.   
“Mommy?” Lilly asked tugging lightly on my hand. I looked over at her. “Can you come with me to see her?”  
“Sure,” I nodded letting her take my hand and pull me back to the casket. Lilly observed the body as I stood slightly back.   
“She’s pretty,” Lilly said hanging onto my arm.   
“She was a movie star,” I answered.   
“Mimi told Aunt Marcy you think it’s your fault. Do you really?”  
I looked down at her questioning eyes and sighed, she was too smart for her own good. I sat her down on the little bench and faced her. “No,” I sighed. “For a while, I was upset with myself because we didn’t talk and I thought that maybe I could have done more, but there wasn’t anything I could have done.”  
\--  
A few days later, Louis, Lilly, and I were sitting on the couch, when Lilly turned to me. “Mommy, will you tell me about your sister? Do you have pictures of when you were friends?”   
Louis looked at me with a worried gaze. “Yeah,” I nodded. “I just have to go find the photo albums.”  
I stood up and went to the back corner of our closet. I had stored a few boxes from my past life there. I pulled out a few photo albums from the year I moved in with Ashley. I brought it out of the closet and back to the living room. I let Lilly flip through the book in silence for a few minutes as Louis held me tightly.   
“You look alike,” Lilly said looking up at me.   
“I’ve never heard that before,” I said scrunching my eyebrows. “Ashley was always the prettier one.”  
“You have the same smiles,” Lilly said pointing to a photo of the two of us standing in her backyard. She had her arms wrapped around my shoulders as we grinned at the camera. I found that she was right, our eyes scrunched in the same place and we both had deep dimples on our cheeks.   
“It’s you and daddy,” Lilly grinned pointing to a photo. I leaned over to find it was one of the rare times Louis had come to a dinner party at Ashley’s place. Louis and I were laughing paying no mind to the camera being pointed at us, too lost in our own little world. I hadn’t pulled the photo albums since I got with Louis, so seeing the photo tugged at my heartstrings. He had always made me forget about the rest world, when we were together we were in our own little bubble.   
“Did you love each other then?” Lilly asked tracing her finger over the photo. “It looks like you did.”  
“I’ve always loved your mom,” Louis smiled wrapping his arm around my shoulder as he looked down at the photo.  
“I think I always loved your dad too,” I said looking up at him. “He always made me feel safe and happy, there aren’t many guys in the world who can do that.”  
Louis grinned pecking my lips lightly. “Were all these pictures taken at your sister’s house?” Lilly asked flipping through the book.   
“Yeah, I used to live with her,” I nodded. “She used to have dinner parties every weekend. Lots of famous people would come because they didn’t have family in the area to eat with. She used to host thanksgiving dinners too. She always wanted people to feel like they had a family because that wasn’t something we ever really had when we were younger.”  
“She seems nice,” Lilly said with a frown. “I wish I could have met her.”  
“I wish you could have met her too,” I sighed.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys this is a short one :/

Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas with Lilly was something I could never forget. Before she lived with us, she had never had a real Thanksgiving meal or a Christmas celebration.   
We hosted Thanksgiving that year and everyone came to celebrate with us. We had a long table out in the yard where Marcy and family, Bailey and family, and Steve and family all sat for dinner. That night Lilly had gushed to us about how much she loved having a big family. She had told us that when she was younger she used to dream about having big dinners like that.   
Christmas was even better. Lilly obviously didn’t believe in Santa, because she had never gotten presents as a kid and she was a little too old. We were all too excited to buy her everything on her Christmas list though. We all decorated the tree and baked cookies together. On Christmas morning Louis and I were the ones to wake Lilly up at the crack of dawn because we were too excited to wait. Lilly spent the whole morning opening presents and thanking us after each one. That night we had dinner at Steve and Karen’s place. Louis, Steve, Karen, and I sat on the couch watch Lilly and the kids play on the floor with their new toys. I loved seeing Lilly get along with my half-siblings. It made me happy to know that at least part of my family was intact again. Life was starting to feel right again.   
After the holidays things started to go back to normal. Lilly went to school and I went to work. Louis was writing songs and spending time in the studio with other artists.   
That summer we spent traveling around the country and the world following some of the artists Louis had produced and written for. It was so fun showing Lilly new cultures and lifestyles. She soaked everything in like a sponge and I swore she learned more traveling than she did in actual school. I loved watching her face light up every time she tried a new food or learned a new word in a different language. She was truly the light in Louis and I’s life and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.


	47. Chapter 47

A few months after we got back from summer break I sat on the cold tile floor of the bathroom holding the little stick between my fingers. I felt like I was going to be sick as I looked at the two little lines staring back at me. I picked up the phone and called Marcy as I really started to panic.  
“Hey Kate, what’s up?” Marcy asked.   
“I need you to come over, right now,” I said squeezing my eyes shut.   
“Are you okay? Do I need to call Louis?” She asked worriedly.  
“No, don’t call Louis!” I said feeling the panic rising. “I’m just freaking out and I need you to come over.”  
“Okay,” Marcy said. “I’ll be there in like ten minutes.”  
“The door is unlocked.”  
Ten minutes later Marcy was sitting on the cold tile floor with me. “What’s up?” She asked her back pressed against the vanity. I bit my lip and handed her the stick.  
“You’re pregnant?” She asked her eyes going wide. I nodded feeling my eyes flood with tears. “But I thought you couldn’t…”  
“So did I,” I said running my hands through my hair. “Fuck, I’m such an idiot.”  
“Kate, why are you freaking out? You’re pregnant, that’s not a bad thing,” Marcy said rubbing my back lightly.   
“Lilly has only been here for a year. What if she thinks we don’t want her? I don’t want her to think that we’ll love her any less,” I said feeling my eyes well up. “Louis is going to be pissed. I told him I couldn’t get pregnant. He’s going to leave me.”  
“Louis isn’t going to leave you,” Marcy laughed. “He’s so in love with you.”  
“Marcy I’m freaking out,” I said placing my face in my hands.   
“Stop, everything is going to be fine,” Marcy said rubbing my back. “I’ll call Sadie and set up an appointment for you.”  
I nodded resting my head on her shoulder as she pulled out her phone. Sadie was our gynecologist. Bailey, Marcy, and I had all started going to her once we moved to San Diego. We were actually pretty good friends with her. We had quite a few wine nights together.   
“Hey Sadie,” Marcy said still rubbing my back. “No, I’m actually making one for Kate… Tomorrow would be best, it’s kind of an emergency…. Well, she’s pregnant…. Okay good.”  
“You have an appointment tomorrow at noon, so I will take Lilly on an Aunt Marcy bonding day and you can talk to Louis,” Marcy said still rubbing my back. “Everything is going to be okay.”  
“Okay,” I nodded still feeling panicked.   
“How did you know?” Marcy asked.   
“I’ve been getting morning sickness,” I said looking down. “I’ve been hiding it from Louis.”  
“You don’t have to hide anything,” Marcy said wrapping me in a hug. “Everything is going to be okay.”  
“Thanks for being here,” I sighed resting my head on her shoulder.   
“Kate there’s a baby inside you,” she grinned putting her hand on my stomach. “How awesome is that? Part you and part Louis, my two favorite people.”  
“It’s terrifying,” I answered looking up at her.   
“I’ll be there the whole time, I promise,” Marcy grinned.  
The garage door opened and I stood up quickly wiping underneath my eyes. Marcy stood up as well. We went out to the kitchen trying to look somewhat normal.   
“Aunt Marcy!” Lilly grinned running over to give her a hug.   
“Hey, girl,” Marcy grinned giving her a squeeze.   
“Hey Marcy,” Louis smiled.   
“Hey Lou,” Marcy smiled. “I was actually just heading out, but Lilly I wanted to know if you wanted to go shopping and get some lunch tomorrow.”  
“Yes please!” Lilly grinned.   
“Great, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she smiled giving Lilly one more hug. “Bye Kate.”  
“Bye,” I smiled.  
“I didn’t know she was coming over,” Louis said wrapping me in a hug. “Did you two have fun?”  
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Lilly how was your soccer practice?”  
“It was fun,” Lilly grinned. “I scored a goal.”  
“That’s so awesome!” I smiled. “Why don’t you go shower and Louis and I will make you some dinner.”  
“Okay,” Lilly nodded bounding down the hall.   
The rest of the night I was so nervous. I knew Louis could tell something was wrong, but I was thankful he hadn’t pushed me to talk. I couldn’t sleep all night.   
\--  
The next morning I sat on the patio waiting for Marcy to show up. Lilly was in her bedroom getting dressed and Louis came to sit next to me.   
“You didn’t sleep last night,” he said rubbing my back gently.   
“I just have a lot on my mind,” I said brushing my hair back.   
“Do you want to talk about it?” Louis asked.   
“After Macy picks up Lilly,” I answered resting my head on his shoulder.   
“I love you,” Louis replied. Marcy rang the doorbell, so I stood up.   
“I’ll be back,” I said. Louis nodded.   
When I opened the door, Marcy had a big grin on her face.   
“How are you?” Marcy asked wrapping me in a hug. “Let’s go talk in your room really quick.”  
“Okay,” I nodded. She followed me to the bedroom and I closed the door.   
“How are you?” She asked.  
“I didn’t sleep last night,” I answered rubbing my hand over my face.  
“Hey, everything is going to be fine,” she said wrapping me in a hug. “Listen, I’m going to make sure that Lilly knows how much we all love her today. Also, I know that Louis is going to be so excited that you’re pregnant, but if something goes wrong just call me. No matter what happens, I am going to take care of you.”  
“I know,” I said feeling a little lighter. “That’s why I called you.”  
Marcy nodded. “Come on, you have to talk to Louis.”  
“Okay,” I sighed. I opened the door and led her back down the hall. “Lilly Aunt Marcy is ready.”  
Lilly came running out and wrapped Marcy in a hug. “Look at how pretty you are in that dress,” Marcy grinned.   
“Thanks,” Lilly said doing a little spin.   
“Are you ready to go?” Marcy asked. Lilly nodded as Louis came inside.   
“Bye mom, bye dad,” Lilly said giving us a wave.   
“Have fun,” Louis said giving a wave and coming to stand next to me. They walked out the door and Louis turned to me.   
“What’s wrong?” Louis asked moving so he was at my eye level.  
“I have an appointment at noon that you need to come to,” I said. “So you need to get dressed.”  
“Okay,” Louis said pulling me to the bedroom. “Are you sick? Is something wrong?”  
“No,” I said sitting down on the bed and putting my face in my hands.   
“Tell me what’s wrong,” Louis said crouching down in front of me.   
“Just promise that you won’t get mad at me,” I said into my hands. I couldn’t look at him.   
“I’ll never be mad at you,” Louis said placing a hand on my thigh. “Just talk to me.”  
“Louis, I haven’t been feeling well, so I took a test and… I’m pregnant,” I said still not looking up. The tears were already tracing down my cheeks.   
“Really?” He asked his voice filled with surprise.   
“Really,” I nodded.   
“Babe, would you please look at me? Why are you crying?” He asked pressing his fingers under my chin and lifting it up.   
“I’m sorry. I told you I couldn’t get pregnant and now I am and I’m sorry. I’m terrified that Lilly is going to think we’re trying to replace her or we don’t love her enough. I’m…”  
“Kate, you’re freaking out, you need to breathe,” Louis said stroking my cheeks lightly. “I’m not mad at you. You are acting like you magically got pregnant on your own. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be pregnant. This isn’t all on you and this isn’t something to be upset about. You’re pregnant with our child. It’s going to look like you. Kate this isn’t a bad thing.”  
“But Lilly,” I said biting my lip.  
“The fact that you are freaking out about what she is going to think instead of the fact that you have a literal human growing inside you making you sick proves that you are the best mother. She will never feel unloved with you around. I know it,” Louis said wrapping his arms around my neck. “Baby, everything is okay. We are okay.”  
Okay,” I nodded.   
“I love you,” Louis told me looking me in the eye. “I’m going to change and then we’ll get to the appointment.”  
I nodded laying back on the bed closing my eyes as Louis moved around. “Babe,” Louis sighed and I felt the bed shift and his hands pushed my hair off my face. “Are you feeling okay?”  
“I’m tired,” I answered. “I was so worried that you were going to leave me.”  
“I will never leave you,” Louis sighed. “Babe, did you really think that I would leave you and Lilly alone with a baby on the way. Kate, I swear I am going to take care of you until we are so old that Lilly and our baby have to take care of us.”  
“I know that, I think I just freaked myself out,” I sighed leaning into his hand.   
“You always do,” Louis laughed lightly. “Come on let’s go.”


	48. Chapter 48

“Kate?” Sadie asked coming out to the waiting room. I stood up and Louis followed me into the room.   
“Hey,” I said.  
“How are you feeling?” She asked giving me a hug.   
“I’m okay,” I answered brushing my hair back.   
“Good,” Sadie smiled. She weighed me and took my blood pressure.   
“Alright I’ll leave so you can put on the gown and I’ll be back,” she smiled. I stripped out of my clothes as Louis handed me a dressing gown. I shrugged it on and sat down. Sadie came back in with a grin.   
“Okay, let’s see what we’ve got,” she grinned. “I’m going to do a pelvic exam and then the blood tests should be ready.”  
“Okay,” I nodded biting my lip.   
“Listen, I know you’re nervous,” Sadie said looking up at me. “You know I know what we’re working with if I didn’t think you could see a pregnancy to term I would tell you.”  
I nodded feeling slightly relieved. “Thanks,” I said letting out a breath of relief. Louis stood up and came to hold my hand. He bit his lip worried and I had a feeling he hadn’t even thought about the pregnancy being dangerous. Sadie did the exam and then left to get the results.   
“Kate, I can’t lose you,” Louis said softly.   
“I know, but Sadie said I would be okay,” I said. “Sadie cares about me too and she won’t let anything happen to me.”  
Louis nodded as I got off the chair and changed into my clothes.   
“Good news,” Sadie grinned coming inside. “You’re pregnant!”  
I couldn’t help but smile at the huge grin on Louis’ face. “We’re having a baby,” Louis grinned wrapping his arms around me.   
“We’re having a baby,” I grinned and for the first time that day, I felt truly happy.   
Louis led me back to the car. “Does Marcy know?” Louis asked.  
“Yeah,” I nodded. “That’s why she came over yesterday.”  
“You know you don’t have to hide things from me,” Louis said touching my thigh.   
“We have to tell Lilly,” I sighed resting my head on the window.   
“It will be okay,” Louis promised rubbing my shoulder. When we got home Louis pulled me to the bedroom and laid me down.  
“I know you’re tired love,” he said brushing my hair out of my face. “Close your eyes and get some sleep love.”  
“Okay,” I nodded. Louis kissed my forehead as I closed my eyes his hand going to rest on my stomach.   
\--  
When I woke up Louis was sitting up watching tv and Lilly was sitting next to him. His hand was still on my stomach.   
“Morning love,” Louis smiled as I sat up.   
“Hi mommy,” Lilly grinned.   
“Hi, did you have fun with Aunt Marcy?” I asked resting on his shoulder.   
“Yeah,” she grinned.   
“Come over here and sit with me,” I said taking her arm and pulling her between Louis and me. She came to sit between us resting her head on my shoulder.   
“Listen I have to tell you something,” I said stroking her hair lightly.   
“Did I do something wrong?” She asked looking up at me.  
“No honey, of course not,” I said laughing lightly. “It’s just, I never want you to think that we don’t love you. I love you so much. I love you with my whole heart and so does Louis.”  
“I really love you,” Louis nodded rubbing her back lightly.   
“Is something bad happening?” Lilly asked her lip quivering.   
“No, it’s just,” I said rubbing my hand over my hair, “I’m pregnant.”  
“You’re going to be a big sister,” Louis smiled rubbing her shoulder.   
“Wow, there’s a baby inside you?” Lilly asked placing her hand on my stomach.   
“Yeah,” I nodded. “But you know that doesn’t make me love you less. You are never going to be replaced.”  
“I know,” Lilly replied curling into my chest her hand still on my stomach. “I’ve felt it when people don’t want me and I’ve never felt that here. I promise I’m going to be a good big sister.”  
“I know you will be,” I smiled stroking her hair.   
“You’re both going to be amazing,” Louis smiled hugging us both.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, sorry this chapter was a little late and short, I was super busy today, but I will try to make sure I get a chapter posted each day from now on!

“Is it cold mom?” Lilly asked watching intently as the nurse rubbed gel over my stomach.   
“Just a little,” I laughed as Louis gave my hand a little squeeze. He hadn’t let go since we got out of the car and I honestly wasn’t sure if it was because his hands were shaking or mine were.   
“Are we going to find out the gender today?” Sadie asked sweetly.  
“Yes,” Lilly grinned.   
“She can’t wait,” I laughed.   
“How big is the baby now?” Lilly asked. She loved finding out the size so she could picture it.   
“About the size of a nectarine, so a little smaller than a peach,” Sadie said sweetly. Lilly had a look of awe in her eyes and I felt my heart flutter. Within a few seconds, the heartbeat of my baby was pounding steadily through the room.   
“Every time I hear it,” Louis chuckled tears in his eyes.   
“Okay, here we go,” Sadie smiled as our nectarine sized baby showed up on the screen.   
“So what is it?” Lilly asked watching intently.   
“I’m happy either way,” Louis whispered in my ear and I nodded.   
“Lilly, you’re going to have a sister,” Sadie smiled and I felt Louis shudder beside me.   
“Yay!” Lilly cheered. “Baby Brynn!”   
We had decided on the name for both a boy and a girl before the trip because Lilly had insisted we decide.   
“A daughter,” Louis said wiping his eyes and leaning to kiss ye cheek. “We’re going to have two girls running around. Are you happy?”  
“I’m so happy,” I laughed wiping the tears from his eyes.   
“Will you print the ultrasound for us?” Louis asked the biggest smile on his face.   
“Of course,” Sadie smiled. “You both look really healthy.”  
“That’s good to hear,” I smiled.   
\--  
“Babe, why don’t you sit down and take a break,” Louis sighed setting the paint roller back in the pan.   
“Lou, I want to help paint Brynn’s nursery and we both know I’m better at it,” I pouted holding the brush out of his reach.   
“Please take a break, our baby needs you to rest,” Louis said finally getting the brush from me. “I’ll make you some lunch. Do you want apples and marshmallow fluff again?”  
“I’m still annoyed that you’re making me take a break, but that sounds so good,” I said. My cravings had been pretty much any combination of sweet things and they had progressively gotten weirder as my pregnancy went on. Louis never judged me though and often used my cravings as a distraction to get me off my feet. If it was up to him I would have been in bed all day eating constantly.   
“Come on love,” Louis chuckled pulling me out of the nursery. “You sit on the couch and I’ll bring you the apples alright?”  
“Okay,” I nodded going to sit on the couch. In truth, it did feel good to rest because my back had been hurting.   
“Hi mommy,” Lilly smiled coming to sit next to me.   
“Hey, babe, how is your painting coming along?” I asked kissing her cheek. She had insisted that while we painted the nursery she was going to make a painting to decorate the room with.   
“Look,” she smiled showing me the canvas she had been working on. I took it and smiled. She had painted a big B in the middle with little flowers surrounding it.   
“It’s beautiful,” I smiled. “It’s going to look great.”  
“Here we go love,” Louis smiled handing me a plate of apple slices and marshmallow fluff. “Lilly you sit with mommy and keep her entertained and I’ll finish up with the painting.”  
“Louis…”  
“I can do that,” Lilly grinned. She had become Louis’ right-hand man when it came to keeping me from doing any work around the house.  
“You two really are crazy,” I said shaking my head as I propped my feet on the coffee table.   
“We’re not the ones eating marshmallow on our apples,” Louis smirked kissing my forehead before bounding down the hall.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys I just wanted to let you know there are some triggers in this chapter, so just be careful when reading. I in no way mean to offend anyone and I'm definitely not a medical professional so take everything with a grain of salt.

“Lou,” I sighed looking down at my overly swollen feet. “My feet are too big.”  
“Babe, swelling is normal,” Louis laughed.   
“I just feel like I’m gaining so much weight,” I said standing in front of our mirror.   
“Go weigh yourself, I bet it isn’t even a pound love,” Louis laughed leading me into the bathroom. I stepped on the scale and we watched the scale jump.  
“How much was it last week?” Louis asked his voice wavering slightly.   
“I gained fifteen pounds,” I said my voice a whisper. All the books had said if you gained over three pounds in a week you needed to call the doctor.   
“I’m going to call Sadie,” Louis said. I could tell he was trying to hide the worry, but it was evident.   
“Please call Marcy, I don’t want Lilly to come with us in case something is really wrong,” I said.   
“Sure,” Louis nodded giving me another worried look before leaving the room.   
Louis rushed back into the room a few minutes later the worry completely evident. “Sadie wants us to meet her at the hospital,” Louis said. “Marcy is on her way. I think Lilly will be okay for a few minutes, we really should go now.”  
“Okay, let me say goodbye to Lilly,” I said. Walking was hard and it was more like I was hobbling as I made my way to Lilly’s room.   
“Mom, dad said you’re going to the hospital,” Lilly said eyes wide and worried. “Are you going to be okay?”  
“Everything is fine, I just need to have a little check-up,” I said as she came to hug me.   
“I’m scared,” she whispered.   
“You don’t need to be scared. I’ll be home in time to put you to bed,” I smiled stroking her hair. “Say bye to Brynn.”  
“Bye Brynnie,” Lilly whispered kissing my stomach. “Bye mommy.”  
“Bye babe,” I said kissing her cheek before leaving the room.   
\--  
It felt like a whirlwind when I got to the hospital. I was immediately put in a wheelchair and Sadie was there making me pee in a cup and checking my blood pressure. Louis was pacing back in forth in the tiny room the whole time.   
“Okay honey, you have something called preeclampsia,” Sadie said and the sadness in her eyes told me everything I needed to know.   
“What does that mean?” Louis asked eyes wide and extremely worried.   
“It means that we need to get her with more qualified doctors who can help her,” Sadie replied. “I’m going to go get them, you just stay right there and don’t move.”  
“Are you okay?” Louis asked worriedly.   
“My stomach hurts,” I answered. Sadie came back in with a team of doctors who quickly set up a fetal monitor and monitors for myself. I could hear Brynn’s heartbeat pounding loudly through the room which gave me a sense of calm.   
“Sadie,” I called and she came to stand by me. “What is wrong?”  
“Your kidneys are failing,” Sadie answered softly. Louis was standing at my head and I felt him shudder.  
“Kate, we’re going to give you an injection to reduce the chance of strokes,” a doctor told me. He said some medical name, but I didn’t understand. The doctor gave me the shot and I instantly felt a shock go through me. I was dripping sweat and suddenly I felt my stomach churn and I was vomiting off the side of the bed.   
“Oh love,” Louis sighed brushing my hair off my sweaty forehead. “I’m sorry.”  
I felt like crying, I felt like I was going to pass out. There had to be something the doctors could do to help me, but I felt like nothing was happening. They were talking in a huddle as the janitor cleaned my puke off the floor. When the doctors turned to me their faces were somber. Louis took my hand.   
“In order for your baby to survive it would need at least two more weeks,” the doctor said.  
“So we’ll wait two more weeks,” I replied.  
“You could have a stroke at any moment. The chances of you lasting two weeks is less than five percent,” the doctor replied.   
“I can recover from a stroke,” I answered. “I’m young, I’m healthy, I’m strong.”  
“Your kidneys are failing, it’s either going to be you or the baby at this point,” the doctor replied.   
“Kate,” Louis said dropping down to his knees. “I will not… I can not lose you. I can’t.”  
“The baby,” I whispered. “I can hold out for the baby.”  
“Kate, babies that are born this early are not regular babies. She may have any kind of complications. I need you, okay. Lilly needs you. Marcy needs you. Bailey needs you.”  
“Just give me an hour,” I sighed placing my hand on my stomach. Louis nodded. The doctors nodded before leaving the room. Sadie gave us a sad glance before leaving as well. Louis placed his hand on top of mine.   
“I’m sorry,” I whispered looking down at my stomach and then looking to Louis. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a child. I’m sorry that I’m a failure as a woman and a mother.”  
“Oh babe,” Louis sighed tears in his eyes. “You have given me all I ever wanted. You are not a failure as a woman or a mother. You are the best person I’ve ever met. I couldn’t ask for any more from you. I need you and so does Lilly.”  
“You should call Marcy,” I sighed. “I told Lilly I was going to put her to bed tonight. I don’t want her to worry.”  
“Okay,” Louis nodded. “I’ll just be right out in the hallway. I’ll be right back baby.”  
I nodded. When Louis left I stroked my stomach looking up at the ultrasound.   
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”  
Louis was back within seconds stroking my stomach and my hair as the tears streamed down both of our cheeks. “Marcy wants to know if you need anything,” Louis said softly.   
“No, she’s doing enough,” I replied.   
“Lilly wanted me to tell you that she loves you,” Louis answered. I felt myself break down into a sob. The hour went by too fast and when the doctors came back I numbly signed a consent form.   
“It’s just going to feel like a bee sting sweetheart,” the doctor told me as she pulled out a shot filled with the liquid that would kill my child. I closed my eyes as she injected the needle beneath my belly button.   
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again and the baby kicked my hand smashing down on my liver. That was the last time I felt her kick before the pounding of her heart rate stopped. I laid there completely numb listening to the silence.   
To be completely honest, I couldn’t remember much of what happened next. At some point, I was medicated well enough that I couldn’t exactly remember how my baby was removed from inside me, but I remember the feeling of complete emptiness afterward.   
Louis sat by the bed when I came to. He had deep circles under red-rimmed eyes and I knew he hadn’t slept a second. “Hey,” he said brushing my hair out of my sweat-soaked face.   
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.   
“We’re okay,” Louis replied. “The doctor said we can go home tomorrow.”  
“Does Lilly know?” I asked softly.   
Louis shook his head. “She’s worried about you though. She keeps asking if you’re okay and then she asks if I’m lying when I say yes.”  
“Maybe I should call her,” I sighed running my hand over my face.  
“Babe, how are you feeling?” Louis asked still stroking my hair. “I want to know the truth- emotionally and physically.”  
“I’m numb, emotionally,” I answered. “I don’t want to talk about that because I don’t think I can right now. My stomach really hurts and it feels empty and wrong. My vagina hurts and it feels like a hose I can’t turn off. I’m really hot, but I’m also really cold.”  
“I’m sorry love,” Louis sighed. “I wish I could take all the pain and discomfort.”  
“Should I call Lilly?” I asked.   
“I think she and Marcy are at dinner right now, but when they get home we can,” Louis answered. “Are you hungry?”  
“No, I’m not hungry,” I answered. “Louis are you okay?”  
“I mean, obviously I’m sad. I’m heartbroken. At the same time, I’m so relieved that you’re okay. I was so scared I was going to lose you. I thought you were going to die. I thought that I was going to have to tell your best friends and your daughter that you had passed- that I didn’t take good enough care of you.”  
“Louis, you always take care of me. This is not your fault,” I said taking his hand. “I’m sorry you’re heartbroken, I wish that I could have held on for two more weeks. I hate that I couldn’t do that for you.”  
“No,” Louis answered. “You are alive and that’s what I need. That’s all I need.”  
I rested my head on the pillow closing my eyes as Louis stroked my hair. About an hour later I woke up again.   
“You want to call Lilly?” Louis asked. I nodded and he handed me my phone. “I can’t tell her.”  
“That’s fine,” Louis replied. “I will tell her when we get home.”  
“Okay,” I nodded clicking her name.   
“Mom!” She answered on the first ring. “Are you okay?”  
“Hi sweetheart,” I sighed as Louis stroked my shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to put you to bed, but we’ll be home tomorrow.”  
“Are you okay?” Lilly asked.   
“I’m okay,” I answered.   
“I was scared when you didn’t come home and everyone kept saying you were okay, but you promised to tuck me in and you never break promises.”  
“I’m sorry honey. I don’t like to break promises, but I had to stay the night. I should be home tomorrow and you’ll see I’m okay.”  
“Okay,” Lilly nodded. “I love you mommy.”  
“I love you too babe,” I sighed. “Goodnight.”  
“Goodnight,” Lilly answered before hanging up.


	51. Chapter 51

The next day I was so exhausted when I was released. Louis helped me to the car and I was so sore I could hardly walk. I was wearing his oversized clothes and I was still leaking out fluids.   
“I feel pathetic,” I sighed as he helped me into the front seat.   
“Well you’re not,” Louis answered. “You’re so strong.”  
“I need to ask you something and if you can’t do it then tell me,” I said as he started the car.   
“Sure love,” Louis nodded.   
“Can you tell Lilly what happened?” I asked worriedly. “I feel so weak and I’m terrified that she is going to hate me. If she breaks down or says something I think it might kill me. I can’t feel anything right now, if I start feeling again I think I’ll break forever. If you need me to do it though, I can. I know I’ve put you through so much.”  
“I’ll do it, babe, you don’t have to worry,” Louis said touching my shoulder gently.   
“Thank you,” I said resting my head on the cool glass window and closing my eyes. When we pulled into the garage, Louis shook me gently.   
“You awake love?” Louis asked softly.   
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Lilly can’t see me like this.”  
“Okay, I’ll get you into the bed,” Louis replied. “It’s going to be okay.”  
“Okay,” I nodded. Louis came over to my side of the car and helped me out. He helped me as I hobbled slowly into the house.   
“Thank you for helping me even though I couldn’t do the one thing I was made to do,” I sighed.   
“Don’t say that shit babe,” Louis sighed. “We’re going to talk about this when you’re feeling better.”  
“Okay,” I sighed letting him help me into the bed. He pulled the covers over me.   
“I love you,” he whispered kissing my forehead before walking out. I kept my eyes closed letting the numbness wash over me in waves. A few minutes later Marcy walked into the room. She didn’t say anything as she climbed into the bed and spooned me tightly.   
“I love you,” Marcy whispered. “I’ll help you with anything you need.”  
I didn’t respond, but I squeezed her arm lightly. “Thank you for taking care of Lilly,” I whispered.   
“Of course,” Marcy replied. “Listen, I’m sorry about what happened, but we need you here. Lilly was a mess when you didn’t come home. She had like three nightmares and you’re the only one who can ever get her to go back to sleep. That’s what Louis told me. He was freaking out too. He called me while you were in surgery a sobbing mess. He was terrified he was going to lose you. He was freaking out about what he was going to do with Lilly. He was crying about not knowing how to do her hair, not knowing how to shop for bras, and not knowing how to talk to her about boys. He said he would never find anyone like you. We all need you, babe.”  
We sat in silence as I soaked in her words. It warmed my heart and broke my heart at the same time.   
“Do you think I’m a failure?” I asked with a whisper.   
“A failure?” Marcy asked. “You’re not a failure. You are an amazing mother and person. You are so kind and selfless and strong and smart. You are not a failure. Don’t let anyone tell you that. Did Louis say that to you?”  
“No, I just… women are supposed to give birth, that’s like the main point of being a woman and I can’t even do that,” I sighed.   
“That’s not the point,” Marcy said with a little laugh. “The point is to be a good person and that’s exactly what you are. Louis told me, you were willing to give up your life for that unborn baby. I mean if that’s not selfless, I don’t know what is.”  
“I love you,” I whispered.   
“I love you too,” Marcy replied ruffling my hair. “You’re so strong and beautiful.”  
“I’m leaking unknown fluid out of my vagina, beautiful is not the word I would use to describe me right now.”  
Marcy let out a little laugh still stroking my hair.   
“Will you go check on Louis and Lilly?” I asked. “I shouldn’t have asked him to do that alone. You need to get home to your boyfriend and dog anyway.”  
“Sure,” Marcy said. “If you need me all you have to do is call.”  
When she left I felt the overwhelming sense of nothing again. I turned in the bed to face Louis’ side wishing desperately for those nights when I couldn’t sleep because the baby was kicking me.   
“Hi mommy,” Lilly’s voice whispered breaking me from the painful memories. She climbed into the bed and came to lay next to me.   
“Hi honey,” I said tracing my fingers along her tear stained face. “I’m sorry.”  
“Can you hold me?” She asked with her big watery eyes. “Will I hurt you?”  
“Come here,” I said holding out my arm. She curled against my empty stomach and I wrapped my arm around her tightly. When I felt her heartbeat, I lost it. It started with tears streaming down my cheeks as I tried to hold in the sobs. I didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want to cry in front of her. I tucked my head into her hair and the sobs overcame me. I had lost my baby. I had given away my baby because I was weak and worthless. I was a murderer.   
“Kate, honey are you alright?” Louis’ voice asked from somewhere in the room. Suddenly, his hands were on my back sitting me up. Lilly had her arms wrapped tightly around my stomach like she was afraid to let go. Louis looked at me with searching eyes as I continued to sob. I shook my head. I wasn’t okay, I would never be okay. I had to live with my own child’s blood on my hands.   
I couldn’t say it in front of Lilly, so I moved to whisper in Louis’ ear. “I murdered an innocent child,” I whispered with a sob.   
“No, no, no, no you did not,” Louis said taking my face in his hands. Lilly had started crying again and I stroked her hair as Louis forced me to make eye contact with him.   
“No one in this house could have prevented what happened. You would have died, babe. Neither that baby nor you would be here right now. You are not responsible for what happened. We need you here because we need you to take care of us and make us smile. You were willing to give your life for that baby, so if anyone in this house is guilty of anything, it’s me because I’m too selfish to live without you.”  
“I need you, mommy,” Lilly whimpered. “I was scared that you were going to leave like everyone else.”  
“I’m here to stay,” I said wiping my eyes. I still had guilt churning in my stomach, but I knew Lilly needed me to be okay. Louis climbed onto the bed and wrapped his arms around me, smushing Lilly in the process.   
“All I need is right here. My two favorite girls,” Louis whispered resting his chin on my shoulder. “I love you both more than anything.”  
“Daddy your squishing me,” Lilly said letting out a giggle.   
“Sorry honey,” Louis laughed pulling away and stroking her hair. “How about you help me make some dinner?”  
“Okay,” Lilly nodded.   
“Do you want to come sit with us?” Louis asked stroking my face lightly. I nodded, knowing I couldn’t be alone. Louis and Lilly got off the bed and Louis helped me stand. He had to support me as we moved to the kitchen and I felt so pathetic and weak.   
“I’m sorry you have to see me like this,” I sighed looking to Lilly, who was watching with worry. “No one should ever see their mom like this.”  
“I didn’t know you were still hurt,” she whispered biting her lip. “Are you going to be okay?”  
“I’ll be okay,” I nodded.   
“Her body went through a lot of trauma trying to save the baby, but she’ll be okay. She just needs some time to heal, so we’re going to have to help her a lot, so she can get better,” Louis said stroking her hair lightly.   
“Okay,” Lilly nodded. “I can help you, mommy.”  
I wanted to cry again, but I knew I couldn’t. My daughter shouldn’t have to help me, it was my job to take care of her.   
Louis and Lilly made dinner as I sat at the island. Spaghetti had come over to nuzzle against me. I could only eat a few bites of dinner before I felt full and sick at the same time. I knew Louis was watching me with worry, but I couldn’t eat anymore no matter how much I tried.   
“Mommy, do you want me to help you take a bath, while Daddy washes the dishes?” Lilly asked. “Maybe that will help you feel better.”  
Louis looked to me with a little smile. “Sure, but it’s not pretty…”  
“That’s okay,” Lilly replied. She helped me stand up and helped me walk to the bathroom and I wanted to breakdown. She sat me on the edge of the tub before turning it on and filling it with bubble bath.   
“Come here for a second,” I said pulling her to face me. “You know you don’t have to help me if you don’t want to. You’re a kid and you get to just be a kid, you don’t have to worry about taking care of me.”  
“But you take such good care of me, I want to take care of you too,” Lilly replied. “I promise I want to help you.”  
“Okay,” I nodded. She turned off the bath and then helped me undress. My stomach and breasts were sagging and there was a scar from the partial surgery. There were unnamed liquids staining my inner thighs. I hated that anyone had to see me this way, especially the people I knew worried the most. Lilly helped me into the tub.   
She washed my hair and rinsed it out, she helped me dry off and put on a pair of sweats Louis had brought in.   
“Sit down on the floor. I’m going to paint your nails because that’s what makes me feel pretty,” Lilly said helping me down and then going to rummage around in my cabinet. She pulled out an awful hot pink color from back when I was in college, but I didn’t complain. She was so focused as she coated my nails, her tongue sticking out of her mouth. She did my toes and fingers and made me sit there as she blew on them.   
“Do you like them?” She asked.  
“They look professional,” I smiled. “Thank you.”  
“Do you feel better? Are you hungry now?”  
“I’m okay,” I replied. “Do you think you could help me up? I think I’m going to get some sleep.”  
“Okay,” Lilly nodded helping me up. She took me to the bed where Louis was already laying watching tv. I slid in bed and Lilly slid in next to me. I rested my head on Louis' chest as Lilly attached herself to my back.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Only one chapter left!

I woke up at three am. The tv was off and the room was dark, except for a sliver of light shining from the closet. I could hear someone sniffling. I slid out of the bed and followed the sound. I found Louis sitting against the shelves sobbing into his hands. I sat down next to him and wrapped my arms around him without a word.   
“I’m sorry, I should be taking care of you,” Louis whispered leaning into me.   
“You lost your baby too,” I replied. “You almost lost me. If I had almost lost you, I wouldn’t be functioning at all.”  
“I hate seeing you like this,” he whispered. “I wish I could take all your pain and hurt.”  
“I feel the same way,” I replied. “I hate that you and Lilly have to take care of me and worry. I’m sorry I made you tell Lilly alone, that was wrong of me.”  
“No it wasn’t,” Louis replied. “It sucked. It was really fucking hard to say it out loud, but I knew you couldn’t handle it. You had already been through so much, you couldn’t do that too. You can’t do everything.”  
“Can I ask why you’re crying?” I asked still holding him against my chest.   
“I mean I’m sad that we lost the baby, but really I just hate seeing you this way. I hate that you think this is all your fault. I hate that you are in so much pain. I hate that you feel self-conscious about the way you look. I know you think you’re weak and pathetic, but all I can think every time I see you is how strong you are. If I was in your place right now, I would have given up. I would be in bed snapping at everyone. You are so patient with me and Lilly. You let her paint your nails.” Louis laughed. “You are amazing, I hope you know that’s how I see you.”  
“The only reason I’m here is because of you,” I answered. “Don’t cry about me. You don’t need to cry about me.”  
“I love you so much,” Louis sniffed.   
“I love you too,” I replied. “You want to go back to bed?”  
“Can we just stay here for a little longer?” He asked.   
“Sure,” I nodded.  
\--  
I woke up the next morning to Lilly giggling above us. “Why are you guys sleeping on the floor?” Lilly laughed.   
“I guess we just fell asleep,” I shrugged sitting up. Louis groaned sitting up as well.   
“Feels like I broke my back,” Louis laughed rubbing his back. “You want some breakfast love?”   
“Yes, please,” I nodded and Lilly nodded as well. Louis stood up with a groan and then hooked his arms under mine and lifted me up.   
“I can walk by myself,” I said shying away from him.  
“Alright,” he replied holding his hands up in surrender. It was hard and I was slow, but I felt better walking on my own. Louis helped me into the chair and then went to make us breakfast. As Louis slid a bowl of yogurt in front of me, the doorbell rang.   
“Who is that?” I asked brushing my hair out of my face.   
“Don’t know love,” Louis shrugged. “I’ll get it.”  
I nodded taking a bite of my yogurt and Lilly sat down next to me with a bowl of cheerios. A few minutes later Louis walked in with Karen.  
“Hey sweetheart,” Karen smiled her face sad as she came over to hug me. “How are you?”  
“I’m okay,” I answered resting my head on her shoulder for a moment. Karen rubbed my back gently before pulling away.   
“How are you, Miss Lilly?” Karen asked.   
“Good,” Lilly smiled. “I’m really glad mom is home.”  
“I’m sure, she was gone for a few days wasn’t she?” Karen asked and Lilly nodded.  
“I’m helping her get better,” Lilly answered. “See I painted her nails last night.”  
“They look great, sweetheart,” Karen smiled.   
“Listen Lilly, your dad, Karen, and I are going to go talk outside for a little while,” I said standing up.  
“Okay,” Lilly nodded. Louis took my bowl from me and took it to the patio. Karen followed him as I slowly made my way outside.   
“Are you alright?” Karen asked turning back to me.   
“Yeah, I’m just sore,” I replied looking down at my now flat frame.   
“Oh honey,” Karen sighed her face sad. “I’m so sorry. Come sit down.”  
Karen helped me into a chair and Louis handed me my yogurt. Karen stroked my hair lightly. “How are you two doing?” She asked.   
“We fell asleep on the closet floor last night, so not great,” I answered.   
“You fell asleep together and that’s what really matters,” Karen answered. “Working through this together is so important.”  
“How did you know what happened?” I asked confused.   
“Louis called me, while you were asleep after the surgery,” Karen answered looking over to Louis. I looked down touching my stomach lightly.   
“Honey,” Karen said touching my hand lightly, “I lost a baby once too. I miscarried at three months.”  
“I didn’t lose my baby,” I said my lip quivering. “I signed a consent form to kill my own child. I murdered my baby.”  
“Stop,” Louis scolded. “You did not murder our baby.”  
“Oh Kate sweetie, you did not kill your child,” Karen said taking my hand. “I know you wanted to give your life for that baby. I know that we all know that. Louis and Lilly need you. They need a wife and a mom and that’s why you’re still here and the baby isn’t. We all still need your wisdom and joy and love and that’s why you couldn’t go yet. I’m sorry you lost your baby, but I know everyone in your life would have been inconsolable, irreparably damaged if we lost you. Please understand that the people in your life would not be able to move on without you, but we can help you heal from this.”  
“Can I have a hug?” I asked biting my lip. I knew she was right. I knew that Lilly needed and mom and that Louis needed me to be the voice of reason and positivity in his life. I knew that Bailey needed someone to rant to and Marcy needed someone to love and protect. I knew that Karen needed to make up for her husband's mistakes and her kids needed role models. I knew all of that, but sometimes the guilt that my baby should have lived instead of me was all-consuming.   
“Of course,” Karen said sweetly wrapping her arms around my back. “We love you so much, sweetheart. I want you to know that I will do anything I can to help you. I know how painful it is to lose a child and I know you must be struggling a lot because of the circumstances. I want to help you get through this.”  
“Was your baby with my… with Steve?” I asked biting my lip.   
“No…” she said her eyes getting sad. “I had a boyfriend who got me pregnant in college. We thought we were going to get married, then I lost the baby and he left.”  
“I’m really sorry,” I whispered looking at my hands.   
“I’m sorry Karen, that must have been really hard,” Louis said rubbing my back lightly.   
“The fact is Kate, no matter what happened, Louis didn’t leave. He’s still here taking care of you. He isn’t ever going to stop loving you,” Karen said biting her lip. “You can get through this.”  
I nodded, knowing it was the truth. “It’s true,” Louis whispered.   
“I’m sorry you had to go through that alone. I can’t imagine how hard that was,” I sighed. “I can’t imagine what I would do without Louis.”  
“How are you doing Louis?” Karen asked patting my knee lightly.   
“I’m okay,” Louis nodded still rubbing my back.   
“He’s not,” I said looking up at him. “I found him crying alone in the closet last night. You want me to leave you alone?” I asked biting my lip.  
“No, no, stay,” Louis said stroking my hair.   
“What’s eating you, Louis?” Karen asked.  
“Just hate seeing her like this,” Louis answered running his hand over his face. I watched a tear stream down his cheek. I wiped it with the pad of my thumb. I hated seeing him hurt.   
“You were crying because of Kate?” Karen asked.   
“I know we lost the baby, but right now all I can think about is how thankful I am that I didn’t lose my wife. Is it bad that I felt relief when we signed the form? Am I a bad person?”  
“No, Louis of course not,” Karen said. “Any feelings that you have are valid. Honestly, I was relieved to hear that Kate was alive, despite everything. It’s okay to separate the two.”  
Louis stroked my cheek absentmindedly as he listened to Karen. I had no idea he felt that way. I hated that he felt like a bad person and I hadn’t done anything to convince him otherwise.   
“Louis you could never be a bad person,” I said softly. “You staying and taking care of me all these years proves that. The way you interact with Lily proves that. You are an amazing husband, father, and person. I love you and I need you.”  
Louis lifted me to his lap and I curled against his chest. He curled around me and kissed the top of my head.   
“I’m so glad you two have each other,” Karen said with a small smile. “Seeing you two together always makes me feel so proud of what you two have overcome to be where you are.”  
She was right, we had been through a lot, but we had made it all through together and I just hoped that would never change.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is the last chapter! Please don't judge the song in this chapter, I am absolutely not a songwriter and literally anyone could do this better.

_3 months later_

“Oh remember when Elsa sang that song?” Lilly asked excitedly staring down at the card in her hand.

“Let it go!” Annie screamed with just as much enthusiasm.

“One more point for the kids team!” Adam grinned marking a tally on the paper. Bella clapped happily in Lilly’s lap and we couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that she had no idea what was going on.

“Alright time’s up!” Bailey laughed holding up the little hourglass.

“Let’s see if you can beat us,” Adam said handing the adults the deck of cards.

“Oh we definitely can,” Marcy laughed taking the cards with a little grin. Marcy was perched on the arm of the couch her boyfriend sitting next to her. Karen and my dad were sitting next to them happily drinking wine resting in each other’s arms. Bailey and her husband were watching Bella from the love seat. Louis and I were resting on the ground. We had a plate of cheese and crackers on the coffee table that Louis had eaten at least half of.

“Okay ready?” Bailey asked holding up the little hourglass. Marcy nodded grabbing a card off the deck.

“Oh what we used to do on spring break!” Marcy grinned.

“Surfing right?” Karen asked.

“Yes!” Marcy grinned and Karen cheered excited she had finally gotten one. Louis grabbed one next.

“Oh what the Kardashians called Taylor Swift,” Louis grinned.

“Snake!” Marcy practically screamed causing me to double over in laughter.

“How did you even know that?” I laughed resting my head on his shoulder.

“We both know I’m more up to date with pop culture than people think,” Louis smiled. I grinned letting his arm rest on my back watching Karen desperately trying to describe a bobsled I couldn’t help but feel purely happy.

After another hour of the kids absolutely dominating, everyone decided to head on home. Bella was getting fussy and Annie was practically falling asleep. “Do you need help mom?” Lilly asked as I stacked the cards into the container.

“No honey, go get your pajamas on,” I smiled kissing her cheek. She nodded disappearing down the hall a skip in her step.

“So, I heard you talking to Marcy about writing your own songs again,” I said as I put the lid on the game.

“Yeah, I already recorded it,” Louis blushed.

“Oh my god really?” I asked feeling a grin grow on my face. Louis nodded sheepishly. “Come on let’s hear it.”

I stood up and pulled him to the studio and he laughed. “Alright, alright, love.”

I sat down on the couch and watched as Louis clicked around on his computer. The first notes of a piano played through the room and I could already feel the smile on my face growing. I had always loved Louis’ piano songs the best. Louis stood up and held out his hand for me. I took it letting him pull me up and hold me close.

_Sometimes I look back and wonder_

_How the hell did we make it through_

_It’s taken me years to realize_

_I could get through anything standing beside you_

_Two months ago I dreamt of Lilly playing with Brynn_

_I woke up to the sound of you crying and I swear I felt like dying_

_We’ve been alright for weeks now and sometimes I wonder how_

_Together you and I could get through the worst things in the world_

_I think I understand unconditional love and support now_

“I wrote this about a month after the baby. It’s just too personal to give to anyone else,” he whispered swaying me to the music gently.

_I know you say everything happens for a reason_

_I just wish we knew_

_Standing beside you I know we could make it through_

_The worst things in the world couldn’t break us down_

_We’re a family now my mom would be so proud_

_The three of us are all we need_

_I love you unconditionally_

_I know you say everything happens for a reason_

_I just wish we knew_

_Standing beside you I know we could make it through_

_The worst things in the world couldn’t break us down_

_We’re a family now my mom would be so proud_

_The three of us are all we need_

_I love you unconditionally_

“I love it,” I whispered. “I love you.”

_Weeks ago we cried together on the closet floor_

_I’ve needed you since I was eighteen, but that night I needed you more than ever_

_The light that night was dim like our spirits, I thought it was gone forever_

_Life pushed us down but together we got back up_

_If it wasn’t for you none of us would have gotten through the trauma or pain_

_We hold each other up please don’t ever let it change_

_Weeks ago we cried in a closet, I hope some day we can smile fondly about it_

_You are the love of my life and I thank god you’re my wife_

_Without you our family wouldn’t make it through_

“It’s just we’ve been through so much shit all these years and neither of us would have gotten through it without each other,” Louis said softly.

“We have been through a lot and for a while, I wasn’t sure that I would ever be happy again, but right now my heart feels truly full,” I whispered.

“I was scared that I would never see you smile again,” Louis whispered. “I thought I lost you forever, but I see the light more often now.”

_I know you say everything happens for a reason_

_I just wish we knew_

_Standing beside you I know we could make it through_

_The worst things in the world couldn’t break us down_

_We’re a family now my mom would be so proud_

_The three of us are all we need_

_I love you unconditionally_

_I know you say everything happens for a reason_

_I just wish we knew_

_Standing beside you I know we could make it through_

_The worst things in the world couldn’t break us down_

_We’re a family now my mom would be so proud_

_The three of us are all we need_

_I love you unconditionally_

I looked up stroking his cheek gently and he looked down with a small smile before kissing me gently. We swayed gently as the song started over before we heard a little giggle and felt small arms wrapping around us.

“Can I dance with you?” Lilly asked wedging her way between the two of us.

“I couldn’t ask for anything better,” Louis chuckled. He kept his arms around my neck and I kept mine on his back, so Lilly was sandwiched between us giggling happily. I felt warm and my heart felt so full and despite the sad nature of the song I literally couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

_The three of us are all we need_

_I love you unconditionally_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo we all made it to the end! Please, please, please if you made it to the end, leave a comment!!!! Thank you all for your support and love. This was the first story I published and I'm happy to see people liked it!


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